[[Note: CONTAINS SPOILERS!!! I do NOT own square or any of the final fantasy characters, names and places have been kept the same (I still don't own them) and overall I don't think I own any people in this story. except for Jimi the camera man. Jimi, we love you. (Bwwwaahaha! Your soul is mine!) And voice-over guy. He lives in my closet! *proud grin*]]

[Lights flash on, wide screen shot of stage where comfit-able chairs and desk are sitting.]

[Swings around to shot of sign: 'Good Morning Gaia']

[Close up shot on presenters]

Kuja: *smiles* Hello and GOOG MORNING GAIA!, I'm Kuja and this is my beautiful co-host: the wonderful Ultimecia!

Ultimecia: Thank you Kuja, it's a pleasure to be here.

Kuja: we have a lot to get through today so shall we make a start?

Ultimecia: *nods* Of Kource!

Kuja: Righty-ho then, first up we have a little game I like to call 'get that date!'
Our 3 contestants sit in little cramped boxes and answer questions for our lovely lady guest. Then if she find one she likes we send them off on a nice little holiday. Maybe to fetch something.

Ultimecia: Oh Kuja, You make it sound so appealing!

Kuja: *looks sideways at Ultimecia* .... Yes. Well. Right.
Uhh. HERE COME THE CONTESTANTS!

[Audience clap loudly as Sephiroth, Quina and Zell walk on stage]

[The contestants smile and wave, take a number and squish into the three boxes]

Kuja: Alrighty men, sound check!, when I call your number say your name into the mic!

Ultimecia: Kontestant one!

Sephiroth: Number one. As always. *grin*

Kuja: Contestant two!

Quina: No food in here! [Shuffle noises are heard]

Kuja: .. Okay then, that must be the darling Quina.

Ultimecia: Kontestant three!

[Silence is heard]

Ultimecia: Kontestant three state your name!

Zell: ... Is that.. Ultimecia?! *Yelp*

Ultimecia: *sweatdrop* Kontestant three's mikrophone works.

Kuja: ALL RIGHT!, now for the lady!!!

[Audience cheers loudly as Selphie Tilmitt walks on stage]

Selphie: *waves at audience then at Kuja and Ultimecia*

Kuja: now dear, if you just step into the box.

Selphie: *smiles and steps into the box and sits down* okay, I'm ready!

Ultimecia: okay, you will find your questions to ask the *cough* lovely men on the table.

[Audience gasp as a table appears]

Ultimecia: *grins*

Kuja: *looks slightly annoyed* right. Let the game begin!!!

Selphie: Alright. Contestant one, what do you always carry around with you?

Sephiroth: . My mother.

Selphie: *nods* good. Same question to contestants two and three.

Quina: Fork. For frogs.

Zell: uhh.. My gloves. And my jacket. And my shorts. and hotdog wrappers of course!

Selphie: okay!, well, Contestants: what's your idea of a good time?

Sephiroth: trying to take over this puny world.

Quina: Frog hunting. I very good at it!

Zell: chillin', just hanging around eating 'dogs ya know. nothing too. dangerous.

Selphie: hehe, last question: if I choose you where would you want to go on our holiday?

Sephiroth: somewhere. alone.

Quina: where yum-yums are! Good yum-yums!

Zell: anywhere that isn't the future! Or the past! Or anywhere that involves magic and the possibility of not getting home!! Also, nowhere with Mexican food.

Kuja: sorry to cut it short guys, but the lady will now make her decision.

Selphie: *appears to be thinking hard* got it!

Ultimecia: well.?

Selphie: Contestant. two!!

Kuja: ...great. Now, we have other things to attend to Ulti, people are waiting.

Ultimecia: *raises an eyebrow and waves her hand, the contestants and Selphie vanish*

Kuja: alright. Sorry that took so long folks but now we have you caller's phone in with your problems!

Kuja: *hands Ultimecia a headset*

Kuja: Caller one, your on the air. what's your problem?

Caller one: w-well, I have this problem you see, I'm in love with two women.
One I want to be with but the other I'm deeply attracted to.

Kuja: well, this COULD be somewhat of a problem.

Caller one: yes, I know! The problem is.. The lady I'm attracted to. he already has a husband.

Kuja: ohh.

Caller one: .who is my principle!!

Kuja: ?!??! o.O*

Caller one: the thing is, we had this thing going on and we kinda slept toge-

Ultimecia: Seifer?

Caller one: AHHH!! WHO IS THIS?!

Ultimecia: it's me. *Sweatdrop* The great Ultimecia.

Caller one: @#%#^~@#%@#$%!!!

Kuja: Your not allowed to call the callers by name!!

Caller one: wait!!. Ulti, cant you just possess her again? MAKE HER LOVE ME!!

Ultimecia: *cough* .no. Anyways, it was you and me. not her. *cough* remember that night..

Caller one: You?! .....OHH ULTIMECIA!!! *Swoon*

Ultimecia: *sweatdrop* [close up on Ultimecia cutting Seifer off]

Kuja: Ultimecia!!

