Title: Busted
Author: PixieDustBunny
Disclaimer: XF are not mine, yadda yadda yadda
Additional Disclaimer: The lyrics are from yet another Matchbox Twenty song. The song is called Busted and
it is on their first album (to make it big, cuz i know they did others before) Yourself or Someone Like You.
Thanks to: JD Burns
Author's notes: it took me forever to find a song that I thought portrayed Mulder's feelings so well. Hope
you enjoy!
My Scully,
**************************************
*I forget when words were only words *
*she knows the party makes me nervous*
**************************************
I didn't to hurt you with my first letter. You're right, though, the paranoia has pretty much taken me
over. But I'm not paranoid about you. Never. I trust you. And I do believe in you. You are the only
thing I believe in. Everyone else makes me nervous. I'm a litte untrusting. Well, maybe more than a
little. But never with you.
*********************************
*In this stage we can't get hurt*
*Don't try to understand me *
*********************************
Scully, I assure you that we won't get hurt. I love you too much to hurt you. And I know you won't hurt
me. Even if you don't know it. I'm not an easy person to handle, I know. I can be too much sometimes.
As you wrote, lay it down. Don't try to figure me out. I can't figure me out.
**********************************
*We're too cool to be alone *
*But, not too crazy to get busted*
**********************************
So, we have taken the plunge. Are you afraid? I am, but only that I will lose you. It's weird. I'm
usually so independent. I never rely on anyone. Or worry about anyone. Except you. You have become my
life. Have I become yours? I don't need to be. I just need to be a part of yours. I'm tired of being
alone. We have handled so much together, Scully. Aliens, liver-eating men, monsters. You name it, we
conquered it. I believe that we can handle something as conventional as love. Right? It's funny, though.
We have never been truly afraid of anything we fought. Except this. It's crazy. We're crazy. But it's
okay. In a way, I like it. There is always a risk, though. But we seem to be able to handle a friendship
for nine years, what can be so different? Can it be so hard that we can't handle it?
***********************************
*I found out one life ain't enough*
*I need another soul to feed on *
*I'm the flame I can't get burnt *
***********************************
Last night, when I was lying sleepless on my couch, I thought about how much you have changed my life.
Really. I never needed anybody. I stayed cooped up in my basement. Then slowly, through the years, I
started referring to it as *our* basement. Even though I never let on. Even when it became our basement
and our X Files and our desk, I still believed that I didn't need anyone. That's why I never put your
name on the door. Or bought you a desk. I'm sorry. But now I see what I have been missing in my life.
You. I need to share life with someone. With you. Yet I still feel invincible. Like no one can hurt me.
I guess because I have nothing to lose. Until now. I can lose you. I am so afraid.
********************************
*I'm wholly understated *
*I found silence in this space *
*An on and off again attraction*
********************************
I think that people underestimate us. Underestimate me. But not you. You always believed in me. You
don't know how much that means to me. Before you walked into my life, I found solstice in my basement. My
life became the X Files. I became Spooky. "Nobody down here but the FBI's Most UNwanted." I still
remember our first meeting. I truly felt what I said. But you intrigued me. My offputting cynicism did
not seem to phase you. That's what first amazed me. How ironic that the walls that protected you from me
haven't come down for good in nine long years.
***************************
*I need such amazing grace*
*Heaven sweep me away *
***************************
You are so wonderful. I love everythig about you. Before you, no one has ever been able to get under my
skin like you. I don't know how my life would be without you. I was like the Lone Gunmen without the
companionship they share. I don't know if I could've survived.
*******************************************
*love don't change, don't come around here*
*don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*like a high school letter *
*******************************************
In a world that is constantly changing, will you be my constant? my touchstone? Will I be yours? Be my
love, be my life. I give you my life. You hold my heart in your hands. Don't wear my heart on your
sleeve. Don't let it hang out to dry. Will you protect it? Will you protect me? I promise to protect you.
**********************************************
*don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
**********************************************
I don't want this to hard for you. I don't want to be your burden. Rather, I want to ease your load. Just
sit back, don't worry. We can save each other. I believe in us.
******************************************
*and the people we've become, well *
*they've never been the people who we are*
******************************************
Are you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Of course not, I'm not either. I never expected to find
myself in a dark basement. Fairy tales always talk about Prince Charming. I don't believe in him. But why
isn't there a Princess Charming? I've met her. You rescued me from the dungeon of the FBI. Do you realize
that? You saved me. You ask me to be your savior, but I think it's the other way around.
