=Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show=
You have been warned.
Disclaimer: You know the drill, for a full disclaimer, check back in past chapters.
AN: I had a cold throughout most of the writing of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there are stuff in there that doesn't make sense.
****
The lights light up, revealing that the entire studio is covered with cream and pastry.
VOICE FROM BACKSTAGE: "Give it another minute Forge!"
FORGE: "SIXTY SECONDS!" *Lights go out*
*A minute later*
The lights turn on, this time the studio is free from cream.
PYRO (Voice Over): "Welcome to another of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show. And now, your host: Duki!"
Duki beams in from a intricate looking dish from the ceiling (can you say 'Star Trek'? ). Duki smiles at the audience (Three people who ACTUALLY came all by themselves) and goes to sit down behind her desk.
Pyro does his thing, writing *insert show title here* in flames above him.
DUKI: "Finally! An entrance that works!" *A sound of metal groaning comes from the ceiling* "What the. . ."
The large particle dish tips over on an odd angle.
PYRO: "That doesn't look good. . ."
A support beam snaps and the dish falls, trailing cables and such behind it. Rubber Duki manages to jump aside before it crushes her desk and chair. Sparks fly and the lights dim.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties.
Please be patient and view the following clip.
Right now Forge should struggling to single handedly fix the damage while Pyro tries to hold Duki back from attacking our technician (Forge).
*Scene changes to the last episode - the Cream Pie Challenge*
DUKI: "Fire it up Forge!"
The cannon cranks up its gears and starts to propel various flavors of pie.
DUKI: ". . . Twenty- Five. . . Twenty- Six. . .Twenty- Seven. . . ooooooph. Looks like it took twenty- seven pies to dislodge your sunglasses Scott Summers. . . You can open your eyes and blast the cannon now."
Scott's optic beam hit the tank of pies, sending cream and pastry every where.
DUKI: "That could take a while to clean up. . ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PYRO: *Restraining Duki* "Annnnd we're back!" *Duki tries to bite Pyro's hand* "Knock it off! He fixed the lights didn't he?"
Rubber Duki calms down at last, and Pyro releases her.
DUKI: *Looks sadly at her totaled desk* "It's a good thing that I have a back-up remote." *Lifts up a floorboard and grabs the remote * "It's only got basic functions though, so we'll have to go on without the more complicated security systems."
FORGE: "You DO realize that Wolverine's coming today don't you?"
PYRO: *Puffs out chest* "I can take him!"
DUKI: *Holds up a tranquilizer dart gun* "So you won't be needing this when you go retrieve him?"
PYRO: *Analyzes his situation for a sec* "Maybe I'll take it just in case, not that I'll NEED it or anything. . ."
DUKI: *Ignores Pyro* "Has anyone seen the questions? I typed it onto some queue cards and now I can't find them -"
FORGE: "Here they are!" *Holds up some very charred cards*
PYRO: *Grabs them* "Look Forge, you got some questions." *Flips through the cards* "And Duki's received some comments."
Duki makes a grab for the cards but Pyro fends her off.
PYRO: "I want to try this for once, seeing how I didn't get any questions this time." *Starts announcing in a really loud voice* "Todd fan asks Forge the following questions: 1.How did you loose you arm?"
FORGE: "Would you believe that it just fell off one day?"
DUKI: "No."
FORGE: "Well, it's really complicated. The truth is that I don't know."
Duki and Pyro blinks.
PYRO: "How could you not know how you lost an arm?"
FORGE: *Displays his bionic arm* "The writers of Xmen Evo never told me. In the comic universe I lost it in Vietnam but in Evo I was stuck in middleverse so that excuse won't work."
DUKI: "Okaaay. . . I guess that was something that I couldn't just make up."
PYRO: "Next question: 2. What did you do for 20 years in Middleverse?"
FORGE: "Trying to get out of middleverse."
PYRO: "I'll accept that. 3. Are you aware you pay more than a passing resmbelance to both Chachi from Happy Days and Fez from That 70's show?"
FORGE: "No, I wasn't aware of that."
DUKI: *Trying to recall 'That 70's Show'* "Hey! You DO look a lot like Fez."
PYRO: *sniffs*
DUKI: "What's wrong Johnny?"
PYRO: "Spencerblaze won't let me have her flame-thrower."
DUKI: "Oh. . ."