Ultimecia: What?, he left. ^__^"

Kuja: *sigh* next caller is... Terra!

Terra: Umm, hi. I'm calling about how men are jerks!

Kuja: .. Carry on. who makes you feel this way Terra?

Terra: .Loki. HE'S SUCH A JERK!!!!

Ultimecia: any. reason?

Terra: yeah, lots!, first of all he tells me he loves me then goes lusting after that little whore Celes! Then he----

Kuja: sorry folks, time for an add break!!

[Cut to adds/blackout]

[Fade in on a Moogle standing next to a mopey Moomba]

Moogle: are you getting the respect you deserve? Kupo!

Moomba: *shakes head sadly*

Moogle: are you getting pushed around and forced to -Kupo- do the dirty work?!

Moomba: *nods*

Moogle: then why not rebel?, Kupo! Start a revolution!, Kupo! Get up off your ass and get outta that prison cell!! KUPO-KUUUPPOO!!!

Moomba: *grins and squeaks* LAGUNA!! LAGUNA!!! *Raises paw/fist in the air and growls*

Moogle: *smiles* This add is in no way supported by D-District prison. In fact, Kupo, its quite against this add. ;D

[Big cheesy picture of Laguna in a 'thumbs up' pose flashes on screen]

Voice-over guy: Proudly brought to you by Esthar!

[Fade out]

[Fade in on Kuja lacing up his boots and Ultimecia sipping ginger-tea in front of the 'Good Morning Gaia' sign]

Kuja: Welcome back folks!

Ultimecia: Yes, Welkome. *sips tea*

Kuja: And now for your view pleasure we bring to you the story that awed the world. A story of love, freindship, womanisers, and marshmellows!!

Ultimecia: Any evil sorcerouses?

Kuja: Saddly no. No villians of any sort.

Ultimecia: *sigh* Ohh well, Kontinue.

Kuja: ..Right. Now I'd like you all to give our next guests a big hand. IRVINE KINEAS AND ZIDANE TRIBAL!!!!

[audience goes wild as Zidane and Irvine walk on stage bowing]

Kuja: *gestures at the chairs* Darlings, sit, sit!

[side shot of Irvine and Zidane siting down in chairs next to each other]

Kuja: so. when did all this happen?

Irvine: well, like, we just met one day. it didn't happen at first. we were going round, looking for babes. then I guess in the end, it just clicked, like, ya know?

Zidane: *nods*

Kuja: So, I hear you've both been through some tough times before and after the realationship. why don't you tell me about them?

Irvine: well, as you know, there was like, this thing with Ultimecia here.

Ultimecia: *smiles coldly over the teacup*

Irvine: ... yeah. *Cough* and then my realationship with Selph fell through and I had no one to turn to and. *he sniffs* .and Zidane was just there for me man, like, yeah, just there!

Zidane: *pats Irvine on the back* I was.

Kuja: And Zidane. you had problems too, after the fight with me and everything how did you cope?

Zidane: wait. how did you get out from there anyway?

Kuja: flushes red then carrys on light-heatedly* did you marry Garnet in the end?

Zidane: ..no,.really. arnt you ment to be dead?..

Kuja: *uncomfortable cough* and how exactly did you meet Irvy anyways?

Zidane: ....

Irvine: ..

Ultimecia: *Unconfortable scilence*.... yes, well. Sooo.Irvine, you were telling me earlyer that you were going to ask Zidane to marry you.. Hows that going for you?

Irvine: *turns pink*

Zidane: !!!!!!!!

Kuja: (phew)

Zidane: WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THIS IRVINE KINEAS??!! I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE GIL PROBLEMS AND GETTING A HOUSE AND SHIP AND EVERYONE STILL GIVING US THAT LOOK! *he hits Irvine hard over the head and knocks Irvines hat flying*

Irvine: *bursts into tears and runs off*

Zidane: Shit!, IRVY-POO! COME BACK HUN, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!

[wide shot of Zidane running offstage after Irvine]

Kuja: Wow. tad up-tight wee chap. *Chuckle*

Ultimecia: Stress. That's what I bet!

Kuja: *nods* ..if only I had got to him first. *mutters*

Ultimecia: what?

Kuja: *blushes* Ohh, nothing! I was just complaining about the false advertising about the marshmellows in that last story.

Ultimecia: ..

Ultimecia: Well. Whats next?

Kuja: what do you mean 'whats next?'?!

Ultimecia: its your show!!

Kuja: ohh!! So it is. Well, up next we have '30 seconds' with Nida.

[close up on Kuja pressing a switch and a screen pops up behind the chairs]

Kuja: well, this is our garden-cam. *Grins* From this we can play god.

Ultimecia: *perks up* really?

Kuja: Weeelll.. Almost. Watch.

[screen fuzzes for a second then a picture apears]

[close up on screen displaying the driving and Steering Quarters of Balamb Garden where Nida is driving with a sign around his neck]

Kuja: NIDA!, NIDA CAN YOU HEAR ME??!

