A/N Finally, the fourth chapter of this story is finished, and the fifth is more than half-done as well, so should be up soon. Many apologies to my regular readers for the delay – I had a bit of a block with this story but it's sorted now.
Thanks as always to my terrific beta, Amy!
N.B. The not-so-subtle reference to Alan Rickman is an in-joke from one of my other Snape's Family stories, a comedy called 'Village of the Snapes', in which halfblood wizard/actor 'Alan Rickman-Snape' made a cameo appearance. :-)
"The train will arrive on time, Severus, as it always does."
"I am well aware of when the train is expected, Headmaster."
"Then perhaps your anxiety is not entirely to do with your desire to keep to our usual schedule?" Albus Dumbledore suggested, blue eyes twinkling. But Snape would not be drawn so easily into discussing his fears about the reunion with Sejanus. He merely raised an eyebrow and suggested dryly,
"Perhaps I'm hungry."
"If you were hungry, you would have eaten something at lunch. You did not."
"Perhaps," Snape offered, in the same deadpan voice, "I'm on a diet."
Dumbledore's smile widened as his gaze took in the potions master's wraithlike form, but he said only,
"I sometimes wonder, Severus, why so many of our students fail to notice your sense of humour. Perhaps, inexperienced as they are in social interactions, they mistake it for something else."
"I was being entirely serious, Headmaster."
"Of course." With a last, thoughtful look at Snape, Dumbledore gave up for the moment and turned to gaze out of the staffroom window. Snape collected a cup of coffee for himself and dropped into a chair with an attempt at nonchalance; it failed, as always, to work, and he was on his feet again within moments, pacing and fidgeting with restless energy.
"Ah." Said Dumbledore.
"Ah?"
"I do believe the train has arrived."
The headmaster ignored the sound of Snape choking on his coffee, and swept briskly from the room. The potions master stood rigid for a moment, then took a steadying breath, removed a small bottle from his robes rocket and took a sip from it, coughing as the potent liquid inside burned his throat. Nothing like a little home-made whisky to make a bad situation less memorable. Snape had the vague notion that he should be happy at the prospect of a reunion with his long-lost brother; he reflected that normal people *would* be happy…but Snape had never been given any opportunity to develop normal emotional reactions to any event.
He forced himself to step firmly, with his usual vampiric grace, in the headmaster's wake. Dumbledore had waited for him at the end of the corridor.
"Would you prefer to greet Sejanus before we go for dinner?" He enquired. Again, a question normal people would not be asked, nor expect to be asked – of course they would want time alone with a long-lost relative. But Dumbledore knew Snape better than anyone; if truth be told, better, in some ways, even than Snape himself. The potions master had spent so much of his life hiding from his own psyche that it had become second nature…along with the carefully maintained public façade of being a completely heartless git. For Snape, it would be less difficult to greet his brother in the midst of other people, when the barriers would be easier to build.
It was perhaps surprising, therefore, that Snape replied evenly,
"Yes, I would. Thank you, Headmaster."
Dumbledore nodded, and departed for the Great Hall, leaving Snape to make his way to the entrance hall.
Sejanus tried not to let his nervousness show as he left the Hogwarts Express with the students, surrounded on all sides by laughter and chatter. He spotted Harry Potter and his friends; Potter smiled politely, and little Ginny waved to Sejanus. He waved back, surprised and pleased to have made a friend already. Sejanus also saw Malfoy – he had departed that young man's carriage after an acceptable interval – swaggering along the platform, accompanied as always by Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy raised an eyebrow at Sejanus, who nodded to him; the boy's grey eyes narrowed, but he nodded back coolly.
Was it just disgust, or was Malfoy suspicious of him? Sejanus decided the former; Draco, he had concluded (rightly or wrongly; he was prejudiced, after all) after only a few minutes in his company, was not the sharpest knife in the box. Brighter than his two gorilla-like bodyguards, perhaps, but still a hairsbreadth from stupid. Probably the results of excessive inbreeding – how else could the Malfoys maintain their supposedly completely pure blood? There were even halfbloods in the Snape family – Mad Uncle Drusus had a grandson, or perhaps a nephew, Sejanus could not really remember, who was halfblood, apparently without knowing it. Sejanus had never met him, but Trefusis and Gaius – his twin cousins – reported that Alan, as the halfblood was called, was a pleasant sort of chap who had made quite a name for himself in the Muggle film industry.
Sejanus was interrupted in his musings by a sort of squeak from behind him – it was Neville Longbottom, whom he had met briefly on the journey, and Sejanus was blocking his path. Neville – who according to a friendly Irish boy called Finnigan, was utterly terrified of Severus Snape – apparently was too afraid to actually speak. Sejanus smiled kindly at him.
"Am I in your way, Neville? Sorry. Come past, then."
