I Will...

by Huggy

I'm sitting here looking at the front of the room, trying to figure out why everyone looks so sad. Most of them hated you. I'm sad too, but I'm not sure why. Is it because I never got to tell you that I did love you? That while I never actually said it to you, it doesn't mean it's not true.

I can see people from school sitting across the aisle, they look bored. I don't even know why they came, most of them never met you. They only know you from the stories I told. They can't be here for me either, the ones who don't ignore me completely treat me like an outcast. I guess I am.

They're going to call me up to the front of the room soon. I guess I should say something profound about your life or tell everyone what a great person you were. Were you a great person? I don't think I knew you well enough to be sure of that. I know some people thought so. But does that mean anything?

There were times when I hated you. I think you suspected it, but did you know? I'm not sure why it started, all I know is that I tried to get you to help me stop it and you wouldn't. I can't tell the people here that can I?

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The priest looked out at the crowd after finishing his sermon.

"Now I would like Mr. Morgendorffer's oldest child to speak to you about the dear man we are laying to rest today."

Everyone watched as the teenager walked to the front of the room. Looking nervous and sad, the barely grown child stared out at the people gathered to mourn. Trying to get the courage to speak.

"My father was never the type to be overly affectionate. He even seemed cold and distant to those who didn't know him. The truth however is that he was a good man. He did his job, he loved his family, and he took his duties seriously. I know there were times when I may have seemed to think very little of him, but every child is like that. It was never the whole truth, though. The truth is that he was my father and I loved him. I will always love him. I suppose if I were a better writer I could come up with something eloquent and beautiful to show just how much I did, but I'm not and I can't. What I've said here today is the best I can do. I loved him, I will always love him."

Eveyone watched again as the barely grown child walked back to his seat.

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It's true, you know. I did love you. I couldn't help myself. I never had a choice in the matter. So I will keep on loving you, because I can't stop myself from it. I will do that because you are my father. But I will hate you, because you never acted like a father.

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Jake Morgendoffer woke in the middle of the night. He was shaking. This was the fifth time in two weeks that he'd dreamt of his father's funeral.