**After a long, long sabbatical from the world of fanfiction, your brilliant author has made a leap of faith by updating this story before any others. My muse, Vivian, appears not to be in a serious mood and has forced me to try and write this little bit of humor. Thanks for all those reviews so long ago, I'm hoping for just a few more, so drop me a line! I need LOTS of encouragement! This is a short chappie cuz I'm not feeling very funny right now, but what is here is dedicated to LyssaQuill for leaving me the most fabbity fab fab reviews I've ever gotten! Thanks for the review and the tip about NC-17 sites Lyssa! I'll be reading some of your stories as soon as I get a chance! Kisses loyal readers, and on with the show!
(With that, the boys pulled aside the hallway curtain…and stepped inside.)
Ron: You already said that.
(I did?)
Ron: Yeah, check chapter 11. We pulled aside the curtain, stepped inside, and were left to rot for eight months while you decided what to do with us. No would you stop stalling and get us to the booty please?
(You're really starting to get on my nerves, you know that? Anyway, so the boys step inside, blah blah blah and find themselves in a large, circular room with torches casting eerie light on all the nooks and crannies of the stone walls. The room is silent and mysterious. The boys venture cautiously into the quiet room and congregate in the middle, huddling together fearfully.)
Dean: (Huddling fearfully) Dude…where are the hot girls?
Ron: I dunno…this is supposed to be the place…
(The boys all shiver involuntarily, except for Krum, who is staring off into space and whistling. Ron furrows his eyebrows, as though he is thinking hard. He's so cute when he does that!)
Ron: (pointing in a stroke of brilliance) Hey, look guys! There's a door over there! They must be through there!
(Suddenly, Seamus begins to point and wave his arms frantically. He looks frightened and gestures upward. The other boys are visibly confused.)
Ron: Seamus, can't you see we're visibly confused? Why can't you just suspend that "no-talking" rule and TELL us what you're trying to say?
(Without warning (well, except for Seamus), metal bars come crashing down from the ceiling to surround our courageous booty-hunters on all sides. Seamus has a smug look on his face, and the others just look horrified.)
Ron: Hey! What's going on!?
(You know, I've never noticed how articulate you are before, Ron.)
Ron: Oh shut up! I'm a little panicked here okay? I just want to know why I'm surrounded by metal bars on all sides!
(A voice comes floating into them from the other room, followed by giggling.)
Voice: Actually boys, it's a cage.
Ron: A what?!
(There's that extensive vocabulary again.)
Ron: (Wisely choosing to ignore the Narrator's taunting) Where are we? What's going on?
Voice: I knew you'd try to find our slumber party, so I devised this trap for you, my little snookums.
Ron: Vivian? Is that you?
Voice: I sure hope so. I would hate to be a disembodied sexually frustrated voice like our poor unfortunate narrator.
(Hey!)
Ron: So let me get this straight: You knew I'd be coming to find your slumber party so you set up a trap for me…now what?
Vivian: (Stepping out of the shadows wearing a nearly transparent red teddy and matching panties with fur trim) Well…I don't really know. When I was planning the whole thing, this is about as far as I got.
(Your thought processes astound me. I can't believe you're my alter ego.)
Vivian: Must you always be so cutting? You devised ME you know. I'm a product of YOUR imagination, so if I'm completely driven by little Viv and not all that bright it's your fau-
Ron: Can you PLEASE stop fighting with the Narrator and focus on ME for a minute?! I think I deserve at least that much. Now, how do I get out of here?
Vivian: (Thinking hard, an incredible feat for her) Well…I don't really know. I had Marilyn set it up for me, and she's not here.
Ron: Um, where is she? I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in here, you know.
Vivian: She should be back later tonight…but until then I'm sure we could figure out a way to (she looks seductively at Ron) pass the time.
Ron: Oh yeah? What'd you have in mind?
**2 Hours Later**
(Vivian is sitting cross-legged outside the bars of the cage, with all the boys clustered around her. Professors Trelawney and McGonagall are snoozing nearby with curlers in their hair and cucumbers resting precariously on their eyelids as red nail polish dries on their toenails. Ick.)
Vivian: (Giggling uncontrollably) Okay, Truth!
Dean: (Laughing like a hyena) Alright alright…if you could pick, which one of us would you…ya know…DO?
Vivian: Well that's easy, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here.
Ron: (Looking smug) Go on Vivian, I'm sure the guys here won't mind. Just tell us, really.
Vivian: Well…(giggling again) I guess I would have to say…Viktor. He's just so adorably clueless!
(Ron's mouth drops open as Krum's face is lit with a huge grin)
Krum: Duuuuuude, righteous! I am a total babe magnet! Studalicious!
(Seamus reaches over to close Ron's mouth as Vivian blushes and Krum winks at her.)
