Title: Floating Up
Chapter 7: Talk
Author: Kora
E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. All warnings featured on Part 1.
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Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space
Laid underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling brave
Watch the riddles glow
Watch them float away
You're falling back to me
The star that I can't see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
-Our Lady Peace, 'Somewhere Out There'
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"I'm think I'm in love with her." Shawn Michaels blurted.
Kevin Nash looked at his long time friend and raised an eyebrow. Shawn had called him up in the middle of the night/early morning to beg him to come down and meet him. Nash had said it would be a couple of days but eventually he would make it. Five days later after the call he found himself in Tennessee in some trashy bar stop called 'Pitt's', ordering a greasy bacon cheeseburger with fries and looking at a harried Heartbreak Kid.
Nash would've complained but this was the most interesting thing to have happened to him since his injury so he took it in stride. Besides, his friend needed him and he would do anything for Shawn. All he had to do was ask. Hence here he was, and not but five seconds past the getting seated and 'hellos' and 'how've ya beens' had Shawn tossed out his problem. So, eyebrow in place, he asked, "In love with who?"
"Stephanie."
Nash waited but when Shawn said no more he rolled a hand encouragingly, needing more before he could help, "Stephanie…"
"McMahon."
Nash sat there a few moments longer in happy, ignorant bliss until the words sank in. The name, its meaning and its bearer suddenly striking home. His eyes widened and his mouth actually dropped open. In all his life he never thought he'd be shocked senseless but apparently that time had now come. He found his voice, "Stephanie McMahon? As in the boss' daughter. As in Hunter's Stephanie as in…"
"Yes, Stephanie," Shawn snapped irritably. He reached out a hand to snatch up his beer and take a slug of it. Nash suddenly understood now why his otherwise ship-shape friend looked so lackluster. It was obvious sleep had been escaping him or that he had had too much of it as his hair looked unbrushed and sloppy, his chin having grown some hair.
Nash let out a breath and tried to collect himself, "Okay, hmm, Stephanie. All right-well, why don't you tell me why her."
Shawn frowned and looked down at the table, suddenly very quiet. Nash couldn't believe this. First Shawn shows up looking surprisingly tousled, then he drops the bombshell that he's in love with his boss' daughter and his ex-best friend's ex-wife, and now he's uncharacteristically shy?
Nash couldn't help but chuckle, "Oh come on, man, it can't be all THAT bad. I mean, don't get me wrong this is deep but, I mean, you've always been able to talk to me right? That's why you must have called me in the first place. So, spill, why Steph?"
"Where do you want me to start?" Shawn asked wearily.
"How about the beginning. I hear the beginning is a good place to start a story from."
"I don't know if I can tell you. I mean, sure, I tell you everything but how Stephanie and I came to meet well…it's kind of personal. Kind of her business. I don't have her permission too-"
"Is this about how she was raped," Nash deadpanned.
Shawn's head snapped up and he looked at him, startled, "Who told you?"
"Big Show."
"Big Show?" Shawn repeated, running another hand through his mop of hair, "Big Show. Jesus. You think the big man would learn to keep his big mouth shut."
"Aw come on, man, don't be so hard on him. After all, from what I understand everyone in the company knows anyway."
Shawn's frown deepened, "You heard about the flyers?"
"That's why Show called. He was really…what's a good word? Freaked out by 'em. He wanted to talk to me about it since I've been described as comforting."
"You? Comforting? Good listener with great advice maybe but I don't see 'Big Daddy Cool' as the comforting type," Shawn said with a dry laugh. Nash rolled his eyes, "Don't start. Just tell me about you and Stephanie."
Shawn took in a breath and rubbed his eyes before slowly starting to unravel his relationship with Stephanie. He started from when he had found her down to when they had shared the moment at the beach. Nash had nodded his head, never interjecting with questions, instead saving them to ask later. Once Shawn was done Nash leaned back, his eyes wide, "Whoa."
"Yeah." Shawn muttered in response.
"Whoa."
"Yeah."
"I mean…whoa," Nash repeated again, blinking a few times then letting his eyes relax back to their normal size. He scratched at his chest thoughtfully, then asked, "So you found her, huh?"
"Yeah,"
"That night after…"
"Yeah."
"Whoa."
"Yeah."
