Title: HORNY
Author: Hagane ^^\/
Rating: General. When have I crossed the line and written a lemon? *wide innocent eyes*
Genre: Humor/Romance
Pairing(s): MitRu, MitSen, MitHana, MitMiya, MitEVERYONE.

Disclaimer: blah. Whatever you say. Mitsui's mine, and he says so. Hah.

Summary: Remember what I said before? About summaries? Well, I still don't like them any better than I did previously.

HORNY

            *ring ring*

            Mitsui jumped aside as a madly swerving bicycle sped past- with a very familiar boy just barely hanging on to the handles.

            "Shit Rukawa! You trying to kill me or something?!" he yelled after the offending boy.

            The boy didn't seem to acknowledge him and he carried on in his crazy joy-riding on his infamous pink bike. Before swerving madly into several trash bins that lined the road.

            Mitsui watched in wide-eyed fascination as the boy went flying through the air- - - and landed, rather unceremoniously, in a messy pile of garbage bags. Grinning, Mitsui ran up to the boy.

            "You okay?" he grinned, holding out a hand.

            Rukawa, dazed, stared up at him.

            "Maybe not." His grin didn't leave. "So much for ringing the bell." He jerked his head at the broken bike lying among the bins. "You know, it only works with living things. Not objects. Trash cans can't jump out of the way for you. Thought you'd know that."

            Rukawa glared. After clearing his head, he glared harder.

            "Come on," Mitsui waved his proffered hand, "we're going to be late."

            Rukawa glared at the hand, looked at his sempai, stood up, strode to his deformed bike, hopped on, and cycled off. Leaving Mitsui to stare at the trash that now littered the street.

            "Correction. I'm going to be late."

-o-

            // thud//

            "Has anybody seen Mitsui-sempai today? He's really late for practice!" Ayako asked around.

            //thud//

            "I saw him this morning," Kogure replied.

            //thud//

            "Well, why isn't he here then?"

            //thud//

            "NYAHA!!!! Maybe Mitchy got into trouble again!!!!" laughed the tensai.

            //thud//

            "I wouldn't be surprised," commented Miyagi dryly.

            //WHOOSH//

            The ball soared into the net for the nth time. Rukawa turned to the ongoing conversation.

            "What do you think Mitchy did this time?"

            "I don't know, but it should be something really dumb," snickered Miyagi.

            "D'aho." Rukawa finally contributed.

-o-

            Mitsui sighed. "Why must it always be me?" he groaned as he sat in the headmaster's office. "Why?" he threw his hands up dramatically.

            An expression of amusement crossed the old man's face. "Mitsui-kun, you get yourself in trouble. There's no one else to blame."

            "But I swear it wasn't my fault this time! It was Rukawa's! I stopped to help him and he just dashed off in his bike and I had to clean up all that garbage!"

            "Well, at least you did something good of your own accord," noted the sensei.

            "Are you kidding?" blurted Mitsui, "I was forced to do it! The old woman wouldn't let me go if I didn't clear up the stupid mess!"

            "Well, I thought it was too good to be true," muttered sensei.

            "So, can you let me off this time? I'm already late for practice. Hell, Akagi's going to blow his top."

            "And I'm not?" sensei raised an eyebrow.

            "Well, you're different. For one thing, you're human while he's not."

            Sensei grunted. "What's that?"

            "Nothing. Just let me off. It's not my fault I was late. And that I came stinking of garbage. I wouldn't do it willingly you know? It ruins my image and everything. It's a turn-off for the chicks."

            Another raised eyebrow.

            "Hey, I take pride in my appearance and the impressions I make."

            "Oh?"

            "Yeah! Impressions matter a lot! Haven't you heard of that famous phrase, sensei? First impressions count."

            "So, does mine?"

            "Huh?"

            "You didn't leave a very good impression the first time I met you."

            "Well……" pause, "that was different. I'm different now."

            "Sure."

            "I'm serious!" Mitsui insisted, leaning forward eagerly. "Let me off this time, sensei… just this once….."

-o-

            "K'so." Mitsui cursed gloomily. "He's such a prick."

            Despite his pleas, he was sent to detention class.

            "Another 15 minutes before I can get out of here," he mumbled, staring glumly at the clock. "Why does shit always happen to me?"

            He recounted all the events that had happened to him in the last 24 hours.

            "First I cut myself while shaving." He recalled aloud, "then I dropped my toothbrush in the stinking toilet. And discover that I've run out of cologne AND shampoo. Then I find my toast burned while I was trying to get the stupid kettle to work. So I had burnt toast and cold coffee for breakfast. Then, when I thought things couldn't get any worse, someone throws water over me. And in school, I fell asleep in class. Detention. Late for practice- punishment." He recounted gloomily.

            "When I got home, I find that someone's stolen my new sneakers. And when I try to cook dinner, the microwave doesn't work. Nothing's worth watching on a weeknight and I hate the radio. So what did I do? I did my homework. I fall asleep just as dawn breaks, rush out of the house without a bite of anything, almost get knocked down by a stupid bike and an even stupider guy, get hassled by an old maid, clear up stinking garbage, arrive late and smelly and pissed."

            "And was sent to detention again."

            He sighed. "Oh and I foresee punishment again."

            He rubbed his temples then looked at the only other occupant in the room- a punk who was lost in noddy land.

            "And the worst thing is, I still feel funny all over."

            The punk stirred.

            "Must be the heat," Mitsui mused, getting up to move closer to the guy.

-o-

            "Ohayo."

            "Mitsui-sempai!"

            "Mitchy!"

            "Mitsui!"

            "WHY ARE YOU LATE…… AGAIN?!" came that threatening, authoritative voice of Akagi.

            "Long story. But if you want, I can tell you," Mitsui flashed him a cheeky smile.

            "Did you get into trouble again Mitchy?" asked Sakuragi hopefully.

            "BAKA! What makes you think I did?" he snapped.

            "If that's what always happens then you can't blame people for making assumptions," muttered Akagi.

            Strangely enough, Mitsui didn't seem fazed by the remark. Instead, a strange grin spread over his features.

            "You want to know what happened?" he asked Sakuragi.

            The redhead nodded.

            "Come with me to the locker room and I'll tell you." His eyes twinkled in mischief.

            Sakuragi followed him eagerly, puppy-dog style.

            Rukawa sighed. "D'aho."

-o-

            Somewhere, in the streets of Kanagawa, a particular punk was trying to find the best way of committing suicide.

            "Hey kid! Stop that!" an officer restrained the boy as he prepared to cross the busy road. "What're you trying to do? Kill yourself?"

            The boy looked at him, eyes wide with terror and he recoiled in fear.

            The officer released his hold as the boy shrank from him. "You shouldn't throw your life away so easily, son. Nothing could be so bad to make you want to give up your life."

            The punk kid burst into tears and ran away. 'That's easy for you to say! YOU didn't get molested by Mitsui Hisashi!'

-o-

tsuzuku~~

a/n: *gulp* mitsui molests?!!! Oh my. ^^;;;;