NOTE: This one is in script form because…well, I just felt like writing it that way.
(Scene starts out, random Potential walking into the kitchen. She finds a box of cereal, bowl, spoon, milk, begins to complete meal when a man pops up.)
GIRL: Ack! Andrew, remember Buffy told you to-
MAN: Andrew? Buffy? Wha?
GIRL: Oh, sorry…I thought you were someone else. Are you going to move in too?
MAN: Uh…no. (Beat) You don't recognize me, do you?
GIRL: Well, you look sort of like that guy from Cruel Intentions.
MAN: Yeah, I was in that. I'm Sebastian Valmont.
GIRL: (Raises eyebrow) Is that the guy in Cruel Intentions?
SEBASTIAN: Yes.
GIRL: So you're that guy?
SEBASTIAN: Bingo.
GIRL: And you're name is Sebastian?
SEBASTIAN: Uh huh.
GIRL: Like that crab?
SEBASTIAN: (Laugh) I guess.
GIRL: Huh.
SEBASTIAN: So what's your name?
GIRL: I'm Jennifer.
SEBASTIAN: Well, hello Jennifer. Mind if I call you Jenni?
J: Yeah, I do.
S: Ok. Here's the deal, Jenni. I -
J: I thought you were a made up character.
S: Do I look real?
J: (Pause) Well, yeah.
S: So I am.
J: What if I'm schizophrenic?
S: You're not.
J: How do you know?
S: Because my mom's a shrink.
J: Oh. (Beat) So…why are you dressed like that?
S: What do you mean?
J: Well, the book that movie was based on was a French book back in like, the 1700s. If you were real it seems like you'd be wearing old clothes.
(S rolls his eyes and then lots of smoke appears then goes away. Very dramatic. Now he's dressed like a French noblemen.)
S: Better?
J: Well, not really. Now you just look gay.
S: But you said –
J: I didn't tell you to change.
(S let's out a sigh of frustration.)
S: Let's move away from the clothes, k?
J: Ok.
S: So you know this slayer girl?
J: Uh…Buffy? Faith?
S: Either one. You pick.
J: Ok…Faith.
S: Alright then. Let's go with Faith. Can I let you in on a little secret?
J: If you mean you're going to expose yourself –
S: No! I –
J: Don't tell me you weren't thinking about it.
S: I wasn't! I was thinking –
J: You were thinking how vulnerable I looked.
S: Listen to me, ok?
J: Why should I when all you're thinking about is exposing yourself and –
(S claps hand over J's mouth)
S: Faith is bad. She's trouble. So is…you know, Britney or whatever.
(J mumbles something. He takes his hand off)
What?
J: It's Buffy.
S: Oh, right. Her. Both of em. Kill em for me. Ok? Do you like puppies?
J: That was kind of random.
S: Do you? If you manage to kill them I'll buy you one. Or are you a cat person?
(J smiles)
What is it now?
J: I know what you are.
(S looks around frantically)
S: Uhhh…what, what would that be, exactly?
J: You're that guy from 54!
(S looks relieved)
S: No, that was my brother. But do you get what I'm saying?
(J begins poking him with spoon)
Aag! What the hell are you doing?
J: I'm poking you with a spoon.
S: But why?
J: Because you're ugly.
S: (Looks hurt) What?
J: Well, that and you're evil.
(J begins poking harder)
S: Gaaah!
J: I will start on the hair if you don't leave.
S: Fine! Fine! I'll do anything…just not the hair!
(S disappears in puff of smoke. ENTER Spike.)
SPIKE: Hey, luv? Who were you talking to?
(J looks at camera, then back at Spike)
J: Oh, no one.
END
