Ronin Kaoru; Kyoto Arc
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Chapter Five; Ten Steps Back
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The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. "Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked.
"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end; then stop."
--Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)
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AU- Heyas, minna-san! I'm not dead… *dodges barrage of rotten vegetables* Wow, nice to know you're glad to see me. Well then, I'll just shut up and let you get to the stuff you came here for!
*winks* Glad to see you too!
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Himura Kenshin faded into the shadows as though he was one of them. Indeed, there were times when he felt like this was so.
He felt the Dark Woman's presence behind him vanish and solitude rush in to fill the void. He let out a breath that he'd forgotten he'd been holding.
Silence now dominated his world as he stole through the darkness, although he knew it would not remain that way. He was waiting for a visitation from his erstwhile patron and although his pride told him that he'd do well enough without the ghastly specter's aid he knew better than that.
Between one instant and the next the solitude was banished by the form of a tall man with pale hair bound up and back in a curly ponytail. His rough-spun prison yukata parted enough in the front to allow his legs freedom of movement, but he did not move his arms as a normal man might. He kept one thumb hooked into his belt and the other clasped a sheathed katana by the hilt, which he leaned against his shoulder.
"That was stupid, Battousai." Jin'eh reprimanded him without preamble. "Now the Watcher witch knows something she doesn't have to."
"Stuff your secrets where your mother used to wipe you." Kenshin replied pithily. "We are all here for the same reason; Kamiya."
"No, we are not." Jin'eh countered languidly. "You're here to set Kamiya up for the fall. She can't die without seeing her pretty world falling down around her ears."
Kenshin ignored him; the ghost didn't need to know that he had no intentions of doing any such thing.
"You will do this." The ghost told him nonchalantly as though reading his thoughts even though Kenshin knew that this ability was beyond even the powerful ghost. "I could send you back where I found you. Do you want to be back rotting in a slum over run by homeless scum wallowing in your own pitiful misery? Or do you want to go back to insane psychopath you were when Kamiya cut down your wife?" Jin'eh sneered as fury twisted the other man's normally impassive features.
Kenshin's wild strike passed harmlessly through Jin'eh. The kenshi loosed a guttural snarl at the non-corporeal being who tormented him, but Jin'eh merely yawned and patted and lax hand over his mouth.
He chortled and gazed deep into the blazing eyes of the rousted hitokiri.
"Never say that again!" Kenshin growled. "Never!"
Jin'eh smiled a nasty smile because he alone knew why Kenshin couldn't abide any mention of Kaoru's part in Tomoe's death.
Whenever someone directly implicated the Kenshi woman in that murderous act, the ex-hitokiri came face to ugly mug with the seething half of himself that wanted nothing more to slaughter the person responsible for his wife's death.
As a one time Hitokiri himself, Jin'eh could understand the need to avenge the loss of something so precious as a loved one. He could even empathize with the other man as he was currently walking a razor edge himself in order gain that very same thing.
Of course it never occurred to him that in smashing Kaoru's death-grip on her ideals he would essentially destroy the part of her that attracted him so keenly.
Obsession knows no objectivity.
Still Jin'eh was largely responsible for the war going on in Kenshin's soul at this very moment yet he was also the reason that Kenshin could be within two feet of Kaoru and not rip her apart with his bare hands.
Not long ago, when Kenshin had witnessed Tomoe's foolhardy rush into Kaoru's battle with Raijuta he'd lost a fundamental part of his personality; some would refer to it as his conscience, yet others still would call it his heart. That night he'd lost his ability to forgive and with single-minded purpose he'd pursued Kaoru into the woods. The will to live burned strong within him for he had a purpose: to kill Kamiya Kaoru.
While Kaoru had been in a suitable fame of mind for Jin'eh's purposed she was still to far in tune with her mores. So Jin'eh had taken measures against that eventuality.
So, before Kenshin could push her off the cliff edge Jin'eh had appropriated him.
For in another realm far away the languished another Kenshin, this one a Rurouni. There was very little of him left by the time Jin'eh brought them face to face; his will to live, his strength, and his life were all but gone. All that remained to him was a few speech patterns and a greater purpose.
