Just Droppin' In
Ch. 4
The Duel of Insults
DISCLAIMER: I don't own DBZ. If I did, I would be rich. I don't own my friends. If I did, I'd be worried. I got the "duel of insults" idea from Lord Brocktree by Brian Jacques. It's not exactly the same, but it's similar.
Wow. A 10-page chapter.
Warning: This one is more messed up than the last one was.
Last time on Dragonball JDI: Chi-chi started beating Raditz to death with a bar of soap after his language took a turn for the worse. Owlie was knocked even more senseless than usual by Crystal Arrow for mentioning anything to do with DBZ, and Chi-chi then poured dish soap down Raditz's throat for more language, after having screamed at him for his Spandex shorts. _______________
They found Radtiz outside on his hands and knees, gagging and choking and blowing bubbles. "Hey!" Goku yelled. "Come out here! This is funny!"
Not wanting to miss this, every member of the little gang of teenagers, with the exception of Alice, who looked rather afraid of the whole situation, rushed outside, with Beckie and Tashachu carrying Owlie between them. They promptly dropped her on the grass when they got outside, however.
"Ow!"
"Oh," Tashachu looked down as if she had just dropped a pencil. "Sorry." She left Owlie lying where she was, in order to watch and laugh at Raditz, who lay convulsing on the ground and had an extraordinary number of bubbles pouring out of his nose. Slowly, however, he recovered, and the flow of bubbles ceased.
"Kakkarot, I'm going to make you pay. Pay for your insolent woman and these stupid brats!"
"And how is this my fault?" Goku asked.
"I-I-I don't know! It just is!" Raditz answered after a moment of thought. "And the first one I'm going to deal with is her!" he cried, pointing at Tashachu.
Tashachu looked somewhat shocked. "Who, me?"
"Yes, you, you stupid little girl!"
It should have been obvious to anyone what was coming up next. Tashachu bent down, ripped up a clump of grass, and threw it at him. It hit him in the face. With a cry of rage, Raditz charged at her, pawing dirt out of his eyes as he did. Goku knocked him flat, ramming his shoulder into his brother's chest. "Kakkarot," he growled, pushing himself up onto his hands and knees and shaking himself off. "I am definitely going to kill her first, then you."
Meanwhile, Tashachu's friends were hastily looking around for a pair of straightjackets, one for Tashachu, the other for Chi-chi.
"Young lady," Chi-chi shrieked. "Did your mother ever tell you not to rip out other people's lawns?"
Tashachu, of course, was ignoring her, and asking the world in general, in a rather hyper way, "C'mon, can I hit him? Can I beat him up? Can I? Please?" Crystal Arrow grabbed the back of her shirt and dragged her away.
"Tashachu, you may be a taekwondo black belt, but you won't be a black belt for long if you try and hit him," she sighed, shaking her head in despair.
"But I want to beat him up!"
"Bad Tashachu! You're grounded!"
"But-"
"Tashachu, sit!"
Tashachu whined, in puppy-like way, to which Crystal Arrow responded by letting out an exasperated sigh. "Tashachu, you're psycho." Tashachu, however, did not obey the "sit" command. Instead, she ripped out more of the lawn, to Chi-chi's great distress, and threw it at Raditz. For Raditz had just called them all stupid.
Beckie had heard some odd noises coming from behind her. She turned around and found Piccolo meditating on the roof. "Um, excuse me, ma'am?"
Chi-chi turned around, temporarily distracted from the problem of a rapidly disappearing front lawn. "Yes?"
"There's a green guy on your roof. Is he supposed to be there?"
Chi-chi looked up, and saw Piccolo sitting on the roof, deep in a meditative trance. And she lost it. "WHAT?!" Then, she yelled at him. "YOU GREAT GREEN MONSTER! Get off my roof!"
This broke Piccolo's meditative trance, and he nearly fell off the roof. After listening to about thirty seconds of Chi-chi's ranting while not actually listening to it, he yelled down to Goku. "Goku, I concede. You are the stronger of us!"
Goku turned and looked up at Piccolo with amazement. "Piccolo, um, this is weird. That's not at all like you. Why did you just suddenly give up on it like that?"
