Just Droppin' In:
Ch. 3:
Two Tirades, Spandex Shorts and a Bar of Soap
Disclaimer: If I owned Dragonball Z, Goku and Vegeta would have been elevated to the status of gods by now. If I owned my friends, I'd be dead by now. The whole "Life Buoy" thing came from A Christmas Story.
Other notes: Sorry it's such a short chapter, peeps. I know, after Chapter one and two were six and eight pages, respectively, four must seem sort of a letdown. But I only have a little bit of time to write.
Last time on Dragonball JDI: Much to Piccolo's relief, Goku finally returned after leaving his son at home with Chi-chi. And things went downhill from there. Raditz and Piccolo got into a fight with some very interesting language bouncing around, and taking Owlie-chan's suggestion, Goku brought everyone back home with him. This turned out to be a really big mistake, because Chi-chi was extremely frightened by the presence of Piccolo, and Goku ended up running over Beckie, which turned out to be an even bigger mistake. What will happen now?
______________________________________________________________________
At long last, the fight between Goku and Beckie had been broken up. The two former combatants were pretending to ignore each other, while casting nasty glances at the other from opposite sides of the room. Beckie's traveling companions were seated around the table, or wherever there was room, watching Raditz stuff his face.
"Good heavens! Goku, he eats nearly as much as you!" exclaimed Chi- chi as she spooned out the sixth bowl of rice and handed it to Raditz.
Raditz took his chopsticks out of his mouth. "What do you expect, woman? I'm his brother."
Chi-chi marched over to him and whacked him on the head with her ladle. "How dare you call me woman? And don't talk with your mouth full, and your face is covered with rice."
Raditz threw a contemptuous glance at her retreating back before grabbing a napkin and sulkily wiping his face. He crumpled it up and threw it back onto the table. "Goddammit, Kakkarot! Is there no discipline in your house?"
"'Course there is!" More hesitantly, he added "it's just that she doles it out."
"Kakkarot, you're pathetic! Is there any more rice?"
Chi-chi merely handed him the ladle. "Get it yourself."
"What the f@#$?"
Chi-chi wrenched the ladle out of his hand and whacked him with it. "Watch your mouth!" She picked up a bar of soap and grabbed his hair, forcing the soap into his mouth at the same time.
"Dammit, woman!" Raditz choked out, while trying to keep the cursed bar of soap out of his mouth. "Get away from me!"
"I'm not going anywhere until I've taught you some discipline!"
"Aak! Get that soap away from me! What is it, anyway?"
"Life Bouy."
"ARGH! I like Ivory! That was what my mother used to wash my mouth out with."
Owlie(-chan) interrupted, leaning forward, and nearly fell off the counter on which she was perched. "They have Procter and Gamble on Planet Vegeta?" Far too late, Crystal Arrow whacked Owlie on the head with the nearest heavy object.
"Girl, how do you know about Planet -Hey! No! Stop! AARGH!" His question ended mid-sentence after Chi-chi stuffed a large bar of soap into his mouth. Owlie, having barely recovered from the massive head trauma she had suffered at the hands of Crystal Arrow, caught enough of the question to answer.
"The Internet?" She received no reply,
"Owlie." Crystal Arrow muttered dangerously.
"What?"
"What have I told Tashachu a thousand times already?"
"To Ix-nay on-ay e-thay 'eBZ-day?"
"Exactly."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Owlie, you're pathetic."
"I know."
Crystal Arrow rolled her eyes, and watched, with some satisfaction, Chi-chi beating Raditz to death with a bar of soap.
On the other side of the room, Goku was also surveying this curious scene, but in a slightly more worried way. "Um, Chi-chi," he ventured. "What are you doing to him?"
"Be quiet, Goku," his wife snapped. "I'm teaching him some discipline."
"Oh. But do you have to use soap?"
"Shut up, Goku!" Goku shut up immediately.
Owlie was now stretched on the floor, having recently relapsed into the supposed damage of that massive head trauma, being looked at with a mixture of amazement and pity by Alice and Solarcite. Crystal Arrow merely looked at her unconscious form and shook her head, then turned around to watch Chi-chi turn Raditz into a quivering lump of jelly.
The saiyan in question was running around the kitchen like a thing demented in an attempt to get as far away from Chi-chi as possible. On his second lap around the kitchen, he spat out the bar of soap, which hit Tashachu on the head.
"Ouch! What the-Eew!" She shot an angry look at Raditz, and then threw the soap at him. It hit him in the face.
"Girl!" yelled Raditz, rounding on Tashachu. "What is with you and throwing things at me?" It was when Raditz turned around that Chi-chi launched her second tirade.
