*--*
I had lied. I had not tried to wake Kristen up earlier. She was curled up under her blanket, shivering. It *was* cold in here, I realized, as I stood there in nothing but my tank to and pants. How could *she* be cold? Her head was even under the blanket, and she was still shivering. So I put another blanket over her, and let her sleep another half-hour. At leas she wouldn't be as grouchy.
It was only fifteen minutes later that we were all sitting in the main lobby of Quatre's mansion. It looked like Jaime was attached to Trowa's side, and neither one was complaining. I would have been jealous, but Kristen was leaning on me completely, trying not to fall asleep. Today was going to be a long day.
We went over mission tactics and formations once more, just in case it hadn't been ingrained completely the night before. As we headed to our Gundams, I noticed Altron had been fixed up. "Maxwell . . .?"
Duo grinned, and tipped his hat in my and Kristen's direction. "Courtesy of Howard. Yours, too, babe."
"Maxwell," I growled.
Duo winked. "I gotcha, Wu-man. Gotcha covered." He suddenly became somber. "Hey, you two watch your asses out there. Y'hear me?" I just glared, and Kristen nodded.
"You, too, Duo!" she waved back.
*--*
We were going to attack one of their bases before they could attack ESUN's. I guess that's why we got up so early. I was still yawning. And I was probably stinky, because I hadn't had a shower yet. I hoped WuFei didn't notice if I was.
For this particular attack, we weren't going to use our extra soldiers. We also hoped we wouldn't have to use them any time. We didn't think we'd need them. This was a large base, yes, but only housing about 500 mobile suits. We figured we could handle it on our own, and we were right.
In my cockpit, I could hear the sounds of the battle from my speakers, and the others' speakers, as well. I heard the yells of victory from Duo and Jaime, and myself and WuFei, but . . . . I heard also the cries of the wounded, the screams and moans of the dying . . . .
Later that night, as WuFei and I were getting ready for bed, in the darkness I sat and thought. I thought about what we were fighting for, and I thought about the people we killed, and the pain we caused. Innocent? Quite possibly. They were probably just following orders. Innocent.
Innocent. I killed innocent people. And I started crying.
I don't know how long it was before WuFei came. Great. Now he probably thinks I'm completely stupid. "Go away," I mumbled into the shirt of my nightgown. "Just . . . go away . . . ." I didn't hear anything, so I looked up. I saw WuFei shaking his head sadly. He really did think me weak. I cried even harder.
WuFei knelt down enxt to me. "Is it like this every time?"
I nodded. "But there's only been one other time. When I found you. Simulations just aren't the same, you know?"
He nodded, but looked thoughtful. "Kristen . . . ."
*--*
Jesus. This girl had had plenty of training, but only two battles? No wonder she broke down like this. "Kristen . . . ."
She just looked up at me with her eyes full of tears, and I felt her sorrow, her sympathy, her. . . her pain.
I enfolded her in my arms, and I hugged her. Her arms came around, and her hands clutched at my back so hard I think I might have actually felt pain. Just a little. "Shh, Kristen, it's all right." Only . . . it wasn't. I didn't know what else to say, though. How could I tell someone who had just killed probably a hundred people that it was going to be all right? There was no way. It was impossible. The only thing she *could* do was just move on.
"WuFei?" she asked, breaking my train of thoughts.
"Yes?"
"Will . . . will this ever end?" she inquired into my shirt.
"The war? Or the evil in people?"
". . . Both."
I sighed. "The war? Eventually. Evil will always be around, though, and unfortunately, that causes more problems than anything else. It's hard to tell."
Kristen nodded, but didn't say anything. Eventually, she stopped crying, and fell asleep. I set the alarm clock for six, and soon followed her.
*--*
I had lied. I had not tried to wake Kristen up earlier. She was curled up under her blanket, shivering. It *was* cold in here, I realized, as I stood there in nothing but my tank to and pants. How could *she* be cold? Her head was even under the blanket, and she was still shivering. So I put another blanket over her, and let her sleep another half-hour. At leas she wouldn't be as grouchy.
It was only fifteen minutes later that we were all sitting in the main lobby of Quatre's mansion. It looked like Jaime was attached to Trowa's side, and neither one was complaining. I would have been jealous, but Kristen was leaning on me completely, trying not to fall asleep. Today was going to be a long day.
We went over mission tactics and formations once more, just in case it hadn't been ingrained completely the night before. As we headed to our Gundams, I noticed Altron had been fixed up. "Maxwell . . .?"
Duo grinned, and tipped his hat in my and Kristen's direction. "Courtesy of Howard. Yours, too, babe."
"Maxwell," I growled.
Duo winked. "I gotcha, Wu-man. Gotcha covered." He suddenly became somber. "Hey, you two watch your asses out there. Y'hear me?" I just glared, and Kristen nodded.
"You, too, Duo!" she waved back.
*--*
We were going to attack one of their bases before they could attack ESUN's. I guess that's why we got up so early. I was still yawning. And I was probably stinky, because I hadn't had a shower yet. I hoped WuFei didn't notice if I was.
For this particular attack, we weren't going to use our extra soldiers. We also hoped we wouldn't have to use them any time. We didn't think we'd need them. This was a large base, yes, but only housing about 500 mobile suits. We figured we could handle it on our own, and we were right.
In my cockpit, I could hear the sounds of the battle from my speakers, and the others' speakers, as well. I heard the yells of victory from Duo and Jaime, and myself and WuFei, but . . . . I heard also the cries of the wounded, the screams and moans of the dying . . . .
Later that night, as WuFei and I were getting ready for bed, in the darkness I sat and thought. I thought about what we were fighting for, and I thought about the people we killed, and the pain we caused. Innocent? Quite possibly. They were probably just following orders. Innocent.
Innocent. I killed innocent people. And I started crying.
I don't know how long it was before WuFei came. Great. Now he probably thinks I'm completely stupid. "Go away," I mumbled into the shirt of my nightgown. "Just . . . go away . . . ." I didn't hear anything, so I looked up. I saw WuFei shaking his head sadly. He really did think me weak. I cried even harder.
WuFei knelt down enxt to me. "Is it like this every time?"
I nodded. "But there's only been one other time. When I found you. Simulations just aren't the same, you know?"
He nodded, but looked thoughtful. "Kristen . . . ."
*--*
Jesus. This girl had had plenty of training, but only two battles? No wonder she broke down like this. "Kristen . . . ."
She just looked up at me with her eyes full of tears, and I felt her sorrow, her sympathy, her. . . her pain.
I enfolded her in my arms, and I hugged her. Her arms came around, and her hands clutched at my back so hard I think I might have actually felt pain. Just a little. "Shh, Kristen, it's all right." Only . . . it wasn't. I didn't know what else to say, though. How could I tell someone who had just killed probably a hundred people that it was going to be all right? There was no way. It was impossible. The only thing she *could* do was just move on.
"WuFei?" she asked, breaking my train of thoughts.
"Yes?"
"Will . . . will this ever end?" she inquired into my shirt.
"The war? Or the evil in people?"
". . . Both."
I sighed. "The war? Eventually. Evil will always be around, though, and unfortunately, that causes more problems than anything else. It's hard to tell."
Kristen nodded, but didn't say anything. Eventually, she stopped crying, and fell asleep. I set the alarm clock for six, and soon followed her.
*--*