"Because you have to put up with this every day!" Unfortunately, Chi-chi heard it.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to insult people when you're a guest in their house."
"Hmph!" Then, more quietly, he added, "I never had a mother."
A sudden change in Chi-chi's demeanor occurred. "Oh! You poor thing! No wonder you turned out to be an unruly psychopath!" She turned around. "Goku! Goku!"
Goku was occupied with the task of trying to restrain Raditz. "Uh, Chi- chi, I'm a little busy right now. Can this wait?"
"Goku, next time you're in the nearest city, see if you can pick up some adoption forms!"
It took a minute to sink it. "WHAT!? Chi-chi, where did this randomly come from?"
"We're going to adopt your green friend. He needs a family, the poor thing."
Goku and Piccolo exchanged astounded looks, and a sweatdrop rolled down Goku's cheek. "Chi-chi, can we talk this over? I mean, we've got Gohan to look after.Don't you think Piccolo would be a bad influence?" he asked as he tried to grab Raditz's squirming tail. "And shouldn't you ask Piccolo? I'm not sure if he likes the idea."
"Damn right I don't," Piccolo muttered into the folds of his cape.
Chi-chi considered this. "You're probably right." Then, she rounded on Piccolo. "And get off my roof, you!"
Piccolo heaved an exasperated sigh, and slid off the roof. "Why am I listening to a psychopathic madwoman who I could probably kill with one punch?" he asked the air.
"I heard that!" Chi-chi screamed. Piccolo rolled his eyes, then turned to Goku.
"What are we going to do with him?" he asked, jerking his head towards Raditz.
"Search me," Goku answered. "What should we do with him?"
"I'd beat the crap out of him, but since that would allow him to kill those stupid children, not that I'd mind-"
"Geez, Piccolo, you're mean!" Piccolo gave Goku a very nasty look, then continued.
"But since him killing those children would annoy you, and, arguably, their parents, but I'm not entirely sure some of them would be missed," he said, looking pointedly at Tashachu, who was ripping up more of the lawn, and at Owlie, who was now sitting up and looking around, dazed. "We need to come up with another plan."
"We could bribe him," Goku suggested.
"Bribe him?!" Piccolo exclaimed. "With what?!"
"Food, soap.I don't know."
Piccolo rolled his eyes. "Goku, you're as good as useless." He felt someone tug on his cape from behind. When he turned around, he was met with Tashachu looking up at him. "Oh, what in the name of Kami have I done to deserve this?" he asked, rolling his eyes skyward. Then he looked down at Tashachu. "What do you want?"
"Can I beat him up?"
"Who?"
"Him," she said, pointing at Raditz. Piccolo looked at her like she was insane.
"Girl, you're crazy! Goku has trouble beating him up! He'd be more than a match for you!"
"Aww." Tashachu walked away.
Piccolo rolled his eyes. "These people are incredibly helpful. They haven't come up with a useful idea in the twenty minutes we've been out here." Then, he heard a shout from Owlie.
"I'VE GOT AN IDEA!" She came rushing over to tell Piccolo about her revelation, but tripped over a clump of grass that Tashachu had thrown at Raditz. Cursing, she picked herself up again and ran the rest of the distance. "Piccolo! I've got an idea!" All the rest of her friends crowded around her, to see if anything she had to say was useful.
"Okay," Piccolo said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Let's hear it."
"Okay, we settle this with a duel."
"A duel?" Piccolo repeated incredulously.
"Yeah, a duel."
"You mean," Alice asked. "A duel, complete with swords?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess."
"Owlie, you've been watching way more Kenshin than is good for you." Crystal Arrow shook her head in despair.
"Maybe."
"Owlie, you don't see one of the major flaws in your plan, do you? We don't have swords."
"Ah. That would be a problem."
ZestyGnome then spoke up. "I've got it! And thank you for the idea, Owlie. What we do is have a duel of insults. We attack each other by insulting each other."
"Whoever wins has their way, right?" Solarcite asked.
"Right."
"So," Solarcite continued. "We need to find people who are good at this. Any volunteers?"
Beckie looked around. "Crystal Arrow, you do it. You're good at insulting people, right?"
Crystal Arrow shifted her weight from leg to leg nervously. "Uh, yeah, I guess you could say so."