The timid boy scurried away without turning back. Sejanus allowed himself a silent chuckle; Severus was rather sarcastic and difficult to get to know, but Sejanus had had no idea that his brother instilled such terror in the hearts of his students. Bitter, perhaps, that his own childhood had been so painful, thought Sejanus sadly. He himself had learned long ago that bitterness and jealousy caused more unhappiness, in the percipient as well as the recipient, than it was worth. If only Severus could understand that…
Sejanus froze. He had been wandering almost absent-mindedly up to the castle, paying little attention to his surroundings; despite the years which had passed since he had seen Hogwarts, it was as familiar to him as if he had left yesterday. The many years between seemed to have dissolved en route to the school. His subconscious brain had half-expected Severus to be exactly as he remembered…and it was the disconfirmation of this expectation which had so startled him.
Severus stood in front of the doors, his posture tense, peering into the crowd of students, not having spotted Sejanus yet. His older brother's appearance was a painful shock to Sejanus; Severus had always been thin, but now he was positively emaciated; his jet-black hair, which had once been long and wavy, if a little greasy, was shorn roughly and unevenly to his shoulders and hung in a way that almost covered his face. Sejanus found himself battling a sudden desire to slip past Severus and avoid him for as long as possible; he realised his dreaded seeing his brother's face – what alarmed him most of all was the prospect that when he looked at his brother properly for the first time, he might be gazing into the eyes of a stranger.
But Severus had spied him, and was descending the steps; at least his prowling, catlike way of walking was the same, though the slowness of his step suggested feigned nonchalance. Sejanus made his way through the crowd to greet his brother, trying to calm himself with deep, slow breaths. It did not work, and, when he came face to face with Severus at last, words failed him completely. It was the older brother who spoke first.
"Sejanus." He said, quietly. "Welcome home."
They stood in Snape's office in the dungeons, both awkward, neither knowing what to say. After a moment, Severus strode to a cabinet in the corner, unlocked it, and pulled out an old, unlabelled bottle.
"Whisky?" He offered, sloshing a liberal amount into two glasses – one of which was very dusty – without waiting for an answer. Sejanus accepted the drink, and managed a smile.
"I remember you threatening to hex me when you caught me trying to steal a bottle of this from father's private stores."
Severus' lips twitched in what could have been an attempt at a wry grin.
"You were far too young to drink. This stuff is barely legal, at any rate."
"I'm glad Father passed on the skill of making it to you, though. That's one family tradition I'm happy to uphold. Cheers." Sejanus took a gulp, and gasped, almost dropping the glass. It was, in fact, the first time he had tasted the famous Snape homebrew. Severus smirked at him half-heartedly, drained his own glass, and poured another. There was another silence, longer but more companionable than the first. Eventually, Severus murmured,
"It's been a very long time. Don't think I haven't been keeping an eye on you, however. I was always with you, in a way."
This comment might have been tender, even sentimental, coming from anyone else, but from Severus it was nothing more or less than a bald statement of fact. Sejanus' hawk, Amadeus, was no mere bird – he was an animagus, an elderly wizard who had served the Snape family all his life, their most trusted and capable retainer. Amadeus divided his time between Uncle Drusus – Grandmama Livia insisted on keeping a close watch on the white sheep of the family – and Sejanus, bringing the young wizard occasional news of his home and family, and keeping an extensive record of Sejanus' activities at the same time. Sejanus had known this, of course, but he also trusted Amadeus implicitly; the taciturn old man had a soft spot for him, and refrained from reporting anything that might embarrass Sejanus, or result in him being dragged home. Amadeus had also served as a guardian of sorts, until Sejanus was old enough to take care of himself in the strange and often surprisingly dangerous Muggle world.
Sejanus took another drink of whisky before slowly raising his head, and looking – really looking – at his brother for the first time. It was as bad as he had expected; Severus looked drained and rather ill, and his skin was sallow and stretched across his high cheekbones, which had once seemed almost regal. Now he looked as though he had not eaten properly, or slept, for a week: there were dark shadows under his eyes, and it seemed that he was neglecting his personal hygiene somewhat. Not that Severus had ever taken a great deal of care about his appearance, but this was a definite decline.
The worst, however, came when Sejanus steeled himself and gazed directly into his brother's eyes. He had feared to see a stranger there – but what he did find was far worse. Severus' eyes were as sharp and glittering as ever, but they also seemed strangely empty, almost…dead. At one time, Severus had had most expressive eyes; you could look into them and it felt like seeing into his soul, everything he was feeling was reflected in those striking eyes. Now, Sejanus saw nothing but a kind of desperate weariness, and, after a while, something dark and bitter which he did not want to think about. It was as though, after years of suffering and guilt, Severus had finally given up on emotions, allowed himself to die inside, while walking around appearing to the outside world like some hideous puppet of himself. For the benefit of the others. It had always been for others.
Sejanus restrained himself from commenting on any of this, though it was difficult; instead, he forced his voice to be steady, and said quietly,
"I've missed you, Severus. It's good to see you again."
