I Do Not Love…
Evangelion is not mine, blah blah blah…
Meant to be some sort of reinterpretation for a scene in Strike Fiss' End of Higher Learning. I have no clue why I wrote it, as there's not really anything new to it…but the mentioned quote here just gave me inspiration to write. I apologize for the lack…I think I knocked this off in like five minutes.
"I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they protect."
-Faramir son of Denethor, The Two Towers
I hate it.
Life. Love.
It's all so stupid.
I love you.
Why does it have to hurt so? Why is it so hard?
I do not love…I can't. I've forgotten how. Or never learned.
"So…I'm still alive…"
Why? Why Shinji? Why did you…must you…I'm not worth protecting. Worth living for.
I'm sorry I held you back. I love you.
"Baka Shinji…"
Why does he say that to me? Why? Like he's the one at fault. Like he's the failure.
But…
"I don't want to die…"
Why?
Why not? Everything…everything…its all for nothing. I'm done. Finished. A failure. Nothing has gone right. I'm a failure of a pilot. Failure of a person. I've failed Misato and Rei and Hikari and Shinji…
Mama…
"I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"
Why do I still live? Failures cease in this world. They die. They can't make it, and the strong continue. Isn't that how it goes?
I can't even fight…
"I don't want to die…"
Fighting is all I am! It's all I'm capable of. Why doesn't he see that? It's all…even when we're together…it's a fight. I show him how much I love him…by fighting with him!
I kill. I destroy. That's why…I'm not worth it. I can't give him what he needs…
But we can go. You and I.
"I don't want to die…"
I'm nothing without the fight! Why can't you see?!
That's not true…
Why…why do you see everything? It's so unfair…
You came back…you're strong. So why do you still want me? I'm weak. The strong don't love the weak. I do not love…so why do you love me?
You're so much stronger then me!
Why must you believe in me? I've…I've given up…
I love you…
I love you too…but…what can I do? What can this failure do?
I don't want to feel like this…
"I don't want to die…"
You…I love you…but…what…what can I do…?
{I won't let you die.}
We're a team…I don't want to let that fall…
Is…is that why you came back?
I'd rather be with you…
I thought you could get away from it…?
I decided I'd rather be with you…that it was worth staying with Eva. Worth having to see my Father.
What must I do…to be with you?
"I don't want to die!"
Fight? Do I fight? Is that…is that what you did?
{Live! Live on!}
You hate fighting…
"I don't want to die!"
I wanted to help...I didn't want to let you get hurt...
Yet…you did…you lost…not wanting to fight…to being forced to…
Because…
…Of me.
{Live on! I won't let you die!}
…Of us…
"I don't want to die!
Would…giving up…would it be the end of me?
{Be honest…be strong!}
The end of…of us…
I would really…truly…
"I don't want to die!"
…fail you…
{Live on! You won't die!}
Even…if I lost…
"I don't want to die!!!"
You…would be there…
{Asuka…}
Like…
"I don't want to die!!!"
I would…you would…
{My child…}
We would…
"I don't want to die!!!!"
Fight…
You…don't love me…as a pilot…
{You are not alone! I am with you!}
But…
"I don't want to die!!!!"
…as....as a…
{Your mother is here!}
I love you…Asuka…
…as a fighter…
"I don't want to die!"
As me…
"I don't want to die!"
As…
"I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"
{My daughter…it is not your time…}
"Mama…"
{My daughter…live with me…}
"Mama!!"
I'd rather be with you…
"Shinji!!"
I…do not love…I fight…
But…
Maybe…
I can fight…
For love.
For you. For me.
For us.