[close up of Nida's startled face as he looks around]

Nida: w-who's there?

Kuja: Kuja, from the Good Morning Gaia show!

Nida: WOW, REALLY?!

Kuja: Of cource!, now Nida, will you be willing to spare 30 seconds?

Nida: Sure!!, but I still need to drive.

Kuja: that's fine, you just need to answer a few questions for me.

Nida: *grins* okay!

Ultimecia: Who's that kid?

Kuja: Well, the sign says 'Nida' so I suppose.. NIDA! WHATS WITH THE SIGN?!!!

Nida: ohh, its so people remember me!

Kuja: . right.

Nida: has the 30 seconds started yet?

Ultimecia: yes, I'm starting it now.

Kuja: okay Nida, question one: Where is your hometown?

Nida: Balamb, I lived next to Zell his whole life and he still doesn't know who I am! *Grin*

Kuja: *Chuckle* second question: How did you become driver for Balamb Garden?

Nida: ohh, when Squall became leader of Balamb Garden he appointed me the driver. I guess its cause he trusted me and new me so well.

Ultimecia: *stiffles a giggle*

Kuja: Question three!: Whats your favourite colour?

Nida: .. I'd have to say... Brown!

Kuja: Four: If you were to have any girl in the garden..

Nida: Quistus.

Kuja: WOW, that was quick!. any reason? *Wink*

Nida: *blush* ohh shush up kuja!

Kuja: But darling!. *winks and Giggles*

Ultimecia: Times almost up!

Kuja: okay, last question: If you were to take me out on a date somewhere.. where would you take me?

Nida: well, first we would go out to a play then I would drive you to Dollet to see the stars. we would sit near the tv tower and---

[wide shot as screen goes fuzzy]

Kuja: Nida?! NIDA!!!

Ultimecia: ohh dear, komunications lost. Poor Kuja! *she grins*

Kuja: *turns to her and growls* SHUT UP WITCH!

Ultimecia: aww, sulky Kuja! *pokes her tongue out*

Kuja: Ultimecia. Let me remind you who's show it is. I SHALL NOT STAND FOR SUCH THINGS COMING FROM MY CO-HOST!

Ultimecia: *shuts up and bites her lip*

Kuja: *grits teeth* now we have an add break.

[fade out]

[fade in on a small black mage sitting next to a waterfall]

Vivi: hi. Do you wish your life was like this?

[close up on waterfall for a few seconds]

Vivi: when in reality its like this.

[screen changes to the dollet battle sceen from ff8]

Vivi: *walks over to a small table containing bottles of pills* Pro-pills, happyness in a pill. Take two pro-pills twice daily and I garentey your life will feel more stressfree and you will feel less depressed and anxieous in one week.

Vivi: works for me! *big smile*

[close up on pills lable]

Voice-over guy: Don't take pills in conjunction with copious amounts of sugar, alcohol, drugs, other medication, bible camps, dangerous water or time-travel. If you miss a pill, take one as soon as you remember. If you overdose (take more then three pills a day) you are doomed. See doctor is problems/anxiety and paranoia pursist.

[fade out]

[fade in on Kuja and Ultimecia glearing at each other.]

Kuja: ...

Ultimecia: ....

Kuja: *sigh* Well, just say it, I know it was you Ulti.

Ultimecia: I'm telling you Kuja, I didn't slip tea in your boot!!

Kuja: THEN WHO THE HELL WAS IT??!!

Ultimecia: *shrugs* maybe you slipped?

Kuja: IN WHAT??! A TEA POOL?!!!!! .*

Ultimecia: *sigh* look, I don't know how you did it but I'm telling you: it. Wassnt. Me.

Kuja: *stands up* well fine. Im going to go get Jimi to dry clean them. *storms off*

Ultimecia: do what you want. *Sigh* looks like its my show now..

Ultimecia: ...

Ultimecia: weeeel. uhhh, what up on the nexty show eh?
....
Well, we have a interview with Ragtime Mouse; Eiko and Relm show off their artistic flair and Regent Cid chats to us--... me..i think..-about ruling a kingdom.

Ultimecia: *sweatdrop* well, uhh. That's all we have for today folks. Call again next morning for 'GOOD MORNING GAIA'!!!

[fade to black as Kuja runs on stage and chucks a boot at Ultimecia as she cackles with laughter]

[Credits:]

Show-host: Kuja Show co-host: Ultimecia Camera man: Jimi Noxtie Voice over: Voice Over Guy. Boot cleaner: Tina Wesseria Lights and sound: Amarant Coral. Tea lady: Edea Kramer Microphone check: Linda Swatterrox. Demonic kitten handler: Poor Mr Foley.

[thanks to:]

all the contestants and guests that apeared on the show. Jimmi Tina Mr Foley Amarant Ogolop control.

You, the reader.

[[look out for good morning gaia-2, the story-hopefully, somewhat-continues and uhh, I write. Stuff. Also Jimi and voice over guy return along with all the other random people I made up. ^__^ See you then, then. Then. Thank you for reading, review if you think its worth your time]]