EIGHT : BRUTAL CAGE FIGHT ROUND ONE, LORELAI VS EMILY
Emily poured a drink for Luke and Lorelai, before pouring one for herself. She handed the glasses to the two of them, and then took a seat in the cozy armchair in the middle of the room.
"This is nice, isn't it?" Emily remarked nonchalantly as she took a sip of her wine.
"Just dandy," said Lorelai. She took a big gulp from her glass. "Like Disneyland."
Emily ignored her, instead, focusing her attention on Luke. "So, you run the diner in Stars Hollow."
"Yes. Yes, I do."
"That must be pretty interesting."
"It has its moments," Luke said between sips. "And it keeps me out of the red, so that's always a good sign."
"True," Emily nodded. "Now, if you don't mind indulging me, when did the two of you start seeing each other? Lorelai has neglected to pass on this little bit of information. God forbid that her mother know anything about her personal life."
"Wow, did you not realize that I'm sitting right here?" Lorelai said.
"Yes, Lorelai, I did," Emily responded quickly. She turned back to Luke. "She never wants to tell me anything. Did you know that when she got engaged the last time I didn't even get so much as a phone call?"
"Mom, I don't know if you know this, but that horse is pretty much dead. Stop beating it," Lorelai said.
"I was just saying, that it would be nice if I were informed of what was going on in your life. Not that what I feel matters to you."
"That's totally unfair."
"Excuse me if I take a vested interest in how your life is going," said Emily. She turned to Luke again. "You know, some children would kill to have their mothers take an active role in their lives. I only want to know about her life because I care."
"Well, I guess that makes sense," said Luke.
"Whose side are you on?" Lorelai hit the side of his arm. Luke flinched.
"Lorelai, stop hitting your fiancé. He's not doing anything wrong," said Emily. "On the contrary, he is doing what any rational person would do – agree with me."
"Are you agreeing with my mother?" Lorelai hit him again.
"Stop hitting me," said Luke, rubbing the side of his arm, "And I wasn't saying anything. I just said it made sense, that's all."
"So you agree with me," said Emily.
"Well …" Luke tried to continue.
"Hah! So you are on her side after all," said Lorelai. "I can't believe you."
"Lorelai, this isn't a war. There aren't any 'sides'. But clearly, if there were, Luke would be on mine," Emily said, with a smirk that only Lorelai caught.
"Can I change my answer?" Luke asked.
"Yes, you should," said Lorelai, taking another big gulp of her wine. She finished the glass in three seconds. "Because, if you should ever have to take a side, it should be mine. Not my mother's."
"Okay, fine. I take your side," said Luke, in frustration. "Sorry, Emily."
"That's perfectly fine," said Emily, good-naturedly. "You'll have to get used to that if you intend to marry her."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Lorelai.
"It means exactly what it sounds like," Emily brushed aside Lorelai's question quickly, before she changed the topic. "Now, maybe you two would like to tell me about when the two of you started dating. I'm sure it's a very interesting story."
Luke and Lorelai exchanged a look. In their hurry, neither of them had prepared a conclusive story about their first date, or the circumstances that brought it.
"Oh, you don't want to hear about that," Lorelai said quickly. "It's a pretty uninteresting story. Almost boring actually. In fact, it is boring. Like a documentary. Or filling in your taxes. Or accounting."
"Don't be ridiculous, Lorelai," Emily said. "I want to hear all about it. Unless of course, you don't want to tell me, and would rather wait ten years or so before I actually find out a speck of information about your love life and the man you're about to marry."
"Ugh, no fair playing that card again."
"It's the hand I've been dealt with," said Emily. She put her hands together excitedly. "So, when exactly did the two of you start dating?"
"Four months ago," Luke responded, almost mechanically. Finally, there was a question that they had prepared an answer to.
"And," Lorelai added, "We didn't tell anyone about it because it was still new, and we wanted to see how it turned out before we let other people know about it. Which explains why I didn't tell you about us sooner. So you can't blame me anymore. Hah."
"Actually, Lorelai, the fact that you accepted his proposal implied that things had to have been going well before this, which means you actually should have told me about the two of you much earlier," said Emily. "But who's keeping track?"
Lorelai shot her mother a deadly glare.
Emily ignored her again. "So, tell me, what was your first date like? It must have been romantic."
"Erm," Lorelai racked her brains to think of a good story. "Yes, it was."
"We… had dinner at my diner," Luke responded, almost immediately.
