Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Harry Potter but a
poster and a few DVDs and books. And soon, I will own the 5th book.(3
DAYS!!!) And yet...I don't own Harry Potter. J. K. Rowling does.
Chapter 6: Truths and Lies
Darkness shrouded the bedroom. Hermione frowned at herself in the mirror and wiped a tear off her cheek as she remember the events of the night before. The crowd in the common room started to disperse after Ron left. Dean and Neville were left to pick up Seamus and take care of him while Lavender cleaned up and put her muggle CD player back into her trunk. Hermione had just retreated to her bedroom and sat quietly on the window seat for hours, trying to think where she had gone wrong. Her hopes and dreams of love were crushed. Even the moon seemed to be weeping in sorrow for the love that would never be known, never be shared. A soft misting rain had begun to fall and Hermione knew she had never felt as lost.
She snapped back to the present as the wind outside howled. It was around four am and she couldn't sleep. She glanced at Lavender and Parvati, sleeping deeply in their beds. Hermione sighed. This is it, she thought. I have to tell Ron how I feel and find out what went wrong. I have to come clean and be honest with him. I just hope he'll listen.
Hermione eyed her reflection. The normal, brainy, boring Hermione had returned. Gone were the tight fitting clothes and hair gel. It felt good to be sitting there with her bushy hair and Hogwarts robes. Hermione fingered one of her wild curls and started to cry again. "Why was I so stupid?" She asked her reflection. "This is me, dammit! If he doesn't like this, then he can't have me. I shouldn't have to change for anyone. What you see is what you get and if he can't appreciate me for who I really am...well, he just isn't good enough for me then. I don't know what I was thinking...I should never have dressed and acted like someone else." Hermione smiled through her tears. "I'm perfect just the way I am." she whispered.
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Ron stared into the glowing fire in front of him. He sat upon the same couch where just yesterday morning had been teasing Hermione, calling her boring. Well, he thought, I guess she isn't boring now, is she?
He felt empty and weak inside, like he had fought a long, hard battle and lost. As Ron continued to stare at the dancing flames, he heard a door open and close upstairs and footsteps. The steps were getting closer, but as they reached the common room, they came to a halt. Ron felt her presence, but didn't look at her. He didn't think he could stand to look at her at the moment. He knew that he would break down and reveal all his well kept emotions, and she didn't deserve to know what was in his heart.
He heard her draw and expel a deep breath, then continue toward him. Oh no...please, go back to bed. His mind raced as he stared hard at the flames. What should I do?
Ron felt her sit closely beside him on the couch. She was facing him, staring at him, but didn't say anything. Ron stared ahead, refusing to look at her. After what seemed like forever, she spoke.
"Ron...I made a mistake."
She got no reply, no movement from him,
"It's just that I wanted to prove something to you...maybe prove it to myself as well. I wanted to show you that I'm not boring. I was so hurt by what you said to me yesterday, Ron...I wasn't sure what to do. You said I was old in spirit, that I was an old fuddy-duddy, that -"
"So, it's my fault, is it?" Ron spoke softly.
Hermione looked at him for a moment, stunned into silence. "No," she said finally, "that's not it at all. While what you said was the basis for me doing what I did, it was inevitably my choice...and a stupid choice it was. When Lavender and Parvati offered to help, I gladly accepted, thinking that maybe if you saw me like them, you'd think I was something special, something more. I guess I was wrong." She added quietly.
Hermione looked away at the fire as tears filled her eyes. She closed them for a moment and ran a shaky hand over her hair, smoothing it out. She opened her eyes to look at Ron, who hadn't moved or even looked at her.
"Ron, please understand. I did those things for you. To please you and to make you notice me." She now had Ron's full attention. His eyes burned as he looked at her, hard. She continued, "I didn't originally intend to dance with Seamus, but he kind of grabbed me and I was looking for a way to get him off of me before you attacked him. I tried everything...pushing him, pulling away...I even tried to yank him back by his hair, but he just seemed to like that more. I didn't want to be that way with Seamus, Ron...I wanted to be with you."
Ron's eyes clouded with confusion and anger. He looked Hermione in the eye and spit out venomously, "What, so you could show me how much of a slut you are? I already know that, Hermione. I saw it. You didn't have to have your body pressed against mine in an obscene way to show me. I know you aren't boring. You're fun. You're so much fun, I can't handle being around you. You make me sick. Are you happy now?"
Ron started to leave when Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. He started to protest when her hand covered his mouth. He watched the fire dancing in her eyes. She was angry. Good. That made him very happy indeed.
Hermione stared at Ron. "I'm not a slut. That's not who I am, Ron. That was an act, a display. I put on an elaborate play to showcase my feelings and try to get some hint about how YOU feel."
Ron pulled away from her and stood. "And what is it you felt Hermione? Oh no, wait, I know. You were feeling Seamus." He walked toward the boys dormitories, leaving an abandoned Hermione feeling like her heart were breaking. "Oh, and Hermione, to elaborate on what I feel?"
