Wow! Gee it seems like a while since I've written in this fanfic-

Obi-wan-we were beginning to wonder when you'd get back to us.

Anakin- Yeah! You actually got the Movie on DVD before finishing the stupid fanfiction!

Existential author character- Hey-I'm you, and even I'm pissed!

Well, I hearby apologize * bows * Its been a few years but hopefully…

You'll still read it yes?

Disclaimer-This is brought to you by Lucasfilm-proud purveyor of crazy galaxies-and large money-grubbing corporation. Also, by the Letter S-for Sorry I didn't finish this when I said I would! L

Where were we?

Oh yes…

THE AUTHOR! Had obi-wan and Anakin in the grip of dire…urr…TROUBLE!

THE JEDI! Were all whacked out on BAKED GOODS!

THE FANS! Are clambering like starving monkeys TO PURCHASE ANAKIN AND OBI-WAN!

WHAT WILL WE DO?

The author rubbed her hands gleefully.  She'd kept the fans in suspense-making the fanfiction a serial! She laughed evilly.

"Yes…" she rubbed her hands together, "Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen."  The fans were leaping up and down-like zombies in a Resident Evil video game.  Or fans at a Concert.

Fans- WE WANT THE BOYS! WE WANT THE BOYS! WE WANT-

There was a clap of thunder.  Godzilla- (Finished at last with balancing Courscant national debt) roared in terror and fled back to 1950's Japan.

People of Courscant- YAY- we have defeated the gigantic monster, we have slain the monster, and by slaying the monster we have defeated him! We have brought down the monster and saved our town-thereby defeating the-

The readers soundly punished the people of courscant- by heading off to Adult-Fan fiction. Net.

            "This looks grim." Obi-wan had his hand on his lightsaber, "Very grim."

"Really?" Anakin blinked, "Wait-that actually made sense! It wore off!"

You'd figure it would after a few hours. Obi-wan wondered where the hell he was, and why he was staring down what had to be at least a thousand screaming people-all of them dressed ridiculously.

            "Say…" Anakin rose his lightsaber-threatening the fans.  The author was collecting money and taking names, "Do you happen to remember what happened to you in the past couple of hours?"

Obi-wan shook his head.

            "Never mind." The memories, and the videotapes would go for a high price on the Internet, "Its not important."

"Why?" Obi-wan studied his apprentice, "Was it highly amusing-creating a following of loyal fans? (Authors note- I love you all! All my reviewers!)

"Never mind." Anakin raised his lightsaber, "Well-it looks like they're coming."

            "If I don't make it." Obi-wan was quiet, "Tell Yoda…he's weird."

"Don't talk like that!" Anakin flipped his lightsaber-a move straight from Darth Maul, "You'll tell him yourself!"

"Think weird am I?" Yoda came speeding by on his little hovering chair, "Kick ass I do-in movie I fight lightsabers."

            "Forget this!" Obi-wan cried, "We need help!"

"Trust force you must." Yoda bowed his head solemnly, "Lucas provide he will."

"Is he making any sense?" Anakin whispered to Obi-wan, "Can't understand him I do!"

Pause.

            "Heard that I did!" the fans advanced closer.  Some of them were now screaming about Yoda.

Fan One- OMG! ITS YODA! HE KICKED ASS IN THE SECOND MOVIE!

Fan 45- IT'S THE FUZZY GREEN PICKLE! YAY! HE'S SO CUTE!

            "Diss not my planet you will." Yoda wagged his finger at Fan 45, "Know few, name translate to Fuzzy Green Pickleworld."

Fan 45- HE SPOKE TO ME!

Fan 45 promptly fainted.

            "Well…" the fans advanced.  The author was sitting on a large green pile of money, "This looks like the end."

"Should we do the Thelma and Louise ending?" Anakin asked-

QUICKY COSTUME CHANGE-

"Well-" Anakin was behind the wheel- a scarf wrapped around his neck, "This looks like the end!"

"I love you Anakin!" Obi-wan was clutching the seats.  The old car was roaring like a devil.  The two clutched hands-while Anakin gave his Master funny looks.

The camera focused on a hologram of the two of them-smiling-just as the old car went over the edge of the futuristic building.

-------

Anakin blinked, "That was crap."

The fans continued to Advance.

"I know!" Obi-wan said, "We could do the Resident Evil Ending!

----------

QUICKY COSTUME CHANGE

Obi-wan stood in the middle of the city, lightsaber firmly in hand.  The place was a wreck; dinosaur footprints and brownies were everywhere.

Obi-wan clicked on his lightsaber with a snap-hiss-and the scene zoomed out to the tune of Rob Zombie.

---------

Anakin stared at him, "That was such crap! Where the fuck was I? Why did it involve seemingly darkside music?"

Obi-wan shrugged, by far that had been the best.

            "Okay." Anakin sighed, "We've got one last chance.  And this time, I'm picking the ending!"

------

QUICKY COSTUME CHANGE 03

Author- lets have a big hand for the people in sets, props, and art!

Random behind the scenes workers- KILL US! PLEASE!

Author- QUIET INFIDELS! I AM AUTHOR! I AM RULER!

Ahem.

Anakin stood, waving his lightsaber at Luke.

            Use the Force Luke! Obi- wan was not pleased.  His role was to be an apparently invisible specter hovering at the edge of vision like something out of the haunted mansion.

It was made worse by the fact that he was wearing a sheet.

"How the heck am I supposed to inspire awe in the force in a sheet!" Obi-wan flapped his arms about, "I mean when I' m a shivery ghost its cool-but this is cruddy!"

"Perhaps this isn't the best Idea." Anakin had a plastic mask of his future self over his face, "Sorry."

"You just aggravated them." Luke shut off his lightsaber, " I had to deal with the same thing back in 1977."

"Shut up you." Anakin snarled, "You're no son of mine-you're a silly man who did one good movie and now spends most of his time doing voices on Warner brothers!"

"Really?" Luke turned on his lightsaber, "LETS FIGHT!"

"Boys, quiet or I'll knock both your heads together!" Obi-wan cried-we still has to deal with them!"

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The fans.

They stood, wielding weapons, grinning evilly.  Like a dark presence-the author was behind them-a terrible dark cloud of horrible fan thoughts built a wall around the normally peaceful courscant night.

"We're doomed…" Anakin said in a small voice, "Doomed!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

There was a bright flash of light.

---------

A man stepped out of the light.

He was dressed in a business suit.  He had glasses, he looked rich and important.  Behind him, more people came-all looking rich and important.

"Are…" Obi-wan got to his knees, "You…the midi-clorians?"

            "No." Big Rich important man wiped off his glasses, "I'm much more powerful.  And so is my crack team of analysts, brief writers, and press release personnel."

The author let out a shriek of terror.  The fans all froze.

"I…" the man with glasses spread out his arms, "AM LUCASFILMS HEAD LAWYER!"

There was a shriek-then silence.  The fans had all vanished.  The lawyers had all vanished.  The world was covered with dinosaur footprints, various debris-and confused Courscant citizens.

            "Wow." Anakin took a few steps, "That was impressive."

" I'll say." Obi-wan's face grew horrified, "What if…"

Anakin turned around, "What?"

"What if…Lawyers…do have magic powers? Secret powers…"

There was a silence.

Then Obi-wan began to scream.

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Author's note- NO! It's not the end! Not yet! It's just the long awaited chapter six! The end-"Just Deserts" comes after Easter! Please enjoy.