PYRO: "She does ask Forge: why dont you just use the teleporter thingy to get away if you dont like it there?? or do you??."
DUKI: "Yeah Forge, don't you like it here?" *Evil*
FORGE: "I've looked at it this way: If I escape, Duki'll just yank me back here, only this time as a proper guest. So I reckon my chances of avoiding humiliation is much better if I stay."
PYRO: "Right. . . Now it's your turn Duki. Tali says: ROGUE ROGUE ROGUE ROGUE ROGUE - and so on for about 109 times. Same for COLOSSUS. . ."
DUKI: *Smiles* "Sure, Rogue'll be here in Chapter 5. I've made plans for all the characters already. Colossus will be further down the line. Check back chapter 9 for his appearance."
PYRO: "That's it."
DUKI: "Good. *Takes her burnt cards back* Now you can go get Logan."
He leaves through the portal thingy (Yeah, I forgot what it's called by now).
Rubber Duki realizes that they have nothing to do while they wait for Pyro.
DUKI: "So. Forge. . . how was your day?"
FORGE: *Shrugs* "Fine. Though I was curious; I know that Pyro could get Wolverine here, but what's to stop him from clawing his way outta the studio?"
DUKI: "Besides a giant Electro-magnet, *Holds up a soft toy* this."
FORGE: *Puzzled* "A teddy bear?"
DUKI: "Not just any teddy, LOGAN's teddy."
FORGE: "Oh. By the way, if Logan kills you, can I keep the lab?"
DUKI: "Don't count on it, I'm not gonna die -"
Rubber Duki is interrupted when Pyro walks through the door with an unconscious Wolvie.
PYRO: "Ok, so I DID need that tranquilizer dart. . . On the plus side, we now know that it works without a hitch."
DUKI: *Sighs* "How long do you think it's going to take for him to wake up?"
FORGE: "It depends on how many darts he received."
They look at the snoring Wolverine who was lying on the floor. He looked like a mutant pincushion.
DUKI and FORGE: *Glares at Pyro*
PYRO: "Maybe I went a bit overboard. . ."
FORGE: *Pokes Logan with his prosthetic arm* "Considering his healing factor, he might just wake up when applied with a big enough stimuli . . ."
DUKI: *Rolls eyes* "Fine."
She goes backstage, returning with a bucket of water.
FORGE: "What're you doing?"
DUKI: "That dish busted most of my controls, so I had to do it manually."
FORGE: "I meant what are you planning on doing with the water?"
DUKI: *As if it was obvious* "You told me we needed a stimuli. I think this qualifies." *Tips the whole bucket over Wolverine*
LOGAN: *Sleepily* "What the-"
At the sound of his voice Forge and Pyro make a dash for the viewing platform, a good deal of distance AWAY from the stage.
DUKI: *mutters* "Deserters." *Clear voice* "Activate safety protocol four-nineteen. Voice authorization: Duki J.Z is the boss."
A mechanical voice is emitted from the speakers 'Authorization confirmed, activating protocol four-nineteen.'
The guest chair (which escaped the large falling dish) started buzzing. A second later Logan was completely stuck to it.
DUKI: *gesturing towards the chair* "Electro-magnet."
LOGAN: *Glares* "Listen up bub, whatever it is you're doing here you'd better stop right now! Before I-"
DUKI: "What? Breathe at me?"
This is when Wolverine realized that he couldn't do so much as move a finger.
DUKI: "Relax Mr. Logan. I'll release you as soon as you answer a few questions."
LOGAN: "And if I refuse?"
DUKI: *Looks thoughtful* "I suppose I could turn up the magnet so that your own ribs would crush your eternal organs." *Laughs* "Oh wait. I forgot you had a healing factor. You should be alright then, of course you'd still experience excruciating pain. . ."
LOGAN: "I'm only replying to the questions that I feel like answering."
DUKI: "Good boy." *Sorts out her cards, some of which had mysteriously crumbled into ash*
DUKI: "The first eleven questions are from Juuhachigou and her (Assuming you're a girl) friends. Number one: Is it true you're gay?"
LOGAN: "No. And if you or your friends ask that again I swear I will kill you."
DUKI: *Snickers*
LOGAN: *Looks at Duki* "I'll get you too."
DUKI: *Dead pan look* "Sure you would. Next question: Boxers or briefs?"
LOGAN: "Which ever one that's clean."
