Shadows to Radiance

"Not the flaming arrows of the hunter's kiss!", Quoted from The Hunter's Kiss by Rasputina.

Prelude

Yami sat on the white tile floor between the sink, and bathtub. He was gasping for breath, as the sweat trickled down his body. Yami held the knife in his shaking, right hand he looked at his reflection in the steely blade that quivered ever so slightly. All he wanted was nothingness, just sweet nothingness to drown out his inner pain. However, he had to settle for physical pain to quell his inner turmoil. The knife glinted evilly in the light, and it seemed to ring in Yami's ears. No, it wasn't the knife, it was that laughing, that same horrid laughing. It had cut through all the agonizing pain, and blood so many times. That laugh had taunted him in his sleep, tortured him in his happiest of times. Yami brought the knife to his left arm, cutting it in a long, jagged line, and again repeated times. He felt the sticky, warm, blood sliding down his wrist, arms, and saw it dripping on the floor. As Yami lost all senses, save hearing he heard Yugi calling to him. He wanted desperately to tell Yugi that he sounded too far away, and needed to come closer.

....

Yugi pounded on the door again, Yami had been in there a full forty- five minutes and even for a normal person that was too long. "Yami! Are you finished yet?" Yugi asked. "Yami?"

Yugi tried the door again, and it was still locked. So, he quickly took the pin that he had stuck in the wall next to the door for just these situations, and fiddled with it for a few seconds. The door slowly slid open, and Yugi stumbled inside, finding it just as always, neat and clean... "Yami? Are you in here?" Yugi asked, timidly before stepping around the corner. He stepped on some sticky, wet stuff as he came close to the bathtub, and looked down. It was crimson, and all over the tile floor, and in some cases on the flower printed wallpaper. Yugi looked down by the sink, which was to the side of the tub, and let out a scream as he looked at what lay on the floor. It was Yami, materialized on the floor, covered all over with blood, limp and pale. Yugi's eyes welled up with tears, as he let out a scream, and felt his legs buckle underneath himself. Grandpa came rushing into the bathroom after hearing Yugi's scream, and seen what it was for. He quickly called the hospital, and made sure an ambulance was on its way. Yugi clutched to Grandpa, sobbing as he was rocked back and forth.

....

They had just barely saved Yami's life in those few precious moments. Yugi sighed as he looked at Yami who was still in coma from blood loss. Even if Yami was just a spirit with a physical, flesh and blood form, he could have died. As Yami put it, his soul would pass to the next plane if his materialized body died while he was still in it. Yugi felt numb setting there, watching as Yami lay on the freshly made hospital bed. Worse of all Yugi knew that he couldn't do anything to help Yami.

....

Darkness, blessed darkness, detachment of the body, and soul. This was what Yami had wanted, nothingness. This wasn't truly nothing though, Yami still had those nightmares every once, and a while. Ones of memories he didn't want to remember ones of back then, before he'd sealed himself to the puzzle. This wasn't what he wanted, this was not supposed to be what happened after that. He felt things here, he didn't want to feel, he just wanted to be. Yami started to hear again, and slowly, he began to see light. Soon, he could feel his body again, and smell the clean room around himself. 'I don't really want to wake up, being like this isn't so bad, even with the nightmares, it's not so bad.' Yami thought to himself.

He could finally make out what he saw in the room, Yami felt the soft skin touching his hand. Slowly, he came to full awareness to whom it was with him in the hospital room. Slowly, his mouth formed the name, and the sound came out hushed. "Yugi...." Yami whispered.

Yugi looked down at him with a sorrowful look, and looked about ready to cry. Yami couldn't stand to see that look on Yugi's face, and wanted to just turn away, but couldn't. "Yami, why? Why hurt yourself like this?" Yugi asked desperately. "Why try to kill yourself?",

"Yugi..." Yami said, desperately. "I..."

Yugi looked down at Yami carefully, before gently laying his fingers to Yami's lips. "Later, you can tell me, when you have strength enough for it." Yugi said.

Yami nodded slightly as Yugi stroked his hair gently, humming as he did so. Soon, Yami had drifted off into a gentle slumber.

....

The doctors had said that Yami would be all right, although there may be a cause of worry if this was an attempt at suicide. Yugi didn't know much about Yami's past, except what tied in with the millennium items. Yugi met up with Joey outside the hospital and for once felt glad that he told Joey about his problems. Although, Joey had only found out about Yami a week or so ago when he kept running into Yugi every turn he made. That is, until both Yami, and Yugi stepped out in front of him at the same time. Yugi looked up at Joey, "So, how is he?", Joey asked, sympathetically.

"He finally woke up, and the doctors say he'll be fine but I still think that there's something he's not telling me." Yugi told Joe. "I don't know..."

"Sounds to me like you'll have to become the strong one for the two of you until he gets back to being himself." Joey said.

"I guess you could put it that way." Yugi agreed. "By the way, when Kaiba found out, he was really nice. Sent us a card with enough money in it to pay off the hospital bills from Yami's treatments and stuff."

"Yeah, I told him he should at least send something nice for Yami." Joey explained. "He hasn't been too bad since I got him to admit his true feelings for me."

"Yami, and I were like that up until lately, when I started to suggest anything further than, you know kissing, hugging, holding hands he became uneasy and withdrawn." Yugi explained. "It became worse I think from then till this whole thing. Jou, it scares me to think what he might try to do next."

"I understand Yug. I really do, you'll just have to be patient with him." Joey remarked. "This might be something painful for Yami to talk about, or even think of."

Yugi nodded as the two came upon the Game Shop that Grandpa owned.

....

Yami woke to find himself alone again and looked around the room he had. Soon he felt the pain come back, duller this time but strong and nagging. Yami looked for anything to help him get rid of the ache inside. Soon, he noticed the I.V. in his arm feeding him dosages of drugs of some sort. Yami reached up with his free hand, and yanked the tube out of his arm. It hurt just enough to drown out the inner pain soon, however, the nurse came in and noticed what Yami had done. No matter how many times they put the I.V. back into another place, Yami would just pull it right back out to feel pain. It went on like this until they gave him a shot of a drug that caused him to have a dreamless sleep. Which was all he ever wanted to have to escape his pain.

End Prelude