"She'd probably curse him out." Tashachu said.
Crystal Arrow looked slightly chagrined. "Yeah, I probably would.that would be great. Um.Owlie! You're the backup! You're all sarcastic and everything."
Goku broke in. "Hey! I wanna be in on this too!" Crystal Arrow rolled her eyes.
"Fine, Goku, you can go ahead and cuss him out." To her friends, she mumbled, "Looks like we'll get a turn anyway."
The Duel "Here is the ring," Piccolo began, drawing a circle in the dirt with his finger. Everyone, with the exception of Chi-chi and Gohan, stood in a desolate location, devoid of signs of intelligent life. "You may not step outside the ring. If you do, you forfeit the match. Each team has three members. However, Raditz will be given the opportunity to 'duel' three times, as he is the only person on his team. Best of three wins. There will be no contact whatsoever. The object is simple: To out-insult your opponent. You may begin." With that, Piccolo stepped away from the ring.
"Wait," Goku called. "Who's going first?" In response, Beckie shoved him into the ring. "I don't want to be here! Why me? I'm leaving!"
"Goku!" Beckie yelled. "You idiot! If you leave the ring, that freak wins!"
With that uncomfortable thought weighing on his mind, Goku sized up his opponent, and prepared to insult him. The trouble was, Goku had never been very good at insults. He said the first thing that came to his mind: "Your mama."
Raditz's jaw dropped. He soon, however, recovered his composure. "Kakkarot, you moron! My mother's your mother!"
"I'm not related to you!"
"Yes, you are! Ask mom!"
"What are you talking about, you weirdo?"
"Weirdo?! You're the weirdo, you amnesic disgrace!"
"Disgrace to what?"
"The Saiyan race, retard!"
"I'm not a retard! You're the retard! You come to my planet and try to get me to join you by threatening my friends and kidnapping my son! That's retarded!"
"What did you expect me to do, call ahead and show up with a box of chocolates?!"
"Actually, that would have been nice."
The teenagers, whose fate hung in the outcome of this fight, stared at the two arguing Saiyans disbelievingly. "Goku was never very good at this," Owlie remarked, surveying the pathetic scene. Crystal Arrow nodded.
"Too true, too true."
"So, what do we do about him?"
"Owlie, you started it, you deal with him."
So Owlie walked into the ring. Taking Goku firmly by the shoulders, she called "Goku here forfeits!" as she marched him out of the ring.
Raditz couldn't believe his ears. He started jumping up and down, shouting "Yes! Raditz, one, Earthlings and Kakkarot, zero! Oh yeah! Booyah!"
"Don't get too excited yet. Remember me?" Owlie, leaving Goku securely tied to a tree lest he start causing trouble, stepped into the ring, and cracked her knuckles. Raditz's jaw dropped.
"Why-what-Shouldn't you be unconscious?"
Owlie thought for a moment. "Actually, I usually am unconscious."
"Look, girl, I don't have all day! So let's just get it on!" Anger crossed Owlie's face and settled.
"You sick, disgusting, perverted, greasy-haired bastard! Why, I could kill you right now!"
"You know exactly what I meant!"
"Syntax is everything, O-genius! Saying 'Let's get it on' is very different than saying 'Let's get on with it'! Get out of my sight, pervert!"
"You can't order me around, mere child."
"I may be a child, but I can at least string a coherent sentence together."
"Insolent child! That was a coherent sentence!"
"Not in context."
On the sidelines, Tashachu watched, staring grimly as they battled each other. "Poor Owlie. She's probably scarred for life."
"Probably," Crystal Arrow concurred, as she watched the fight unfolding in the ring:
"And one more thing, girl! I do not have greasy hair!"
"You do! If I came near you with a match, you'd catch fire. When was the last time you washed it?"
Raditz thought. And thought. Then he sat down, and thought some more. Finally he said, "I can't remember." Owlie, however, was paying him no attention. Instead, she was sitting on the ground, napping. Raditz, furious at being ignored, stalked over to her and bellowed "I SAID I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WASHED MY HAIR!" in her ear. She awoke with a start.
"Christ, I'm not deaf. Maybe now I am, but-And, by the way, when was the last time you took a shower? You stink."
