Bullet-Time Bumhole

.The story wasn't over yet.

Miles from the hill on which the great battle between Agent Smith and Morpheus, Trinity and Neo had taken place; Neo was doing his superman thing. He was flying through a city in the Matrix, and he was flying so fast that, behind him, a huge cloud of dust was roaring along in his wake. Cars were also sailing through the air as it rushed into the gap he left. Neo glanced behind him and saw the debris.
"Oops!" He said. Then, as he watched, a small baby appeared. It was being carried along by the great cloud dust and debris. It was giggling and licking its toes in excitement.
"What the.!?!" Neo said in astonishment. But that wasn't all. As he watched, a lollipop, a bicycle, Britney Spears (looking confused), a lump of cheese, a rabbit, a large TV, a Lego set and an African elephant all appeared out of the cloud. Neo's head swam. He turned back to the front and didn't dare look back for the rest of the journey. However, he did see an old hag riding a broomstick who asked him directions to Kansas and if he'd seen a little girl wearing red shoes and going by the name of Dorothy. Then he headed for Zion.

By the time he got there, the inhabitants of Zion were almost ready in their preparations for the oncoming machine invasion.
"Build up the defensives!" Cried a silly looking general as Neo passed him. Everyone was hurrying around so fast and so busily that it seemed to Neo that the whole of Zion had turned into a nest of giant busy ants. Then, as he turned a corner, with people randomly falling at his feet in worship, he saw. ."Trinity!" he shouted in surprise and joy.
"Hello Neo." She said warmly. "Heil Hitler!" Neo was for a moment puzzled but decided to ignore this comment and settled on "I thought you were dead."
"Well," she said, "It's kind of a long story. You see, when me andMorpheus fell from the hillside we landed by chance in a nice, soft, thorn bush! So I climbed out and."
"Hang on a sec." said Neo. "Where's Morpheus?"
"Ah, yes, well," said Trinity, wondering how to break the bad news. "I'm sorry Neo but, although we were saved, as we climbed out of the thorn bush, Morpheus tripped and fell on his face with a cracking sound. I think his nose broke. But I was just about to ask if he was Ok when some idiot came flying past us at top speed and this great big elephant came flying out of all this dust that was following him and, I'm sorry Neo, but I'm afraid it landed on Morpheus's head."
Neo suddenly went very red and looked down at his feet, saying,
"Oh dear. Urm.poor Morpheus, um, yes, I agree, complete idiot, don't know what he was thinking, err, poor Morpheus."
"There might still might have been a chance of him being saved if the elephant hadn't happened to need the toilet at the point and I'm afraid that it went and pooped all over the part of Morpheus that it wasn't sitting on. Oh dear."
Trinity broke off and began to sob into Neo's chest. Neo still looked a bit guilty.

That night in Zion there was a huge random party, and everyone was invited.
Neo said to Trinity,
"Trinity, I was thinking, everyone's here."
Trinity looked politely puzzled.
"Erm." said Neo.
"What is it Neo?"
"Well.um." Neo said. His plan wasn't going very well. But then Trinity caught on.
"Oh right! That's what you were hinting at!" She said as she winked at him. Neo felt very relieved that his embarrassed message had got across, but then Trinity started smacking her head wildly against the rocky wall. Neo grabbed her.
"Trinity! What are you doing!?" he cried.
"What, isn't that what you wanted?" said Trinity.
"No, I wanted something else." he mumbled, confused as to why this scene was going much less smoothly than it did in the movie.
"Oh! Right!" said Trinity, blushing.
Then they went and made mad passionate love on a rock in Neo's private chambers. They had finished, and Neo stood up and said,
"Trinity, I'm going to see the oracle tomorrow."
"I'm coming with you!" Trinity said immediately, standing up.
"No Trinity! It's too smelly, I mean dangerous!"
"Fine." she said dejectedly. "Oh, by the way, just before Morpheus died he told me to warn you not to eat the moose."

Later the next day, in the Matrix, Neo entered the hut of the Buddhist guy who could lead him to the Oracle. As he walked in he saw through his 'Matrix vision' that the guy was a pooey brown.
"Err.hi?" said Neo nervously. Suddenly the Buddhist jumped up and screamed at Neo,
"What is 6+6???"
"Huh? Um.it's, 12?" said Neo who was completely taken aback.
"The capital of England?"
"Err.London?"
"The meaning of life?"
"Err.to ensure the survival of monkey's with purple bottom's?"
"Yes. Good."
"What the hell was all that about?" gasped Neo.
"I had to test you to see if were indeed the One." Said the Buddhist guy. "And I'm afraid you failed that test."
"Huh?" said Neo, "But I AM the One. And what do you mean, failed? I got every question right!"
"Yes but you did not get over the DELAYED REACTION MINE FIELD!!!"
"What delayed reaction mine f."
BOOOM!!!

Hours of pain and antiseptic cream later, Neo was in a Chinese restaurant with 'Buddha Boy' as Neo now called him.
"The Keymaker works in this restaurant," Buddha boy explained, "You should have no trouble finding him."
A random Chinese waiter was standing by the counter. Before he knew what was happening, he had been grabbed by the One had was flying through the air, through the city.
"Hey Keymaker!" Neo said jovially.
"Wha? Me no keymaker!" said the poor man.
"Whatever Keymaker!"
The unlucky waiter began to whimper.

Later, in the weird portal corridors of the Matrix, Neo was trying to convince the man he thought was the Keymaker to open a door. The waiter was repeating over and over that was a simple Chinese waiter, and that he had never heard of a Keymaker.
"C'mon Keymaker stop, playing games! Open up the door!" Finally, the poor waiter could take it no more. He took off one his shoes very slowly and respectfully, and then ate it. His Liver popped out, and he died. He had performed an ancient Chinese ritual suicide.
"Arrrgh!" said Neo in frustration. "I'll do it myself!" He kicked down the door and went through.

He was on a rooftop. But there was no one there.

Or was there.

TO BE CONTINUED.