= Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show =
This document is 98% accurate. 2% unavoidable made up stuff.
You have been warned. And no, Duki doesn't really care who she offends.
Disclaimer:
Forge ~ How many time do I have to tell you?
Rubber Duki ~ But-
Forge ~ You CAN'T own X-men without, money, being over the age limit to sign a contract, a desire NOT to run the show to the ground and money!
Rubber Duki ~ Well Fine! I don't want X-men anyway! *storms out muttering* All I wanted was to NOT have to write a disclaimer but noooo, Mr. Common Sense comes and ruins it . . .
AN: You reviewers asked A LOT of questions for this chapter (mostly from Juuhachigou and her accomplices). It took me awhile, but it's done *cracks knuckles* after all, I do like a challenge. *Grins* This chapie is waaay longer than the rest. . . enjoy!
******
The lights go on, nothing seems to go wrong. In fact, for the first time things go right, right? Wrong. . .
PYRO (Voice Over): "Welcome to Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show. Introducing your host: MEEE."
DUKI: "I can't believe you're getting away with this. . ."
PYRO: *Emerges behind Duki's desk* "Getting away with what?"
DUKI: "LOCKING ME IN THIS BOX!!! LET ME OUT!!!"
PYRO: *Turning to face the viewers* "You're probably wondering why Duki's inside that reinforced steel box." *Points at a box in the corner of the stage*
DUKI: *mutters* "I'll bet they are."
PYRO: *continues* "Well, y'see, Duki's a Lance fan."
FORGE: "Yep."
PYRO: "And since she's not known for her subtle approaches to things. . ."
Throughout the entire time they were talking, Rubber Duki was banging on the side of her box - until it fell over on it's side.
DUKI: *From inside her imprisonment* "Ow. . ."
PYRO: "So you see, we -"
FORGE: "I want no part in this." *Yells towards Duki's steel cell* "I didn't help with any of this! I swear!"
PYRO: "Ok. . . So you see /I/ thought it would be of our guest's best interest if we keep Duki out of the way for this show."
DUKI: *mumbles* "It's not like I was gonna glomp him or anything. . . *shouts* IF YOU LET ME OUT NOW I WON'T HURT YOU. . .as much as I'd planned to. IT'S DARK IN HERE!"
PYRO: "I left you air holes so don't complain."
DUKI: *Continues to shout threats'n such*
PYRO: *ignores Duki* "First order of business, comments and questions for us. *Glances at a piece of paper in his hand* "Dusk, who reviewed by email, asks Forge: What did you eat while in Middleverse and how did you *cough* deal with the aftereffects of that?"
FORGE: *Looks up from installing something* "If you must know, there were plenty of food still in the cafeteria. They never went bad just like how I never aged, and surprisingly, middleverse extended to a bathroom. Once the 'aftereffects' went down the pipes and towards the edge of middleverse, my theory is that they stayed down there." *Goes back to drilling*
PYRO: "And he has a question for me, Pyro: Are you really a mutant? After all, there are so many flatscans (norm or whatever you prefer) that can control fire, they've made a name for it; pyrokinesis. *Looks up* Last time I checked, I was a mutant. I guess the norms who can control fire are either seriously Un-normal or frauds."
DUKI: *Rolls her eyes in the dark* "Sorry for the bluntness Dusk, I think you should really take into consideration that Pyro originated in the 'Fiction' universe." *Continues to bang her fists against the cell wall*
PYRO: "faeryeyes asks me this: 1. how did u become an acolyte anyway? 2. how do you plan to catch everyone, by now wouldn't the Xmen have figured out to run away when they see you? Hasn't scott or kitty or wolverine or someone told everyone to look out? 3. um... i 'accidently' sprayed silly string and bug spray all over my neighbors yard. then 'somehow' a match ,that i happened to have lighted in my hand, came into contact with the silly string and bug spray. and um... now there is this huge fire going on. i sorta need it put out before they come back... can you help me, seeing as your a pyro and all?!?!?!"
PYRO: *Smiles* "Magneto just showed up one day and offered me membership. I won't go into details but it sounded like a cool job at the time. And the X-men thing? I always have a way. . . I'll help you with the fire ASAP."
*shuffles papers*
PYRO: "I got a question for ya Duki. If you like Lance Alvers so much, why didn't you kidnap him for your assistant?"
DUKI: *Stops banging* "Simple. I hired you because you were the only one I could think of that'd understand my need for unnecessary destruction. I also kidnapped Forge because he was the only one I could find that could FIX our unnecessary destruction."
PYRO: "Geeze, I'm flattered. . ."
DUKI: "And I have something to tell Juuhachigou: It's ok if you missed asking Pietro and Remy your questions. I'm planning a special finale episode when I invite everybody back."
PYRO: "Yep, that's about it. I'm going to get Lance." *walks towards the repaired portal* "Don't let Duki out Forge, because I can put down proof that you DID have something to do with containing Duki. Then you'd have two very angry and psychotic people directing their attention at you."
FORGE: *Gulps*
PYRO: "Be right back." *Leaves*
DUKI: "You know Forge, I won't be mad if you let me out now. . ."