And so Raditz though for a moment. "I can't remember!"
"Oh dear. Does the poor Saiyan bastard have short-term memory loss? Or haven't you taken a bath in a while?"
"Girl, are you patronizing me?"
"Quite frankly, no. I am merely talking in what I judge to be your intelligence level. Or does it go over your head? I'm sorry! Here, let me try again-I no patronize-"
"How stupid do you think I am!?"
"Do you really want me to answer?" Raditz opened his mouth to speak, but Owlie beat him to it. "For your information, I've seen more intelligent things lying on their backs on the bottom of ponds. I've seen more witty things running around farmyards with their heads cut off. I've seen more creative things growing on bread!"
"So what if I'm not brilliant?!"
"'Not brilliant'? You belong in a zoo!"
"I can just break my way out again!"
"Contrary to your misguided beliefs, they are fairly good at rounding up escaped monkeys. They tend to carry diseases."
"Are you insulting me?"
"Aand, you only just realized this? You're slower than I thought."
"How dare you insult a great Saiyan warrior? I will crush you like an egg!"
"Tut, tut, no contact allowed." Owlie shook her finger at him.
"After the duel, smart one."
"That makes it sound like you think you're going to win this."
"I say that because I WILL win!"
"Not at the rate you're going."
"I, Raditz, will end your days on Earth!"
"Good God! He knows his name! It's a miracle!" That was the last thing she said before Raditz dealt her a nasty blow to the back of the head.
"Foul!" came the cry from the audience, with the notable exceptions of Piccolo, who wasn't interested, and Goku, who was trying to work his way out of the binding that Owlie had put him in. After much protest from Owlie's friends, Piccolo was finally forced to make a judgment:
"This section goes to-whatever her name was. This greased monkey- thing here struck her, which is clearly against the rules. Besides, I think she had him beat before then."
Tashachu and Beckie had to drag Owlie's limp form out of the ring. Solarcite poked Crystal Arrow in the arm. "I guess it's your turn."
__________ Next Time on Dragonball JDI: Both sides are tied, Owlie's down, and Crystal Arrow takes her place. Does Raditz get cursed out as promised? Find out next time!
Ch. 4
The Duel of Insults
DISCLAIMER: I don't own DBZ. If I did, I would be rich. I don't own my friends. If I did, I'd be worried. I got the "duel of insults" idea from Lord Brocktree by Brian Jacques. It's not exactly the same, but it's similar.
Wow. A 10-page chapter.
Warning: This one is more messed up than the last one was.
Last time on Dragonball JDI: Chi-chi started beating Raditz to death with a bar of soap after his language took a turn for the worse. Owlie was knocked even more senseless than usual by Crystal Arrow for mentioning anything to do with DBZ, and Chi-chi then poured dish soap down Raditz's throat for more language, after having screamed at him for his Spandex shorts. _______________
They found Radtiz outside on his hands and knees, gagging and choking and blowing bubbles. "Hey!" Goku yelled. "Come out here! This is funny!"
Not wanting to miss this, every member of the little gang of teenagers, with the exception of Alice, who looked rather afraid of the whole situation, rushed outside, with Beckie and Tashachu carrying Owlie between them. They promptly dropped her on the grass when they got outside, however.
"Ow!"
"Oh," Tashachu looked down as if she had just dropped a pencil. "Sorry." She left Owlie lying where she was, in order to watch and laugh at Raditz, who lay convulsing on the ground and had an extraordinary number of bubbles pouring out of his nose. Slowly, however, he recovered, and the flow of bubbles ceased.
"Kakkarot, I'm going to make you pay. Pay for your insolent woman and these stupid brats!"
"And how is this my fault?" Goku asked.
"I-I-I don't know! It just is!" Raditz answered after a moment of thought. "And the first one I'm going to deal with is her!" he cried, pointing at Tashachu.
Tashachu looked somewhat shocked. "Who, me?"
"Yes, you, you stupid little girl!"
It should have been obvious to anyone what was coming up next. Tashachu bent down, ripped up a clump of grass, and threw it at him. It hit him in the face. With a cry of rage, Raditz charged at her, pawing dirt out of his eyes as he did. Goku knocked him flat, ramming his shoulder into his brother's chest. "Kakkarot," he growled, pushing himself up onto his hands and knees and shaking himself off. "I am definitely going to kill her first, then you."
