BACK IN THE DAY

He watched from his bedroom, she was sitting on the end of the dock, her toes skimming the water. She got up, untethered the boat and got in. Slowly she rowed to the end of his dock. She got out of the boat and made her way to the ladder. Slowly, she climbed the ladder and entered his room through the window.

He wrapped her up in his arms. "Why didn't you tell me, Jo?" he asked, she could hear the pain in his voice and it caused tears to well up in her eyes.

"I couldn't Dawson. I couldn't tell anyone."

"Then..Pacey?"

"He saw the bruise. That's why I came to Boston, I had to get away. I didn't think Chris would find me, I couldn't carry on like that Dawson. He killed my baby." She said the last words with in a barely audible whisper.

"Jo." he whispered, "if I'd known, I'd have come and got you. Thank god Pacey brought you back. You know he loves you Jo, he's never gotten over you. I mean look at the Icehouse, it has pictures of you all over it."

"I know, I just don't know what to do. We split up so long ago, why doesn't he move on? Why does he love me? What's to love?" Tears spilled down her cheeks as she sat on his bed. It was beyond him to understand how she could think so lowly of herself. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her.

"Jo, there is so much to love about you. Everyone loves you, and Pacey is no exception. You are so beautiful Jo, and you are the love of Pacey's life. Joey, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. If Chris has made you think like this, you shouldn't believe a word of it. He's gone Jo. He's never coming back."

She smiled weakly. Dawson was a good friend to her, but he wasn't the same as Pacey. She was torturing herself over that kiss, why had she done that? Dawson said Pacey was in love with her, but then they had been in love before and that hadn't worked out.

****Flashback****

"This isn't about Dawson and you know it. So why don't you tell me what's really going on?"

"Watching you dance with him just now, I realised it's the happiest I've seen you all night. The happiest I've seen you in weeks, in fact. ...But you wanna know what's worse? I never thought I'd say this -- I can't believe I'm saying this, but: I don't care. I don't care that you were dancing with Dawson. I'm not hurt, I'm not jealous, I'm not anything. That's what's going on, Joey."

"Great. Then how 'bout we take this "nothing" outside."

"So you can clean up my mess again. No. You wanted me to take off the happy mask? Here it goes: why are you with me?"

"Pacey"

"Because I don't know why I'm with you. I used to, but not anymore."

"I'll make a note of that."

"What I do know is that I'm tired of how I feel when I'm with you. Like your good deed -- the designated loser, the big fat failure -- that's not who I am."

"I never said it was. Ya know -- this isn't about me, Pacey, it's about you -"

"No... It is about you. And how being with you makes me feel like I'm worthless, and stupid, and never right. But you know what? I realised something. It isn't my fault. When I'm with you, I'm poor-Pacey he didn't get into college, I'm stupid Pacey got the airport limo or ruined the corsage or ripped the dress -"

"I said I don't care about that stuff!"

"I want you to care, Joey. I don't want you to just accept it. Because right now, we're not just trapped on a boat, we're trapped in this relationship, and I can't take it anymore. Being with you makes me feel like I'm nothing. I don't do it to myself. You do it to me every day and you don't even see it. That's why I flinch when you get near me. That's why I can't bring myself to touch you, why the last thing I want is to touch you..."

"Are you done?"

"I can keep going if you want."

"No Pacey, you can stop. And then, you can just go to hell."

*****~~~~~~~~******

Tears sprung up in her eyes just thinking about it. She had treated him like dirt, and he still came back.

Dawson clicked his fingers in front of her. "Joey, are you listening to me?! Where did you go? Are you thinking about Chris? Don't Jo." she shook her head and sighed.

"Listen, do you want to stay here with me tonight?" He asked, "Andie and the twins is staying with Jack and Doug. It'll be like the old times, we can watch E.T. and eat popcorn. I've not spent time with just you for ages Jo."

She smiled. "Sure, Dawson, I'd love to."