Thank you soleil-luna-day, Shadowsofpain, whitemudfounder, blackenedsoul, Arizosa, myrhfire, Emry, Kanashimi(thank you twice), Bogan, Maxx77, hannirose, Esperanza, and Mihoshe for reviewing to chapter 6! And sorry you all had to wait so very long for *this*
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Cold. Deep, penetrating cold.
Or maybe the cold came from inside.
Harry's mind was completely blank. He was exhausted, he was aching. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. He just wanted to fall back into unconciousness and never wake back up.
There was a noise. A dull, consistant, far away tapping. Harry wanted it to go away, so that maybe he could lay here and fall asleep forever.
And now a voice. A man's voice. It made Harry's head throb, although it was soft. He would have ignored it, just kept his eyes closed and hoped it would go away, but there was some sort of recognition working in his brain now. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up from the cold, hard floor. The doorknob was rattling now. Everything rushed back to Harry, where he was, how he'd gotten there and why, and who the voice belonged to. Horror came with it. Harry tried to lift his head, tried to cry out, to tell Ron not to unlock the door, not to come in and see this, but he was too weak. As the door opened, Harry fell back into unconciousness.
*****************
Ron gave up on sleep before anyone else in the dormitory woke up, and went downstairs to find Hermione already sitting in the common room.
"What are you doing up?" he asked her.
"Same to you."
"Oh. I couldn't sleep."
"Me too." A pause. "Ron, I really don't have a good feeling about this."
"Well neither do I! But... I don't know... he convinced me somehow. I don't know how, but he did."
"This is so hard," Hermione sighed. "I just can't believe this is happening. I don't want to believe it."
"But it is." There was a long silence. Ron finally spoke again.
"Do you regret it? Not telling?"
Hermione sighed.
"I don't know... I really feel like I should have. It just... seemed to important to him. And to you, because it's important to him."
"Are you going to tell?"
"I said I wouldn't. But I don't know if I can. I just don't want him to...." she trailed off. It was too terrible to say, that Harry might somehow manage to accidentally hurt himself more seriously.
"Let's go down to breakfast, shall we?" Ron suggested, desperate to break the moment.
"All right," Hermione agreed, both knowing full well they'd be too early. As they were getting up she asked, "Where's Harry?"
Ron looked at her pointedly.
"Oh," she said softly. They went downstairs.
***********************************
Harry didn't show up through all of breakfast.
He wasn't in the common room either.
"I'll get him," Ron said, leaving Hermione in the common room as he went up to the dormitory. It was empty.
"Harry?" Ron called. He went to the bathroom door and knocked softly.
"Harry?" Ron called again, softly. No answer. "Harry?" Ron rattled the doorknob. It was locked. He continued to knock. "Harry?" he called. "Harry?" Still no repsonse. He pulled out his wand.
"Alohomora!" The knob turned. Ron opened the door slowly.
"Harry?" he called softly again. Nothing. Ron looked in and saw the unconcious form of Harry lying on the floor, covered with red. He felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him as horror, confusion, guilt, sadness, and fear hit him all at once. After hesitating only a moment, however, he raced out of the room and down the length of the spiral staircase in record time.
***********************************
All was quiet behind the curtain surrounding Harry's bed in the hospital wing. Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, and Madam Pomfrey were all standing solumnly, staring at Harry, who was pale and asleep. His lips were tinted blue.
"I just can't believe this has happened," Hermione whispered. Her eyes were red, and her face was wet.
"Well there's nothing we can do for him now," said Madam Pomfrey quietly. "Only time."
"Hermione, Ron," Dumbledore said gently. "I was wondering if you two knew about the other cuts on Harry's left wrist." He was answered with a sudden sharp intake of breath from both of them.
"We just found out yesterday, Professor," Hermione said, looking at her feet.
"Why didn't you tell someone?" There was no anger in his voice.
"I'm sorry, Professor," Ron confessed. "It's my fault. Hermione wanted to tell, but Harry didn't want me to and he convinced me not to and then we ganged up on her and got her to agree not to tell, either."
"Now, now, you mustn't go blaming yourself," Dumbledore said gently. "Either of you. For any of this. The will of someone as desperate as Harry - particularly a best friend - has the capability of making us do things we might not ordinarily have done."
****************************
Harry blearily opened his eyes.
"Harry, you're awake," Hermione whispered. She had been sitting at his bedside, as was Ron.
They went for hours - lots of small talk, lots of silence, all afraid to bring up the obvious.
"So how are you feeling now, Harry?" Ron asked, hours later.
"Better," he choked out. "A lot better." Physically. Compared to how he was, he was stronger. Inside though, he was, if anything, worse. Not only Ron and Hermione, but Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey now knew not only that he was a cutter, but that he was definitely suicidal. This would make everything so much more difficult. He was still just as determined as before.
"You really scared us, Harry," Hermione said.
"I'm sorry." It was true, in some respects. That he was going to worry and endanger them further was mostly why he was sorry.
"I didn't know you wanted to *kill* yourself," Ron said. Harry didn't say anything. "How long were you planning this?"
Harry swallowed.
"Well, I thought about it first last summer. I was still at the Dursleys'." Ron and Hermione looked horrified. "But I wasn't planning it then! I wasn't even planning to try when I got up last night, it just... seemed like the perfect opportunity," he stated quietly. He cast his gaze toward the ground. "Who found me?"
"I did," said Ron. He closed his eyes. A chill swept over Harry. How horrific it must have been for Ron to find him. *How could I have been so careless?*
"Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry," Harry whispered.
