Disclaimer: They aren't mine.....Oh how I wish they were......then I'd be
rich and have a Spike all to myself.......Isn't that just the greatest
fantasy?
A/N: I wasn't sure if I was going to continue this but i have gotten a few different ideas so I've decided to keep going with it. The days associating with the months probably won't be accurate. I'm just going to try to make sure that days 146 and 147 are in September.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
June
Day 38
Dear Buffy,
The bit started her 'summer school'. Red's been teaching her math. Dawn hates it. She gets this glazed over look in her eyes. I sit there trying not to laugh. It is the funniest thing. Red told me that's the same look you used to get at school, or when Giles was telling you something.
I've been talking to Tara a lot lately. She's very smart, just quiet. I know what Red sees in her now. None of them never talk about you. Xander acts like it is some forbidden thing. To talk about the dead. Dawn and I sometimes talk about times we remember but she usually doesn't like to. She doesn't like crying. I think that maybe it makes her feel weak.
I can tell that Red thinks of you. Her eyes get misted over and she gets real quiet. Tara is the only one that talks about you with me. Somehow she seems to make things better. Maybe it's just her soft voice. Sometimes that's all it takes to make someone feel better. A soft tone.
We all miss you...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
June
Day 43
Dear Buffy;
Giles came back today. He acts like a zombie most of the time. Like a machine that is only meant for a job, because that's all he does. Everything is all about patrolling. Keeping the Hellmouth safe.
I'm going to start patrolling tonight. We are going to be in shifts. Red, Tara and I are going tonight. Giles, Xander, and Anya tomorrow night. I won't be surprised that we'll eventually all be doing this together. You Scoobies seem to like being together. But I guess it really isn't a bad thing.
I think the point of the shift patrolling is so that someone can watch Dawn. We've decided to respect your wishes, as much as she hates it, and keep Dawn away from all the nasties of the night. She doesn't like being protected. I think she doesn't like feeling helpless. I don't blame her.
I got a job last week. You're the only person that will ever know this. Well, technically only the piece of paper I'm writing this on will know, but that's not really the point. I work at a demon bar over by Willie's. It doesn't pay a lot, but Dawn needs to eat. And I'd like her to have clothing when she goes back to school. This'll probably be only a summer job. I can't stand the bloke that owns the place as it is. Don't think I could manage working for him year 'round.
I've started teaching Dawn a little about history. She gets bored with that two. But it helps that I've been there to see some of it. She usually enjoys the stories I tell her. And don't worry..I skip the gruesome parts.
I think of you all the time. And I know that we all miss you.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
June
Day 48
Dear Buffy,
The dreams have gotten worse. I wake up nightly with them now. Each night with a different way I could have saved you. Sometimes way before the night that you died. Getting you to believe that Ben really was Glory. I think Dawn stills has them too. I don't sleep up there as much anymore but some nights it gets bad. Just being with her makes it a little better. We put a little cot up there so I don't have to sleep on the floor. That was Red's idea. Said she felt bad because everyone should sleep in a bed.
Every week we have a movie night. We find the stupidest movies we can find, watch them, and make fun of them. Never thought I'd see the day where I'd look forward to a movie night as much as I do now.
Red's been workin' on the BuffyBot. I hate the fucking thing. She's been programmed to be, well, to be you. But she's not you. Nowhere close. She had a sickening sweet smile on her face, and she acts like she's you. But she isn't. She hasn't been completely reprogrammed though. She stills follows me around, flirts with me, always trying to touch me in some way. I don't like it, luv. I thought that losing you was hard, but then being reminded of it and having it shoved in your face every day by having her around makes it worse.
I wish you were here. Not her. I love you..
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, they really mean a lot to me. I hope to get a new chapter up soon, but I won't make any promises.
A/N: I wasn't sure if I was going to continue this but i have gotten a few different ideas so I've decided to keep going with it. The days associating with the months probably won't be accurate. I'm just going to try to make sure that days 146 and 147 are in September.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
June
Day 38
Dear Buffy,
The bit started her 'summer school'. Red's been teaching her math. Dawn hates it. She gets this glazed over look in her eyes. I sit there trying not to laugh. It is the funniest thing. Red told me that's the same look you used to get at school, or when Giles was telling you something.
I've been talking to Tara a lot lately. She's very smart, just quiet. I know what Red sees in her now. None of them never talk about you. Xander acts like it is some forbidden thing. To talk about the dead. Dawn and I sometimes talk about times we remember but she usually doesn't like to. She doesn't like crying. I think that maybe it makes her feel weak.
I can tell that Red thinks of you. Her eyes get misted over and she gets real quiet. Tara is the only one that talks about you with me. Somehow she seems to make things better. Maybe it's just her soft voice. Sometimes that's all it takes to make someone feel better. A soft tone.
We all miss you...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
June
Day 43
Dear Buffy;
Giles came back today. He acts like a zombie most of the time. Like a machine that is only meant for a job, because that's all he does. Everything is all about patrolling. Keeping the Hellmouth safe.
I'm going to start patrolling tonight. We are going to be in shifts. Red, Tara and I are going tonight. Giles, Xander, and Anya tomorrow night. I won't be surprised that we'll eventually all be doing this together. You Scoobies seem to like being together. But I guess it really isn't a bad thing.
I think the point of the shift patrolling is so that someone can watch Dawn. We've decided to respect your wishes, as much as she hates it, and keep Dawn away from all the nasties of the night. She doesn't like being protected. I think she doesn't like feeling helpless. I don't blame her.
I got a job last week. You're the only person that will ever know this. Well, technically only the piece of paper I'm writing this on will know, but that's not really the point. I work at a demon bar over by Willie's. It doesn't pay a lot, but Dawn needs to eat. And I'd like her to have clothing when she goes back to school. This'll probably be only a summer job. I can't stand the bloke that owns the place as it is. Don't think I could manage working for him year 'round.
I've started teaching Dawn a little about history. She gets bored with that two. But it helps that I've been there to see some of it. She usually enjoys the stories I tell her. And don't worry..I skip the gruesome parts.
I think of you all the time. And I know that we all miss you.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
June
Day 48
Dear Buffy,
The dreams have gotten worse. I wake up nightly with them now. Each night with a different way I could have saved you. Sometimes way before the night that you died. Getting you to believe that Ben really was Glory. I think Dawn stills has them too. I don't sleep up there as much anymore but some nights it gets bad. Just being with her makes it a little better. We put a little cot up there so I don't have to sleep on the floor. That was Red's idea. Said she felt bad because everyone should sleep in a bed.
Every week we have a movie night. We find the stupidest movies we can find, watch them, and make fun of them. Never thought I'd see the day where I'd look forward to a movie night as much as I do now.
Red's been workin' on the BuffyBot. I hate the fucking thing. She's been programmed to be, well, to be you. But she's not you. Nowhere close. She had a sickening sweet smile on her face, and she acts like she's you. But she isn't. She hasn't been completely reprogrammed though. She stills follows me around, flirts with me, always trying to touch me in some way. I don't like it, luv. I thought that losing you was hard, but then being reminded of it and having it shoved in your face every day by having her around makes it worse.
I wish you were here. Not her. I love you..
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, they really mean a lot to me. I hope to get a new chapter up soon, but I won't make any promises.
