Title: Summer Sucks
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and adult themes
Characters: Hyde, Jackie, Donna, etc…
Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Budnik/Dina
Summary: That 70's Show and Salute Your Shorts crossover. The gang has to serve as camp counselors at Camp Anawana in order to complete their student service learning hours. Guess who they meet?
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. Don't Sue.
A/N: Third chapter. God Ashley, you retard, took you long enough. Shut up! You wanna come over here and make me? Maybe I will if you don't shut that ugly hole in your mouth! Well, now that she's gone…I hate inner-Ashley. She's such a nerd. Anywho, I believe I owe you all an apology. It's been over a year since I updated, and that's not cool of me. So I got off my butt, edited the last two chapters, added a little scene with the Anawana campers at the end of Chapter 2, and started this chapter. So, I hope you like it enough that it makes up for the little…okay, long hiatus.
Dedication: My pops…no my dad. I tried to get into the habit of calling him pops, but it never caught on. Well, I got my sense of humor from my dad, but I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. He's the only one in my family that laughs at my farts and my burps, AND burps and farts back. And for that, he's my hero. Thanks dad!
"Alright, everybody up! It's seven o'clock, time to get up!" Ug yelled into the boys' cabin. "The food isn't going to serve itself now is it? You four better up and dressed in five minutes, or you can bet your Aunt Polly that I'm gonna be crackin' some skulls!" And with that, Ug stomped off to wake the girls.
"Man," Hyde groaned, "I can't believe this. Just think, back home, we could actually be doing something constructive. Like planning the downfall of the government or pushing Eric down the stairs and laughing."
"Yeah, or watching that fuzzy porn channel on TV. Fuzzy boob is better than no boob at all," Fez sighed dramatically. "Fez like fuzzy boob." Eric shook his head.
"Fez, man, you need to get laid. Not having sex is affecting your brain in scary ways," Eric said pulling his t-shirt over his head.
"Would you morons shut up! I need my beauty sleep," Kelso yelled throwing his comforter over his head. Hyde snorted.
"You'll need to sleep for the rest of the day for that to work," he said sarcastically. Just then, Jackie and Donna walked in, dressed in jeans and Camp Anawana t-shirts, the required camp counselor uniform.
"Guys! Why aren't you ready? Ug said we needed to be ready in five minutes, and you aren't even dressed," Donna scolded at the pajama-clad boys.
"Give us a break Donna. It's seven o'clock in the morning. Our clocks don't even know a 7 o'clock," Eric said hurriedly trying to tame his bed head. Jackie walked over to Michael's bed and tapped the lump under the covers.
"Michael, come on, it's time to get up," Jackie said, once again tapping the lump that was Michael Kelso.
"Go away Jackie," Kelso said groggily. Jackie rolled her eyes.
"Come on Michael. If you don't get up now, we are leaving you here to get yelled at and then we will laugh at you," Jackie said with a glint of irritation in her eyes. Hyde snorted.
"Good God, Kelso. Even your girlfriend has started telling you off," he laughed. "You are a sad, sad little man."
"Pipe down, would you? Michael tired, so Michael sleep," he said, strangely resembling a caveman. Eric let out a dramatic sigh.
"Kelso, your girlfriend is in daisy dukes and a low-cut tee shirt. For the love of Luke Sky Walker, get the hell up!" Eric yelled at him pulling off his comforter. As soon as he did, he regretted it. It seemed that Mr. Kelso got a little hot while sleeping and decided to sleep in the nude, therefore giving the gang a full frontal view of his unmentionables.
"Dude, Eric!" Kelso squeaked as he covered himself. Jackie giggled, while Hyde, Donna, and Eric looked disturbed. Fez looked unaffected.
"Man, I think I am mentally scarred for life!" Donna said rubbing her eyes.
"I know! Eric, what the hell were you thinking? I mean, this is Kelso we are talking about here. What? Did you think he was wearing a flannel night set to bed?" Hyde said, punching him on the arm. "You dumbass!"
"Hey now! I was only trying to get him up. It was one of those spur of the moment things. Like in Star Wars, when Darth Vader told Luke-," Eric started.
"No! Stop right there. No Star Wars," Donna said cutting him off.
"I don't see what the big deal is. I am a man, so I will take it like a man," Fez said proudly. "But yours and mine look so much different, Kelso. Do you want to compare?"
"Ew, no! Fez, take your hand away from the zipper," Kelso stopped Fez before he got any further.
"So, Michael, was it chilly under those covers?" Jackie laughed. Kelso huffed and looked as though he was about to say something until Ug barged into the room for the second time in a time span of 10 minutes.
