William paced through his courtyard in desperation. He needed to leave,
even if just for a little bit. His hands ran through his hair over and over
again. He had been fine when he woke up. Now he was having an impromptu
panic attack.
"Stop me from going crazy!" He threw his head back, yelling at the sky. "Why are you doing this to me!!?" He yelled.
"He works in mysterious ways, William."
Will turned around quickly. Geoff was standing near a tall bush, journal and quill in hand.
"I thought I would be fine." William said quietly, catching his breath. He didn't look at Geoff. "I was fine, for a few days."
Geoff looked at him in disbelief. "It's been hardly a month! You only recently got over the death of your horse, William."
Will rolled his eyes and resumed pacing. "I need to get over it. The people are expecting me to find another wife. I can't rule alone."
"You have us."
"I have no one!" Will threw his hands up in exasperation. "Dimitri's will said I needed to marry a woman of noble birth if Jocelyn passed on. Noble women are all too arrogant and self-concerned."
"Jocelyn was a noble woman."
"She is different. Was, different. I need to have an heir, I need to make fair rules, I need to be okay so I can make it look like I know what I'm doing. Geoff I am so sick of not knowing what I'm doing." Will sat down on a nearby bench, and Geoff sat down next to him a moment later.
"I've known you for a long time, William Thatcher. When I first met you, you were a savage, wild man, with hardly any pocket money."
Will cracked a small smile, and Geoff took this as encouragement to go on.
"But, you had a heart of gold. You made yourself into what you are today. You, alone. I think no matter what life throws at you, you can take it head on. You certainly did that with lances."
Will briefly laughed. "I only made it because you got me into the tournament."
"And you better bloody well remember that!" Geoff said, hitting Will lightly on the back. "By yourself you can come up with brilliant ideas, but you need other people to put them into action. Me, Roland, Wat, Kate, Christiana, we're all here for you Will. Whatever you need, whenever you need it."
"You sound like one of your poems."
"Yes well I have been thinking that over in my mind for awhile. Couldn't really write it out on paper, it sounded too formal."
Will laughed and hit his friend on the shoulder. "I'm ready to go back inside."
"I'm ready to see which noble woman you choose." Geoff said, standing up.
"It will be a long while before you see me with anyone else."
"But by then Adhemar will already be taken!"
Will looked at his friend in disgust, and then started laughing. "That would be a lovely relationship. 'Honey, will you go get me some flour?', 'Sure, do you want me to weigh and measure it, too?'" Will laughed loudly. "'The next time I see you, you will be looking up at me from the flat of your back!"
Geoff let out a hearty laugh. It was good to be joking with Will, his mood swings came on so randomly that he had to take advantage of a good one when he could.
"So what about this gambler problem?" Geoff asked as they walked into the castle.
"I'll just tell them I got it all worked out, and you're sorry for what you did."
Geoff glared at Will, but laughed. Geoff went back into the dining room, but William wasn't hungry, and wasn't sure he wanted to see everyone just then.
He knew what he felt like doing.
Jocelyn's room, their room, was completely empty. The bed had been burned along with almost all of her possessions. The windows were shut tightly and sealed with old cloths, and the stone had not been repaired from where Will had thrown the jewelry box. He walked up to the wall and ran his fingers over the rough edges. He could scarcely believe he had thrown the box with such force.
He ran his fingers along the rest of the wall, searching. He could never remember which stone it was. He found it three feet later. He pushed on its edge lightly, and it turned, revealing engraving.
My stars changed when I met you. You are the only one. I promise to love you, right here, right now. Whenever, wherever, forever, we'll be together forever.
His writing was crooked on the stone. He had written it shortly before their wedding. His eyes softened and he let in a small gasp as he saw small, tidy writing under his.
You are the only one, William. I know I am fading, I can feel it. You probably will not find this until it is too late, but I want you to know that whenever, wherever, forever, we'll be together forever. Remember, the stars are always changing. I love you, Jocelyn.
He placed his hand on the writing. He had never known this had been written. He leaned his head against the wall near his hand, and breathed deeply, collecting himself. Had he really been joking only minutes ago with Geoff about finding a new wife? He hated himself for it. He never wanted anyone but Jocelyn, and at that moment, his heart closed up for good.
He would never let anyone in again. His friends were just friends. No feelings of warmth would pass between them. He knew he didn't really mean the thoughts he was having, but for the moment, the coldness was all that comforted him in an even colder room. Jocelyn wanted him happy, and he would be happy.