Meanwhile, Tashachu's friends were hastily looking around for a pair of straightjackets, one for Tashachu, the other for Chi-chi.
"Young lady," Chi-chi shrieked. "Did your mother ever tell you not to rip out other people's lawns?"
Tashachu, of course, was ignoring her, and asking the world in general, in a rather hyper way, "C'mon, can I hit him? Can I beat him up? Can I? Please?" Crystal Arrow grabbed the back of her shirt and dragged her away.
"Tashachu, you may be a taekwondo black belt, but you won't be a black belt for long if you try and hit him," she sighed, shaking her head in despair.
"But I want to beat him up!"
"Bad Tashachu! You're grounded!"
"But-"
"Tashachu, sit!"
Tashachu whined, in puppy-like way, to which Crystal Arrow responded by letting out an exasperated sigh. "Tashachu, you're psycho." Tashachu, however, did not obey the "sit" command. Instead, she ripped out more of the lawn, to Chi-chi's great distress, and threw it at Raditz. For Raditz had just called them all stupid.
Beckie had heard some odd noises coming from behind her. She turned around and found Piccolo meditating on the roof. "Um, excuse me, ma'am?"
Chi-chi turned around, temporarily distracted from the problem of a rapidly disappearing front lawn. "Yes?"
"There's a green guy on your roof. Is he supposed to be there?"
Chi-chi looked up, and saw Piccolo sitting on the roof, deep in a meditative trance. And she lost it. "WHAT?!" Then, she yelled at him. "YOU GREAT GREEN MONSTER! Get off my roof!"
This broke Piccolo's meditative trance, and he nearly fell off the roof. After listening to about thirty seconds of Chi-chi's ranting while not actually listening to it, he yelled down to Goku. "Goku, I concede. You are the stronger of us!"
Goku turned and looked up at Piccolo with amazement. "Piccolo, um, this is weird. That's not at all like you. Why did you just suddenly give up on it like that?"
"Because you have to put up with this every day!" Unfortunately, Chi-chi heard it.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to insult people when you're a guest in their house."
"Hmph!" Then, more quietly, he added, "I never had a mother."
A sudden change in Chi-chi's demeanor occurred. "Oh! You poor thing! No wonder you turned out to be an unruly psychopath!" She turned around. "Goku! Goku!"
Goku was occupied with the task of trying to restrain Raditz. "Uh, Chi- chi, I'm a little busy right now. Can this wait?"
"Goku, next time you're in the nearest city, see if you can pick up some adoption forms!"
It took a minute to sink it. "WHAT!? Chi-chi, where did this randomly come from?"
"We're going to adopt your green friend. He needs a family, the poor thing."
Goku and Piccolo exchanged astounded looks, and a sweatdrop rolled down Goku's cheek. "Chi-chi, can we talk this over? I mean, we've got Gohan to look after.Don't you think Piccolo would be a bad influence?" he asked as he tried to grab Raditz's squirming tail. "And shouldn't you ask Piccolo? I'm not sure if he likes the idea."
"Damn right I don't," Piccolo muttered into the folds of his cape.
Chi-chi considered this. "You're probably right." Then, she rounded on Piccolo. "And get off my roof, you!"
Piccolo heaved an exasperated sigh, and slid off the roof. "Why am I listening to a psychopathic madwoman who I could probably kill with one punch?" he asked the air.
"I heard that!" Chi-chi screamed. Piccolo rolled his eyes, then turned to Goku.
"What are we going to do with him?" he asked, jerking his head towards Raditz.
"Search me," Goku answered. "What should we do with him?"
"I'd beat the crap out of him, but since that would allow him to kill those stupid children, not that I'd mind-"
"Geez, Piccolo, you're mean!" Piccolo gave Goku a very nasty look, then continued.
"But since him killing those children would annoy you, and, arguably, their parents, but I'm not entirely sure some of them would be missed," he said, looking pointedly at Tashachu, who was ripping up more of the lawn, and at Owlie, who was now sitting up and looking around, dazed. "We need to come up with another plan."
"We could bribe him," Goku suggested.