"Raditz, do you have ANY sense of decency? You wander around in these Spandex short shorts?"
"Woman, I don't know what's wrong with you, but stop bothering me!"
"Look, Mister, that's just disgusting! And if you dare take that armor off, I'll-"
Goku broke in. "Chi-chi, um, should you really be talking about people's clothing? I mean, remember that outfit you were wearing when we first met?" Chi-chi turned red, though whether it was from embarrassment or rage, it was hard to tell.
"What outfit, Dad?" Gohan asked.
"Never mind, Gohan, just go upstairs." Gohan obeyed.
"Goku!" Chi-chi warned.
"After all, it was basically only an armored bra and panties.Geez, you scarred me for life." Goku shuddered.
"Goku! I told you never to talk about that outfit!" "Really? I don't remember that."
Chi-chi returned her attention to her brother-in-law. "You actually wander around like that? That is the most disgusting outfit I've ever seen!
ZestyGnome spoke up. "Raditz doesn't worry, Raditz doesn't care. Raditz's got a hairy body and no underwear."
Beckie looked at her in amazment. "You looked?"
Owlie raised her head from the floor. "ZestyGnome, would you PLEASE stop quoting yourself?"
"Um." ZestyGnome had no reply.
Raditz finally remembered that "those silly little girls" were still in the same room as he was. "Look, you little bitches, I'm getting sick of you and your nasty comments about me! I'm going to kill you right now and end this once and for all!"
"Your language!" yelled Chi-chi.
"Shut up, you old cow!" Raditz gathered a ball of energy between his palms and turned to Tashachu in order to blast her to pieces. And he would have succeeded, too, if Goku hadn't tackled him to the ground.
"Kakkarot, you son of a bitch-wait a minute-That came out wrong!" Goku hit him in the face a few times.
"Raditz," Goku growled warningly. "If you try that again, you will be sorry."
"Damn you, Kakkarot!"
Chi-chi reappeared with a bottle of dish soap. "Open wide, you layabout!" She poured almost a quarter of the bottle into Raditz's mouth, but most of it went up his nose or down the neck of his armor. In an amazing feat of strength, he somehow managed to throw Goku off him, and ran outside, gagging and blowing bubbles out of his nose. _____________________________
Next time on Dragonball JDI: What happens when Raditz really wants a fight, but Goku won't let him? And Tashachu's really in the mood to punch something? A duel of insults!
Disclaimer: If I owned Dragonball Z, Goku and Vegeta would have been elevated to the status of gods by now. If I owned my friends, I'd be dead by now. The whole "Life Buoy" thing came from A Christmas Story.
Other notes: Sorry it's such a short chapter, peeps. I know, after Chapter one and two were six and eight pages, respectively, four must seem sort of a letdown. But I only have a little bit of time to write.
Last time on Dragonball JDI: Much to Piccolo's relief, Goku finally returned after leaving his son at home with Chi-chi. And things went downhill from there. Raditz and Piccolo got into a fight with some very interesting language bouncing around, and taking Owlie-chan's suggestion, Goku brought everyone back home with him. This turned out to be a really big mistake, because Chi-chi was extremely frightened by the presence of Piccolo, and Goku ended up running over Beckie, which turned out to be an even bigger mistake. What will happen now?
______________________________________________________________________
At long last, the fight between Goku and Beckie had been broken up. The two former combatants were pretending to ignore each other, while casting nasty glances at the other from opposite sides of the room. Beckie's traveling companions were seated around the table, or wherever there was room, watching Raditz stuff his face.
"Good heavens! Goku, he eats nearly as much as you!" exclaimed Chi- chi as she spooned out the sixth bowl of rice and handed it to Raditz.
Raditz took his chopsticks out of his mouth. "What do you expect, woman? I'm his brother."
Chi-chi marched over to him and whacked him on the head with her ladle. "How dare you call me woman? And don't talk with your mouth full, and your face is covered with rice."
Raditz threw a contemptuous glance at her retreating back before grabbing a napkin and sulkily wiping his face. He crumpled it up and threw it back onto the table. "Goddammit, Kakkarot! Is there no discipline in your house?"
"'Course there is!" More hesitantly, he added "it's just that she doles it out."
"Kakkarot, you're pathetic! Is there any more rice?"
Chi-chi merely handed him the ladle. "Get it yourself."
"What the f@#$?"
Chi-chi wrenched the ladle out of his hand and whacked him with it. "Watch your mouth!" She picked up a bar of soap and grabbed his hair, forcing the soap into his mouth at the same time.
"Dammit, woman!" Raditz choked out, while trying to keep the cursed bar of soap out of his mouth. "Get away from me!"