Nash sucked in a breath then sat up, scratching the back of his head. He looked about and wondered where his waitress was, suddenly wanting his burger. At least then he'd have the food to distract him. Still, he tried to think of it all in an objective, analytical way, the same way he approached every problem he was presented with before speaking, "Okay, so you found her and helped her. You, in the past three months, have become something of her best friend. Shawn, she's a gorgeous girl. It's totally natural, if not expected that you would have feelings for her. Maybe even fall for her. And to top it off she was a damsel in distress you saved, what's not to love?"
"See! Those words you just used exactly explain why this is such a big problem!"
"Which words?"
"'Damsel in distress', 'saved', everyone keeps focusing in on that, underlining it. When Stephanie looks at me there's this adoration in her eyes, she thinks I'm her hero. Hell, most people do, but I'm not! I don't see why no one can get that! I am NOT someone's hero! I'm just some luckless piece of shit that found her and did what I thought was right."
"Shawn, technically, that is the definition of a hero. Doing something for someone else, helping out, being there. Going out of your way. You could have just left her there or ran off and got someone else but you didn't. You stooped down, picked her up, wiped her off and put her back together. What do you want everyone to think? They admire you and your actions. I'm sorry bud, but you're a hero. Deal with it."
Shawn shook his head, "No, no, a hero would have been there before the trouble started, a hero would have saved her before she was raped."
"Shawn, don't tell me you're falling into that. Look, from what you told me, Stephanie's all ready had to deal with that one from Hunter, Jericho, Angle-hell probably every guy who approaches her and she's said the same thing I'm gonna say now. There's nothing you can do about that now. You can't beat yourself up over the 'couldas' and 'wouldas'. Instead you need to look at what you did do. And what you did do was heroic, hence you being a hero, once again I say, deal with it,"
Shawn's eyes narrowed at Nash as he scowled darkly, "Okay, I get your point but I don't WANT that kind of responsibility. I can't handle it. Don't you see? She's going to look at me as if I can do no wrong. If I slip up just once it'll break her, destroy her image of me and I couldn't bear that. Especially considering how I'm starting to feel about her. And how I'm feeling, that's a whole other kettle of fish."
Nash opened his mouth to speak when his burger arrived. He was grateful for it as he picked it up and took out a big chunk, chewing noisily as he asked through a mouthful of food, "Fine. How 'bout you explain that one to me? That's the main problem right?"
"Psh, you bet it is," Shawn mumbled, fingering his unused napkin as he watched Nash chow down. Finally he found the strength to speak, "See, the thing is, normally, when I like a girl it's no big deal. I wine 'em, dine 'em, and…er…I guess it's kind of inappropriate right now to use the next term."
Nash swallowed a huge bite of burger and grinned, "Aw come on, Shawn, don't be like this with me. We've known each other too long for you to go off and be bashful now about saying a dirty little poem in front of me. Shit, that old saying of yours is small in comparison too"
"Okay, okay, 'wine 'em, dine 'em, 69 'em', happy?" Shawn repeated and couldn't help but chuckle, "Man, when Mysterio had that shirt of his made, I started busting up. Steph was the first to show me the design and she had no idea why I was laughing so hard. Didn't have the heart to tell her."
"Or the nerve?" Nash teased, to which Shawn frowned. Nash couldn't help but laugh at the quick return of his friend's somber mood. This whole thing must have truly torn him up if he could lose his sense of humor this fast. Nash tried to be serious but had a hard time hiding a smile as he urged Shawn to continue.
He did, "So anyway, with me, ladies come and go, no problem. But with Stephanie it's like…important. I've always been a confident person, good self-esteem but when it comes to her I'm afraid to mess up. I find myself watching myself, being on a leash because she's put me up on this pedestal and I desperately don't want to fall off. Don't want to lose this shine I have.
"But on the other hand this…hero worship, is keeping me from ever approaching her on a more…intimate level. I told you about all those guys who asked her out. I was infuriated, green to the gills but I couldn't say a word or do anything because how would I even begin to start?
"I'm her friend now, her best friend, and more importantly, I'm the brotherly, hero figure who swooped in and helped her after the most traumatic event in her life. It just seems…I don't know, wrong of me to ask something of her. To even ask her out on a date seems…and what if I did and I lost her. I couldn't bear it.
"She's such a big part of my life now. I mean, I find myself sitting home alone at nights and just thinking of her, wanting to be with her. But I don't call and don't go see her because I don't want to seem like a loser. Instead I lie and tell her I'm going out on dates or seeing Shane when really I'm just sitting around, sleeping most of the time, hell, she's even caught me asleep a lot of the time and it's-it's ridiculous. I don't know how I ended up like this so…so pathetic."
