Disclaimer: I've got Spike chained to my bed.he's all blindfolded and he
doesn't know where he is..shhhh..don't tell him that I don't own him or
BtVS..its a secret..
A/N: Aloha to all...I wish I was in Hawaii...preferably with Spike but I'll take what I can get..so I'll just take Spike ;) I have a small rant to go off on so bear with me...Who hates Kennedy? *raises hand and jumps up and down* I think that they should bring Angelus back for a few moments and he can torture and kill her and stuff. Hell..kill the principal while your at it..we could bring Riley and have a party..in Hawaii!!! If only I were Joss...
Leemos!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
July 23rd
Day 80
Dear Buffy,
I HATE that BLOODY robot. She's gonna get us all killed.I swear it. She looks like you and on occasion sounds like you. But that about it...a demon that we needed to fight tonight wasn't 'programmed' in her system, so she didn't know that she needed to fight him...hell, I didn't even know she needed programming for that kind of thing.
Stupid bloody bitch... All sickening sweet and the one true dumb blonde. All she is a killing machine that wants to get into my pants.. I mean she's been there before, but its different this time..that's probably because I don't want her this time around. She's not you..
Dawn and Red went to your grave this morning and planted flowers there. They think that you should have something pretty for you to look at. They still get teary eyed thinking of you.and that brings a little bit of comfort.knowing that we haven't moved on yet..and they will, one day.
Life is too short for them to dwell on your death..they need to live their own...but I have all the time in the world..100 years form now I'll still be grieving for you. Probably even stay here and take care of your head stone. Because that's really all that I've got left.
Riley called yesterday..don't really know what he wanted, they didn't tell me. I suppose they knew I'd just get angry. I don't think that they told him that you were gone. I don't know whether to laugh or to feel bad for the bloke. Naturally I laughed but I did actually think about it for a moment.
Goodnight luv.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
July 29th
Day 85
Dear Buffy,
Xander and I went drinking last night. It was a different experience..I've never just hung around with him and had a decent conversation with the boy. He's not so bad..but you're the only one that will ever know that..Got a reputation to protect and all.
Boy can't hold his liquor all that well though. I had to carry him home and he puked most of the night. Got hit over the head from Anya. Because now it's my fault that Xander had too much to drink.
I think partially, for us, it was a way to heal...another way that we move on..we've broken down a couple of barriers and now we can consider ourselves 'almost, but not quite, friends'. We can get hammered together, and then talk about you...or any other kind of pain for that matter...without it looking bad. Alcohol is always a good excuse.
Now I'm stuck in the bloody basement..my punishment from Dawn and the witches. I guess I really scared them with the 'holy water' event. Somehow she linked mine and Xander's drunkenness to wanting to die. So I must sit here and get over the hangover and 'think about what I've done'. Bloody women.
But I suppose I can see their point in wanting me in the basement..it's very quiet and they must've figured that the best way for me to feel better from it was to have quiet. Dawn even brought down a shirt of yours that still smells like you. She's kept it up there with her but figured that I might need it...It really does smell like you...a lot.
It helps.the shirt..makes me feel like I'm not alone...I hate being alone, I always did. But I always found myself being alone...it's strangely ironic..the thing you hate the most is always there, ready to make life miserable.
You know what... I wish I was still drunk...at least that way there is something else in here other than loneliness... Maybe Dawn will let me back upstairs... That helps a little..
Love you, pet...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 2nd
Day 89
Dear Buffy,
I'm still having the dreams..every night...You won't go away.you're always there, in my mind.
I see it every night...how you jumped off and into the portal...your determination...your love for your sister, for your friends...the world.
You make think we have nothing in common...but I think we have more than you will ever know..
We both want the world, and everything in it to keep going...And I see why you did what you did.to save her..to save the world...
The best way for a Slayer to die is in flames...with the ultimate dance...I used to think that I could give you a death like that.a part of me still thinks I can.. but you died with glory..no pun intended...
And then everything you did will be diluted.. You'll just be a name on a page with a small excerpt explaining how well you fought and that you died in battle...just a picture in a book of millions...I like to think that you'd be more special than that..you deserve more luv.
In the dream I see your mates cry.. I see them fall to the ground in grief.and it almost makes me feel like I don't belong.. The world doesn't need me..it never really did. I should've jumped, I should've did something...anything...
The world didn't end that night..but mine did..
I love you Buffy..