"Bribe him?!" Piccolo exclaimed. "With what?!"
"Food, soap.I don't know."
Piccolo rolled his eyes. "Goku, you're as good as useless." He felt someone tug on his cape from behind. When he turned around, he was met with Tashachu looking up at him. "Oh, what in the name of Kami have I done to deserve this?" he asked, rolling his eyes skyward. Then he looked down at Tashachu. "What do you want?"
"Can I beat him up?"
"Who?"
"Him," she said, pointing at Raditz. Piccolo looked at her like she was insane.
"Girl, you're crazy! Goku has trouble beating him up! He'd be more than a match for you!"
"Aww." Tashachu walked away.
Piccolo rolled his eyes. "These people are incredibly helpful. They haven't come up with a useful idea in the twenty minutes we've been out here." Then, he heard a shout from Owlie.
"I'VE GOT AN IDEA!" She came rushing over to tell Piccolo about her revelation, but tripped over a clump of grass that Tashachu had thrown at Raditz. Cursing, she picked herself up again and ran the rest of the distance. "Piccolo! I've got an idea!" All the rest of her friends crowded around her, to see if anything she had to say was useful.
"Okay," Piccolo said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Let's hear it."
"Okay, we settle this with a duel."
"A duel?" Piccolo repeated incredulously.
"Yeah, a duel."
"You mean," Alice asked. "A duel, complete with swords?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess."
"Owlie, you've been watching way more Kenshin than is good for you." Crystal Arrow shook her head in despair.
"Maybe."
"Owlie, you don't see one of the major flaws in your plan, do you? We don't have swords."
"Ah. That would be a problem."
ZestyGnome then spoke up. "I've got it! And thank you for the idea, Owlie. What we do is have a duel of insults. We attack each other by insulting each other."
"Whoever wins has their way, right?" Solarcite asked.
"Right."
"So," Solarcite continued. "We need to find people who are good at this. Any volunteers?"
Beckie looked around. "Crystal Arrow, you do it. You're good at insulting people, right?"
Crystal Arrow shifted her weight from leg to leg nervously. "Uh, yeah, I guess you could say so."
"She'd probably curse him out." Tashachu said.
Crystal Arrow looked slightly chagrined. "Yeah, I probably would.that would be great. Um.Owlie! You're the backup! You're all sarcastic and everything."
Goku broke in. "Hey! I wanna be in on this too!" Crystal Arrow rolled her eyes.
"Fine, Goku, you can go ahead and cuss him out." To her friends, she mumbled, "Looks like we'll get a turn anyway."
The Duel "Here is the ring," Piccolo began, drawing a circle in the dirt with his finger. Everyone, with the exception of Chi-chi and Gohan, stood in a desolate location, devoid of signs of intelligent life. "You may not step outside the ring. If you do, you forfeit the match. Each team has three members. However, Raditz will be given the opportunity to 'duel' three times, as he is the only person on his team. Best of three wins. There will be no contact whatsoever. The object is simple: To out-insult your opponent. You may begin." With that, Piccolo stepped away from the ring.
"Wait," Goku called. "Who's going first?" In response, Beckie shoved him into the ring. "I don't want to be here! Why me? I'm leaving!"
"Goku!" Beckie yelled. "You idiot! If you leave the ring, that freak wins!"
With that uncomfortable thought weighing on his mind, Goku sized up his opponent, and prepared to insult him. The trouble was, Goku had never been very good at insults. He said the first thing that came to his mind: "Your mama."
Raditz's jaw dropped. He soon, however, recovered his composure. "Kakkarot, you moron! My mother's your mother!"
"I'm not related to you!"
"Yes, you are! Ask mom!"
"What are you talking about, you weirdo?"
"Weirdo?! You're the weirdo, you amnesic disgrace!"
"Disgrace to what?"
"The Saiyan race, retard!"
"I'm not a retard! You're the retard! You come to my planet and try to get me to join you by threatening my friends and kidnapping my son! That's retarded!"
"What did you expect me to do, call ahead and show up with a box of chocolates?!"
"Actually, that would have been nice."
The teenagers, whose fate hung in the outcome of this fight, stared at the two arguing Saiyans disbelievingly. "Goku was never very good at this," Owlie remarked, surveying the pathetic scene. Crystal Arrow nodded.
