Title: Fatherhood

Author: Sparky8me2

Disclaimer: These people don't belong to me. I swear. They belong to Joss and the nice people at Mutant Enemy.

Summary: Wesley's POV. Lilah tells him she's pregnant and he's worried about the sort of father he'd make. I think there's going to be still more to this, but I haven't decided to go the heavy angst route of sticking closer to canon and killing off Lilah yet or not...

Spoilers: Mainly Habeas Corpses- up to Calvary.

Distribution: and a few other places- if you want it, go ahead, just let me know where it's going.

I don't believe it- I'm going to be a father. Even more unbelievable, Lilah's going to be a mother.

Oh, good lord.

I don't know how we're going to handle this. I'm certainly not cut out for fatherhood. My childhood was more than unpleasant enough, and my father... Well, let's not get into that, shall we?

I know Lilah's fears revolve more around Wolfram and Hart, the Beast, the coming apocalypse- it's not just her life in danger any longer, after all- but myself, I'm more concerned about the sort of life we could give a child. Demon hunting is an extremely dangerous profession, for starters. Certainly not the sort of environment I'd want to expose my child too. Particularly after what Connor had to experience.

More than that, I worry for my own fitness as a parent. Will I make the same mistakes my father made? I know the sins of the father may be revisited upon the son... but God, I hope not. The mere thought of becoming anything like that monster turns my stomach.

The thought of my child locked up under the stairs to deal with the spiders and the darkness and the musty smell... That such a thing might happen by my own hand...

My comfort lies in the fact that I know Lilah would never allow anything like that to ever happen. She is already beginning to grow protective of the life inside her. I could tell from the look in her eyes when she told me she was pregnant. The way her eyes narrowed when I started to say that this was perhaps not the best time to have a child. I didn't tell her I thought this could be the worst possible timing conceivable.

"Too fucking bad, Wesley," she had snapped at me. I knew she was angry with me before she even knew she was with child. It wasn't the time for apologies, however. Besides, I don't quite see how I owed her one anyway. After all, breaking up is a natural process. It happens.

Instead, I merely wrapped my arms around her and held her close. "All right, all right..." I tried to be as soothing as I could. I smiled a little. "I guess we're going to be parents in a few months, then..."