It was been child's play to meld the remains of the Rurouni into the Hitokiri, both of them welcomed the change for it presented the possibility of continued survival to the Hitokiri and a second chance with Kaoru for the Rurouni.
Neither of them had counted on becoming a whole new person, but then Jin'eh hadn't exactly gone out of his way to clue them in.
The result of this union was an entirely new man who didn't precisely fit into either of the lives or worlds he'd once occupied. Even though occasionally the two major components of his personality fought one another tooth and nail he was, for the most part, a sane, stable individual.
Jin'eh was actually rather pleased with the results of his experiment in melding two human souls; he hadn't exactly expected either of them to survive the experience…
***
Kenshin regarded his odd companion uneasily as he laughed at nothing in particular; Jin'eh did that every now and then when his thoughts over took him. Perhaps it was a side effect of being dead, he supposed, or maybe it was just particular to him.
Kenshin was inclined to believe the latter.
A quiet voice in the back of his head reminded that the man wasn't to be trusted, especially with anything that involved Kaoru-dono. He shook his head almost imperceptibly to clear it of the lingering feelings left by the Rurouni. The Rurouni was the more dangerous of his two alter egos in its own subtle way; it simply desired everything to be honest and true. It would often aid him in battle by donating its vast experience in disarming and disabling opponents without actually harming them, but Kenshin knew better than to get too comfortable around it. Once or twice it had already decided that it was the entity that deserved control and had attacked Kenshin's consciousness. He'd won… barely.
The Hitokiri made no pretenses; it wanted control and it wanted it now. However the Rurouni had an abiding fear of the Hitokiri and kept it deeply buried. Still, whenever anyone nearby him made any mention of Tomoe's death the Hitokiri reacted violently and Kenshin was pressed to the limits of his willpower to keep it subdued. However it was only a matter of time before he broke and Kenshin knew it well.
Kenshin briefly contemplated leaving Jin'eh behind, he was well aware that Jin'eh would have no trouble finding him again yet he'd been raised (in both childhoods) to have better manners than that.
After a few more moments of random laughter and strange expressions, Jin'eh remembered he wasn't alone and got back to giving Kenshin his instructions.
"You're to keep contact with her, and keep her guard down. I don't want her suspicious. You're also to make sure she wins the match in Kyoto, she isn't ready by any stretch of the imagination." Jin'eh told him flippantly and vanished.
The abrupt leave-taking didn't bother Kenshin much, random behavior like that was pretty much par the course with Jin'eh. What mattered was that he didn't have to do anything that might jeopardize his position in Kaoru's esteem.
The strange woman was quickly becoming a point of interest with him. Before he met her he'd had a different opinion of her; the Hitokiri was her head on platter while the Rurouni idolized her with a reverence reserved for religious figures.
Neither of these concepts fit her at all.
She wasn't a cold-blooded murderer yet neither was she an innocent by any stretch of the imagination. She was a mature woman with ideals that she stuck to; that could make her seem naïve but Kenshin didn't find that to be so.
He wasn't sure what he made of her, but he would like the leisure to find out.
Sadly that was the one thing he didn't have.
***
Kaoru stayed in the alley for a little longer after Raven left, mostly to collect her composure and assimilate the information Raven had imparted to her. She was aware that it had probably been severely dummied-down for her and represented only a small fraction of the information involved in her reality but she was maxed out for the moment.
'I want to do nothing more than to go home, make dinner, and listen to Kaori and Yahiko squabble… maybe from the veranda with Hiko and a cup of tea.' she thought wistfully and then laughed quietly at herself. 'Such a strange notion of relaxing I have now…'
Her eyes narrowed as something occurred to her; she hadn't been seeing much of Hiko lately. She had vague recollections of seeing him at meals but never anytime else since… she squeezed her eyes shut; she hadn't seen him since the Izu Incident.
'Kaoru-no-baka!' she berated herself as she vaulted over the wall and began to systematically search the premises for a certain egomaniacal master of Hiten Mitsurugi.