"Shawn, you're not pathetic….well, mostly," Nash added with a smile and then a burp. Shawn waved a hand in front of his nose as if the belch stank and Nash gave him the finger with a chuckle as he rubbed his stomach and then grabbed his drink. He took a few healthy sips, then another bite of his burger, then a drink again before continuing, "What you are is…I can't even believe I'm saying this, but what you are doing is being mature and thinking of others. I swear to God, I never thought I'd see the day you'd grow up but I guess it's come.
"You care about Stephanie, you care about her so much that, shit, I believe you may well in fact be in love with her. Head over heels, walking on clouds and shit and I have to say that's-a precarious situation for you to be in considering the facts at hand. I can see now why you're so stressed out.
"But the thing is, you don't have to be. What you're doing Shawn is taking in too much. Putting a lot of pressure on your shoulders when you don't have to, it's why you feel so burned. First things first, you shouldn't have to watch yourself around Stephanie.
"She's been around you three months now and, not wanting to lower yourself in her eyes or not, I can't see you fully restraining your personality from her. She obviously knows a good bit about you and still likes and accepts you. An A plus in my book if there ever was one.
"She likes you, Shawn and that's that. And furthermore, you should be yourself around her all the time anyway. How can you ever have a completely honest relationship if you aren't? Not to mention maybe if you did some less than exemplary things you'd get off that pedestal you're talking of and feel less pressured to worry about staying up there and dealing with her 'hero worship'. In other words, let yourself fall and then see what happens. See if she'll catch you and still want to be around you.
"Which leads me to advice number two."
Nash finished off his burger and licked his fingers clean then grabbed the ketchup and squirted it on his plate, dipping in a couple of his steak-cut French fries. He looked at Shawn then at the fries, then nudged his plate forward suggestively. Shawn consented and reached across, taking a few for himself, nibbling on them idly. Shawn frowned, "Man, these are greasy. How can you eat this stuff?"
"If you're hungry enough, you'll eat anything, 'sides, I like to eat local food whenever I can. Makes me feel….bohemian." Nash supplied.
"Oh yeah, a muscled Goliath over six feet is sure what I consider 'bohemian'."
"No, you consider me your babysitter. All of you have, every single member of the Kliq and DX comes to me with their problems. You want to talk about the brotherly type, you're looking at him."
"It bother you?"
"Nah, that's half the problem. You all know I eat it up." Nash muttered but once again was unable to hide a knowing smile.
Shawn sighed as he finished his fries, rubbing his fingers on his napkin, "So number two?"
"Hm? Oh, number two," Nash said, "Well, number two is obvious to anyone who isn't…well, me, since I'm so goddamn smarter than the rest of you all. Number two is that you're doing way too much speculating. You don't know what'll happen with you and Stephanie mainly because it's just that. You AND Stephanie. You know all about you and your thoughts and feelings but you don't know squat about hers.
"And you can't make judgements or guesses 'cause ain't nothing better than the real thing when it comes to that. You want to know how she'd react and feel? You gotta ask her. Let Stephanie tell you, let her know. Stop hiding. I've always pegged you as the straightforward, no-holds barred type.
"You got a question you don't hesitate to ask it, you don't hold off until tomorrow, but here with Stephanie you are. Once again proof of your growing up, being cautious. I applaud you for it but you're being too damn cautious here. Too damned protective, You're at a stalemate, this'll never get anywhere if you don't get out from behind the tree and confront her. At least with a little bit of this.
"I'm not saying hit her with both guns blasting head on. Start off slow and get some answers, find out where she stands then move in for big game. You want her, Shawn, you gotta do the work. Me? I think you're underestimating her.
"From what I've heard and seen, Stephanie McMahon is about the last person to keep her head in the sand like an ostrich. She sees things wrong with you, she's gonna voice it. She's not the type to just follow you around and want to be with you merely because you gave her a hand up and she feels she owes you. If that was true it would have passed by now. Saving face only goes so far.
"No, my guess is she's going along the same lines as you. She goes to these other men because they offer and because it's not like you're doing a damn things to intervene and step in. I mean, Jesus, you're telling her you're seeing other girls, what do you want her to do?"