"Why are you six dilly-dallying around? When I say seven, I mean seven! Is that understood?" Ug asked in a very stern voice. The group of teenagers mumbled a yes.
"Sir, what does dilly-dally mean?" Fez asked the older counselor. Ug gave him a confused look.
"You're not going to trick me into playing with you in your little mind games. You can't fool me, so don't even try it, foreign boy!"
"Mind games, sir? What mind games?" Fez asked. Ug raised his hand to the foreigners' face.
"Stop right there. I told you that you couldn't fool me," Ug said with a smirk. "Now all of you follow me!" The whole gang started to follow him, until he stopped when he noticed Kelso, who was still wrapped in his sheet. "You there, what are you doing? I said follow me!"
"But Mr. Ugly, I-," Kelso tried but Ug cut him off.
"It's Mr. Lee to you, numb nuts," Ug stated and the rest of the teenagers in the room snickered at the irony of that statement. Just then, Bobby Budnik walked in with a plunger in hand.
"Toilet's unclogged," he said, throwing the plunger directly at Ug. Ug's hand snapped up and caught it right before it smacked him on the face. He threw an annoyed look at Budnik.
"Aww…so I guess since you unclogged the toilet, you're done for the day? Well think again! I ain't no fool," he said brushing off his shoulder.
"Ain't no? That would be a double negative, sir," Budnik said with a mocking smile. Hyde coughed, but it resembled more of a laugh than a cough.
"Well, I…who asked you?" Ug concluded.
"Just making commentary, sir," Budnik said.
"Well, don't. Alright, enough standing around. Let's see…Budnik, you go with small fry and fro boy over there to clean out the lake," he said, pointing to Jackie and Hyde.
"Excuse me? Small fry?" Jackie asked with her hands on her hips.
"That's right, small fry," Ug smirked. Jackie huffed, but Ug didn't give her the chance to say anything else. "Alright, carrot top you go with skinny boy to the mess hall where you can serve breakfast and dinner."
"Hey, hey, hey. I am not skinny," Eric said indignantly. "I'm wirey."
"Yeah, that's what they all say," Ug rolled his eyes. "That leaves foreign boy and numb nuts to pair up and supervise the team sports."
"Oh, yay! Fez is good at sports," Fez smiled. Donna snorted.
"Fez, whenever we play kickball, when someone rolls the ball towards you, you scream like a pansy and pass out." Fez hissed at her like a cat.
"Enough chitty chatty! Move it people, hustle!" Ug told them all, pushing them out the door. Everyone went where they were told and got ready for a day of hell.
Down at the river, Budnik, Hyde, and Jackie were sitting on the dock, getting all of the junk out of the river using nets. Jackie lifted up her net and in the net was an old shoe and a white "balloon".
"Oh, that is sick," Jackie said with disgust. She emptied her net into the trashcan and sat back down. "And you guys have to swim in this?"
"Yeah, if your excuse isn't good enough for Ug," Budnik smirked. "I use the same one every year. I'm allergic to seaweed and if I get near it, I will get highly contagious rashes which will spread to the campers and the camp counselors."
"Nice," Hyde said.
"So what are you guys here for?"
"School. Our principal made us go because we didn't have enough student service learning hours," Jackie sighed. "I am so getting my daddy to sue that bastard."
"Seriously though, man. What is the point of student service learning hours? Probably just some ploy by the government to get teens to work as slaves. Man, once I turn 18, I'm moving to Canada," Hyde said, throwing his net over his shoulder. The other two followed suit and stood up with him.
"Well, there's not much to do around here, but Donkey Lips is still sleeping. We could shaving cream him," Budnik suggested. Hyde smirked, while Jackie rolled her eyes.
"Sounds like a plan to me. You coming, Jackie?" Hyde asked. "Oh, sorry. I forgot. Your too good to play perfectly good pranks on people." Jackie glared at him.
"You know what? I think I will go with you," she said as Hyde's mouth dropped open. She smirked at the effect it had on him.
"Excellent, follow me," Budnik said with a wave of the hand. Jackie and Hyde followed Budnik towards one of the bunkhouses. They tiptoed in and watched Budnik as he got a can of shaving cream and a feather from his bunk. He walked over to the sleeping boy and kneeled beside the bed. Hyde and Jackie did the same.