FORGE: *Whistles* "I'm not listening. . ."
DUKI: "Come'on Forge, you can trust me when I say I won't hurt you. I'm going to get out one way or another, and if you don't help me out now then I /promise/ you'll be needing another prosthetic limb."
FORGE: "Sorry Duki, but if I let you out then both Pyro AND Lance will have something against me. I'd rather face an angry human as opposed to facing two angry mutants."
DUKI: *Growls before muttering* "I'll show you what THIS angry human can do. . ."
*BOOM* the portal coughs smoke before Pyro and Avalanche enters the studio.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bzzzzzzzz. We would like to interrupt this episode of *insert title here* to make a special announcement:
DUKI: *Sobs* "Y'see. I- I have . . . *Pause for dramatic effect*
PYRO: "You have. . .?"
DUKI: "Shut up, that was supposed to be dramatic!"
PYRO: *Rolls eyes*
DUKI: "Well. . . y'see. . . I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK!!!" *Bawls*
FORGE: *Gasp* "Errr, why did I just gasp?"
PYRO: "Because our author's broken."
DUKI: *Wipes eyes* "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"
PYRO: *Confused* "Why?"
DUKI: "Why? WHY??? YOU LOCKED ME IN A BOX, AND Y'KNOW WHAT? IT'S DARK IN HERE!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE IN THE DARK???"
FORGE: "Stop leaning on the caps lock key. You're giving me a headache."
DUKI: "WHAT? Oh, I mean, what? Is this better?"
LANCE: "Can you get on with this? Why did you have to stop when it's my turn to speak?"
DUKI: "Right - just give me some thinking room."
*Five minutes later*
LANCE: "Did you know that OTHER authors can turn out one chapter per day?"
DUKI: "Yeah, yeah, I'm over it ok? Now we can get back to the show."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pyro sits down in Duki's chair
PYRO: "Ok, that was an. . . odd experience."
LANCE: *Goes to sit down on a stool* "Welcome to Fandom my friend, welcome to fandom and all it's zany glory."
PYRO: "I assume that you already know what happens on this show?"
LANCE: "Heard it all from Toad. . . but before we start, can I ask a coupla questions?"
PYRO: "Shoot."
An audience member screams and dives under his seat screaming 'don't shoot!'
LANCE: "For one, why is your audience full of old ladies and one psycho guy? *points at audience which is filled with old ladies and one psycho guy* And how come Pietro never came back from his visit? And why is there someone in that box? *Looks over at Duki*
PYRO: "Actually it goes like this. . . *Takes deep breath* Fangirls took Pietro but don't worry, he'll escape (hopefully). Fangirls also trashed the studio, so now we have to borrow 'Aunt Bettie's Cooking Show' studio for the duration of today. . . only the audience for the cooking show came anyway. I'm not sure about the psycho guy. He's probably a friend of Duki's. The person locked in the box is Duki, our regular host, but I thought it might be safer for you if she's kept out of the way today."
DUKI: "I don't care how I do it but I'm getting out before Lance leaves!" *Starts singing the song that never ends*
PYRO: *amused* "That song? *Chuckles* Amateur." *Chuckle turns into full-blown random/EVIL laughter*
FORGE: *To Duki* "Are you /sure/ you're over that writers block? Because that was REALLY loony."
DUKI: "No, Pyro just does that naturally." *Goes back to singing*
PYRO: "Ok Lance, here comes the questions."
DUKI: "WAIT!"
PYRO: *impatient* "What is it?"
DUKI: "Because I'm tired of typing in the dark, can you just ask your questions in lumps?"
PYRO: "Lumps?"
DUKI: "Yeah, like more than one question at a time."
PYRO: "Fine. Lance, the following is from Todd Fan. She asks: If you had to choose between your rock puns and your jeep, which would you get rid of first?"
LANCE: "Are you implying there's something wrong with my puns?"
DUKI: "As much as I like you. Yes."
PYRO: "She even updated the memo board for ya." *Points at memo, with has an added notice: 4) Use rock puns and suffer* "Now answer your question."
LANCE: "Rock puns."
PYRO: "Good. Now this is from WormmonABC who also seem to like you very much: Who would win in a contest between Spiderman and Batman?"
LANCE: "What kind of contest? Skating contest? Yu-Gi-Oh! Dueling contest? Pie eating contest?. . ."
PYRO: *Shrugs* "I dunno. Just choose someone."
LANCE: "Fine, Spiderman."
PYRO: "Now these two are from Tali: 1.)Why the stupid helmet, do you actually like looking like an idiot or have you never seen yourself in the mirror? 2.)Why kitty?"
LANCE: "My helmet is NOT stupid - "
DUKI: *From the box* "Yeah! I like it!" *Goes back to singing: 'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves*
LANCE: "- I /have/ looked in the mirror and I dunno, I just like Kitty."
PYRO: "Fair enough. These question are from Juuhachigou and what seems to be her many, many friends. Here's the first four: 1. Do you notice how much you have in common with Kitty (besides the mutant stuff)? 2. Would you consider dying your hair green? 3. Would you consider a mohawk? 4. Would you consider a buzzcut?"