DUKI: "Reasonable. Number three: Have you ever been overcharged at McDonalds?"
LOGAN: "I don't go for McDonalds so no."
DUKI: "Number Four: Would you dye your hair neon green?"
LOGAN: "Not willingly." *Sees look in Duki's eyes* "Don't even think about it kid."
DUKI: "But you'd look great in green!"
LOGAN: *Glare*
DUKI: "Ok, ok. Question five: Would you consider a mohawk?"
LOGAN: "I dunno, I've thought about it once but . . . no."
DUKI: *Tries to imagine Wolverine with a neon green mohawk.* "Next one: Are those claws made of foil or paper mache?"
LOGAN: *Skint* "These are adamantium."
DUKI: "But the choice was between tin foil and paper mache."
LOGAN: "Fine, if I had a choice then it would be paper mache."
DUKI: "Odd choice. . . Number Seven: Do you ever get papercuts?"
LOGAN: "Everyone gets papercuts. I just heal too fast for me to notice them."
DUKI: "Question eight: Would Kurt make a good meal?"
LOGAN: *Looks thoughtful* "Probably not, with all the gut-bombs he eats he'll just clog up my arteries with cholesterol."
DUKI: *Blinks*
LOGAN: "What? I'm just telling it like it is."
DUKI: "Okaaaay. Question number nine: Considering your beard. . . Skintimate, or not?"
LOGAN: "What's a Skintimate?"
DUKI: "I dunno, but I looked it up. It's a brand of shaving products for teens."
LOGAN: "Then the answer is 'or not'."
DUKI: *Raises an eyebrow* "Hmmm. This next one's kinda weird."
Rubber Duki sticks a PG-13 sign on her queue card.
DUKI: "Number ten: Does Remy or Sabertooth do "it" really hard?"
LOGAN: *Skint* "That's a question I do not wish to answer."
DUKI: "Fine then, I'll take that as a yes."
LOGAN: "No. Take that as a 'Hell should I know?' "
DUKI: "Ok Mr Logan. Last question from Juuhachigou: Lemon or lime?"
LOGAN: "Lime."
DUKI: "Really? I've always thought of you as a lemon guy."
LOGAN: *Sighs* "Is there a point to those questions?"
DUKI: "No. I've got on more question though."
LOGAN: "Go ahead kid."
DUKI: *Holds up Logan's teddy* "What's his name?"
LOGAN: "That's not my bear."
DUKI: "Oh." *Looks at the bear* "Then where did I. . ." *Tosses it away* "Oh well."
LOGAN: "Can I go now?"
DUKI: "Sure. Buh bye!" *Presses a button on her remote and the chair tips Wolverine into the portal*
Rubber Duki looks up at Forge (Who's still on the platform).
DUKI: "I'm guessing that Pyro already went to get Kitty?"
FORGE: *nodding* "But how are you going to stop her from phasing through everything when she gets here?"
DUKI: *shrugs* "I was hoping that she'd want to stay here under her own free will."
Kitty phases through the portal door with Pyro right behind her. Only he forgot that he doesn't have the same mutant abilities and banged into the door.
KITTY: "Wow! This is like soooo cool. You want to interview me? Thank you Duki!"
Kitty gives Duki a hug. Duki looks stunned while Pyro steps out of the portal rubbing his head.
KITTY: "You know Pyro, you should really look into getting another brand of flame-thrower. A type that burns on more economical viable fuels like biodiesel."
Kitty hops onto the guest chair.
KITTY: "Ok, you can start asking questions now!"
DUKI: *To Pyro* "What did you do? Try to drown her in a vat of coffee?!" *Points to Kitty* "She's Hyper!"
PYRO: "I didn't do anything! The X-men said she consumed a LOT of chocolate in the past hour." *Pauses* "Maybe that was why they were so eager to let her go. . ."
Kitty is currently flicking the light switch on and off.
DUKI: "Seeing how she's here. . . Ok Kitty, settle down and answer the questions."
KITTY: *Hops back to her chair* "Ok."
DUKI: "I've just realized something, you're my first guest who came willingly." *Smiles* "The first fifteen questions are from Juuhachigou. Number one: Have you ever gotten stuck in a wall?"
KITTY: *Giggles as she phased in and out of the shackles* "Nope, never."
DUKI: *Looks worried at Kitty's jittery state* "How many computers do you crash a day?"