"I'm not going anywhere until I've taught you some discipline!"
"Aak! Get that soap away from me! What is it, anyway?"
"Life Bouy."
"ARGH! I like Ivory! That was what my mother used to wash my mouth out with."
Owlie(-chan) interrupted, leaning forward, and nearly fell off the counter on which she was perched. "They have Procter and Gamble on Planet Vegeta?" Far too late, Crystal Arrow whacked Owlie on the head with the nearest heavy object.
"Girl, how do you know about Planet -Hey! No! Stop! AARGH!" His question ended mid-sentence after Chi-chi stuffed a large bar of soap into his mouth. Owlie, having barely recovered from the massive head trauma she had suffered at the hands of Crystal Arrow, caught enough of the question to answer.
"The Internet?" She received no reply,
"Owlie." Crystal Arrow muttered dangerously.
"What?"
"What have I told Tashachu a thousand times already?"
"To Ix-nay on-ay e-thay 'eBZ-day?"
"Exactly."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Owlie, you're pathetic."
"I know."
Crystal Arrow rolled her eyes, and watched, with some satisfaction, Chi-chi beating Raditz to death with a bar of soap.
On the other side of the room, Goku was also surveying this curious scene, but in a slightly more worried way. "Um, Chi-chi," he ventured. "What are you doing to him?"
"Be quiet, Goku," his wife snapped. "I'm teaching him some discipline."
"Oh. But do you have to use soap?"
"Shut up, Goku!" Goku shut up immediately.
Owlie was now stretched on the floor, having recently relapsed into the supposed damage of that massive head trauma, being looked at with a mixture of amazement and pity by Alice and Solarcite. Crystal Arrow merely looked at her unconscious form and shook her head, then turned around to watch Chi-chi turn Raditz into a quivering lump of jelly.
The saiyan in question was running around the kitchen like a thing demented in an attempt to get as far away from Chi-chi as possible. On his second lap around the kitchen, he spat out the bar of soap, which hit Tashachu on the head.
"Ouch! What the-Eew!" She shot an angry look at Raditz, and then threw the soap at him. It hit him in the face.
"Girl!" yelled Raditz, rounding on Tashachu. "What is with you and throwing things at me?" It was when Raditz turned around that Chi-chi launched her second tirade.
"Raditz, do you have ANY sense of decency? You wander around in these Spandex short shorts?"
"Woman, I don't know what's wrong with you, but stop bothering me!"
"Look, Mister, that's just disgusting! And if you dare take that armor off, I'll-"
Goku broke in. "Chi-chi, um, should you really be talking about people's clothing? I mean, remember that outfit you were wearing when we first met?" Chi-chi turned red, though whether it was from embarrassment or rage, it was hard to tell.
"What outfit, Dad?" Gohan asked.
"Never mind, Gohan, just go upstairs." Gohan obeyed.
"Goku!" Chi-chi warned.
"After all, it was basically only an armored bra and panties.Geez, you scarred me for life." Goku shuddered.
"Goku! I told you never to talk about that outfit!" "Really? I don't remember that."
Chi-chi returned her attention to her brother-in-law. "You actually wander around like that? That is the most disgusting outfit I've ever seen!
ZestyGnome spoke up. "Raditz doesn't worry, Raditz doesn't care. Raditz's got a hairy body and no underwear."
Beckie looked at her in amazment. "You looked?"
Owlie raised her head from the floor. "ZestyGnome, would you PLEASE stop quoting yourself?"
"Um." ZestyGnome had no reply.
Raditz finally remembered that "those silly little girls" were still in the same room as he was. "Look, you little bitches, I'm getting sick of you and your nasty comments about me! I'm going to kill you right now and end this once and for all!"
"Your language!" yelled Chi-chi.
"Shut up, you old cow!" Raditz gathered a ball of energy between his palms and turned to Tashachu in order to blast her to pieces. And he would have succeeded, too, if Goku hadn't tackled him to the ground.
"Kakkarot, you son of a bitch-wait a minute-That came out wrong!" Goku hit him in the face a few times.
"Raditz," Goku growled warningly. "If you try that again, you will be sorry."
"Damn you, Kakkarot!"
Chi-chi reappeared with a bottle of dish soap. "Open wide, you layabout!" She poured almost a quarter of the bottle into Raditz's mouth, but most of it went up his nose or down the neck of his armor. In an amazing feat of strength, he somehow managed to throw Goku off him, and ran outside, gagging and blowing bubbles out of his nose. _____________________________
Next time on Dragonball JDI: What happens when Raditz really wants a fight, but Goku won't let him? And Tashachu's really in the mood to punch something? A duel of insults!
