Title: Floating Up
Chapter 4: Steady
Author: Kora
E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. All warnings featured on Part 1.
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Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space
Laid underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling brave
Watch the riddles glow
Watch them float away
You're falling back to me
The star that I can't see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
-Our Lady Peace, 'Somewhere Out There'
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"You have 20 new messages," the computerized voice of Stephanie's answer machine chirped. Stephanie's eyes widened and she pushed the play button. She listened to every single message, some amusing, some serious, and quite a few of them with the same particular question that made her worry her lower lip between her teeth. She dropped her purse and locked her door behind her, then walked around her apartment.
It was her first time 'home' in weeks and she was surprised to find so many messages from people she knew on her landline. Most everyone left messages for her on her cell phone but then, everyone probably knew she now had some time off. Why not? After all, thanks to her attacker, it wasn't like they didn't know almost everything else about her. Her biggest secret had been busted open wide for the whole world to see.
Okay, maybe not the whole world, but her world, certainly. She had had several of the female superstars approach her with tender reassurances. Torrie Wilson had been the most supportive. She had told Stephanie about her own experiences. Though she had never been raped, Torrie, considering her looks, had been physically attacked more than once with the intention of rape no doubt in mind. They had shared a few tears and hugs and Stephanie found herself growing close to the blonde in part to it, even inviting her to attend her group therapy sometime. Torrie had given her a wavering smile and said she might consider it.
Then there were the male superstars. Most of them didn't know what to say. Edge had had some flowers delivered as had Brock Lesnar and Rhyno. Matt Hardy had even dropped off some chocolates. Then there were the others, the ones who knew her more…closely. These particular people were the ones who had left the most troubling of messages on her machine and she found herself still thinking of them as she settled down for the evening, a cup of hot tea in hand.
She sat on her couch and sipped her drink quietly, thinking to herself. She looked down into her cup and could see her own reflection looking back up at her. She fingered the rim of the cup lightly, her mind trailing over the words that had poured from her answering machine and she leaned back, her attention to detail focusing in on each little curve and nuance of the plaster ceiling until her thoughts turned to Shawn.
A smile took to her lips and she sat up, setting her cup aside and reaching for her phone. If anyone could give her good counsel it was him. All she had to do was hope that he wasn't busy. He could, after all, be out with a girl. Or even worse, Shane. Stephanie snorted at that. Who would have thought that her little scheme would have brought those two so close. Of course, Shawn hooking Shane up with some girl named 'Isabel' had certainly helped but now it seemed those two were always running around together.
It wasn't that Stephanie minded it, in fact, nothing made her more happy. After all, that had been her intention. She had hoped by making them friends they would all become closer but now Shawn seemed to see Shane more than her. Of course, Shawn seemed to be doing a lot of things more since she had gone out with Hunter. He had asked her how the date had went and she hadn't lied. She had told him about how good it was and didn't hold too much back. Shawn's reaction had been neutral. Too neutral. It was as if he had no opinion or feeling in the matter.
At first it had hurt and Stephanie didn't know why. Maybe she and Shawn hadn't reached that point in their friendship yet where they could talk freely about their dates. Maybe the boy/girl thing was still there. There was also the fact that it was Hunter she had gone on the date with. But still, she thought he would have had some sort of reaction. What kind of reaction she didn't know but-something.
At any rate, she missed having her best friend and was eager for his advice now as she dialed his number swiftly. Maybe while she was at it, she could lightly tap into why he seemed to be avoiding her. He picked up on the third ring, his voice thick, "'lo?"
"Shawn? Did I wake you?"
"Hm? No. Just a bit drowsy is all."
"Oh yeah? What're you doing?"
"Lying in bed, watching a movie."
"Really?"
"Yup. Maxing and relaxing. That's me. A little too relaxed. I was just about to doze off when you rang."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Nah, don't worry about it. Too early to sleep anyway."
"What were you watching."
"I don't know really, flipped on to it when I was changing channels. So what's up?"
Stephanie's teeth found her lip again as she spoke tentatively, "Well, when I got home I got all these messages and I wanted to ask you about them."
"I didn't call you."
She laughed, "They're not from you, silly. They're from other people."
"Other people call you?"
"Oh shut up," she chuckled, "Are you going to help me or not?"
"That depends. What are you going to do for me?"