KITTY: *Laughs* "I can only like, crash computers if I try hard enough or if I phase through it, and if I crash a computer I have to pay for repairs."
DUKI: "And you answer would be?"
KITTY: "0.09 mean average."
DUKI: *Flips through cards* "3. Do you have a secret relationship with Jean?"
Kitty giggles as she ducks into the floor and reemerges beside Duki.
KITTY: "Nope, and I saw your next question. The answer to that is I don't know."
DUKI: "Ahem. You can get back to you seat now."
Kitty complies.
DUKI: "Number Five: Why are you so weak?"
KITTY: *Face changes from cheerful to pouty* "I'm like soooo not weak." *Stands up* "Can anyone do this?"
She phases through several machines/cannons/computers. They all short out, leaving Duki looking grim.
DUKI: "I have a very odd feeling, and it's giving me goose-bumps."
PYRO: "Fear?"
DUKI: "No. . . Homicidal."
KITTY: *Sitting down on a wrecked speaker* "See? I'm not weak." *Does several cartwheels*
DUKI: *Takes in a deep breath* "Number Six: Would you consider a mohawk?"
KITTY: "No, they're like soooo hideous."
DUKI: "Would you dye your hair neon green?"
KITTY: "Ditto to what I said before."
DUKI: "Number eight: Have you ever been overcharged at McDonalds?"
KITTY: "Yes. That's why I never went back."
DUKI: "But wouldn't you miss the big macs?"
KITTY: "I'm a vegetarian."
DUKI: "Sure you are. Next one: Are you cool because you drink Coke?"
KITTY: "I drink coke! I drank 4 cans this morning!"
DUKI: "I'm not gonna bother commenting. Ten: Are you on crack?"
KITTY: "No. CAFFEINE. C-A-F-F-"
DUKI: *sweatdrop* "We get the point. Eleven: Does it work like it would in a cartoon?"
KITTY: "Sure! Like, ever wander how Jean can bear to be so nice?"
DUKI: "Uh huh. Number twelve: Would you consider a buzzcut?"
KITTY: "No."
DUKI: "Thirteen: Why "Shadowcat"? Why a cat at all? Kurt looks more like a cat than you do."
KITTY: "Why? Are you suggesting that we name Kurt Shadowcat? Actually I wanted it changed to Shadowcat after a soft drink company stole my original name."
DUKI: *Puzzled* "What IS your original codename?"
KITTY: "Sprite."
DUKI: "Right. . . number fourteen: Did your cellphone ever go 'green green green' and you pinked it up and said "yellow"?"
KITTY: "Yes."
DUKI: *Blinks* "Last one from Juuhachigou: Final Fantasy 7 or 8?"
KITTY: "Eight, without a doubt."
Rubber Duki ignores this (she owns an Xbox and has no idea what the FF series are about).
DUKI: "Now before I ask the next question. Here's a bit of a spoiler for all those who didn't watch the final two episodes of season three. In Dark Horizon part 2, Kitty seems to have taken an interest in Colossus."
Duki turns to Kitty who was giggling as she repeated phase through what's left of Rubber Duki's desk.
DUKI: "Forge? Is there an anti-caffeine shot we can give her or something?"
FORGE: *Shakes head*
DUKI: *Trying to get Kitty's attention* "This is the last question from Marzi: Are you really gonna like Piotr (Colossus)?"
KITTY: *Finally serious* "He isss kind cute. I dunno. . ."
DUKI: "What about Lance? Or Kurt?"
KITTY: "Well Lance is gonna have to get his act together if he ever wants to see me again. And Kurt and Amanda are like, totally into each other."
DUKI: "Ok, that's the last of it. I'm pooped." *Pulls a string that rang down from the ceiling.* "You can go bother your own kind now."
Kitty is shoved through the trans-dimentional portal by a giant hand.
PYRO: "I thought you were gonna make her participate in a bonus round challenge."
DUKI: *Points to all the carnage* "What bonus round challenge? We barely have electricity to keep the lights on."
*Black out*
VOICE OVER GUY (which is a pre-recording of Pyro's voice): "And that's all for now. Tune in next time for another fun-filled episode of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show!"
******
Ok, Me need sleep now. I can hardly keep my head up.
Review is you want to ask questions for our guests (and Pyro, or Forge). Review if you want to suggest a way to blackmail a guest. Just review.
Next Time:
Pietro and Remy
-Rubber Duki
You have been warned.
