Well, I guess chapter 4 turned out to be a big hit (quite personally, it is
actually one of my favorites). I am GLAD you enjoyed it. Sorry it took be
sort of awhile to get this one up, and unfortunately this is the final
chapter. I hope you like it. Also, go and read The Dbz Dealer's fics.. she
added 3 more chapters to her latest fic, and they're GREAT! (not trying to
sound like Tony the tiger). Anyway. on with the fic!
---
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar
Chapter V
Nappa was smoking a weed-filled cigar and watching the "fireworks" when Radditz showed up. Radditz got straight to the point.
"Why did I betray Lord Piccolo?" Radditz asked. "I've only been working for him for a week, and I've got more weed then ever."
"Yeah, this really sucks," Nappa replied, "Piccolo's gonna kill all of us."
"You think we'll stand a chance with the cigar?"
"No. We're fucked."
Nappa took a hit of his cigar and suddenly he was sliced in half. The top part of his body fell and his legs still stood. He cigar fell to the ground.
"Fuck!" Radditz exclaimed. "I didn't even see him!"
Nappa tried to reach his cigar but couldn't. "The last hit is the best hit," Nappa said calmly and died.
Suddenly Piccolo appeared before Radditz, who took a step back in fear.
"Lord Piccolo," Radditz said frightened, "I'm sorry I betrayed you! It was that bastard Cell! He made me do it!"
"You're fucking pathetic," Piccolo replied, and tore Radditz into thousands of pieces.
---
Chouzu was waiting by the front door. He saw Piccolo coming and decided to attack. He flew at Piccolo and the Namek punched him. The punch was so powerful that Chouzu exploded.
"That was excellent," Piccolo said pleased.
He entered the house and made his way to his office. None other then Cell was sitting behind HIS desk.
"Ah," Cell said calmly, "glad to see you're alive, Piccolo."
"That's Lord Piccolo to you, you fucking prick. You will be the one that gets killed."
Cell grinned. "I don't think so. I still have this."
He pulled the cigar out of the desk and showed it to Piccolo.
Piccolo grinned. "Go ahead. Take a hit. I don't give a fuck."
"That's the idea." Cell lit it and took a hit. Nothing happened. He looked at it confused and took another. Still nothing.
"You dumb fuck," Piccolo said, "you stole the wrong cigar. I already smoked the real one."
"Fuck," Cell said. He now knew why Piccolo looked so powerful. "I shouldn't have waited until this very moment to see if it worked."
"Indeed, because now I'm going to kill you."
"Wait Mr. Piccolo. I propose a challenge."
"Challenge? What kind of challenge?"
"A challenge of pure skill and bravery, Mr. Piccolo. A smoking challenge. You and me, one on one. Smoke until you cannot smoke anymore. Whoever gives up or faints first loses."
Piccolo thought about it. . . for two seconds! "Let's do this. I like this idea."
"Tien," Cell said, "bring us four boxes of special cigars each to begin with."
Tien came in and placed eight boxes of cigars on the desk. "Mr. Piccolo," he said, "I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for betraying you."
"Shut the fuck up and get me a chair," Piccolo ordered.
"Immediately, sir."
Tien got him a chair and Piccolo sat down. "You're gonna need a lot of special cigars to knock me down, Cell."
Cell grinned and put three cigars in his mouth and began to smoke all three. Piccolo shook his head and put SIX in his mouth and smoked all of them at the same time.
"Impressive Piccolo, but you'll never defeat me."
They smoked non-stop all night. When dawn arrived each had smoked well over a thousand cigars. The entire room was smoked out and cigar boxes were scattered across the floor. Their eyes were barely open and entirely bloodshot. Not a single trace of white was in their eyes. Piccolo sat on the ground in one corner. His jacket was torn for some reason and his tie was crooked. Cell was in the opposite corner.
The two were going insane.
"I am feeling REALLY fucked up," Cell said. "We've smoked a lot of uhm. . . what were we smoking?"
Piccolo looked at the cigar in his hand. "Uhh, Yamcha was supposed to give me a senzu bean. Therefore, we are smoking lava."
"Did you say. . . saliva?"
"Yes, I said larva. We are smoking beans."
"So we are eating soda while smoking dog food?"
"Uhhhh. . . ."
Piccolo took another hit. It took him like five minutes to lift the cigar to his mouth. "Good God!" Piccolo exclaimed. "I've discovered the meaning of life!"
"The meaning of what? Knives?"
"Yes! The meaning of knives is to drink water while eating beef jerky while standing on a cloud!"
"Of course! It's so simple! We are smoking beef jerky!"
"Yes! While eating a cloud!"
