Title : Blood part 2/2
Author : Goldy
Email : thegoldoneb_a@hotmail.com
Disclaimer : Joss owns all, I own nothing, and I'm quite happy with it that way.
Synopsis : More pain, funky dreams, and more pain.
Dedication : My bud Laura who's a W/T shipper, major slasher, and has been betaing for me recently. She's been amazing, supportive, and wonderful. I couldn't get this out without her.
Feedback : Yes, please.
Raiting : PG-13
She knew she was dreaming.
Yet, somehow, that didn't make things any less real. She was alone even though she knew she soon wouldn't be. She could smell sulfur and smoke, but the smell of flowers and water was pushing it away.
It was still dark but the sun was coming. If he didn't get there before then, things would go badly. Her frantic heart began pounding its shrill sound, ringing in her ears.
It was too late, too late. The sun was going to come. It was going to shine in the sky, fill the meadow with light and push away the bad smells. She breathed in the dissipating sulfur and smoke.
Too late. Too late. Too late.
But he was there, strong arms wrapped firmly around her waist. A small sigh escaped her throat as she leaned back into his strong hold. Always safe, always tight.
"This is a dream," she whispered.
His soft chuckle tickled her ear. "Then it's a good one."
She shook her head. Not wanting to think that in a few hours she would wake up and he would be gone and she would have to kill him again. The idea sent a slow, sharp pain rocketing through her heart.
"I can't do it," she protested, "Can't do it again…"
"Then don't."
She turned around to look him in the eyes. His eyes were full of love and warmth. His eyes always told her the difference between the soul and the demon. The eyes of the soul, Buffy thought dully to herself. But she also knew there was something different about his deep brown orbs.
"Angel…"
He pushed a lock of her hair tenderly behind her ear, and pressed his lips to the crown of her head. "I miss you."
She sighed, feeling herself melt against him… into him. She knew he was trying to distract her. Knew that he was trying to do what he thought was best for her. And her heart squeezed painfully, because that meant that even now… even now… she came first.
Always.
But she couldn't let him. Couldn't let him give it all up for her.
"You're not in pain."
The barest hint of a smile touched his lips. "No," he agreed softly.
Buffy felt dizzy, so she clung to him, never wanting to let go but knowing that she must. "You don't feel them anymore. All the people you killed. The demon…" she gulped, "it must be nice."
Angel tilted her chin up, made her look him in the eye. "There's no more screaming in my head anymore, you're right. No more bloodlust, no more demon whispering hints of barely controlled evil…" he trailed off, staring intently at her.
"What?" she asked, feeling her throat go dry. Only he could look at her that way. Like nothing else in the world mattered.
"You're right, it is nice," he agreed. "But I…I won't… can't be happy until…"
"I'm with you," she finished heavily.
He nodded miserably.
"Angel," she sighed, feeling like she could say his name over and over and over again and never be satisfied. She was so terribly afraid that if she were to wake up any minute she would never see him again. Never feel his lips against hers again. Never have someone so willing to give up their life for hers.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger."
She shook her head, leaning into his arms. She felt the sun come up and felt like screaming. They didn't even have enough time to say good-bye. "Never. It wasn't your fault."
She felt his lips move against her forehead and cheeks and nose and everywhere at once. She closed her eyes, let herself drown in him. It could be one perfect moment in time, forever frozen in her mind. She surrendered herself to his touch, his perfect mouth, his skilled hands. He was everywhere at once… everything to her.
His hands were in her hair, feeling touching, not wanting to let go. Titling her head back, their mouths crushed together and Buffy felt dizzy and terrified and like she was falling and didn't ever want to stop. Their tongues met, rubbed, and danced. Goosebumps exploded on her arms, and Buffy knew.
Angel was the only one that could ever make her feel like this.
"I… love…" she gasped out between heavy mind-blowing kissing.
"Buffy…" he murmured over and over again in awe.
She could feel the sun beginning to rise in the sky. The meadow was getting brighter. Their time was ending. She knew what would happen if he stayed out in the sun. Angel knew too and he pulled away from her with regret.
"I love you," he said firmly. "Never forget that."
She nodded. "I love you." And she knew that she couldn't take him away from all of this. Knew that she couldn't bring his soul back to the demon that would haunt his dreams forever. Knew she couldn't bring him back to her cruel, dark world only because she needed him.
"I choose you, Buffy."