Disclaimer: You know the drill, for a full disclaimer, check back in past chapters.
AN: I had a cold throughout most of the writing of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there are stuff in there that doesn't make sense.
****
The lights light up, revealing that the entire studio is covered with cream and pastry.
VOICE FROM BACKSTAGE: "Give it another minute Forge!"
FORGE: "SIXTY SECONDS!" *Lights go out*
*A minute later*
The lights turn on, this time the studio is free from cream.
PYRO (Voice Over): "Welcome to another of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show. And now, your host: Duki!"
Duki beams in from a intricate looking dish from the ceiling (can you say 'Star Trek'? ). Duki smiles at the audience (Three people who ACTUALLY came all by themselves) and goes to sit down behind her desk.
Pyro does his thing, writing *insert show title here* in flames above him.
DUKI: "Finally! An entrance that works!" *A sound of metal groaning comes from the ceiling* "What the. . ."
The large particle dish tips over on an odd angle.
PYRO: "That doesn't look good. . ."
A support beam snaps and the dish falls, trailing cables and such behind it. Rubber Duki manages to jump aside before it crushes her desk and chair. Sparks fly and the lights dim.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties.
Please be patient and view the following clip.
Right now Forge should struggling to single handedly fix the damage while Pyro tries to hold Duki back from attacking our technician (Forge).
*Scene changes to the last episode - the Cream Pie Challenge*
DUKI: "Fire it up Forge!"
The cannon cranks up its gears and starts to propel various flavors of pie.
DUKI: ". . . Twenty- Five. . . Twenty- Six. . .Twenty- Seven. . . ooooooph. Looks like it took twenty- seven pies to dislodge your sunglasses Scott Summers. . . You can open your eyes and blast the cannon now."
Scott's optic beam hit the tank of pies, sending cream and pastry every where.
DUKI: "That could take a while to clean up. . ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PYRO: *Restraining Duki* "Annnnd we're back!" *Duki tries to bite Pyro's hand* "Knock it off! He fixed the lights didn't he?"
Rubber Duki calms down at last, and Pyro releases her.
DUKI: *Looks sadly at her totaled desk* "It's a good thing that I have a back-up remote." *Lifts up a floorboard and grabs the remote * "It's only got basic functions though, so we'll have to go on without the more complicated security systems."
FORGE: "You DO realize that Wolverine's coming today don't you?"
PYRO: *Puffs out chest* "I can take him!"
DUKI: *Holds up a tranquilizer dart gun* "So you won't be needing this when you go retrieve him?"
PYRO: *Analyzes his situation for a sec* "Maybe I'll take it just in case, not that I'll NEED it or anything. . ."
DUKI: *Ignores Pyro* "Has anyone seen the questions? I typed it onto some queue cards and now I can't find them -"
FORGE: "Here they are!" *Holds up some very charred cards*
PYRO: *Grabs them* "Look Forge, you got some questions." *Flips through the cards* "And Duki's received some comments."
Duki makes a grab for the cards but Pyro fends her off.
PYRO: "I want to try this for once, seeing how I didn't get any questions this time." *Starts announcing in a really loud voice* "Todd fan asks Forge the following questions: 1.How did you loose you arm?"
FORGE: "Would you believe that it just fell off one day?"
DUKI: "No."
FORGE: "Well, it's really complicated. The truth is that I don't know."
Duki and Pyro blinks.
PYRO: "How could you not know how you lost an arm?"
FORGE: *Displays his bionic arm* "The writers of Xmen Evo never told me. In the comic universe I lost it in Vietnam but in Evo I was stuck in middleverse so that excuse won't work."
DUKI: "Okaaay. . . I guess that was something that I couldn't just make up."
PYRO: "Next question: 2. What did you do for 20 years in Middleverse?"
FORGE: "Trying to get out of middleverse."
PYRO: "I'll accept that. 3. Are you aware you pay more than a passing resmbelance to both Chachi from Happy Days and Fez from That 70's show?"
FORGE: "No, I wasn't aware of that."
DUKI: *Trying to recall 'That 70's Show'* "Hey! You DO look a lot like Fez."
PYRO: *sniffs*
DUKI: "What's wrong Johnny?"
PYRO: "Spencerblaze won't let me have her flame-thrower."
DUKI: "Oh. . ."