She sighed, "I don't know, what do you want?"
"It's too filthy to describe," Shawn chuckled.
"Ha, ha. No, listen, really, I'd give you something like the next time we hung out but considering you've been avoiding me-"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Stephanie said, trying to keep her voice carefree but having a hard time of it. She had wanted to bring up the subject subtly-later into the conversation, but now she found she couldn't avoid it, the subject somehow suddenly pressing. The feelings of isolation and hurt at his absence struck her and she found herself being more blunt, "You've been busy for the past couple of weeks. Every time I get in touch with you you're busy, either with my brother or some lady of the night, ever since I went out with Hunter…"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Shawn muttered over the other end, he clicked his television off and ran a hand through his hair as he sat up on his bed. Five days of fuzz had grown on his face and he looked pretty miserable. It was sad to say he'd been sulking for so long. He could still remember the night Stephanie had told him about her date with Hunter. She'd practically been glowing when she'd told him about it. Ever since he had found himself distancing himself from her, avoiding her just as she accused him of.
It wasn't that he wanted to, it was just…painful. He kept in touch with Shane because the kid was growing on him but as for his baby sister, well, she hadn't been growing on him as much as she'd been getting inside him. Filling him up in places he didn't want her to. And especially now that she had hit it off so well with Hunter again. Better to keep his distance and let her think he was off with Shane or some woman than to get close to her and watch her get close to Hunter again.
"It's okay, I just…I miss you, you know?"
Her voice cut through him. Just hearing it made him feel…
He ran a hand over the fuzz on his face and sighed, "I miss you too, pretty lady. I am sorry. I don't know where I've been, I've just…"
"You don't have to explain anything to me," Stephanie said softly, "I was just letting you know I miss you. 'Sides, I know you've been busy with your ladies. Who was it last I heard…Betsy? Or was it Gwen? You get lucky yet?"
Shawn smirked at the last comment, "Well, you called, I call that lucky."
"Flatterer." Stephanie giggled.
"So what's up, girl? You said you called me for a favor."
Stephanie sighed, "Yeah, yeah had to ask you about these calls. Also thought you probably want to have an update on the whole…situation."
Her voice dropped an octave lower on the last word and Shawn immediately knew it had to do with the flyers, "You've had a reprieve from that whole thing for a while now, haven't you?"
"Well yeah, I mean the date with Hunter and work have taken me away from it but that doesn't mean I don't think about it. And it sure as hell doesn't mean Dad and Shane have stopped working on it. They still haven't found the original copy that my…attacker made the flyers from. My Dad informed the guys working on my case about it and they looked into it. Said he obviously couldn't have had the picture of me professionally developed so he probably did it himself and the words on the flyer were printed with a computer. Long story short-impossible to trace. Guy's as smart as he is soulless."
Shawn sighed, "I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, well, I'd rather not talk about that. Or think about it," Stephanie said with a shudder, "I don't know what…what he wants but there's not much we can do right now and…and I don't want to live in fear so I've just…been trying to forget about it and carry on. If I think about it too much I feel like I'll just snap in two. And as for memories…nothing new since I remembered him taking a picture of me. And I haven't been forcing it. I...I'm still reluctant to remember. I don't really want to."
Stephanie grew silent on the other end. It was obvious to Shawn that she had deluded herself into having forgotten about the whole situation the past few days, or Hunter had done it for her, so bring it up now wasn't something she was entirely comfortable with. He did her the grace of changing the subject, "So about these calls you got."
She felt a tiny conflicted grin take form, "Oh that. Well, I come home and I got a bunch of calls. You know, Dad, Shane stuff like that as well as a few from the girls but the other ones, they were from-well, the guys."
"Such as?"
"Angle, Jericho, Test, Bischoff, and of course, Hunter."
"Really?"
"Mmhm, and Paul Heyman too surprisingly enough."
"So what about it?"
Stephanie felt her skin flush, "Well, they all said some very nice things, you know, to make me feel better. And they all, every single one of them, asked me the same thing."
"And that would be?"
"Would you like to go out with me," Stephanie said in one big breath, waiting for Shawn's reaction. She expected laughter or some snide remark but instead he merely gave a low whistle, "Wow."
"Yeah."
"Well you know what this means, don't you?"
"What?"
"Your life has turned into a version of the 'Dating Game'."