"I know, I know, I just don't know what to do, I keep thinking she should be free to be with someone else. Someone better."
"Oh, what, and that's Hunter?"
"Maybe."
"Oh please Shawn, don't say that. Don't be a fucking martyr. I don't see a McMahon-Helmsely round two. Things didn't work out the first time so I doubt they would a second."
"But her and Hunter have a history. They were good together."
"Operative word there 'were'. They were good together. Doesn't mean they would be again and you and her have history. Albeit a not all-together good one where as the beginnings of it are concerned but things have progressed. You're friends and more importantly, you could be more. Lord knows you want to be more and her, well, like I said, you need to ask her before you know. I've always pegged you as having courage, Shawn. Don't be a pussy on me now."
"I ought pop you one for that," Shawn muttered and ran a hand through his hair, sighing wearily as he watched him finish off his fries, "But I suppose you're right. Hell, everything you've said is right."
"Of course it is, told you I'm damn smarter than the rest of you. I'm the slyest damn fox you ever did see," Nash chuckled, pushing his now empty plate aside.
"You're also the biggest bragger," Shawn muttered and rubbed his eyes, "But speaking of Hunter, I've got three men who aren't going to be too happy with me having my eye on Steph. You've got Hunter of course but then you've also got Vince and Shane. What am I supposed to do about them?"
"As far as Hunter is concerned, fuck him. You get with her, I say the better man won, I'll never forget that man for betraying you. No one turns his back on the Kliq, I don't care if we are broken up or whatever, you just don't do it. We've all been friends too long to be pulling this kind of shit on each other, Hunter betrayed us and that's that so who gives a shit about him and how he feels.
"As for Vince, he'll get over it. Stephanie's shown him more than once he's got no control over her. She's a grown woman now, free to make her own choices so he'll just have to deal. Shane falls in the same category and considering what you told me about you two hanging out, strange enough as that was for me to hear, it seems to me you two are on good footing now.
"What with you getting him a girlfriend, I don't imagine he'll mind looking the other way. 'Sides, from what you said, man himself all ready hinted at the idea of you and his sister and didn't seem to go ballistic. Not to mention he probably considers her in safe hands if she's with you, all things considered. And once again, may I reiterate, this is about you and her, no one else, picture clear?"
"Crystal," Shawn sighed, stretching in his seat, "Still, you're right…I've got to talk to her about this. I mean I have to. She's invading my dreams now. Did you know that? I can't even sleep anymore. The one thing I've had going for me lately is sleep."
"About that," Nash swallowed and wondered how to go about this delicately but found there was no good way to do it. Instead settling for subtle honesty, "When you found her you must have been…appropriately shocked."
Shawn hadn't expected this sudden turn in the conversation and frowned. He didn't like Nash's tone, nor the way things seemed to be steering as he leaned back in his seat, "That's a neat way of putting it. Scared shitless is a better term."
"It must have also…maybe rattled you a little."
Shawn's eyes narrowed, "What do you mean?"
Nash wanted to go about this carefully but there was just no way, so he charged forward, "Well, it just seems to me, I mean from what you're telling me that-that since it happened you've been…um…sleeping a lot lately. I mean from what you've said every time she tries to get in touch with you you're conked out and I was just thinking…I mean, finding her would be a traumatic experience for anyone and maybe you're-you're not processing it as well as you think you are."
"What." Shawn muttered, his face suddenly dark.
"I just mean," Nash rubbed the back of his neck, "Shawn, maybe this whole thing didn't just hurt Stephanie. It might have hurt you too. It happened directly to her so yes, she is the number one priority. Her physical and mental health and state of well being. But at some point you have to stop and look the other way. I-I don't think you've given any thought or consideration to the strain and turmoil the incident put on you and your state of mind and well being and I think maybe you should-"
Shawn interrupted, his voice sharp with accusation as he pointed a finger at him, "You think I need therapy!"
Nash held up his hands, "Now Shawn, I didn't say that…"
"You didn't have to," Shawn hissed, eyes narrow slits as his cheeks actually darkened with embarrassment, "I don't need a fucking shrink, Kevin! I am perfectly fine with what happened. I handled it and it's over. Did it frighten me then? Maybe mess me up a little? Yeah, sure, of course it did but I don't have to sit here and have you tell me I have to go to some head doctor just because I've been getting some extra shut eye. There's nothing wrong with me. The only person anyone should worry about is Stephanie. She's the one who was put upon-hell, is still being put upon with that bastard and his little toadie still out there. Lurking about and planning god knows what, so don't you.."
