Letters to Buffy....
Disclaimer: Not mine...but I wish it was...then I would be rich and I would own Spike...that'd be fun...
A/N: This was an idea that came to me one day.I thought I'd give it a try. This is basically following the episode "The Gift". Spike writes letter to Buffy in a journal. A lot of these will be pretty angsty.I don't know how long it'll be, I'll go through their summer up until the point Buffy comes back. The chapters will come as I get inspiration and ideas..it's hard to say how far apart each chapter will be. I will be writing two stories at the same time, so bear with me...I don't know any dates pertaining to this, I'm going to try to stay as accurate as possible. I may be off on some things.
On to the story.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
May..
Day 7
Dear Buffy,
You died last week. That sounds so strange, still foreign on my tongue, and not necessarily a good way to start a letter, but it is the truth.
You jumped off a platform.but I suppose you know that having been the one who did it. You broke our hearts, 'lil bit is barely holdin' on. She misses you. The whelp and Anya are engaged. I'm not sure whether to be happy for them or not.
Giles left to go back to England. It was right after your funeral. It was a day one..the sun was bright and you were shaded by trees. I wasn't there, not directly, I was hidden in a crypt. As much as I wanted to go visit the sun, I couldn't let myself. Dawn needs me too much.
You'll be happy to know that Glinda has gotten better. Her brain's been restored and she is happy, all things considered. I never see Red anymore, I only know what Tara tells me when she comes to visit Dawn.
I hope you don't mind, I'm staying in your basement. Though more often than not I end up on the Bit's floor, next to her bed. I think she's having nightmares. I haven't really slept since everything happened, so I don't know if I'll dream.It's been 7 days..7 days of hell...and I still don't know what I'll do without you.
I'd like to tell you that I haven't cried..That I've been strong but then I would be lying. I've cried.a lot. That's what most nights are like, it's so cold without you...I've lost the sun...
I love you...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
End of May..
Day 18
Dear Buffy,
I never have much time to write. Never realized what living with a teenage girl is like. And not only just a regular teenage girl, one with the most emotional baggage in the world. But I can't blame her...she needs someone to vent to.
I had my first nightmare about 'it' last night.
~I was standing on the platform..Doc had already cut Dawn.blood was flowing down her legs. The portal had opened and there was no going back now. I drank a small amount of the blood that Dawn had lost. And then I jumped into the portal.instead of you. ~
When I woke up, I was devastated to find out that I really hadn't save you. I cried the rest of the night. I never used to cry in front of people, not even when I was a human. But there is..no, I guess it wouldn't be 'is'..what you are is in the past now..we'll all start saying things like 'was', 'were', 'back then'.. You struck something inside of me and now I don't care if anyone sees me crying. I think it is a bit unnerving to them all. The Big Bad who cries..
Does it ever get better? Will this hole in my gut ever go away? Your death is just the first of anyone that I care about..this ache in my heart in permanent..
~ Spike
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
June
Day 25
Dear Buffy,
I'd like to say things are getting better.but they aren't.
I get sick most nights, I can't eat. I think Dawn is starting to worry about me. I tell her not to, she has herself to worry about.
The witches are planning to move in. Honestly, I don't mind. As much as I love the bit, she needs some females around here. They're going to stay in your mum's room. Nobody goes into yours. I don't think the door has even been opened since that night. You were the last one in it.
I've been teaching the bit a little. She's missed a lot of school and I figured I would be able to help out a little. Mostly in the English and History areas. Red would be able to help her with math. She's good at that kind of stuff.
You'd be proud of her, Buffy. Dawn is so smart She told me that she's going to live for you. Someone has to.
It's so strange being here anymore. I feel like I belong and I haven't felt that way in a long time. It is different. I think that maybe they feel obligated to let me be there. I don't know if it was because they saw me crying or they know that I truly tried to save you and Dawn. Hopefully it was the latter. I may feel sad but I don't want to be a ponce.
I still miss you.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Please tell me what you think. I want to continue with it but if it sucks then I might just decide to screw it.