"Too true, too true."
"So, what do we do about him?"
"Owlie, you started it, you deal with him."
So Owlie walked into the ring. Taking Goku firmly by the shoulders, she called "Goku here forfeits!" as she marched him out of the ring.
Raditz couldn't believe his ears. He started jumping up and down, shouting "Yes! Raditz, one, Earthlings and Kakkarot, zero! Oh yeah! Booyah!"
"Don't get too excited yet. Remember me?" Owlie, leaving Goku securely tied to a tree lest he start causing trouble, stepped into the ring, and cracked her knuckles. Raditz's jaw dropped.
"Why-what-Shouldn't you be unconscious?"
Owlie thought for a moment. "Actually, I usually am unconscious."
"Look, girl, I don't have all day! So let's just get it on!" Anger crossed Owlie's face and settled.
"You sick, disgusting, perverted, greasy-haired bastard! Why, I could kill you right now!"
"You know exactly what I meant!"
"Syntax is everything, O-genius! Saying 'Let's get it on' is very different than saying 'Let's get on with it'! Get out of my sight, pervert!"
"You can't order me around, mere child."
"I may be a child, but I can at least string a coherent sentence together."
"Insolent child! That was a coherent sentence!"
"Not in context."
On the sidelines, Tashachu watched, staring grimly as they battled each other. "Poor Owlie. She's probably scarred for life."
"Probably," Crystal Arrow concurred, as she watched the fight unfolding in the ring:
"And one more thing, girl! I do not have greasy hair!"
"You do! If I came near you with a match, you'd catch fire. When was the last time you washed it?"
Raditz thought. And thought. Then he sat down, and thought some more. Finally he said, "I can't remember." Owlie, however, was paying him no attention. Instead, she was sitting on the ground, napping. Raditz, furious at being ignored, stalked over to her and bellowed "I SAID I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WASHED MY HAIR!" in her ear. She awoke with a start.
"Christ, I'm not deaf. Maybe now I am, but-And, by the way, when was the last time you took a shower? You stink."
And so Raditz though for a moment. "I can't remember!"
"Oh dear. Does the poor Saiyan bastard have short-term memory loss? Or haven't you taken a bath in a while?"
"Girl, are you patronizing me?"
"Quite frankly, no. I am merely talking in what I judge to be your intelligence level. Or does it go over your head? I'm sorry! Here, let me try again-I no patronize-"
"How stupid do you think I am!?"
"Do you really want me to answer?" Raditz opened his mouth to speak, but Owlie beat him to it. "For your information, I've seen more intelligent things lying on their backs on the bottom of ponds. I've seen more witty things running around farmyards with their heads cut off. I've seen more creative things growing on bread!"
"So what if I'm not brilliant?!"
"'Not brilliant'? You belong in a zoo!"
"I can just break my way out again!"
"Contrary to your misguided beliefs, they are fairly good at rounding up escaped monkeys. They tend to carry diseases."
"Are you insulting me?"
"Aand, you only just realized this? You're slower than I thought."
"How dare you insult a great Saiyan warrior? I will crush you like an egg!"
"Tut, tut, no contact allowed." Owlie shook her finger at him.
"After the duel, smart one."
"That makes it sound like you think you're going to win this."
"I say that because I WILL win!"
"Not at the rate you're going."
"I, Raditz, will end your days on Earth!"
"Good God! He knows his name! It's a miracle!" That was the last thing she said before Raditz dealt her a nasty blow to the back of the head.
"Foul!" came the cry from the audience, with the notable exceptions of Piccolo, who wasn't interested, and Goku, who was trying to work his way out of the binding that Owlie had put him in. After much protest from Owlie's friends, Piccolo was finally forced to make a judgment:
"This section goes to-whatever her name was. This greased monkey- thing here struck her, which is clearly against the rules. Besides, I think she had him beat before then."
Tashachu and Beckie had to drag Owlie's limp form out of the ring. Solarcite poked Crystal Arrow in the arm. "I guess it's your turn."
__________ Next Time on Dragonball JDI: Both sides are tied, Owlie's down, and Crystal Arrow takes her place. Does Raditz get cursed out as promised? Find out next time!
