He didn't expect to be so affected by the sight of her, but he was anyway. Just being in the same room with her. in the same house with her, made him weak. He couldn't think straight, he'd go around walking into things. He did this especially when he paced. He'd paced a lot in the hour since he'd arrived back the safe house. He'd gone to pick up some food, he figured she would be hungry. He could have sent someone. Yeah, there were plenty of agents around, not really doing anything but playing cards. No, he had to go, get out. He had to. It was killing him.

She was just laying there. She was the same, except a little worse for ware. A few more scars and bruises. Her hair was longer and her lack of training was evident. He prayed that wherever she'd been, they'd taken care of her. He couldn't even think of all the retched possibilities. Torture, Starvation.worse. But there she was innocently off to sleep. Even closed he could tell that her eyes were puffy, and that she'd been crying. He hoped to God that he wasn't the reason she was crying. But he knew. He knew what he had done to her. Every time he looked at the small golden band around his finger he had imagined. He had always imagined what would happen if Sydney ever.came back. He'd put himself there. Tried to pretend that it was him instead of her. What would he have done if she'd been married, to someone other than him? He knew how she must be feeling. He'd imagined it millions of times.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him. She must have heard, because she stirred just a little. He noted how well trained she was. She opened her eyes first to, of course, assess the situation. Then she moved. She brought a hand to her face and rubbed her tired-swollen eyes. He was the reason she was crying. He had hurt her immeasurably. Him.

"Hi." It wasn't much but at the moment it was all he could muster. He bit his tongue after saying "hi". What an insensitive jerk he was. "Hi I'm Michael can I stab you in the heart once again?".

"Hi," She said, sitting up. He walked to the bed and sat down; not next to her but not far away.

"Kendall would like to see you. He said the guys in psche. want to debrief you as well." He stared at his hands as he spoke.

She watched him nervously fidget. It wasn't his normal behavior, but she was nervous around him as well, now.

"Vaughn I've thought a lot about this.and I think that..I think that we should talk."

"Sydney I don't think either of us is in the right state of mind to be discussing." He interrupted.

"Let me finish." She interrupted. "We need to talk, but I need some time to .to get my life back in order. I need to be alone. It's too hard to try and. think around you."

"I understand that, but Sydney I .. I still want to be there for you." He sighed. He spoke the words as if they had a hard time coming out of his mouth.

She took a deep breath before speaking. "Vaughn.I need answers.I need to know about what happened while I've been gone." She stood up and walked a few steps from the bed. "I need to find my father, and maybe my mother. I need to see Will, and talk to him. I mean the last time I saw him he was lying in my bathtub. and I thought he was dead. Not to mention I killed..." It took a lot to restrain the tears. "I killed Francie, or who ever the hell she was. And I know a lot has happened since then; You're proof of that." She hadn't meant to say that. And it did indeed sound as bad as she was afraid it did. She hurt him she could she that. He was having the same battle with tears, that she was.

He stood up to face her. "You're right Sydney a lot had happened while you were gone. but some things don't change.. I can't stand that you're alive and I can't celebrate it with you. I can't stand that you're in pain, and I know that I am to blame for some of that. But Sydney I .I can offer you my friendship. I.can tell you that when I thought you died, part of me died, and I don't know if that part of me will ever come back. Sydney I don't know if you'll believe me but I .for a long time I wouldn't believe that .that you weren't coming back. I just wouldn't believe it. But after a while parts of me started admitting that I would probably never see you again... I can't stand the thought of having you here, knowing that you're right here, and not being able to be with you."

" What are you saying." She looked him directly in the eye.

" I'm saying that two years ago I loved you more than my own life, and when I lost you I almost died. And things have happened. mistakes happen.but I still..I could never stop loving you Sydney." He reached out and pulled her close. So close he could feel her heartbeat inside his own chest. And he cried. They held each other and cried. In the last two years they had both lost everything they had ever know.

Sydney felt as though a tidal wave had hit her as Vaughn held her in his arms. The entire emotional spectrum came down upon her all at once, as he pulled her into him embrace. She felt both anger and love in the same moment, both betrayed and a strange sort of salvation. He did still love her. But not enough to wait for her. He was here but not in the way she needed. She needed him to be her ally, her guardian angel, her lover, her Vaughn; not her friend, not someone else's Vaughn. She wasn't sure if she could handle having part of him but not all.

It took all of her mental, emotional, and physical strength to push him away. She needed time to think, and his warm arms were too enticing. He looked hurt and puzzled when she stepped back. Tears still flowed continuously from both of their eyes. He moved to speak, but she quickly retreated to the bathroom. She didn't remember turning on the water or undressing, but soon enough she was in the shower. The cleansing water streaming down on her dizzied head. She felt in her heart that his intentions were good, but why was he trying so hard to make her miserable?

She could have written a list of questions hundreds of miles long. But she couldn't organize her thoughts enough to write down any of them; much less figure out which one would be first. As she dressed, she prepared herself for her meeting with Kendall. Was he still the same unrelenting jerk she knew? Most likely, she assured herself. She exited her room to find Dixon waiting on the couch for her. He stood and smiled his reassuring-Dixon smile. She didn't say a word but listened to him tell her about her meeting with Kendall and Dr. Barnett. She only half listened knowing that she'd be escorted to wherever they wanted her, and told what to say, what to do and when she could let out a breath. She was too distracted. Not just by Vaughn but by everything. Too many questions were swirling around in her head. Finally one unanswered question made its way to the front.

"Dixon.." She had cut him off mid-sentence. "You said you'd tell me about Will." She looked him right in the eye.

He'd seen that look before. She meant business. "Sydney. Sit down." They did and he took a deep breath, and his sweet time, before answering. "The stab wound to his abdomen was severe. There was major organ tissue damage, and massive internal bleeding. He was in surgery for 16 hours, as I recall. I think Vaughn waited at the hospital for him the entire time. After that first surgery there were many more. Complications and such kept him in and out of the OR." He looked at Sydney to make sure she was with him. She was, so he went on. "His recovery was slow. But he finally cleared the worst of it about two weeks after .the incident." He sighed. "I know that the doctors were concerned about his brain. He'd been down for a long time before.. before Vaughn found him that night. They monitored his brain waves, and decided that he still had brain function. Eventually he was taken off of life support, but Syd.I'm sorry but as far as I know.. Will hasn't woken up."

She closed her eyes. Even if she'd wanted to cry there were no more tears left in her body. "You mean he's in a coma?"