I have a secret I can't tell. Sometimes it gets to the point where I should, but something holds me back. I don't know what that something is. Maybe it's fear of not being accepted by my friends. If the team hound out I'd be stripped of my captain title and not even we will stand up for me.
Is it wrong to be scared? Isn't it wrong to be the way I am? It even says in the bible that it's wrong to be homosexual. But I am. I'm Charlie Conway, gay and in love. Yeah, in love with a man.
My mother would disown me if she found out. She's not that accepting. But can you believe that she raised me? We went to church every Sunday, prayed every night, I shouldn't be like this. I've forced myself to seem happy in front of my mother, that's the only reason why I was ever with Linda, to make her happy.
If I told him, he would most likely freak. But would he want to stay my friend? Would he want to kick me off the team, my team? Would he want to love me the way I love him? Would he let me love him? All questions without answers now, but to know the answers all I have to do is tell him. I need to tell him.
"Charlie, you wanted to talk to me?" He asked walking into my room. I was sitting on my bed, practically paralyzed from the neck down-add vocal cords to that.
I nodded nervously, swallowing a lump that has been in my throat since I called him.
"Is there something you want to talk about?" He asked coming closer to me and reaching his hand out in a caring manner.
"Yeah." My voice squeaked. At least now I was able to talk however squeaky it might be. "Have a seat." I motioned to my desk chair, okay; I gained the use of my arms. I was lucky enough this year to get a single dorm room. "I have a few." Squeak. "Questions to ask you."
"Like what? Just ask. You know you can trust me, Charlie." I know I can, I really do, but this is just plain hard.
I'm going to picture him in his underwear so I can laugh and become calm and I… oh, that's not working! Down!
"You've felt like you were in love once, haven't you?" Was that me?
"Yeah, where you can't control it. Where's this going?" He asked. I ignored his question and continued to speak.
"Is it wrong to love someone?" I asked seriously.
"No, as long as it's not a family member." He made a joke out of it.
"I'm serious here. There's something else I need to ask you." I said crawling to the end of my bed so I could be closer to him. "Would you be my friend still if I told you I was a homosexual?" I asked.
"Yes. Charlie, are you?" He asked.
"Yeah." I answered.
"That's not bad. One of my cousin's is gay. Wait, there's more, isn't there?" He asked me remembering my questions from before. "You're in love."
"Big time."
"With who?" He asked.
You really don't want to know. It's shameful, I know it is. He's my best friend for heaven's sake and I'm in love with him. "You…" I whispered. The room went silent and I looked up into his eyes. He looked shocked, but that as about it.
I don't know what happened next, but the next thing I knew, his arms were around my waist and he was… he was kissing me. I brought my arms up around his neck and laced my hands with his hair. "I've waited forever to be able to do that." I heard him whisper when he pulled away. I tightened my fingers in his hair till he opened his eyes and looked at me. "I love you, Charlie. I have since we were at the Junior Good Will Games. I can even pinpoint the exact moment I realized what it was. You had just come back from the shower; I was already lying in my bed. When you walked in, I don't know, you looked like an angel missing his wings. Your hair was attached to your face, soaking wet, your eyes were glowing with a passion for something. The pure white towel wrapped around your waist. God, I just wanted to kiss you all over then." He whispered, his eyes once again closing as he reminisced.
"You can now." I whispered as seductively as I could. His grasp on my waist tightened, as did mine. I leaned up as he leaned down and our lips met. His were soft, like velvet. I felt him reach out with his top lip, capturing my bottom one in between both of his. He licked it and nibbled at it. I loved the sensations he was sending throughout my body. He pressed forward, slipping his tongue in my mouth unexpectedly. He rubbed it against mine till I realized what I was supposed to do. I let him explore my mouth, every turn, every tooth, everything. I pushed his tongue back into his mouth gently, following soon after with mine. I explored his mouth, memorizing everything because I never knew when I would wake up from this dream. I pulled away, needing air.
"I love you, Adam Banks." I whispered.
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A.N. I keep coming up with more stories, none of which I have been able to make into the sequel for Their Secret Life. Okay, my school's almost out, literally, I end Monday. I get out a ten twenty for the rest of this week and aside from my 8th grade graduation Monday, I'll be able to post. I'm working on a lot of stuff and when I finish my finals I've been working on stories. Pray and/or email me with some ideas for the sequel to Their Secret Life, I don't have a title yet so it can be any type of idea, my email's on my profile page. Bye!
~*Angel*~