It took a minute for the joke to sink in before Stephanie let out a dry laugh, "Figures you would be sarcastic about this."
"What? I'm serious; they all want to go out with you, right? They're all expectant bachelors waiting for a call from you, the lovely bachelorette. You have to ask them all three similar questions and see who gives the best answer."
"Shawn, please, be serious and tell me what to do."
Shawn sighed, "What do you want to do?"
Stephanie frowned, her teeth had been picking at her bottom lip so much she was surprised it wasn't bleeding, "Oh, I don't know."
"Do you want to see any of them?"
"Well, one of them I all ready saw."
"I all ready scratched Hunter out of this equation. Considering how well things went on your first time out I've all ready chalked it up as to you seeing him again, no questions asked. I was more interested in the others, especially Angle, Test, Bischoff, and Jericho."
"Why those four?"
"Well, those four you have a past with. A history. Not to mention…chemistry."
Stephanie's eyes narrowed in confusion at that last remark, "Chemistry?"
"Well yeah," Shawn stretched over the other end, trying to work the weariness out of his body before continuing, "I mean, you and Jericho always fought but everyone always figured you two for a love/hate thing 'cause when you kissed, there was passion there. Bischoff basically falls into a category similar to Jericho's. Test, you almost married him. And as for Angle, well that's a given."
"I wasn't aware you knew so much about my past liaisons."
"Word of mouth, pretty lady. In this business everyone knows everyone else's life inside and out."
"Tell me about it," Stephanie muttered darkly, her thoughts going directly to the flyers. Shawn too, knew exactly where her thoughts went and bit back a curse, saying, "Look, I didn't mean that as a crack. What happened to you with the pictures was bullshit. No one should have known about that unless you wanted them to."
"And now they all know…'cause of him," Stephanie breathed, feeling weak, "He's out there Shawn. He's out there and he could still get me. He could be watching me now for all I know. And it's even worse when I think of how he must have help, you know?
"The flyers show up on the same day in two different places so he has to have someone else in on it with him. Someone who knew what he did to me and-and considered it okay. We're willing to help him torment me. I mean he must be powerful, somewhere high up to do what he did. He...he must be within the company."
"I'm sure your Dad and brother all ready thought of that."
"Of course they did," Stephanie sighed wearily, "That's why they're giving me this time off, I think. They don't want to tell me that, naturally. They're afraid I'll snap or freak out if they do. I can tell. Now when they get around me they tread oh so delicately. It's been driving me up a wall. Only you and Hunter treat me normal, as if nothing's happened. I like that. But even you these days have been…distant."
"And I apologized for it. Look, can we get back to the problem at hand?" Shawn asked, not wanting to think too deeply into why he had been avoiding Stephanie these past few days.
Stephanie consented, "Okay, so these guys have all asked me out and now I have to decided whether or not to answers their calls, much less go out with them. What do you think? What would you do if you were me?"
"If I was you? Hmm, also too filthy too describe."
A laugh answered him, "Come on,"
"Okay, okay, seriously? I'd probably go ahead and go out with all of them. It might be good for you to go out on your free time. Spend some time with people you normally don't. Besides, poor shmucks are probably suffering considering what's happened, they probably feel like they need to talk to you about it."
"Which is the last thing I want to do."
"Sure but that doesn't really matter to them. Heck, they probably even know it internally but the thing is, they're hurting. They're messed up. They need you to fix it. No matter how wrong or unfair it is, that's how it is. So you can either help them and maybe even help yourself in the process, or you can leave it alone and they'll probably keep hounding you. Or worse, show up unexpectedly to take you out, better to set them all up with their own separate times and dates so you can prepare and be ready to face each and every one of them."
"Even Heyman?"
"Why the hell not, you gonna suffer, might as well go the full nine yards."
"I don't think I'll suffer all that much. A lot of those guys I really like," Stephanie assured him.
"Well, you get the picture."
"True. Hmm, go out with all of them, huh? It sort of is like I am on that dating show."
"I'll be the host, you know," Shawn teased, "You can call me up after each one and tell me how it went. Who got the highest points."
Stephanie laughed, "Oh I don't know."
"Come on, if you're going to do this, you might as well have some fun with it. Besides, you know I'll keep bothering you and nitpicking at you until you tell me how each and every single one of those dates went. Especially Heyman's."
