Star Wars-the magic brownies
The final, long awaited, conclusion!
(The author walks out onto screen. Very visible by all the fans)
Author:
It is a time of great terror in the Galaxy. While waiting the third movie-Anakin Skywalker decided to make some brownies that eventually unleashed havoc upon the universe. Godzilla is demanding payment from the government of Courscant for doing their taxes and setting up a 401K plan and a new set of health benefits. All had been touched by the evil of the magic brownies…and the lunacy of the fans…and none until now had contemplated-the true horror…
The day after.
Disclaimer-
(Anakin steps onto screen-prodded by cattle prod)
Anakin-OWW! LEGGO! STOP SHOCKIN' ME! OWWIE! MOMM! MOOOMMMY!
(Anakin stamps his feet and a very familiar arm locks onto the cattleprod-pulling the author offstage screaming)
Anakin-yes, * cough* the author does not own any of the depicted events, characters, etc. She is simply a humble author-awaiting her own inspiration for her own fic and PLEASE! GET ME OUT OF HERE! SHE KEEPS ME LOCKED TO THE BASEMENT WALL-
(Anakin stalks Offscreen. The audience hears, "But I dun wanna wear the bunny-suit" in a very whiny voice, and patiently waits for the curtain to open)
The Jedi Temple.
Quiet, serene-a retreat where only the bravest dare go for meditation, relaxation-and Nirvana.
* Loud Nirvana music begins blaring from Yoda's Room *
Obi-Wan Kenobi awoke.
"Owww…" he scratched his head, "Cheeseball." He peered upward at the ceiling of his room in his apartment that he shared with his Padawan. He coughed-and spat out two dried dead-sticks.
Oh sith…
"Anakin?" Obi-wan managed to rise. He put on a robe and dislodged two naked women from his closet without a second thought. A man with a lawyer rushed out and began writing a suit against them for sleeping in his closet.
It must be Thursday. He had a cousin named Arthur Dent who couldn't get the hang of Thursdays. Obi-wan was beginning to understand why.
"Anakin?" he peered out into his hallway. The floor was literally covered with bodies-many of whom looked drunk-and the worse for wear. He'd kick them out later-once he figured out what the hell was going on.
Obi-wan entered his living room. A lizard was asleep on his couch-the words "Godzilla and Associates" stamped on its briefcase in gold lettering. The lizard was covered in a pile of people-many of who looked vaguely familiar.
He spotted Mulder and Scully.
Mulder had his arms curled around an alien dressed in glow-in-the-dark boxers. Scully was drooling out of the corner of her mouth onto Frohike's head.
Obi-wan poked her.
Scully groaned.
Obi-wan poked her.
" NOT THE UNDERWEAR-" she awoke quickly, as one was apt to do when Jedi mind-poked. "What the…"
"Hello." Obi-wan tried to be pleasant, "I'm trying to figure out what occurred here."
Scully blinked, "Here? In Washington?"
Obi-wan did not have the faintest idea what a Washington was. Perhaps it was some new word for his apartment. He knew it had a vaguely negative connotation-along the lines of "toilet" in some cultures.
"Yeee…ess… Washington." He nodded, "I awoke to find a Lawyer in my closet chasing two naked women riding a Bantha."
"It must be Thursday." Scully said decisively, "Let me get back to sleep."
Obi-wan watched in disgust as she curled back onto his couch muttering "underwear" softly.
He took a few more steps-and came across Frodo baggins-sprawled against the wall and snoring like a Dak-Tar in heat. Nearby, Aragorn and Arwen lay encased in a sleeping bag.
"Frodo?"
Frodo said nothing.
"Frodo!"
Frodo awoke, "Yes my precious?" he yawned, "What's the time?"
"Morning…listen-sir-I must know. What happened yesterday? A lawyer jumped out of my closet riding a Bantha chasing two naked women. I then asked another party guest, and she told me that Courscant is in fact the grand toilet of the universe!"
"Must be Thursday." Frodo shook himself, "Never could get the hang of Thursdays."
He curled himself back in his cocoon.
Obi-wan blinked and padded onward.
He came across Anakin sitting next to an anime character. Beer cans were everywhere-and the cat was swimming across the kitchen trying desperately to make it to the fridge.
Obi-wan lost all patience.
"ANAKIN SKYWALKER! ANSWER ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU SOLDIER! STAND AT ATTENTION!"
Anakin bolted to his feet-his companion-a tall woman with dark hair-groaned and watched a penguin float across the kitchen.
"Yeah what?"
"What in the name of the almighty force is going on?" Obi-wan cried, "First, I wake up to a lawyer riding a Bantha out of my closet chasing two naked women. THEN I come across a redhead who proudly decrees that this is a "toilet" planet! Then, I meet a hobbit that thinks that everything is perfectly normal and called me precious! Finally, I come across you-YOU- the chosen one-the Christ figure-TRYING TO DRINK MISATO KATSURAGI UNDER THE TABLE!"
"He won." Misato slurred, "You ought to be proud of such a fine girl."
She fell back and the penguin floated over her head.
"You really wanna know what happened?" Anakin's voice was calm, deathly calm-and serious.
"YES!"
"No…you don't."
Obi-wan blinked, "I don't?"
Anakin nodded, "Lets just say…brownies are bad."
Obi-wan digested this fact.
He digested all that he had seen today-coupled with the fact that he could remember nothing of the last twenty-four hours.
"It must be Thursday." He sighed, "I don't think I get Thursdays."
"Now there." Said the cat, as it floated by with one of Misato's beers, "Is a universal truth."
Obi-wan blinked and passed out.
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The Author sat back behind her desk. The Empire theme was playing-just as the source of all evil and creation in this particular universe appeared.
The man
The myth.
George Lucas.
Of course, the fact that he appeared as a gigantic rabbit terrified her.
"I think." He said quietly, "You owe me an apology."
The author nodded.
"I also think, you owe the fans an apology." The rabbit twitched its whiskers, "For the fans-you need to get your just deserts."
Then the monkeys descended.
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Author's note:
Okay, sorry about this taking so long. You see-you is reading-the final chapter to my saga. Every character belongs to someone else-and the story idea along was compiled from years of humor. Every joke, every gag-I adapted.
I hope you enjoy it.
I certainly did, particularly the Thursday jokes. Douglas Adams was the first author I ever read as a child that I actually understood. In that spirit, I leave you with this towel-to protect you from the magic brownies.
So long, and thanks for all the reviews J