Ron swallowed, but could say nothing, only nod. Madam Pomfrey then bustled behind the curtain and shooed them away.
****************************
Cold. Deep, penetrating cold.
Or maybe the cold came from inside.
Harry's mind was completely blank. He was exhausted, he was aching. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. He just wanted to fall back into unconciousness and never wake back up.
There was a noise. A dull, consistant, far away tapping. Harry wanted it to go away, so that maybe he could lay here and fall asleep forever.
And now a voice. A man's voice. It made Harry's head throb, although it was soft. He would have ignored it, just kept his eyes closed and hoped it would go away, but there was some sort of recognition working in his brain now. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up from the cold, hard floor. The doorknob was rattling now. Everything rushed back to Harry, where he was, how he'd gotten there and why, and who the voice belonged to. Horror came with it. Harry tried to lift his head, tried to cry out, to tell Ron not to unlock the door, not to come in and see this, but he was too weak. As the door opened, Harry fell back into unconciousness.
*****************
Ron gave up on sleep before anyone else in the dormitory woke up, and went downstairs to find Hermione already sitting in the common room.
"What are you doing up?" he asked her.
"Same to you."
"Oh. I couldn't sleep."
"Me too." A pause. "Ron, I really don't have a good feeling about this."
"Well neither do I! But... I don't know... he convinced me somehow. I don't know how, but he did."
"This is so hard," Hermione sighed. "I just can't believe this is happening. I don't want to believe it."
"But it is." There was a long silence. Ron finally spoke again.
"Do you regret it? Not telling?"
Hermione sighed.
"I don't know... I really feel like I should have. It just... seemed to important to him. And to you, because it's important to him."
"Are you going to tell?"
"I said I wouldn't. But I don't know if I can. I just don't want him to...." she trailed off. It was too terrible to say, that Harry might somehow manage to accidentally hurt himself more seriously.
"Let's go down to breakfast, shall we?" Ron suggested, desperate to break the moment.
"All right," Hermione agreed, both knowing full well they'd be too early. As they were getting up she asked, "Where's Harry?"
Ron looked at her pointedly.
"Oh," she said softly. They went downstairs.
***********************************
Harry didn't show up through all of breakfast.
He wasn't in the common room either.
"I'll get him," Ron said, leaving Hermione in the common room as he went up to the dormitory. It was empty.
"Harry?" Ron called. He went to the bathroom door and knocked softly.
"Harry?" Ron called again, softly. No answer. "Harry?" Ron rattled the doorknob. It was locked. He continued to knock. "Harry?" he called. "Harry?" Still no repsonse. He pulled out his wand.
"Alohomora!" The knob turned. Ron opened the door slowly.
"Harry?" he called softly again. Nothing. Ron looked in and saw the unconcious form of Harry lying on the floor, covered with red. He felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him as horror, confusion, guilt, sadness, and fear hit him all at once. After hesitating only a moment, however, he raced out of the room and down the length of the spiral staircase in record time.
***********************************
All was quiet behind the curtain surrounding Harry's bed in the hospital wing. Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, and Madam Pomfrey were all standing solumnly, staring at Harry, who was pale and asleep. His lips were tinted blue.
"I just can't believe this has happened," Hermione whispered. Her eyes were red, and her face was wet.
"Well there's nothing we can do for him now," said Madam Pomfrey quietly. "Only time."
"Hermione, Ron," Dumbledore said gently. "I was wondering if you two knew about the other cuts on Harry's left wrist." He was answered with a sudden sharp intake of breath from both of them.
"We just found out yesterday, Professor," Hermione said, looking at her feet.
"Why didn't you tell someone?" There was no anger in his voice.
"I'm sorry, Professor," Ron confessed. "It's my fault. Hermione wanted to tell, but Harry didn't want me to and he convinced me not to and then we ganged up on her and got her to agree not to tell, either."
"Now, now, you mustn't go blaming yourself," Dumbledore said gently. "Either of you. For any of this. The will of someone as desperate as Harry - particularly a best friend - has the capability of making us do things we might not ordinarily have done."
****************************
Harry blearily opened his eyes.
"Harry, you're awake," Hermione whispered. She had been sitting at his bedside, as was Ron.
They went for hours - lots of small talk, lots of silence, all afraid to bring up the obvious.
"So how are you feeling now, Harry?" Ron asked, hours later.
"Better," he choked out. "A lot better." Physically. Compared to how he was, he was stronger. Inside though, he was, if anything, worse. Not only Ron and Hermione, but Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey now knew not only that he was a cutter, but that he was definitely suicidal. This would make everything so much more difficult. He was still just as determined as before.
"You really scared us, Harry," Hermione said.
"I'm sorry." It was true, in some respects. That he was going to worry and endanger them further was mostly why he was sorry.
"I didn't know you wanted to *kill* yourself," Ron said. Harry didn't say anything. "How long were you planning this?"
Harry swallowed.
"Well, I thought about it first last summer. I was still at the Dursleys'." Ron and Hermione looked horrified. "But I wasn't planning it then! I wasn't even planning to try when I got up last night, it just... seemed like the perfect opportunity," he stated quietly. He cast his gaze toward the ground. "Who found me?"
"I did," said Ron. He closed his eyes. A chill swept over Harry. How horrific it must have been for Ron to find him. *How could I have been so careless?*
"Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry," Harry whispered.
Ron swallowed, but could say nothing, only nod. Madam Pomfrey then bustled behind the curtain and shooed them away.