Stephanie sighed, "Well, all right, if you think it's a good idea."
"Of course it is. All my ideas are good." Shawn assured her.
Stephanie was quiet for a moment, wanting to listen to him speak more. His voice was so soothing. That husky southern timbre that resonated out of him. She wanted him to just talk and talk for hours. Even more, she wanted to see him. Hearing his voice made her realize how long it had been since she'd been in his presence. She missed it. Missed that feeling of closeness that he provided. She didn't want to call him on it though. He had all ready apologized more than once for being distant; she didn't want to seem too clingy, much less whiny.
After all, he had given her so much. What was wrong with him getting a little time for himself? Besides, he did have a life outside of her. He couldn't just sit around on her beck and call, now could he? She imagined she got a bit tiresome after a while. Still, she couldn't help but lean on him for support now and then. He was her hero. Her rock. He was steady and faithful and at her side when she needed him most.
And as her thoughts trailed over her attacker, she found she needed him now. She spoke quietly, her voice breaking slightly, "Shawn…could I…see you sometime? You know, soon?"
"You asking me out now? Boy, you sure are going to have a lot of commitments to keep before all is said and done," Shawn replied. He had meant it as a light joke but it hadn't come out that way.
"No, it's just…I know Dad and Shane are going to get more in depth on their search. Especially now that my attacker has made this public display and seems to be more…present. I just, when I think of him out there, still thinking of me and so close I just…I'd just feel safer if I saw you again and spent some time with you. If-if that's okay."
Her voice was so quiet towards the end she was worried he hadn't heard her. But he had. Every word. And every single one had torn at him. His mouth was in a hard line but he said, "Sure. Of course. That'd be great. Nothing better than being with my pretty lady."
Stephanie let out a breath of relief, "Oh. Good. Okay then. Well, I've got a lot of calls to make now. Lots of dates to set. I'll call you after them and tell you how they went and then later maybe we can make our own plans to hang out."
"Sounds good," Shawn said and finished up their conversation. Once he hung up the phone he sat there in his room. It was dark out and with the television off, he could hear the crickets outside chirping, see the small strips of streetlights filter in through the blinds covering his windows.
He sat there, the phone cradled in his hands and his face set in grim, hard lines. He had managed to keep their banter light for the most part but everything she had said had made him feel low. Real low. And the worst thing of it was that she didn't even know what she did to him, nor would he ever let her know.
After all, it wasn't her fault he felt the way he did. And how did he feel? He wanted to laugh at the bitterness of that question. How he felt? He was too scared to even answer, much less give it the thought and consideration it deserved. Funny how he could dish out good advice but not give any to himself.
When she had told him about all the men who'd asked her out he'd turned it into a joke even as he was seething inside. Seething because he wished it was so easy for him. He wished he could pick up the phone and ask her out. He could, of course, but it would be the way it always was. A friendship thing. And he wasn't sure he wanted that anymore. Hell, he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore.
He rubbed at the back of his neck and felt as if some weight was pressing down on his shoulders. When she had talked about how she'd missed him he'd felt like shit. How could he have drawn away from her like that? Now she thought he was thinking like Shane and her father were. Thinking that if they spoke about the attack she'd freak out. The attack. Jesus, how could he have pulled away from her when all that was still going on? True, things had considerably cooled down but that didn't change the fact that that sick son of a bitch was out there.
And that he was targeting Stephanie.
And worst of all, he had help.
And she had to be thinking about it. Every single minute of every single day. She looked strong and steady enough but deep down inside she had to be terrified. Even when she smiled and laughed he knew, underneath it all, she was wondering about him. It wouldn't do her any good if he started pulling away and caused her to have even more worries. She probably thought she was doing something wrong. Something that was causing him to be so distant.
If only she knew. He almost wanted to call her back and let her know. It wasn't her. It could never be her. It was all him. And Hunter. And the men who'd asked her out. God, why couldn't he just come to grips with how he felt? Why couldn't he stop being such a scared little chicken shit?
He sighed and laid back on his bed, thinking about all those men who, soon enough, would have the lucky chance to take Stephanie out. He could practically predict how every one of them would end. Then he thought of Hunter. He thought of Stephanie. He thought of them together and their date and how it'd went. He cursed aloud then and closed his eyes, wanting to fall into the dark abyss of sleep so he wouldn't have to think anymore.