******************************************
*I strap on one horse and prayed for luck*
*I dug another hole to bleed *
*I know exactly how this works *
*I need a new feel dirty *
******************************************
Okay, we have taken the plunge. When I got your letter, I prayed. I don't pray. But I did. I don't know
what compelled me to, but I did. And I thought over our past nine years, and I cried. I haven't always
been the best friend. I often thought of myself. Over the years, though, I kind of faded away into us. I
used to wallow in my own misery. I developed a pattern of self abuse. And then, without even knowing it,
you saved me. You make me a better person.
***************************************
*I don't need you crowding up my space*
*I just want to get inside you *
***************************************
When you first came, I wasn't happy. As I said, I thought you were sent to spy on me. I thought you would
cramp my style. But on our first case together, when you came into my hotel room, you were so afraid.
When you took off your robe, I didn't know what to think. You seemed so innocent. I think that was the
first time I loved you. And I have never stopped.
************************************
*You can't blame the heart you save*
*Giving something away *
************************************
You saved me. Somehow, you save me everyday, time after time. I know you can't keep pushing me way.
Something has to give. I will. I give in to you. Will you give something away? Will you give me your
heart.
*******************************************
*Love don't change, don't come around here*
*Don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*Like a high school letter *
*******************************************
Don't change. You are perfect as you are. Just let me in. When I lay down to you, don't kick me. Take me
for what I am. I'm just man in love. Will you accept me? Will you accept my love?
**********************************************
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
**********************************************
If you have to work to love me, don't. It won't work. Relationships take work, but love comes naturally.
I loved you long before I even knew it.
*******************************************
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
*Love don't change, don't come around here*
*******************************************
We will change, we will grow, regardless of our attempts to stop. The people who we are today are not the
people we were nine years ago. But, through all we have been through, my love for you hasn't changed.
Please, don't let your love for me change.
**********************************************
*Don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*Like a high school letter *
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
**********************************************
You are afraid you will hurt me. You won't unless you mean to. Don't hurt me. But don't stain not to
hurt me. If you feel like you want to hurt me, leave. You leaving will hurt enough. I promise to do the
same for you.
******************************************
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are*
******************************************
Do you like the man I have become? I love you. Whenever I see you, I feel like I could go everywhere at
once. I love you and I need you. You need me. You wonder whether I can fulfill your needs. Of course I
can, I don't doubt myself of that ability.
*********************************************
*I dreamed that the world was crumbling down*
*We sat on my back porch and watched it *
*I dreamed that the buildings all fell down *
*We sat on my back porch and watched it *
*********************************************
I had a dream that the world fell down around us. We weren't hurt. Don't you see, Scully? Together, we
are invincible. People can damage us, but they can't make us fall. Only we hold that power. In my dream,
we held each other and watched patiently as the world destroyed itself.
********************************
*In my head I heard the sound *
*Like fifteen strangers dancing*
********************************
Then, in my dream, I heard yelling. I heard dispair, pain and loss. But above all of it I heard you. You
are my everything.
*****************************************
*But oh how I want you to know me *
*Oh how I want you to know me *
*Oh how I wish I was somebody else, baby*
*****************************************
I apologize for my first letter. I admit, the paranoia did set in. I don't know why. I didn't even
realize it. But you are wrong. I do know you. Do you know me? I don't doubt you do. You know me better
than I know myself. I wish I could be better for you, Scully.
********************************
*Oh how I wish you could own me*
********************************
I hope you will make me yours.
*******************************************
*Love don't change, don't come around here*
*Don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*Like a high school letter *
*******************************************
I have made you mine. Don't for one instant think otherwise. By loving you, I give of myself. Do whatever
you want with me. I promise not to break your heart because by doing so, I would be breaking my own.
**********************************************
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
**********************************************
Don't worry. I won't hurt you. Believe in yourself. You won't hurt me. As long as you love me, you can't
be my downfall. Underneath everything that you have become, I see the real Scully. Do you see the real me?
I am afraid I lost him.
**********************************************
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
**********************************************
Help me find him. I think he is in you. I think he gave himself to you before I even knew you. It's funny
how somehow, we do not believe we are what we seem to be, until someone else walks into our lives. You
came, you saw through my mask, you saw into my heart. Now, you hold it in your hands. Forever.