She blinked back tears. She couldn't do this. Couldn't say good-bye. Couldn't watch him walk away from her for the last time. "You have to go…"
He touched her cheek gently, his eyes boring into hers. And then he turned, ready to escape the coming of the sun.
The meadow was lighting up, the sun's long fingers touching the ends of it. There was darkness in the other direction, where the woods were. Where Angel was headed and would never come back from. The rays of the sun kept coming closer, bathing flowers and plants in a blinding yellow light.
Buffy's tears streamed down her cheeks, she knew she couldn't do it. She didn't know how to say good-bye forever.
"Angel!" she called softly, but he didn't hear her and kept going towards the darkness. "ANGEL!" she called desperately, needing him to hear her, but deathly afraid of the consequences if he did.
He turned and stopped, staring a moment at the sun that came up over the meadow. Buffy felt the heat beat down on her back and then on her head. She suddenly knew what was going to happen and regretted not being strong enough to let him go.
"NO!" she screamed.
But it was too late. Angel stared up at the sky even as the sun wrought its deadly heat onto him. Buffy began running, running as fast as she possibly could, knowing all the while that it was too late and she wouldn't be able to save him.
Angel's mouth opened in surprise as the first few flames started, still he kept his eyes on her as she ran towards him. They framed her face with a look of perfect, unwavering trust and love. 'No, no, no!' her mind screamed and she willed herself to go faster.
Angel had one second to see the sun in full view before he started burning. The pain was everywhere at once, burning and pushing, fighting for a spot on his body. He licked with jumping flames as the sun burned him to nothing. Nothing but…
Ash. Dust. Sand in the unwavering desert.
And Buffy got there just in time to feel his remains catch on the pleasant breeze and brush over her. She stared in shock at where her lover had been, a moment before crumpling to the ground, letting out a high pitched wail. She could hear very faintly in the breeze his last words. Spoken softly as he had never taken his eyes off her. They repeated ceaselessly in her head, bent on torturing her and driving her insane. The wind mocked her, whispered his words again and again.
"Always you."
***
Still she dreamed, far into the night. It was only the nightmares that woke her up, as they always seemed to do. They were painful images of horror that the slayer had faced in the past, distorted and blurred, slowly driving her to the brink of madness. In this one, she was laying still, resting and somehow at peace. That sleep, the one that always beckoned to her, had finally stolen upon her tired and worn body. Then Angel appeared before her, his monstrous ridges protruding from his forehead. His fangs seemed to glint and blur with the dreamlike quality. Buffy struggled as best she could even as she realized it wasn't helping things any. Her dwindling attempts petered out and she lay still in a shocked silence. His cool breath whistled against her neck, and she closed her eyes waiting for the needle sharp pain of his fangs.
Gasping, Buffy wrenched herself violently out the dream. Her hand reached and touched her neck gingerly, finding her old scar there, but nothing more. She let out a pained sigh, closing her eyes as the pounding drum of her heartbeat reverberated around the room. She tried not to think about how afraid she was of that death, but how she welcomed it so.
Hearing a noise behind her, Buffy sprang around, eyes darting nervously around the room. Her arms came up as a protective shield before her. Fierce, she glared threateningly at the figure hidden in the shadows of the room.
"Whoa…" the figure said, springing up from its crouched position.
Buffy squinted, relaxing slightly. "Cordelia?" she whispered, like the name jogged some far away memory.
Cordelia stepped into her line of vision. "Uh, yeah. Who else were you expecting?"
"Angel," Buffy answered simply, continuing to survey the room with an increasing feeling of weariness.
"Not a problem."
Buffy turned back around to stare at Cordelia. What was she blabbering on about? "Hmmm?"
Cordelia shrugged. "Wesley, he enacted some kind of barrier. I don't know what, but… no Angel, so I guess that it worked."
"It's getting dark," Buffy declared, scrambling off the bed.
"Did you not hear me?"
"I heard you," Buffy responded tersely, "but if Angel wants in badly enough, then he'll get in. And I'm not going to let that happen."
"Whatever," Cordelia muttered.
Buffy's eyes flashed with indignation. "Could you, for once, try to spare someone else's feelings?"
"What were you dreaming about?"
The question caught Buffy off guard. She expected a fight from Cordelia, was almost looking for a reason to argue with the ex-cheerleader. But the abrupt change of subject made the slayer momentarily forget her anger, and the sympathy in Cordelia's voice brought back painful images. "It doesn't matter," she whispered. She cleared her throat, "What are you doing here?"