Lorelai looked at him. "What?"
Luke gave her a helpless look that indicated that it was the only thing he could come up with at such short notice. "Yeah. I made you that dish. The one that you liked."
"Oh, right," Lorelai looked at her mom and then back at Luke. "That dish."
"What was it?" Emily asked.
"French," Lorelai shot out quickly.
Unfortunately, at the same time, Luke responded: "Italian."
They both looked at each other in panic. Emily gave them a puzzled look, and Lorelai fumbled over her words. "Ah… um… yeah. That French-Italian dish. Fusion food. Yum."
"Fusion food?" Emily asked. "I must admit I've never heard of a French-Italian dish before, but maybe you can give me a sample one of these days, Luke."
"Sure," said Luke, now wondering how on earth was he going to come up with a French-Italian dish that would not check Emily into a hospital for food poisoning. "If I can remember the recipe."
"Oh, I'm sure you do. It wouldn't do to forget Lorelai's favorite dish. Maybe you could even get the caterers to serve it at the wedding," said Emily. "While we're at it, have you two set a date yet?"
"Well, not exactly," said Lorelai. "We're still thinking about it."
"You let me know the time frame," said Emily. "I'll try to book the club. It'll be great. They have a beautiful ballroom, and if you want, I can also recommend an excellent caterer. I have his number somewhere."
"I don't think that will be necessary," Luke said, suddenly. "I mean, thank you for offering, but I really think that a small wedding is more of our kind of thing."
"That's perfectly fine," said Emily. "I understand."
"And maybe I could get Sookie to help out with the catering," said Luke, "Or not, I could handle most of it myself."
"You can't cater at our wedding," said Lorelai. "You'll have so much to do, like dressing up and memorizing the beautiful vows you wrote for me."
"We have to write our own vows?" Luke sounded incredulous. He was not fond of expressing himself in public, and to him there was nothing more horrifying than the thought of reading out some mushy sentimental piece of prose in front of all his friends and family.
"Yes we do," said Lorelai. "I already have mine all sketched out. It's a limerick that sounds like a poem. So we have humor, as well as class."
"Good grief," said Emily.
"Can't we just say 'I do' and get it over with?" Luke said.
Lorelai gasped. "Ugh. Men. Just like you to reduce the most romantic day of our life into a cold, emotionless piece of steel."
"Hey, I'm not the one with all the limericks."
"Yeah, and I'm trying to see if I can work in a puppet show," said Lorelai. "We'll see how that goes."
"I'm sure it will go great," Emily said dryly. She decided to change the topic to a much more interesting one: "How about children? Have you decided about that yet?"
Luke and Lorelai looked at each other again. Once again, they were caught off guard, and they didn't know how to answer that.
"Well, mom, we haven't really talked about it," said Lorelai.
"I don't know, I would like to have kids," said Luke suddenly. Lorelai looked at him, and for a moment she couldn't tell if he was serious, or if he was just merely playing along.
"Oh, that's wonderful," said Emily, clasping her hands in joy.
"Really, Luke?" asked Lorelai, still unsure of what to make of this whole scenario. "I mean, what about all that stuff about kids and their jam hands, and their crying, and …"
"Well, we can always stop eating jam," said Luke, "And I think I can handle a little crying. I don't know. I know I haven't exactly been very child-friendly, but I think having a kid might be great."
Lorelai was surprised. It was odd hearing Luke talk like that, as if they were really in love, and that as if it was really a viable option for the two of them. She was about to say something in response, when the maid walked in. "Dinner is ready, ma'am."
"Good," said Emily as she got up. "Come on. We don't want it to get cold. Luke, I hope you like chicken, because I told Lucy to make her famous grilled chicken in garlic."
"Sounds great," said Luke.
The three of them walked into the dining room.
* to be continued *
A/N 1: What's next for our happy Lorelai and Luke? Will they ever get their act together? Or are they doomed to play a mating dance for the next three hundred or so years? Let's find out... together. Man, that was corny. Even for me.
A/N 2: Okay, so I just watched "They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?" again, and I noticed Jackson's "Strange Man" quote seemed rather familiar to the joke that appeared in the first chapter of "Things I Learnt from Jackie Chan".... which was written two whole months before the episode aired. Aha, more proof that it is my sole destiny to become a Gilmore Girls scriptwriter. I'm gonna write an angry letter to ASP threatening to sue unless she gives me a job. There would be much more L/L on the TV if I had a job there. Grr.