Vivian: Wow guys, this was so much fun! My favorite part was Strip Candy Land. I've never had this much fun at a slumber party before! Hang on, I think the popcorn's done!
(Vivian stands to move into the next room, then stops dead in her tracks as her eyes lock on the doorway. At this time, all readers should gasp in anticipation.)
Vivian: H-Hans? Is that YOU!?
(With that, the boys pulled aside the hallway curtain…and stepped inside.)
Ron: You already said that.
(I did?)
Ron: Yeah, check chapter 11. We pulled aside the curtain, stepped inside, and were left to rot for eight months while you decided what to do with us. No would you stop stalling and get us to the booty please?
(You're really starting to get on my nerves, you know that? Anyway, so the boys step inside, blah blah blah and find themselves in a large, circular room with torches casting eerie light on all the nooks and crannies of the stone walls. The room is silent and mysterious. The boys venture cautiously into the quiet room and congregate in the middle, huddling together fearfully.)
Dean: (Huddling fearfully) Dude…where are the hot girls?
Ron: I dunno…this is supposed to be the place…
(The boys all shiver involuntarily, except for Krum, who is staring off into space and whistling. Ron furrows his eyebrows, as though he is thinking hard. He's so cute when he does that!)
Ron: (pointing in a stroke of brilliance) Hey, look guys! There's a door over there! They must be through there!
(Suddenly, Seamus begins to point and wave his arms frantically. He looks frightened and gestures upward. The other boys are visibly confused.)
Ron: Seamus, can't you see we're visibly confused? Why can't you just suspend that "no-talking" rule and TELL us what you're trying to say?
(Without warning (well, except for Seamus), metal bars come crashing down from the ceiling to surround our courageous booty-hunters on all sides. Seamus has a smug look on his face, and the others just look horrified.)
Ron: Hey! What's going on!?
(You know, I've never noticed how articulate you are before, Ron.)
Ron: Oh shut up! I'm a little panicked here okay? I just want to know why I'm surrounded by metal bars on all sides!
(A voice comes floating into them from the other room, followed by giggling.)
Voice: Actually boys, it's a cage.
Ron: A what?!
(There's that extensive vocabulary again.)
Ron: (Wisely choosing to ignore the Narrator's taunting) Where are we? What's going on?
Voice: I knew you'd try to find our slumber party, so I devised this trap for you, my little snookums.
Ron: Vivian? Is that you?
Voice: I sure hope so. I would hate to be a disembodied sexually frustrated voice like our poor unfortunate narrator.
(Hey!)
Ron: So let me get this straight: You knew I'd be coming to find your slumber party so you set up a trap for me…now what?
Vivian: (Stepping out of the shadows wearing a nearly transparent red teddy and matching panties with fur trim) Well…I don't really know. When I was planning the whole thing, this is about as far as I got.
(Your thought processes astound me. I can't believe you're my alter ego.)
Vivian: Must you always be so cutting? You devised ME you know. I'm a product of YOUR imagination, so if I'm completely driven by little Viv and not all that bright it's your fau-
Ron: Can you PLEASE stop fighting with the Narrator and focus on ME for a minute?! I think I deserve at least that much. Now, how do I get out of here?
Vivian: (Thinking hard, an incredible feat for her) Well…I don't really know. I had Marilyn set it up for me, and she's not here.
Ron: Um, where is she? I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in here, you know.
Vivian: She should be back later tonight…but until then I'm sure we could figure out a way to (she looks seductively at Ron) pass the time.
Ron: Oh yeah? What'd you have in mind?
**2 Hours Later**
(Vivian is sitting cross-legged outside the bars of the cage, with all the boys clustered around her. Professors Trelawney and McGonagall are snoozing nearby with curlers in their hair and cucumbers resting precariously on their eyelids as red nail polish dries on their toenails. Ick.)
Vivian: (Giggling uncontrollably) Okay, Truth!
Dean: (Laughing like a hyena) Alright alright…if you could pick, which one of us would you…ya know…DO?
Vivian: Well that's easy, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here.
Ron: (Looking smug) Go on Vivian, I'm sure the guys here won't mind. Just tell us, really.
Vivian: Well…(giggling again) I guess I would have to say…Viktor. He's just so adorably clueless!
(Ron's mouth drops open as Krum's face is lit with a huge grin)
Krum: Duuuuuude, righteous! I am a total babe magnet! Studalicious!
(Seamus reaches over to close Ron's mouth as Vivian blushes and Krum winks at her.)
Vivian: Wow guys, this was so much fun! My favorite part was Strip Candy Land. I've never had this much fun at a slumber party before! Hang on, I think the popcorn's done!
(Vivian stands to move into the next room, then stops dead in her tracks as her eyes lock on the doorway. At this time, all readers should gasp in anticipation.)
Vivian: H-Hans? Is that YOU!?