Cordelia's eyes flashed with anger and she paced around the room, picking up clothes and folding them with quick, jerky movements. "You told us not to go anywhere alone."
"I'm the slayer."
The ex-May Queen threw a sock against the wall. The sock hit the wall with a dull thud and fell to the floor. "You're a slayer that's going to die unless you start letting us help you."
Buffy moved towards the door. "Cordelia, this really isn't the time."
"We're worried about you!" she burst out. "Hiding up here, telling Gunn to take care of Dawn! Threatening to kill Angel! What's your deal?"
"I can't do this now!" Buffy ground out between clenched teeth. Running a hand through limp hair, she stood, looking tired and haggard, the opposite of her strong slayer persona.
Cordelia put a gentle hand on her arm. "You're a girl first, the slayer second. You can't fight Angel like this."
Shrugging the hand off, Buffy staggered to the door. "If I can't, then who can?"
Cordelia listened to the silence of Buffy and Angel's room long after the slayer had left. The warning about not being anywhere alone momentarily flashed in her head, but she ignored it. It was good to hear the quiet, good to be alone with her thoughts.
But the ghosts in this room, Buffy and Angel's, seemed to haunt her. Cordelia's heart filled with sympathy for Buffy like it never had before and didn't think it ever could. Why couldn't the two most feared warriors on the planet just be regular humans?
***
Wesley was sitting at the kitchen table, busily sketching down notes on a scrap piece of paper even as his other hand busily flipped through a book. A pencil was hanging out of one side of his mouth and he nervously chewed on the eraser. Totally caught up in his work, he didn't notice when Buffy stole behind him.
'"Darling, that depends on you?'"
Wesley jumped about five feet in the air. "Good lord, Buffy. I didn't know you were there."
She frowned. "What does that mean?"
Wesley glanced down at his notes. He was busily transcribing what Angel had told him about his dream. "It's what Darla told him," Wesley answered, voice slightly muffled by the pencil sticking out of his mouth.
Buffy snatched the pencil out of his mouth
and fiddled with it between anxious hands. "Darla told him that?"
That was right… Angel had refused to tell her about his dream. "In a dream Angel had the night before you…" he trailed off uncertainly.
"You can say crazy, Wes. It's okay."
He stared at her for a beat, considering the preposition. "Crazy," he said gently, then cleared his throat. "Angel had a dream that warned him to keep you safe."
"So he picked a fight with me instead?"
Wesley frowned. "I don't believe that was his intention, Buffy."
She sighed. "I know, you're right. What was in the dream?"
"A warning…" his voice trailed off, as he busily looked at his notes again. "But I believe that it was a warning for himself, not for you."
"They weren't trying to tell him that Ethan was going to hit me with the wacky?"
"It's possible, but Darla kept insisting that getting farther away from you depended on him. 'Be there when it comes…'" Wesley quoted, '"the slight screaming of a baby was his only response…'"
"It sounds like an awful load of gibberish," Buffy muttered.
Wesley shook his head. "Angel kept hearing a thudding noise, a dripping if you will, during this dream sequence. Apparently, he woke up to the noise. Again, when you were put in danger, the pipes started leaking and dripped down on the front desk."
Buffy's eyes flashed with recognition. "That's what all that water is in the lobby…" she shook her head, thinking. "I heard the noise, too. After the spell was put on me, I heard this noise…"
"Drip
Drip
Drip"
Wesley and Buffy looked up sharply at the now conscious Ethan Rayne who was staring at them in concentration. "But the question is, what does it mean?" he asked vaguely.
"I really hit you hard, didn't I?"
"No, he's right, Buffy," Wesley fumbled, as he busily began searching through another book that read, 'Portents and Signs'. "If both you and Angel experienced the noise then it does indeed stand for something."
"Blood." Ethan answered without missing a beat.
Wesley looked up. Shutting the book, he stood up and began pacing. "Of course!" he declared, "blood… blood! Why didn't I see it before?"
"Cause it's kind of disturbing?" Buffy offered.
Wesley turned and glared at Ethan. "Why didn't you tell us this before?"
"Well, none of you bothered to ask," the spellcaster complained. "I was quite willing to share information. I believe I even offered to help bind Angel's soul. But, no, I got a fist in the face instead."