They both laughed and congratulated themselves on their new discovery. Tien, who had major contact (for those who don't know, contact is when someone is starting to feel high simply be second-hand marijuana smoke), asked, "What the fuck are you guys talking about? Who the fuck would eat a knife while kicking a tree?"
Piccolo turned to Tien. "Did you say you're going to eat a tree while punching Freeza?"
"Yes I did."
"That makes sense," Cell said.
Then it suddenly went quiet. The room was so smoked out that every time they took a breath they were getting a big hit. They smoked for a few more hours.
"Holy shit!" Cell exclaimed. "The room is spinning and it's upside down!"
Cell began to twitch uncontrollably. It was as if he wasn't in control of his own body.
"Calm down," Piccolo said, "it's just the, uh, screwdriver we smoked."
"Did you say you want to screw a driver?" Tien asked.
"My brain is going to explode!" Cell interrupted with a loud shout.
Piccolo and Tien laughed. Their laughter couldn't be controlled. Once it started things got crazy. While Cell twitched uncontrollably non-stop, Piccolo and Tien rolled on the floor laughing non-stop. This literally went on for hours. Many, many hours. However, neither of them stopped smoking.
Finally, after over FIVE THOUSAND CIGARS, Cell passed out. Piccolo saw this and just stopped laughing.
"Hey," he said. "I won."
"You what?" Tien asked.
"I uhh, what did I say? I can't remember."
"I don't know sir."
"You don't eh? I won bitch! That's what!"
Piccolo blasted Tien and destroyed him. Then he threw Cell out the window. A barrage of smoke left the room as Cell hit the ground. Piccolo then went outside.
"Wow, regular air sucks," he said.
He then straightened his tie and walked up to Cell.
"This is Piccolo's World bitch. I run this fucking planet!"
Piccolo threw Cell into the air and killed him with a powerful energy attack. "And that's that," he said.
Piccolo straightened his tie, glanced at his world, and went back inside to have a good rest inside his office. He had never felt so stoned. Lord Piccolo felt great.
THE END
Cast:
Piccolo
Radditz
Cell
Goku
Nappa
Tien
Chouzu
Vegeta
Captain Ginyu (in Vegeta's hallucination)
Mr. Satan
Krillen
Yamcha
Kooler
Janemba (in Vegeta's hallucination)
***
Well, that's the end official end of Piccolo's World. After three episodes it is done. From the looks of it you have enjoyed them, and that makes me happy. I am also quite sure you'll want me to write another fic, and never fear, I am already working on one! Don't worry, Piccolo will return in a fic which I call "The Bus Driver." This one will be pretty insane, just like Piccolo's World!
Remember, All Hail Stalin, and All Hail Piccolo!!!!
---
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar
Chapter V
Nappa was smoking a weed-filled cigar and watching the "fireworks" when Radditz showed up. Radditz got straight to the point.
"Why did I betray Lord Piccolo?" Radditz asked. "I've only been working for him for a week, and I've got more weed then ever."
"Yeah, this really sucks," Nappa replied, "Piccolo's gonna kill all of us."
"You think we'll stand a chance with the cigar?"
"No. We're fucked."
Nappa took a hit of his cigar and suddenly he was sliced in half. The top part of his body fell and his legs still stood. He cigar fell to the ground.
"Fuck!" Radditz exclaimed. "I didn't even see him!"
Nappa tried to reach his cigar but couldn't. "The last hit is the best hit," Nappa said calmly and died.
Suddenly Piccolo appeared before Radditz, who took a step back in fear.
"Lord Piccolo," Radditz said frightened, "I'm sorry I betrayed you! It was that bastard Cell! He made me do it!"
"You're fucking pathetic," Piccolo replied, and tore Radditz into thousands of pieces.
---
Chouzu was waiting by the front door. He saw Piccolo coming and decided to attack. He flew at Piccolo and the Namek punched him. The punch was so powerful that Chouzu exploded.
"That was excellent," Piccolo said pleased.
He entered the house and made his way to his office. None other then Cell was sitting behind HIS desk.
"Ah," Cell said calmly, "glad to see you're alive, Piccolo."
"That's Lord Piccolo to you, you fucking prick. You will be the one that gets killed."
Cell grinned. "I don't think so. I still have this."
He pulled the cigar out of the desk and showed it to Piccolo.
Piccolo grinned. "Go ahead. Take a hit. I don't give a fuck."
"That's the idea." Cell lit it and took a hit. Nothing happened. He looked at it confused and took another. Still nothing.
"You dumb fuck," Piccolo said, "you stole the wrong cigar. I already smoked the real one."
"Fuck," Cell said. He now knew why Piccolo looked so powerful. "I shouldn't have waited until this very moment to see if it worked."
"Indeed, because now I'm going to kill you."
"Wait Mr. Piccolo. I propose a challenge."
"Challenge? What kind of challenge?"