Alone.
"Stop me from going crazy!" He threw his head back, yelling at the sky. "Why are you doing this to me!!?" He yelled.
"He works in mysterious ways, William."
Will turned around quickly. Geoff was standing near a tall bush, journal and quill in hand.
"I thought I would be fine." William said quietly, catching his breath. He didn't look at Geoff. "I was fine, for a few days."
Geoff looked at him in disbelief. "It's been hardly a month! You only recently got over the death of your horse, William."
Will rolled his eyes and resumed pacing. "I need to get over it. The people are expecting me to find another wife. I can't rule alone."
"You have us."
"I have no one!" Will threw his hands up in exasperation. "Dimitri's will said I needed to marry a woman of noble birth if Jocelyn passed on. Noble women are all too arrogant and self-concerned."
"Jocelyn was a noble woman."
"She is different. Was, different. I need to have an heir, I need to make fair rules, I need to be okay so I can make it look like I know what I'm doing. Geoff I am so sick of not knowing what I'm doing." Will sat down on a nearby bench, and Geoff sat down next to him a moment later.
"I've known you for a long time, William Thatcher. When I first met you, you were a savage, wild man, with hardly any pocket money."
Will cracked a small smile, and Geoff took this as encouragement to go on.
"But, you had a heart of gold. You made yourself into what you are today. You, alone. I think no matter what life throws at you, you can take it head on. You certainly did that with lances."
Will briefly laughed. "I only made it because you got me into the tournament."
"And you better bloody well remember that!" Geoff said, hitting Will lightly on the back. "By yourself you can come up with brilliant ideas, but you need other people to put them into action. Me, Roland, Wat, Kate, Christiana, we're all here for you Will. Whatever you need, whenever you need it."
"You sound like one of your poems."
"Yes well I have been thinking that over in my mind for awhile. Couldn't really write it out on paper, it sounded too formal."
Will laughed and hit his friend on the shoulder. "I'm ready to go back inside."
"I'm ready to see which noble woman you choose." Geoff said, standing up.
"It will be a long while before you see me with anyone else."
"But by then Adhemar will already be taken!"
Will looked at his friend in disgust, and then started laughing. "That would be a lovely relationship. 'Honey, will you go get me some flour?', 'Sure, do you want me to weigh and measure it, too?'" Will laughed loudly. "'The next time I see you, you will be looking up at me from the flat of your back!"
Geoff let out a hearty laugh. It was good to be joking with Will, his mood swings came on so randomly that he had to take advantage of a good one when he could.
"So what about this gambler problem?" Geoff asked as they walked into the castle.
"I'll just tell them I got it all worked out, and you're sorry for what you did."
Geoff glared at Will, but laughed. Geoff went back into the dining room, but William wasn't hungry, and wasn't sure he wanted to see everyone just then.
He knew what he felt like doing.
Jocelyn's room, their room, was completely empty. The bed had been burned along with almost all of her possessions. The windows were shut tightly and sealed with old cloths, and the stone had not been repaired from where Will had thrown the jewelry box. He walked up to the wall and ran his fingers over the rough edges. He could scarcely believe he had thrown the box with such force.
He ran his fingers along the rest of the wall, searching. He could never remember which stone it was. He found it three feet later. He pushed on its edge lightly, and it turned, revealing engraving.
My stars changed when I met you. You are the only one. I promise to love you, right here, right now. Whenever, wherever, forever, we'll be together forever.
His writing was crooked on the stone. He had written it shortly before their wedding. His eyes softened and he let in a small gasp as he saw small, tidy writing under his.
You are the only one, William. I know I am fading, I can feel it. You probably will not find this until it is too late, but I want you to know that whenever, wherever, forever, we'll be together forever. Remember, the stars are always changing. I love you, Jocelyn.
He placed his hand on the writing. He had never known this had been written. He leaned his head against the wall near his hand, and breathed deeply, collecting himself. Had he really been joking only minutes ago with Geoff about finding a new wife? He hated himself for it. He never wanted anyone but Jocelyn, and at that moment, his heart closed up for good.
He would never let anyone in again. His friends were just friends. No feelings of warmth would pass between them. He knew he didn't really mean the thoughts he was having, but for the moment, the coldness was all that comforted him in an even colder room. Jocelyn wanted him happy, and he would be happy.
Alone.