Emily poured a drink for Luke and Lorelai, before pouring one for herself. She handed the glasses to the two of them, and then took a seat in the cozy armchair in the middle of the room.
"This is nice, isn't it?" Emily remarked nonchalantly as she took a sip of her wine.
"Just dandy," said Lorelai. She took a big gulp from her glass. "Like Disneyland."
Emily ignored her, instead, focusing her attention on Luke. "So, you run the diner in Stars Hollow."
"Yes. Yes, I do."
"That must be pretty interesting."
"It has its moments," Luke said between sips. "And it keeps me out of the red, so that's always a good sign."
"True," Emily nodded. "Now, if you don't mind indulging me, when did the two of you start seeing each other? Lorelai has neglected to pass on this little bit of information. God forbid that her mother know anything about her personal life."
"Wow, did you not realize that I'm sitting right here?" Lorelai said.
"Yes, Lorelai, I did," Emily responded quickly. She turned back to Luke. "She never wants to tell me anything. Did you know that when she got engaged the last time I didn't even get so much as a phone call?"
"Mom, I don't know if you know this, but that horse is pretty much dead. Stop beating it," Lorelai said.
"I was just saying, that it would be nice if I were informed of what was going on in your life. Not that what I feel matters to you."
"That's totally unfair."
"Excuse me if I take a vested interest in how your life is going," said Emily. She turned to Luke again. "You know, some children would kill to have their mothers take an active role in their lives. I only want to know about her life because I care."
"Well, I guess that makes sense," said Luke.
"Whose side are you on?" Lorelai hit the side of his arm. Luke flinched.
"Lorelai, stop hitting your fiancé. He's not doing anything wrong," said Emily. "On the contrary, he is doing what any rational person would do – agree with me."
"Are you agreeing with my mother?" Lorelai hit him again.
"Stop hitting me," said Luke, rubbing the side of his arm, "And I wasn't saying anything. I just said it made sense, that's all."
"So you agree with me," said Emily.
"Well …" Luke tried to continue.
"Hah! So you are on her side after all," said Lorelai. "I can't believe you."
"Lorelai, this isn't a war. There aren't any 'sides'. But clearly, if there were, Luke would be on mine," Emily said, with a smirk that only Lorelai caught.
"Can I change my answer?" Luke asked.
"Yes, you should," said Lorelai, taking another big gulp of her wine. She finished the glass in three seconds. "Because, if you should ever have to take a side, it should be mine. Not my mother's."
"Okay, fine. I take your side," said Luke, in frustration. "Sorry, Emily."
"That's perfectly fine," said Emily, good-naturedly. "You'll have to get used to that if you intend to marry her."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Lorelai.
"It means exactly what it sounds like," Emily brushed aside Lorelai's question quickly, before she changed the topic. "Now, maybe you two would like to tell me about when the two of you started dating. I'm sure it's a very interesting story."
Luke and Lorelai exchanged a look. In their hurry, neither of them had prepared a conclusive story about their first date, or the circumstances that brought it.
"Oh, you don't want to hear about that," Lorelai said quickly. "It's a pretty uninteresting story. Almost boring actually. In fact, it is boring. Like a documentary. Or filling in your taxes. Or accounting."
"Don't be ridiculous, Lorelai," Emily said. "I want to hear all about it. Unless of course, you don't want to tell me, and would rather wait ten years or so before I actually find out a speck of information about your love life and the man you're about to marry."
"Ugh, no fair playing that card again."
"It's the hand I've been dealt with," said Emily. She put her hands together excitedly. "So, when exactly did the two of you start dating?"
"Four months ago," Luke responded, almost mechanically. Finally, there was a question that they had prepared an answer to.
"And," Lorelai added, "We didn't tell anyone about it because it was still new, and we wanted to see how it turned out before we let other people know about it. Which explains why I didn't tell you about us sooner. So you can't blame me anymore. Hah."
"Actually, Lorelai, the fact that you accepted his proposal implied that things had to have been going well before this, which means you actually should have told me about the two of you much earlier," said Emily. "But who's keeping track?"
Lorelai shot her mother a deadly glare.
Emily ignored her again. "So, tell me, what was your first date like? It must have been romantic."
"Erm," Lorelai racked her brains to think of a good story. "Yes, it was."
"We… had dinner at my diner," Luke responded, almost immediately.
Lorelai looked at him. "What?"