"A challenge of pure skill and bravery, Mr. Piccolo. A smoking challenge. You and me, one on one. Smoke until you cannot smoke anymore. Whoever gives up or faints first loses."
Piccolo thought about it. . . for two seconds! "Let's do this. I like this idea."
"Tien," Cell said, "bring us four boxes of special cigars each to begin with."
Tien came in and placed eight boxes of cigars on the desk. "Mr. Piccolo," he said, "I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for betraying you."
"Shut the fuck up and get me a chair," Piccolo ordered.
"Immediately, sir."
Tien got him a chair and Piccolo sat down. "You're gonna need a lot of special cigars to knock me down, Cell."
Cell grinned and put three cigars in his mouth and began to smoke all three. Piccolo shook his head and put SIX in his mouth and smoked all of them at the same time.
"Impressive Piccolo, but you'll never defeat me."
They smoked non-stop all night. When dawn arrived each had smoked well over a thousand cigars. The entire room was smoked out and cigar boxes were scattered across the floor. Their eyes were barely open and entirely bloodshot. Not a single trace of white was in their eyes. Piccolo sat on the ground in one corner. His jacket was torn for some reason and his tie was crooked. Cell was in the opposite corner.
The two were going insane.
"I am feeling REALLY fucked up," Cell said. "We've smoked a lot of uhm. . . what were we smoking?"
Piccolo looked at the cigar in his hand. "Uhh, Yamcha was supposed to give me a senzu bean. Therefore, we are smoking lava."
"Did you say. . . saliva?"
"Yes, I said larva. We are smoking beans."
"So we are eating soda while smoking dog food?"
"Uhhhh. . . ."
Piccolo took another hit. It took him like five minutes to lift the cigar to his mouth. "Good God!" Piccolo exclaimed. "I've discovered the meaning of life!"
"The meaning of what? Knives?"
"Yes! The meaning of knives is to drink water while eating beef jerky while standing on a cloud!"
"Of course! It's so simple! We are smoking beef jerky!"
"Yes! While eating a cloud!"
They both laughed and congratulated themselves on their new discovery. Tien, who had major contact (for those who don't know, contact is when someone is starting to feel high simply be second-hand marijuana smoke), asked, "What the fuck are you guys talking about? Who the fuck would eat a knife while kicking a tree?"
Piccolo turned to Tien. "Did you say you're going to eat a tree while punching Freeza?"
"Yes I did."
"That makes sense," Cell said.
Then it suddenly went quiet. The room was so smoked out that every time they took a breath they were getting a big hit. They smoked for a few more hours.
"Holy shit!" Cell exclaimed. "The room is spinning and it's upside down!"
Cell began to twitch uncontrollably. It was as if he wasn't in control of his own body.
"Calm down," Piccolo said, "it's just the, uh, screwdriver we smoked."
"Did you say you want to screw a driver?" Tien asked.
"My brain is going to explode!" Cell interrupted with a loud shout.
Piccolo and Tien laughed. Their laughter couldn't be controlled. Once it started things got crazy. While Cell twitched uncontrollably non-stop, Piccolo and Tien rolled on the floor laughing non-stop. This literally went on for hours. Many, many hours. However, neither of them stopped smoking.
Finally, after over FIVE THOUSAND CIGARS, Cell passed out. Piccolo saw this and just stopped laughing.
"Hey," he said. "I won."
"You what?" Tien asked.
"I uhh, what did I say? I can't remember."
"I don't know sir."
"You don't eh? I won bitch! That's what!"
Piccolo blasted Tien and destroyed him. Then he threw Cell out the window. A barrage of smoke left the room as Cell hit the ground. Piccolo then went outside.
"Wow, regular air sucks," he said.
He then straightened his tie and walked up to Cell.
"This is Piccolo's World bitch. I run this fucking planet!"
Piccolo threw Cell into the air and killed him with a powerful energy attack. "And that's that," he said.
Piccolo straightened his tie, glanced at his world, and went back inside to have a good rest inside his office. He had never felt so stoned. Lord Piccolo felt great.
THE END
Cast:
Piccolo
Radditz
Cell
Goku
Nappa
Tien
Chouzu
Vegeta
Captain Ginyu (in Vegeta's hallucination)
Mr. Satan
Krillen
Yamcha
Kooler
Janemba (in Vegeta's hallucination)
***
Well, that's the end official end of Piccolo's World. After three episodes it is done. From the looks of it you have enjoyed them, and that makes me happy. I am also quite sure you'll want me to write another fic, and never fear, I am already working on one! Don't worry, Piccolo will return in a fic which I call "The Bus Driver." This one will be pretty insane, just like Piccolo's World!
Remember, All Hail Stalin, and All Hail Piccolo!!!!