A stranger wouldn't be able to tell, but like most egotists, Hiko was actually highly critical of himself. If he screwed up he didn't go easy on himself, even if the error was beyond his control: he was supposed to be perfect and perfect people never messed up.
Kaoru had only seen Hiko fall short of his own expectations only once… it hadn't been pretty.
She found him sitting on the veranda overlooking the Zen rock garden that Aoshi had installed in a fit of boredom during the winter. At first glance he looked all right, but Kaoru knew what to look for.
She didn't like what she saw.
Hiko looked as close to haggard as she'd ever seen him; there was a slight wrinkle in the line of his cape and his hair looked as though he'd only combed it once today. Faint lines were traced into the flesh around his eyes and mouth. Considering that Hiko normally looked better on a bad day than most of Japan looked on their best days this was bad.
"Ohayo." she said quietly from the doorway directly behind him, but he merely grunted in reply.
'Worse and worse.' she thought sadly and sat down next to him. "It wasn't you fault," she told him.
"You cut straight to the heart of the matter," Hiko said blandly. "As usual." he added.
"You couldn't have know that would happen." she said reasonably and placed a gentle hand on his bicep.
He was still for a moment and Kaoru allowed herself to believe that he would allow himself to be reasoned with, but then he jerked his arm from beneath her fingertips and stood.
"Hiko…" Kaoru started to say but her words were lost in the snap of his cape in the air as he stormed away.
She watched him go and shook her head; she hadn't really believed it would be so easy. However she had to believe that he would come around in his own time. No one could make Hiko do anything.
Kaoru leaned back against one of the roof supports and curled up so she could wrap her arms around her legs.
Slowly the stars began to glimmer to life, one by one, and the deepening shadows lay thick upon the ground. When the moon hung full and unusually bright in the sky, Kaoru allowed herself the luxury of thinking once more.
The first thing she did was sigh, and it was a deep sound that started at the base of her diaphragm, echoed through her lungs, picked up speed in her throat, and carried with it all the weight of her troubled soul and the unwelcome knowledge that she could not fix all the troubles around her.
Sometimes she had to let things take their own course.
'Is that was makes me so different from Kenshin?' she wondered. 'Kenshin -my Kenshin- never did know when to step back and let matters develop in their own time.'
She shrugged off the idea; it really didn't matter anymore because far away, in another world, in another time Kenshin had to fight his own battles.
She had spent so much time wishing for her own time to grow that she could not deny the same to him, wherever he was. All she could do was harbor a secret hope in the depths of her heart that he would find a way out of his self-imposed hell.
Kaoru snorted and shook her head at her own folly. 'It wasn't just Kenshin trying to put the weight of the world on his own shoulders, jou-chan.' she chided herself. 'You certainly suffered from an occasional bought of gallantry if I remember correctly. Still do if I'm not mistaken.'
She smiled as she thought about just how many undeliverable traits she'd carried over from her childhood; one of the being a certain rosy vision of her past.
Maybe it was time for her to accept that no matter what happened, she could never return to her original home; she couldn't magically sweep in and change everything; make it right. To do so would be abandoning this world that she'd sunk herself into.
'Is it time for me to say good-bye to everything I used to be?'
The gentle evening breeze carried a lone leaf into her hands. Kaoru caught it and held it up to her eyes. It was dry and brittle, rendered down to a dark brown by the harsh winter season.
Kaoru looked to the garden surrounding her; it was just now beginning to show green again. The world around her was shaking off winter's grip. She regarded the leaf in her hands, a remnant of the season gone before. The breeze began to pick up again around her and tossed her ponytail.
She smiled and looked at the leaf once more, thinking of the stories it held, of history unspoken… and let it go.
***
Kenshin watched Kaoru as she reclined on the veranda.
The significance of the leaf wasn't lost on him, even if he didn't know the precise meaning behind it. As soon as it was gone Kaoru let her head fall back against the roof support.
The moonlight reflected clearly off the moisture streaking down her cheeks.
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Seiyuu; Well, this took a bit longer than usual and I personally think the last bit was a bit forced but if I fart around any longer I'll never get this chapter out. I may go back and tidy it up again later but the Fic needs to get a move on! I think you all agree.