Hermione held her breath as he paused.
"I feel nothing for you."
Chapter 6: Truths and Lies
Darkness shrouded the bedroom. Hermione frowned at herself in the mirror and wiped a tear off her cheek as she remember the events of the night before. The crowd in the common room started to disperse after Ron left. Dean and Neville were left to pick up Seamus and take care of him while Lavender cleaned up and put her muggle CD player back into her trunk. Hermione had just retreated to her bedroom and sat quietly on the window seat for hours, trying to think where she had gone wrong. Her hopes and dreams of love were crushed. Even the moon seemed to be weeping in sorrow for the love that would never be known, never be shared. A soft misting rain had begun to fall and Hermione knew she had never felt as lost.
She snapped back to the present as the wind outside howled. It was around four am and she couldn't sleep. She glanced at Lavender and Parvati, sleeping deeply in their beds. Hermione sighed. This is it, she thought. I have to tell Ron how I feel and find out what went wrong. I have to come clean and be honest with him. I just hope he'll listen.
Hermione eyed her reflection. The normal, brainy, boring Hermione had returned. Gone were the tight fitting clothes and hair gel. It felt good to be sitting there with her bushy hair and Hogwarts robes. Hermione fingered one of her wild curls and started to cry again. "Why was I so stupid?" She asked her reflection. "This is me, dammit! If he doesn't like this, then he can't have me. I shouldn't have to change for anyone. What you see is what you get and if he can't appreciate me for who I really am...well, he just isn't good enough for me then. I don't know what I was thinking...I should never have dressed and acted like someone else." Hermione smiled through her tears. "I'm perfect just the way I am." she whispered.
*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`* `~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*
Ron stared into the glowing fire in front of him. He sat upon the same couch where just yesterday morning had been teasing Hermione, calling her boring. Well, he thought, I guess she isn't boring now, is she?
He felt empty and weak inside, like he had fought a long, hard battle and lost. As Ron continued to stare at the dancing flames, he heard a door open and close upstairs and footsteps. The steps were getting closer, but as they reached the common room, they came to a halt. Ron felt her presence, but didn't look at her. He didn't think he could stand to look at her at the moment. He knew that he would break down and reveal all his well kept emotions, and she didn't deserve to know what was in his heart.
He heard her draw and expel a deep breath, then continue toward him. Oh no...please, go back to bed. His mind raced as he stared hard at the flames. What should I do?
Ron felt her sit closely beside him on the couch. She was facing him, staring at him, but didn't say anything. Ron stared ahead, refusing to look at her. After what seemed like forever, she spoke.
"Ron...I made a mistake."
She got no reply, no movement from him,
"It's just that I wanted to prove something to you...maybe prove it to myself as well. I wanted to show you that I'm not boring. I was so hurt by what you said to me yesterday, Ron...I wasn't sure what to do. You said I was old in spirit, that I was an old fuddy-duddy, that -"
"So, it's my fault, is it?" Ron spoke softly.
Hermione looked at him for a moment, stunned into silence. "No," she said finally, "that's not it at all. While what you said was the basis for me doing what I did, it was inevitably my choice...and a stupid choice it was. When Lavender and Parvati offered to help, I gladly accepted, thinking that maybe if you saw me like them, you'd think I was something special, something more. I guess I was wrong." She added quietly.
Hermione looked away at the fire as tears filled her eyes. She closed them for a moment and ran a shaky hand over her hair, smoothing it out. She opened her eyes to look at Ron, who hadn't moved or even looked at her.
"Ron, please understand. I did those things for you. To please you and to make you notice me." She now had Ron's full attention. His eyes burned as he looked at her, hard. She continued, "I didn't originally intend to dance with Seamus, but he kind of grabbed me and I was looking for a way to get him off of me before you attacked him. I tried everything...pushing him, pulling away...I even tried to yank him back by his hair, but he just seemed to like that more. I didn't want to be that way with Seamus, Ron...I wanted to be with you."
Ron's eyes clouded with confusion and anger. He looked Hermione in the eye and spit out venomously, "What, so you could show me how much of a slut you are? I already know that, Hermione. I saw it. You didn't have to have your body pressed against mine in an obscene way to show me. I know you aren't boring. You're fun. You're so much fun, I can't handle being around you. You make me sick. Are you happy now?"
Ron started to leave when Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. He started to protest when her hand covered his mouth. He watched the fire dancing in her eyes. She was angry. Good. That made him very happy indeed.
Hermione stared at Ron. "I'm not a slut. That's not who I am, Ron. That was an act, a display. I put on an elaborate play to showcase my feelings and try to get some hint about how YOU feel."
Ron pulled away from her and stood. "And what is it you felt Hermione? Oh no, wait, I know. You were feeling Seamus." He walked toward the boys dormitories, leaving an abandoned Hermione feeling like her heart were breaking. "Oh, and Hermione, to elaborate on what I feel?"
Hermione held her breath as he paused.
"I feel nothing for you."