Disclaimer: Not mine...but I wish it was...then I would be rich and I would own Spike...that'd be fun...
A/N: This was an idea that came to me one day.I thought I'd give it a try. This is basically following the episode "The Gift". Spike writes letter to Buffy in a journal. A lot of these will be pretty angsty.I don't know how long it'll be, I'll go through their summer up until the point Buffy comes back. The chapters will come as I get inspiration and ideas..it's hard to say how far apart each chapter will be. I will be writing two stories at the same time, so bear with me...I don't know any dates pertaining to this, I'm going to try to stay as accurate as possible. I may be off on some things.
On to the story.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
May..
Day 7
Dear Buffy,
You died last week. That sounds so strange, still foreign on my tongue, and not necessarily a good way to start a letter, but it is the truth.
You jumped off a platform.but I suppose you know that having been the one who did it. You broke our hearts, 'lil bit is barely holdin' on. She misses you. The whelp and Anya are engaged. I'm not sure whether to be happy for them or not.
Giles left to go back to England. It was right after your funeral. It was a day one..the sun was bright and you were shaded by trees. I wasn't there, not directly, I was hidden in a crypt. As much as I wanted to go visit the sun, I couldn't let myself. Dawn needs me too much.
You'll be happy to know that Glinda has gotten better. Her brain's been restored and she is happy, all things considered. I never see Red anymore, I only know what Tara tells me when she comes to visit Dawn.
I hope you don't mind, I'm staying in your basement. Though more often than not I end up on the Bit's floor, next to her bed. I think she's having nightmares. I haven't really slept since everything happened, so I don't know if I'll dream.It's been 7 days..7 days of hell...and I still don't know what I'll do without you.
I'd like to tell you that I haven't cried..That I've been strong but then I would be lying. I've cried.a lot. That's what most nights are like, it's so cold without you...I've lost the sun...
I love you...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
End of May..
Day 18
Dear Buffy,
I never have much time to write. Never realized what living with a teenage girl is like. And not only just a regular teenage girl, one with the most emotional baggage in the world. But I can't blame her...she needs someone to vent to.
I had my first nightmare about 'it' last night.
~I was standing on the platform..Doc had already cut Dawn.blood was flowing down her legs. The portal had opened and there was no going back now. I drank a small amount of the blood that Dawn had lost. And then I jumped into the portal.instead of you. ~
When I woke up, I was devastated to find out that I really hadn't save you. I cried the rest of the night. I never used to cry in front of people, not even when I was a human. But there is..no, I guess it wouldn't be 'is'..what you are is in the past now..we'll all start saying things like 'was', 'were', 'back then'.. You struck something inside of me and now I don't care if anyone sees me crying. I think it is a bit unnerving to them all. The Big Bad who cries..
Does it ever get better? Will this hole in my gut ever go away? Your death is just the first of anyone that I care about..this ache in my heart in permanent..
~ Spike
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
June
Day 25
Dear Buffy,
I'd like to say things are getting better.but they aren't.
I get sick most nights, I can't eat. I think Dawn is starting to worry about me. I tell her not to, she has herself to worry about.
The witches are planning to move in. Honestly, I don't mind. As much as I love the bit, she needs some females around here. They're going to stay in your mum's room. Nobody goes into yours. I don't think the door has even been opened since that night. You were the last one in it.
I've been teaching the bit a little. She's missed a lot of school and I figured I would be able to help out a little. Mostly in the English and History areas. Red would be able to help her with math. She's good at that kind of stuff.
You'd be proud of her, Buffy. Dawn is so smart She told me that she's going to live for you. Someone has to.
It's so strange being here anymore. I feel like I belong and I haven't felt that way in a long time. It is different. I think that maybe they feel obligated to let me be there. I don't know if it was because they saw me crying or they know that I truly tried to save you and Dawn. Hopefully it was the latter. I may feel sad but I don't want to be a ponce.
I still miss you.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Please tell me what you think. I want to continue with it but if it sucks then I might just decide to screw it.