Luke gave her a helpless look that indicated that it was the only thing he could come up with at such short notice. "Yeah. I made you that dish. The one that you liked."
"Oh, right," Lorelai looked at her mom and then back at Luke. "That dish."
"What was it?" Emily asked.
"French," Lorelai shot out quickly.
Unfortunately, at the same time, Luke responded: "Italian."
They both looked at each other in panic. Emily gave them a puzzled look, and Lorelai fumbled over her words. "Ah… um… yeah. That French-Italian dish. Fusion food. Yum."
"Fusion food?" Emily asked. "I must admit I've never heard of a French-Italian dish before, but maybe you can give me a sample one of these days, Luke."
"Sure," said Luke, now wondering how on earth was he going to come up with a French-Italian dish that would not check Emily into a hospital for food poisoning. "If I can remember the recipe."
"Oh, I'm sure you do. It wouldn't do to forget Lorelai's favorite dish. Maybe you could even get the caterers to serve it at the wedding," said Emily. "While we're at it, have you two set a date yet?"
"Well, not exactly," said Lorelai. "We're still thinking about it."
"You let me know the time frame," said Emily. "I'll try to book the club. It'll be great. They have a beautiful ballroom, and if you want, I can also recommend an excellent caterer. I have his number somewhere."
"I don't think that will be necessary," Luke said, suddenly. "I mean, thank you for offering, but I really think that a small wedding is more of our kind of thing."
"That's perfectly fine," said Emily. "I understand."
"And maybe I could get Sookie to help out with the catering," said Luke, "Or not, I could handle most of it myself."
"You can't cater at our wedding," said Lorelai. "You'll have so much to do, like dressing up and memorizing the beautiful vows you wrote for me."
"We have to write our own vows?" Luke sounded incredulous. He was not fond of expressing himself in public, and to him there was nothing more horrifying than the thought of reading out some mushy sentimental piece of prose in front of all his friends and family.
"Yes we do," said Lorelai. "I already have mine all sketched out. It's a limerick that sounds like a poem. So we have humor, as well as class."
"Good grief," said Emily.
"Can't we just say 'I do' and get it over with?" Luke said.
Lorelai gasped. "Ugh. Men. Just like you to reduce the most romantic day of our life into a cold, emotionless piece of steel."
"Hey, I'm not the one with all the limericks."
"Yeah, and I'm trying to see if I can work in a puppet show," said Lorelai. "We'll see how that goes."
"I'm sure it will go great," Emily said dryly. She decided to change the topic to a much more interesting one: "How about children? Have you decided about that yet?"
Luke and Lorelai looked at each other again. Once again, they were caught off guard, and they didn't know how to answer that.
"Well, mom, we haven't really talked about it," said Lorelai.
"I don't know, I would like to have kids," said Luke suddenly. Lorelai looked at him, and for a moment she couldn't tell if he was serious, or if he was just merely playing along.
"Oh, that's wonderful," said Emily, clasping her hands in joy.
"Really, Luke?" asked Lorelai, still unsure of what to make of this whole scenario. "I mean, what about all that stuff about kids and their jam hands, and their crying, and …"
"Well, we can always stop eating jam," said Luke, "And I think I can handle a little crying. I don't know. I know I haven't exactly been very child-friendly, but I think having a kid might be great."
Lorelai was surprised. It was odd hearing Luke talk like that, as if they were really in love, and that as if it was really a viable option for the two of them. She was about to say something in response, when the maid walked in. "Dinner is ready, ma'am."
"Good," said Emily as she got up. "Come on. We don't want it to get cold. Luke, I hope you like chicken, because I told Lucy to make her famous grilled chicken in garlic."
"Sounds great," said Luke.
The three of them walked into the dining room.
* to be continued *
A/N 1: What's next for our happy Lorelai and Luke? Will they ever get their act together? Or are they doomed to play a mating dance for the next three hundred or so years? Let's find out... together. Man, that was corny. Even for me.
A/N 2: Okay, so I just watched "They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?" again, and I noticed Jackson's "Strange Man" quote seemed rather familiar to the joke that appeared in the first chapter of "Things I Learnt from Jackie Chan".... which was written two whole months before the episode aired. Aha, more proof that it is my sole destiny to become a Gilmore Girls scriptwriter. I'm gonna write an angry letter to ASP threatening to sue unless she gives me a job. There would be much more L/L on the TV if I had a job there. Grr.
