Disclaimer is the same. Note: The castle is named North Window. The hero's name is Riou.
**Camus**
(I knew I shouldn't have been doing that...)
Here I was standing at the back of the dojo, sorting through my thoughts once again. I had given my squad a 10-minute break, which I also was in great need of. The worry I had felt last night when Miklotov still hadn't woken up had kept me from sleep most of the night. Sometimes I would just stare at his face as it seemed for once calm and relaxed. It was quite attractive, as I could barely restrain my fingers from brushing against the shiny cheeks that glowed from the moonlight that streamed through the nearby window…
(I've loved you for years, and you haven't even picked up a clue…)
Sometimes he just seems to be oblivious to the feelings of those around him. Though that only makes my attraction to him stronger. He was the perfect example of a hero: strong, selfless, loyal, courageous. It wasn't hard to fall for him.
(Too bad I wasn't a princess…)
Though it seems that a few days ago it was a different story. I've always loved to watch him battle, especially with the intensity and concentration he pours into it. Our mission was just a simple trip out of the castle, patrolling the forests for people looking to kill our leader Riou. It was an unexpected ambush by a group of Highland soldiers that caught us in the middle of the forest, just the two of us. A group of 6 men, 2 archers, a commander and 3 regular swordsman attacked us from behind. I had my sword unsheathed in an instant, and was able to block the incoming arrows. Miklotov disarmed one man and went quickly to attack the archers. I closed in on the other side, and was sort of surprised by the ease I had in battling them. Perhaps the group had underestimated our strength, I had thought. As the men turned to retreat, I sighed in relief. However, at that moment, one man who was not finished with battle was about to hurl a rock at me when Miklotov spotted him. Unfortunately all Miklotov could do was step in front of me and take the blow to the head, which knocked him to the ground. I was about to pursue the man when he quickly fled with the rest of his group deep into the forest, away from the castle.
(You were bleeding from the head…)
After checking his vitals, I lifted the unconscious Miklotov and carried back to the steps of the castle where the guard spotted us. Gently setting him to the ground, I proceeded to collapse beside him, tired from carrying him. It was not that he was heavy…he seemed lighter than I thought he was, but that he was taller and more muscular than me. I was taken to my room and away from Miklotov, who was being inspected by Huan in the infirmary.
(If I were a princess, you could have been dead…)
After I woke up, Huan told me that if I hadn't carried him back, Miklotov could have died. The rock had been thrown with the intention to kill, with its sharp edges and bulls-eye accuracy. I then realized what that really would have meant and thanked whoever had protected Miklotov from death.
(And losing you would be losing myself…)
Ever since my family had moved to Rockaxe, seeing Miklotov had been a daily thing. He and I did everything together, as if no one could ever take us apart. We became knights together, we roomed together, we both became captains of knights and worked together. It may have been earlier, but once I hit puberty I knew that my feelings for Miklotov was something special. Of course I would not say anything to destroy my friendship…
(Oh, if only I could know what you think of me…)
That brings me to this morning's events. It seemed that while I was brushing over his roughened cheeks and lips that he woke up. As I sensed that he was about to open his eyes, I quickly rushed out the room and into the hallway, closing the door quickly but quietly behind me. Even though I wanted him to enjoy that kind of attention from me, I didn't want him to actually discover that it was me. It would have ruined everything, and I didn't want to do that just yet.
(I don't know if I'll ever confess…)
I don't want to do it when he is half-awake and not fully able to comprehend, but I don't want to face a hateful Miklotov or an outright rejection either. I want him to feel the same way about me, and to even confess to me his feelings…oh, that would be my dream. A dream unlikely of ever occurring.
(You seem to enjoy my touch…)
Yes, he liked the massage I gave him and didn't mind the quick brush of my fingers over his lips one last time before leaving. Though that doesn't mean anything. Even if I did not like a man romantically, I would enjoy a massage from him. Friends do that for each other. It in no way revealed my desire to be his lifelong soul mate, but really my concern for him as someone who cares for him. He would have done the same thing for me…
(What should I do about you…)
Shoot, it was time to teach my class once again. With one last sigh I pushed all my thoughts of him away and concentrated on reorganizing my squad once more. After this I would go see him again. I would smile at him again, hear his voice again, hold his hand once again.
(I would do it all for you…)