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: I'm sorry that took so long to update... I do what I can... Hope you liked the chapter..
Be Happy....Give Spike a Hug.
A/N: Aloha to all...I wish I was in Hawaii...preferably with Spike but I'll take what I can get..so I'll just take Spike ;) I have a small rant to go off on so bear with me...Who hates Kennedy? *raises hand and jumps up and down* I think that they should bring Angelus back for a few moments and he can torture and kill her and stuff. Hell..kill the principal while your at it..we could bring Riley and have a party..in Hawaii!!! If only I were Joss...
Leemos!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
July 23rd
Day 80
Dear Buffy,
I HATE that BLOODY robot. She's gonna get us all killed.I swear it. She looks like you and on occasion sounds like you. But that about it...a demon that we needed to fight tonight wasn't 'programmed' in her system, so she didn't know that she needed to fight him...hell, I didn't even know she needed programming for that kind of thing.
Stupid bloody bitch... All sickening sweet and the one true dumb blonde. All she is a killing machine that wants to get into my pants.. I mean she's been there before, but its different this time..that's probably because I don't want her this time around. She's not you..
Dawn and Red went to your grave this morning and planted flowers there. They think that you should have something pretty for you to look at. They still get teary eyed thinking of you.and that brings a little bit of comfort.knowing that we haven't moved on yet..and they will, one day.
Life is too short for them to dwell on your death..they need to live their own...but I have all the time in the world..100 years form now I'll still be grieving for you. Probably even stay here and take care of your head stone. Because that's really all that I've got left.
Riley called yesterday..don't really know what he wanted, they didn't tell me. I suppose they knew I'd just get angry. I don't think that they told him that you were gone. I don't know whether to laugh or to feel bad for the bloke. Naturally I laughed but I did actually think about it for a moment.
Goodnight luv.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
July 29th
Day 85
Dear Buffy,
Xander and I went drinking last night. It was a different experience..I've never just hung around with him and had a decent conversation with the boy. He's not so bad..but you're the only one that will ever know that..Got a reputation to protect and all.
Boy can't hold his liquor all that well though. I had to carry him home and he puked most of the night. Got hit over the head from Anya. Because now it's my fault that Xander had too much to drink.
I think partially, for us, it was a way to heal...another way that we move on..we've broken down a couple of barriers and now we can consider ourselves 'almost, but not quite, friends'. We can get hammered together, and then talk about you...or any other kind of pain for that matter...without it looking bad. Alcohol is always a good excuse.
Now I'm stuck in the bloody basement..my punishment from Dawn and the witches. I guess I really scared them with the 'holy water' event. Somehow she linked mine and Xander's drunkenness to wanting to die. So I must sit here and get over the hangover and 'think about what I've done'. Bloody women.
But I suppose I can see their point in wanting me in the basement..it's very quiet and they must've figured that the best way for me to feel better from it was to have quiet. Dawn even brought down a shirt of yours that still smells like you. She's kept it up there with her but figured that I might need it...It really does smell like you...a lot.
It helps.the shirt..makes me feel like I'm not alone...I hate being alone, I always did. But I always found myself being alone...it's strangely ironic..the thing you hate the most is always there, ready to make life miserable.
You know what... I wish I was still drunk...at least that way there is something else in here other than loneliness... Maybe Dawn will let me back upstairs... That helps a little..
Love you, pet...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 2nd
Day 89
Dear Buffy,
I'm still having the dreams..every night...You won't go away.you're always there, in my mind.
I see it every night...how you jumped off and into the portal...your determination...your love for your sister, for your friends...the world.
You make think we have nothing in common...but I think we have more than you will ever know..
We both want the world, and everything in it to keep going...And I see why you did what you did.to save her..to save the world...
The best way for a Slayer to die is in flames...with the ultimate dance...I used to think that I could give you a death like that.a part of me still thinks I can.. but you died with glory..no pun intended...
And then everything you did will be diluted.. You'll just be a name on a page with a small excerpt explaining how well you fought and that you died in battle...just a picture in a book of millions...I like to think that you'd be more special than that..you deserve more luv.
In the dream I see your mates cry.. I see them fall to the ground in grief.and it almost makes me feel like I don't belong.. The world doesn't need me..it never really did. I should've jumped, I should've did something...anything...
The world didn't end that night..but mine did..
I love you Buffy..
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: I'm sorry that took so long to update... I do what I can... Hope you liked the chapter..
Be Happy....Give Spike a Hug.