"Look, look, I'm sorry, all right? Just forget it." Nash muttered, waving away the conversation. He hadn't changed his mind on the matter, much less his opinion but he decided now was not the time. Shawn was too touchy for it. Besides, better he deal with the Stephanie situation first and get that out of the way before turning to harder matters. Like his own personal problems.
Shawn's teeth were still set, his jaw working angrily but slowly the anger faded as Nash ordered them both some ice cream, even offering to pay. There was no way Shawn could turn down a free meal. Especially when it had sugar in it. Soon enough bygones were bygones and Shawn found himself laughing it up again with his friend, the two of them paling around like old times.
When it came time to go, Shawn looked at Nash with a grateful smile, "I have to thank you again, man. You really helped me clear some things up."
"What can I say? It's what I do. We'll have to do this again sometime real soon, maybe we could even try to get a hold of Scott and Waltman."
"Sounds good, man, you just give me a call," Shawn said and the two men shook hands and shared a brief hug, patting each other's shoulders roughly. As they pulled away Nash couldn't help but look at his friend with concern in his eyes, adding lightly, "Shawn, if…you know, you ever need to talk again, about anything. You know you can give me a buzz, right?"
"'Course I do," Shawn said, his smile fading at Nash's tone. It was obvious he was hitting once again upon his feelings about Shawn's 'condition'. His reaction to having found Stephanie. Shawn didn't want to discuss. Not ever again.
Nash seemed to pick up on this, so he shot out his other note, "And Shawn, remember what I said. You and Stephanie could be something, you just got to work for it. She's a beautiful girl, Shawn. Don't let her pass you by."
Shawn grinned and gave a nod before turning away to walk to his car. As he trudged through the dark parking lot he heard thunder rumble overhead. He frowned, cursing under his breath, "Just fucking great. Rain. Just what I need."
Shawn's car was parked a considerable amount of feet away and he wasn't too keen on getting soaked. As he picked up his pace he found his thoughts turning to Nash's accusations despite his earlier determination not to give it any thought. Nash actually thought he needed therapy. Him! There was no way he was seeing some quack just because he'd been getting extra sleep.
Sure, he had found Stephanie, and sure, it had shaken him but that wasn't grounds for a psyche evaluation. He was in his right mind, he was fine. It was Stephanie that everyone should be worried about. She was the number one priority and she had handled it like a pro despite the horrible circumstances. She still had a long way to go but he knew she'd make it, she was a survivor if there ever was one. And as for him, he'd always be at her side whether they became something or no.
The thunder rolled again and Shawn shuddered, thinking of Nash's 'suggestion' brought to mind that night. If he gave it serious thought he couldn't help but admit to himself, no matter how much it galled him, that he often thought of when he'd found her. Sometimes he'd have these flashbacks.
Especially on nights like this when it was about to rain. And there were nights he'd wake up from nightmares, on the edge of a panic attack, remembering how she'd looked in that gutter. He had thought she was dead when he'd first found her. But he assured himself it was natural, just a remnant of the shock of that night. Eventually it would all go away. It was only a matter of time and patience.
He nodded to himself on that thought as the first drops of rain hit him. He turned his thoughts to Stephanie. Nash had said he should approach her. He was probably right, Nash usually was, but how to go about it? Shawn's lips pursed as he thought about this when he heard a sound behind him. He froze and turned to see nothing. He could have sworn he'd heard someone's sneaker squeaking behind him. Yet he saw nothing. He shrugged it off and started walking again. He was a few feet from his car, keys in hand when he heard the sound again. He turned and once again saw nothing.
"Someone out there?" he asked into the darkness. Lightning cracked over head, blazing the dark sky with a flashing streak of white. Shawn could see well enough in that split moment of light to see no one was around and once the area was plunged into darkness again his only answer was the rumble of thunder overhead.
He waited a few moments before walking again. He was standing next to his car, finding the key for the lock when suddenly a strong blow struck him along the back of the head. Stars exploded before his eyes and he collapsed to the ground, bleeding as everything began to fade to black. His assailant stood over him, bloody crowbar in hand. There was a swift crunching sound and then a crumpled up ball of paper was tossed upon Shawn's unconscious form. There was a soft chuckle and then he was gone.