"You'll get another one unless you shut up," Buffy muttered irritably.
"Oh, boo hoo, I'm shaking."
Buffy shot him a glare. "I hope your head isn't hurting you too much, Ethan," she said sweetly.
"Do you want me to help your boy or not?"
"If everyone could be quiet for one minute!"
Buffy and Ethan glanced boredly at Wesley. "What?" they both demanded simultaneously.
"If blood is the key," Wesley thought aloud, pulling off his glasses and staring suspiciously at Ethan, "then you've known about all of this all along."
Buffy groaned, hitting her forehead with her hand. "Why, yes! It's all so SIMPLE! Obviously, blood is the key. Then all we need to do is get Angel to feed from something. I see it now."
"Buffy, please…"
"Wesley," she hissed, "last time blood was the key I DIED. I don't care what the fuck Rayne says. I'm not wasting anymore time." Grabbing a stake, she turned from the room. "I'm not going to stand by and read books while Angel's out there killing people." Her voice became sadder, softer, "I don't want him to have to come back to the pain of what he's done."
And then she was gone.
Ethan Rayne whistled. "That one carries the weight of the world on her shoulders."
***
Buffy stalked angrily through the streets of LA. Her stake thumped against her side, her other hand clenched and unclenched spasmodically. She didn't know where she was going, but knew she would get there. Angel was a part of her, so embedded in her heart and soul that she was a fool to have ever thought she could get rid of him.
Angelus was there, too. He was always a part of her, always laughing at her when he wasn't loving her, threatening to kill her when he wasn't worshipping her. But she knew him so well, her body knew the both of them. And, eventually, if she kept walking she would find him. She would find him and they would fight.
And she would kill him.
He teeth clenched together. It didn't matter how much it hurt. Didn't matter that she would be ending all the hopes and dreams that she had ever dared carry close to her heart.
The others, they didn't understand. They thought she was going crazy, that she hadn't properly recovered from the spell that Ethan had cast upon her. But they also didn't know the true realities of the pain that Angel could inflict. They didn't have an inkling of comprehension of what Angel would go through if they restored his soul.
Buffy owed it to Jenny Calendar, owed it to Fred, owed it to herself, and most importantly to Angel. She had promised to kill him if he ever went evil again, and she was going to follow her promise.
Because she loved him.
***
"We have a slight problem," Wesley informed the group gathered around him.
Cordelia's eyes widened. "What happened?"
"Where's Buffy?" Dawn demanded.
Gunn put a comforting arm on Dawn's shoulder. "I'm sure Buffy's fine. She probably only went to the bathroom or something." Gunn glanced wearily at Wesley. "Right?"
Wesley cleared his throat. Gulped.
Ethan Rayne let out a chuckle. "She took off!" he declared quite happily.
Dawn shut her eyes. "Oh no…" she moaned. Resting her forehead on her arm, she resisted the urge to start crying, "I can't do this again."
Gunn and Cordelia exchanged helpless looks. Wesley glared menacingly at Ethan.
Dawn felt sick. "Wesley, please, we have to do something!" She looked up, eyes red and swollen, lost like only a child's could be. "I can't… I can't lose her again."
"I can't believe this," Cordelia muttered. "I CAN'T believe this!"
"I can!" Ethan declared gleefully from his spot tied to the refrigerator.
"That's it…" Gunn snapped, "I'm gagging him."
"Please," Wesley concurred.
"Whoa," Ethan protested, "I'm the one who holds the key to the curse after all."
"It doesn't matter!" Cordy whimpered, angrily. "Buffy's gone to kill him."
"They'll kill each other," Dawn whispered in horror under her breath.
Wesley shook his head. "I believe I may have found something."
"Actually, he really didn't." Ethan's snarky British tone still held a faint note of amusement. Everyone tried their best to ignore him.
"What is it?" Gunn asked.
"Blood."
"Blood?" Dawn and Cordelia cried simultaneously.
"Haven't you people figured it out already?" Ethan demanded. "Blood. It's the key to everything. Blood IS life. It can take it, give it. Blood is everything." Ethan stared at Dawn, "Why do you think Buffy was able to close the rift between the worlds?"
"Buffy's blood!" Wesley declared, jumping up from his seat and knocking his notes to the ground.
Ethan's chains flickered and then disappeared. "Now we're getting somewhere."
TBC