Always yours,
Fox Mulder
Author: PixieDustBunny
Disclaimer: XF are not mine, yadda yadda yadda
Additional Disclaimer: The lyrics are from yet another Matchbox Twenty song. The song is called Busted and
it is on their first album (to make it big, cuz i know they did others before) Yourself or Someone Like You.
Thanks to: JD Burns
Author's notes: it took me forever to find a song that I thought portrayed Mulder's feelings so well. Hope
you enjoy!
My Scully,
**************************************
*I forget when words were only words *
*she knows the party makes me nervous*
**************************************
I didn't to hurt you with my first letter. You're right, though, the paranoia has pretty much taken me
over. But I'm not paranoid about you. Never. I trust you. And I do believe in you. You are the only
thing I believe in. Everyone else makes me nervous. I'm a litte untrusting. Well, maybe more than a
little. But never with you.
*********************************
*In this stage we can't get hurt*
*Don't try to understand me *
*********************************
Scully, I assure you that we won't get hurt. I love you too much to hurt you. And I know you won't hurt
me. Even if you don't know it. I'm not an easy person to handle, I know. I can be too much sometimes.
As you wrote, lay it down. Don't try to figure me out. I can't figure me out.
**********************************
*We're too cool to be alone *
*But, not too crazy to get busted*
**********************************
So, we have taken the plunge. Are you afraid? I am, but only that I will lose you. It's weird. I'm
usually so independent. I never rely on anyone. Or worry about anyone. Except you. You have become my
life. Have I become yours? I don't need to be. I just need to be a part of yours. I'm tired of being
alone. We have handled so much together, Scully. Aliens, liver-eating men, monsters. You name it, we
conquered it. I believe that we can handle something as conventional as love. Right? It's funny, though.
We have never been truly afraid of anything we fought. Except this. It's crazy. We're crazy. But it's
okay. In a way, I like it. There is always a risk, though. But we seem to be able to handle a friendship
for nine years, what can be so different? Can it be so hard that we can't handle it?
***********************************
*I found out one life ain't enough*
*I need another soul to feed on *
*I'm the flame I can't get burnt *
***********************************
Last night, when I was lying sleepless on my couch, I thought about how much you have changed my life.
Really. I never needed anybody. I stayed cooped up in my basement. Then slowly, through the years, I
started referring to it as *our* basement. Even though I never let on. Even when it became our basement
and our X Files and our desk, I still believed that I didn't need anyone. That's why I never put your
name on the door. Or bought you a desk. I'm sorry. But now I see what I have been missing in my life.
You. I need to share life with someone. With you. Yet I still feel invincible. Like no one can hurt me.
I guess because I have nothing to lose. Until now. I can lose you. I am so afraid.
********************************
*I'm wholly understated *
*I found silence in this space *
*An on and off again attraction*
********************************
I think that people underestimate us. Underestimate me. But not you. You always believed in me. You
don't know how much that means to me. Before you walked into my life, I found solstice in my basement. My
life became the X Files. I became Spooky. "Nobody down here but the FBI's Most UNwanted." I still
remember our first meeting. I truly felt what I said. But you intrigued me. My offputting cynicism did
not seem to phase you. That's what first amazed me. How ironic that the walls that protected you from me
haven't come down for good in nine long years.
***************************
*I need such amazing grace*
*Heaven sweep me away *
***************************
You are so wonderful. I love everythig about you. Before you, no one has ever been able to get under my
skin like you. I don't know how my life would be without you. I was like the Lone Gunmen without the
companionship they share. I don't know if I could've survived.
*******************************************
*love don't change, don't come around here*
*don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*like a high school letter *
*******************************************
In a world that is constantly changing, will you be my constant? my touchstone? Will I be yours? Be my
love, be my life. I give you my life. You hold my heart in your hands. Don't wear my heart on your
sleeve. Don't let it hang out to dry. Will you protect it? Will you protect me? I promise to protect you.
**********************************************
*don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
**********************************************
I don't want this to hard for you. I don't want to be your burden. Rather, I want to ease your load. Just
sit back, don't worry. We can save each other. I believe in us.
******************************************
*and the people we've become, well *
*they've never been the people who we are*
******************************************
Are you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Of course not, I'm not either. I never expected to find
myself in a dark basement. Fairy tales always talk about Prince Charming. I don't believe in him. But why
isn't there a Princess Charming? I've met her. You rescued me from the dungeon of the FBI. Do you realize
that? You saved me. You ask me to be your savior, but I think it's the other way around.