PYRO: "She does ask Forge: why dont you just use the teleporter thingy to get away if you dont like it there?? or do you??."
DUKI: "Yeah Forge, don't you like it here?" *Evil*
FORGE: "I've looked at it this way: If I escape, Duki'll just yank me back here, only this time as a proper guest. So I reckon my chances of avoiding humiliation is much better if I stay."
PYRO: "Right. . . Now it's your turn Duki. Tali says: ROGUE ROGUE ROGUE ROGUE ROGUE - and so on for about 109 times. Same for COLOSSUS. . ."
DUKI: *Smiles* "Sure, Rogue'll be here in Chapter 5. I've made plans for all the characters already. Colossus will be further down the line. Check back chapter 9 for his appearance."
PYRO: "That's it."
DUKI: "Good. *Takes her burnt cards back* Now you can go get Logan."
He leaves through the portal thingy (Yeah, I forgot what it's called by now).
Rubber Duki realizes that they have nothing to do while they wait for Pyro.
DUKI: "So. Forge. . . how was your day?"
FORGE: *Shrugs* "Fine. Though I was curious; I know that Pyro could get Wolverine here, but what's to stop him from clawing his way outta the studio?"
DUKI: "Besides a giant Electro-magnet, *Holds up a soft toy* this."
FORGE: *Puzzled* "A teddy bear?"
DUKI: "Not just any teddy, LOGAN's teddy."
FORGE: "Oh. By the way, if Logan kills you, can I keep the lab?"
DUKI: "Don't count on it, I'm not gonna die -"
Rubber Duki is interrupted when Pyro walks through the door with an unconscious Wolvie.
PYRO: "Ok, so I DID need that tranquilizer dart. . . On the plus side, we now know that it works without a hitch."
DUKI: *Sighs* "How long do you think it's going to take for him to wake up?"
FORGE: "It depends on how many darts he received."
They look at the snoring Wolverine who was lying on the floor. He looked like a mutant pincushion.
DUKI and FORGE: *Glares at Pyro*
PYRO: "Maybe I went a bit overboard. . ."
FORGE: *Pokes Logan with his prosthetic arm* "Considering his healing factor, he might just wake up when applied with a big enough stimuli . . ."
DUKI: *Rolls eyes* "Fine."
She goes backstage, returning with a bucket of water.
FORGE: "What're you doing?"
DUKI: "That dish busted most of my controls, so I had to do it manually."
FORGE: "I meant what are you planning on doing with the water?"
DUKI: *As if it was obvious* "You told me we needed a stimuli. I think this qualifies." *Tips the whole bucket over Wolverine*
LOGAN: *Sleepily* "What the-"
At the sound of his voice Forge and Pyro make a dash for the viewing platform, a good deal of distance AWAY from the stage.
DUKI: *mutters* "Deserters." *Clear voice* "Activate safety protocol four-nineteen. Voice authorization: Duki J.Z is the boss."
A mechanical voice is emitted from the speakers 'Authorization confirmed, activating protocol four-nineteen.'
The guest chair (which escaped the large falling dish) started buzzing. A second later Logan was completely stuck to it.
DUKI: *gesturing towards the chair* "Electro-magnet."
LOGAN: *Glares* "Listen up bub, whatever it is you're doing here you'd better stop right now! Before I-"
DUKI: "What? Breathe at me?"
This is when Wolverine realized that he couldn't do so much as move a finger.
DUKI: "Relax Mr. Logan. I'll release you as soon as you answer a few questions."
LOGAN: "And if I refuse?"
DUKI: *Looks thoughtful* "I suppose I could turn up the magnet so that your own ribs would crush your eternal organs." *Laughs* "Oh wait. I forgot you had a healing factor. You should be alright then, of course you'd still experience excruciating pain. . ."
LOGAN: "I'm only replying to the questions that I feel like answering."
DUKI: "Good boy." *Sorts out her cards, some of which had mysteriously crumbled into ash*
DUKI: "The first eleven questions are from Juuhachigou and her (Assuming you're a girl) friends. Number one: Is it true you're gay?"
LOGAN: "No. And if you or your friends ask that again I swear I will kill you."
DUKI: *Snickers*
LOGAN: *Looks at Duki* "I'll get you too."
DUKI: *Dead pan look* "Sure you would. Next question: Boxers or briefs?"
LOGAN: "Which ever one that's clean."