Budnik put some shaving cream into Donkey Lips' left hand, which was hanging over the edge of the bed. Donkey Lips grunted, making the teens jump, but went back to his sleepy state. Budnik took the green feather he had in his other hand and ran it across the sleeping boys' forehead. He swatted his forehead with his left hand, causing shaving cream to go all over his face. Hyde's shoulders shook at he erupted with silent laughter and Jackie let out a small giggle.
"But Mommy, I don't want to go to karate class, I want to go to ballet…best tap dancer ever, Ma…" Donkey Lips muttered in his sleep. This caused Budnik to laugh out loud, waking up his bunkmates, including the now shaving creamed Donkey Lips.
"Whoops," Budnik laughed.
"What the…? Budnik, you are so dead!" Donkey Lips yelled as he tried wiping the shaving cream off his forehead, but only succeeded in smearing it. He looked over to where Budnik was and saw the two camp counselors that he'd met the other day. "And you got them in on it too? All three of you are toast!"
"Hey, whoa, whoa. Watch it there fatty," Hyde said putting his hands up. "Don't make me go kung fu on your ass. And I will, oh I will."
"Yeah, and before you sit on me, I just wanted you to know that I had nothing to do with this," Jackie said, picking up the shaving cream bottle. She looked like she was about to say something else until she spotted something from across the room that made her eyes widen. She ran over to Pinsky's bunk.
"Oh my God! Is this real silk?" she asked, pointing to the sheets on the bed.
"Yeah, it's imported," Pinsky said arrogantly.
"Really? I have the same kind at home," Jackie said with a smile. Pinsky smiled back.
"Enough about silk, you three better start running," Donkey Lips said cracking his knuckles. Sponge started walking over to Donkey Lips.
"Now, come on guys, can't we all just-," he tried to reason, but he was cut off when Hyde stuck his foot out and tripped the poor boy. This caused Sponge to fall face forward onto Donkey Lips' bed, which was covered in shaving cream from the prank that happened just a few minutes before. Thus resulting in Sponge getting a face full of shaving cream and looking as mad as Donkey Lips.
"Okay Donkey Lips! Sick 'em!" Sponge pointed at them. The two teams were about to collide when Pinsky and Jackie stepped in.
"Alright guys. Settle down now," Pinsky said shaking his finger at the boys while they rolled their eyes at the fruity boy. "Lets be a little more mature about this."
"I know, really. I mean, if we did this to Pinsky he would be totally cool about it. See?" she said as she put some shaving cream onto her palm and spread it all over Pinsky's face. Hyde and Budnik snickered.
"Wow Jackie. I didn't know you had it in 'ya," Hyde laughed.
"What? It's not like he's mad or anything," she shrugged. Pinsky growled and turned to Donkey Lips and Sponge.
"Are you sure about that?" Budnik asked.
"Hey guys, whatcha whispering about over there?" Jackie said nervously. The three shaving creamed boys turned around with evil grins on their faces.
"One…two…three!" Pinsky shouted as they started running after the three other teens. Jackie, Hyde, and Budnik ran out of the bunkhouse like madmen. They narrowly escaped, when Donkey Lips ran out of breath.
"This isn't over!" Sponge shouted at him. "This means war!"
Oh, so Sponge really does have a bad boy side to him. Sexy…kind of…not really. Anywho, in the next chapter, we'll see what's happening with Eric, Donna, Kelso, Fez, and the rest of the Anawana campers. And we'll see what going on with the prank war. And I might add some more Jackie/Hyde fluffiness because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Oh, and thanks to the reviewers:
Bunny: I know, I had to add a little of Jackie/Hyde in there. Thanks for reviewing.
LuViN ePhRaM n CoLiN: I haven't seen it in a while either and that makes me sad. And then it makes me mad. And then it makes me write a That 70's Show/Salute Your Shorts crossover, so good deal I guess. Thanks for the review.
ApprenticE to DarkenesS: I'm glad you think it's REALLY good. The REALLY made me smile because it's better then just good, it's REALLY good. Thanks for reviewing.
NotSure: Thanks for agreeing with me. No wait, that sounded retarded, scratch that. Pretend I didn't say that. Thanks for the review.
StaceB: Well, if you're reading this now, the new chapter has been put up and you read it already. So the answer to your question is right now. I'm shutting up now. Thanks for the review.
Job 007: Thanks Bond. James Bond. I said that because of your penname. It says 007. Okay.
Fi315: We run, we jump we swim, and play. We row and go on trips. But the things that last forever, are our dear friendships. Camp Anawana, we hold you in our hearts, and when we think about you, IT MAKES ME WANNA FART! Oh yeah, I remember it too. It's not pathetic, it's awesome.
