Anakin

Chapter 6

Lord Vader's private room in the Imperial Palace on Coruscant

He stood motionless in the center of his chamber, with the harsh lights reflecting off his black armor. Standing out amidst the sea of black, was the small, white data-pad he held in his hand.

Darth Vader- former Jedi, Lord of the Sith, and right-hand man to Emperor Palpatine- was hesitant.

His mind was full of questions: Why was Padme on Alderaan, and did she still mean anything to him? Did the Emperor know? Would he find out?

At least he had the answers to some of them. No, he was dead to Padme now. And besides that dull ache that would surely go away one day, she meant nothing to him. And no; if he had anything to say about it, the Emperor would never find out.

Still, there was no reason why he couldn't look at the holo. While he had originally planted a private spy on Alderaan to gather information on the supposed 'Rebellion' that was forming, this was an unexpected result. Nothing Padme had recorded on the data-pad could change his allegiance, anyway. The Dark Side was his spouse, his friend, and his life. Quickly, before he could change his mind, he inserted the recording into a holo-player and pressed the play button.

The road to darkness is a journey, not a light switch…

He had to catch his breath at the sight of her again. Always slender, she was almost gaunt now. Her once-rosy cheeks were mere hollows, and the dark circles under her eyes gave testament to many sleepless nights. Her hair was cut short, probably from a recent illness, and it had lost its luster. But apart from her physical appearance, there was an air of complete weariness about her. That was what surprised him the most, the fact that the indomitable spirit he had always seen in Padme was broken. She had given up. Moving from his physical scrutiny of her, he concentrated on her words. A journey…she was right about that. A journey that had begun 12 years ago, when the already aging Senator of Naboo had promised the newly freed slave-boy that they would be watching his career with great interest.

…managed to forget it all. Maybe if I hadn't, things might have turned out differently.

Vader shook his head. Nothing she could have done would have changed things at all. This was who he was, and he had accepted it long ago.

Despite everything he's done, all the evil and destruction and death, I am still in love with the man who used to be Anakin Skywalker.

Vader stopped the holo. So, she still loved him? He had wondered about that, lying awake for many nights, until his heart had hardened and he had convinced himself that it didn't matter. But one question remained: who was she speaking to in the holo? He couldn't imagine Padme wanting to risk the lives of any of her friends by sending this to them, and he didn't think she would simply record something like this as an outlet to her feelings. Black-gloved hand almost shaking, he pressed the play button again.

I know he loved you too…he would feel for your kicks, and I'm sure he tried to bond with you through the Force.

So, she had given birth! But where was the child? Was he/she with Padme? And how had they evaded his endless searches and hunts? Maybe she would reveal his location in the holo. And that, Vader told himself, was the only reason he was going to continue watching this. Not because he found himself still wanting to see her face or hear her voice, and definitely not because he was still in love with her.

I met Anakin when he was nine…the first time he saw me, he asked me if I was an angel…

Vader permitted himself a small smile. He remembered that day as clearly as if it had been yesterday. Padme, in her desert garb and the long braid hanging down her back…

I loved him so much that I believed everything would be all right for us, that it would turn out like a fairy story with a happily ever after.

He almost snorted. Fairy stories didn't happen in real life, and anyone who thought they did was just foolish.

Master Kenobi believes that people never change. He thinks that Anakin has always had a tendency toward the Dark Side, and as his Master, he failed to guide him. I think he blames himself for Anakin's fall.

While Vader still felt a lingering of his feelings for Padme, he couldn't quite hide his disgust for Obi-Wan. The old man had been a fool, he told himself, and he deserved whatever guilt or shame or pain he was going through now.

I still believe that somewhere, there's good in him. I believe that he will never totally fall, and I hope and pray that one day, he will return to the Light.

Child or no child, he couldn't bring himself to listen to this anymore. Padme was a fool. He had never thought of her as a starry-eyed idealist, but that's what she had proved herself to be. It was obviously too late for him. He had made his choice, and now he had to abide by it and all the consequences.

Life didn't give second chances.