DUKI: "Reasonable. Number three: Have you ever been overcharged at McDonalds?"
LOGAN: "I don't go for McDonalds so no."
DUKI: "Number Four: Would you dye your hair neon green?"
LOGAN: "Not willingly." *Sees look in Duki's eyes* "Don't even think about it kid."
DUKI: "But you'd look great in green!"
LOGAN: *Glare*
DUKI: "Ok, ok. Question five: Would you consider a mohawk?"
LOGAN: "I dunno, I've thought about it once but . . . no."
DUKI: *Tries to imagine Wolverine with a neon green mohawk.* "Next one: Are those claws made of foil or paper mache?"
LOGAN: *Skint* "These are adamantium."
DUKI: "But the choice was between tin foil and paper mache."
LOGAN: "Fine, if I had a choice then it would be paper mache."
DUKI: "Odd choice. . . Number Seven: Do you ever get papercuts?"
LOGAN: "Everyone gets papercuts. I just heal too fast for me to notice them."
DUKI: "Question eight: Would Kurt make a good meal?"
LOGAN: *Looks thoughtful* "Probably not, with all the gut-bombs he eats he'll just clog up my arteries with cholesterol."
DUKI: *Blinks*
LOGAN: "What? I'm just telling it like it is."
DUKI: "Okaaaay. Question number nine: Considering your beard. . . Skintimate, or not?"
LOGAN: "What's a Skintimate?"
DUKI: "I dunno, but I looked it up. It's a brand of shaving products for teens."
LOGAN: "Then the answer is 'or not'."
DUKI: *Raises an eyebrow* "Hmmm. This next one's kinda weird."
Rubber Duki sticks a PG-13 sign on her queue card.
DUKI: "Number ten: Does Remy or Sabertooth do "it" really hard?"
LOGAN: *Skint* "That's a question I do not wish to answer."
DUKI: "Fine then, I'll take that as a yes."
LOGAN: "No. Take that as a 'Hell should I know?' "
DUKI: "Ok Mr Logan. Last question from Juuhachigou: Lemon or lime?"
LOGAN: "Lime."
DUKI: "Really? I've always thought of you as a lemon guy."
LOGAN: *Sighs* "Is there a point to those questions?"
DUKI: "No. I've got on more question though."
LOGAN: "Go ahead kid."
DUKI: *Holds up Logan's teddy* "What's his name?"
LOGAN: "That's not my bear."
DUKI: "Oh." *Looks at the bear* "Then where did I. . ." *Tosses it away* "Oh well."
LOGAN: "Can I go now?"
DUKI: "Sure. Buh bye!" *Presses a button on her remote and the chair tips Wolverine into the portal*
Rubber Duki looks up at Forge (Who's still on the platform).
DUKI: "I'm guessing that Pyro already went to get Kitty?"
FORGE: *nodding* "But how are you going to stop her from phasing through everything when she gets here?"
DUKI: *shrugs* "I was hoping that she'd want to stay here under her own free will."
Kitty phases through the portal door with Pyro right behind her. Only he forgot that he doesn't have the same mutant abilities and banged into the door.
KITTY: "Wow! This is like soooo cool. You want to interview me? Thank you Duki!"
Kitty gives Duki a hug. Duki looks stunned while Pyro steps out of the portal rubbing his head.
KITTY: "You know Pyro, you should really look into getting another brand of flame-thrower. A type that burns on more economical viable fuels like biodiesel."
Kitty hops onto the guest chair.
KITTY: "Ok, you can start asking questions now!"
DUKI: *To Pyro* "What did you do? Try to drown her in a vat of coffee?!" *Points to Kitty* "She's Hyper!"
PYRO: "I didn't do anything! The X-men said she consumed a LOT of chocolate in the past hour." *Pauses* "Maybe that was why they were so eager to let her go. . ."
Kitty is currently flicking the light switch on and off.
DUKI: "Seeing how she's here. . . Ok Kitty, settle down and answer the questions."
KITTY: *Hops back to her chair* "Ok."
DUKI: "I've just realized something, you're my first guest who came willingly." *Smiles* "The first fifteen questions are from Juuhachigou. Number one: Have you ever gotten stuck in a wall?"
KITTY: *Giggles as she phased in and out of the shackles* "Nope, never."
DUKI: *Looks worried at Kitty's jittery state* "How many computers do you crash a day?"