******************************************
*I strap on one horse and prayed for luck*
*I dug another hole to bleed *
*I know exactly how this works *
*I need a new feel dirty *
******************************************
Okay, we have taken the plunge. When I got your letter, I prayed. I don't pray. But I did. I don't know
what compelled me to, but I did. And I thought over our past nine years, and I cried. I haven't always
been the best friend. I often thought of myself. Over the years, though, I kind of faded away into us. I
used to wallow in my own misery. I developed a pattern of self abuse. And then, without even knowing it,
you saved me. You make me a better person.
***************************************
*I don't need you crowding up my space*
*I just want to get inside you *
***************************************
When you first came, I wasn't happy. As I said, I thought you were sent to spy on me. I thought you would
cramp my style. But on our first case together, when you came into my hotel room, you were so afraid.
When you took off your robe, I didn't know what to think. You seemed so innocent. I think that was the
first time I loved you. And I have never stopped.
************************************
*You can't blame the heart you save*
*Giving something away *
************************************
You saved me. Somehow, you save me everyday, time after time. I know you can't keep pushing me way.
Something has to give. I will. I give in to you. Will you give something away? Will you give me your
heart.
*******************************************
*Love don't change, don't come around here*
*Don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*Like a high school letter *
*******************************************
Don't change. You are perfect as you are. Just let me in. When I lay down to you, don't kick me. Take me
for what I am. I'm just man in love. Will you accept me? Will you accept my love?
**********************************************
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
**********************************************
If you have to work to love me, don't. It won't work. Relationships take work, but love comes naturally.
I loved you long before I even knew it.
*******************************************
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
*Love don't change, don't come around here*
*******************************************
We will change, we will grow, regardless of our attempts to stop. The people who we are today are not the
people we were nine years ago. But, through all we have been through, my love for you hasn't changed.
Please, don't let your love for me change.
**********************************************
*Don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*Like a high school letter *
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
**********************************************
You are afraid you will hurt me. You won't unless you mean to. Don't hurt me. But don't stain not to
hurt me. If you feel like you want to hurt me, leave. You leaving will hurt enough. I promise to do the
same for you.
******************************************
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are*
******************************************
Do you like the man I have become? I love you. Whenever I see you, I feel like I could go everywhere at
once. I love you and I need you. You need me. You wonder whether I can fulfill your needs. Of course I
can, I don't doubt myself of that ability.
*********************************************
*I dreamed that the world was crumbling down*
*We sat on my back porch and watched it *
*I dreamed that the buildings all fell down *
*We sat on my back porch and watched it *
*********************************************
I had a dream that the world fell down around us. We weren't hurt. Don't you see, Scully? Together, we
are invincible. People can damage us, but they can't make us fall. Only we hold that power. In my dream,
we held each other and watched patiently as the world destroyed itself.
********************************
*In my head I heard the sound *
*Like fifteen strangers dancing*
********************************
Then, in my dream, I heard yelling. I heard dispair, pain and loss. But above all of it I heard you. You
are my everything.
*****************************************
*But oh how I want you to know me *
*Oh how I want you to know me *
*Oh how I wish I was somebody else, baby*
*****************************************
I apologize for my first letter. I admit, the paranoia did set in. I don't know why. I didn't even
realize it. But you are wrong. I do know you. Do you know me? I don't doubt you do. You know me better
than I know myself. I wish I could be better for you, Scully.
********************************
*Oh how I wish you could own me*
********************************
I hope you will make me yours.
*******************************************
*Love don't change, don't come around here*
*Don't wear my heart on your sleeve *
*Like a high school letter *
*******************************************
I have made you mine. Don't for one instant think otherwise. By loving you, I give of myself. Do whatever
you want with me. I promise not to break your heart because by doing so, I would be breaking my own.
**********************************************
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
**********************************************
Don't worry. I won't hurt you. Believe in yourself. You won't hurt me. As long as you love me, you can't
be my downfall. Underneath everything that you have become, I see the real Scully. Do you see the real me?
I am afraid I lost him.
**********************************************
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
*Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it*
*And the people we've become, well *
*They've never been the people who we are *
**********************************************
Help me find him. I think he is in you. I think he gave himself to you before I even knew you. It's funny
how somehow, we do not believe we are what we seem to be, until someone else walks into our lives. You
came, you saw through my mask, you saw into my heart. Now, you hold it in your hands. Forever.
Always yours,
Fox Mulder