KITTY: *Laughs* "I can only like, crash computers if I try hard enough or if I phase through it, and if I crash a computer I have to pay for repairs."
DUKI: "And you answer would be?"
KITTY: "0.09 mean average."
DUKI: *Flips through cards* "3. Do you have a secret relationship with Jean?"
Kitty giggles as she ducks into the floor and reemerges beside Duki.
KITTY: "Nope, and I saw your next question. The answer to that is I don't know."
DUKI: "Ahem. You can get back to you seat now."
Kitty complies.
DUKI: "Number Five: Why are you so weak?"
KITTY: *Face changes from cheerful to pouty* "I'm like soooo not weak." *Stands up* "Can anyone do this?"
She phases through several machines/cannons/computers. They all short out, leaving Duki looking grim.
DUKI: "I have a very odd feeling, and it's giving me goose-bumps."
PYRO: "Fear?"
DUKI: "No. . . Homicidal."
KITTY: *Sitting down on a wrecked speaker* "See? I'm not weak." *Does several cartwheels*
DUKI: *Takes in a deep breath* "Number Six: Would you consider a mohawk?"
KITTY: "No, they're like soooo hideous."
DUKI: "Would you dye your hair neon green?"
KITTY: "Ditto to what I said before."
DUKI: "Number eight: Have you ever been overcharged at McDonalds?"
KITTY: "Yes. That's why I never went back."
DUKI: "But wouldn't you miss the big macs?"
KITTY: "I'm a vegetarian."
DUKI: "Sure you are. Next one: Are you cool because you drink Coke?"
KITTY: "I drink coke! I drank 4 cans this morning!"
DUKI: "I'm not gonna bother commenting. Ten: Are you on crack?"
KITTY: "No. CAFFEINE. C-A-F-F-"
DUKI: *sweatdrop* "We get the point. Eleven: Does it work like it would in a cartoon?"
KITTY: "Sure! Like, ever wander how Jean can bear to be so nice?"
DUKI: "Uh huh. Number twelve: Would you consider a buzzcut?"
KITTY: "No."
DUKI: "Thirteen: Why "Shadowcat"? Why a cat at all? Kurt looks more like a cat than you do."
KITTY: "Why? Are you suggesting that we name Kurt Shadowcat? Actually I wanted it changed to Shadowcat after a soft drink company stole my original name."
DUKI: *Puzzled* "What IS your original codename?"
KITTY: "Sprite."
DUKI: "Right. . . number fourteen: Did your cellphone ever go 'green green green' and you pinked it up and said "yellow"?"
KITTY: "Yes."
DUKI: *Blinks* "Last one from Juuhachigou: Final Fantasy 7 or 8?"
KITTY: "Eight, without a doubt."
Rubber Duki ignores this (she owns an Xbox and has no idea what the FF series are about).
DUKI: "Now before I ask the next question. Here's a bit of a spoiler for all those who didn't watch the final two episodes of season three. In Dark Horizon part 2, Kitty seems to have taken an interest in Colossus."
Duki turns to Kitty who was giggling as she repeated phase through what's left of Rubber Duki's desk.
DUKI: "Forge? Is there an anti-caffeine shot we can give her or something?"
FORGE: *Shakes head*
DUKI: *Trying to get Kitty's attention* "This is the last question from Marzi: Are you really gonna like Piotr (Colossus)?"
KITTY: *Finally serious* "He isss kind cute. I dunno. . ."
DUKI: "What about Lance? Or Kurt?"
KITTY: "Well Lance is gonna have to get his act together if he ever wants to see me again. And Kurt and Amanda are like, totally into each other."
DUKI: "Ok, that's the last of it. I'm pooped." *Pulls a string that rang down from the ceiling.* "You can go bother your own kind now."
Kitty is shoved through the trans-dimentional portal by a giant hand.
PYRO: "I thought you were gonna make her participate in a bonus round challenge."
DUKI: *Points to all the carnage* "What bonus round challenge? We barely have electricity to keep the lights on."
*Black out*
VOICE OVER GUY (which is a pre-recording of Pyro's voice): "And that's all for now. Tune in next time for another fun-filled episode of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show!"
******
Ok, Me need sleep now. I can hardly keep my head up.
Review is you want to ask questions for our guests (and Pyro, or Forge). Review if you want to suggest a way to blackmail a guest. Just review.
Next Time:
Pietro and Remy
-Rubber Duki