LANCE: "No I never notice I had that much in common with Kitty. I would not dye my hair green, it gets green enough with all of Toad's slime. Only Freddy would look right in a mohawk and I probably won't get a buzzcut anytime soon."
PYRO: *Brings out another sheet of paper to read from* "Here's the next four: 5. Has your phone ever gone green green green and you pinked it up and said yellow? 6. Do you secretly love Todd/Toad? -"
LANCE: "Hell no! I mean, for the Toad thing, and no also for the phone."
PYRO: "Then I guess I should skip the next two. 9. Why are all your jokes corny? 10. Have you ever seen the Rocky Horror Show? 11. Have you ever seen Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky I, etc? 12. Do you like mobster movies?"
LANCE: "Not all my jokes are corny, only the puns. Yes I've seen all those shows and mobster movies are ok."
PYRO: "Next 'uns: 13. What's with the weird alien costume thingy? 14. Why do your eyes roll into the back of your head when you do your power thingy? 15. Do your eyes do a total backflip or do they come back down when you do that?"
LANCE: "The costume is a GOOD design. I guess my eyes roll back for the same reasons Storm's eyes white out and Fuzzball's fur. I have no idea if they backflip or not, I'd never thought of it that way before."
PYRO: "Some more: 16. Are you virgin? 17. Do you use scented toiletpaper? 18. Boxers or briefs?"
LANCE: *Turns Red* "I'll pass on the first one. Do you have any ideas how much scented toilet paper cost? And Boxers."
PYRO: "But you HAVE to answer ALL the questions Lance."
DUKI: "Don't push it Pyro. I'll make exceptions for Lance."
PYRO: "But - "
DUKI: *Sings* "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves. . ."
PYRO: "Fine. 19. What anime character do you think you resemble the most? 20. Are you Canadian? 21. Are you from Colorado? 22. Do you like the Colorado Avalanches? (it's a hockey team for those of you that dont know) 23. Do you have a Colorado Avalanche jersey?"
LANCE: "I'd say I'm most like Raven from Zoids. I'm not a Canadian nor am I from Colorado. I don't care about the Colorado Avalanches and I don't have a jersey *pauses* even though now I might look into that. . ."
PYRO: "Look into it later. 24. Do you like lemon or lime? 25. Do you like Lemon-Lime or fluff? 26. Are you a...(eyes shift) hentai?"
LANCE: "I like lemon. Never tried the stuff and no."
PYRO: "27. Survival question! You're in the desert, when suddenly a bear attacks you. There are no rocks around, just lots of sand. The bear is 20 feet tall and it weighs two tons. What do you do?"
LANCE: "I'll shoot it with a shot gun."
PYRO: "But what if you don't have a shot gun?"
LANCE: "If I ever go into a desert where there are no rocks and two ton bears inhabit it, I'll bring a gun."
PYRO: "Almost done. Just one final question from me and the team. Forge!"
Forge walks up to the stage and attaches something to Lance's arm.
FORGE: "It's a lie detector *He does something and squiggly lines appear on a screen set up on a tripod.*
PYRO: "Here's the big question. You do have a woobie right?"
LANCE: *Starts to perspire* "Er. . .um. . . no?"
The lie detector goes crazy, smoke start bellowing out as the needle moves in all sorts of directions. The squiggly lines go up on such a high angle that the thing finally blew up.
DUKI: "Is that the sound of more equipment breaking?" *No one dares to confirm it* "That's it, I'm getting my self out." *The sound of a cell phone dialing emits from the box* "Hello? Pyromaniac? Oh, it's Duki. I was just about to ask you to stop by and. . ."
PYRO: *Goes white* "Uh oh. . . I'LL LET YOU OUT DUKI!!!"
Mr Allerdyce rushes up the box, a quick burst of flame melting an entrance. He pulls Duki out, grabs her cell phone and stomps on it repeatedly.
DUKI: "I really liked that phone. . ." *Glares at Pyro*
PYRO: "Hey! Look at the time! You have to go now *Pushes Lance through the portal* And I'll go get Rogue! *Suits up in an outfit that looked like it was stolen from environmental control. Every inch of his skin was covered*
DUKI: *watches Pyro leave* "I knew he was gonna run my show to the ground *Glares at Forge* I'll punish you both as soon as this show is over."
FORGE: *Glances at watch* "Geeze, I should be getting ready for Rogue's arrival by now. . .BYE!" *Runs back stage*
DUKI: *Sits down one her chair* "Hire the bionic arm guy they tell me. . . Get that pyro dude they tell me. . . it'll be great, they'll make great assistants they tell me. . . note to self, never take advice from people who give bad advice. . ."
*BANG! Clunk clunk clunk*
The quick-repaired portal sputters as Pyro enters carrying a not-so-happy Rogue.
ROGUE: *Notices the 'portable shackles' on her wrists and ankles* "Ah hate the fandom."
DUKI: "Yeah yeah, and I hate being stuck in a box. I'm tired and not fully recovered from writers' block. Just answer the questions quickly so we can both go home."
Rubber Duki shuffles some scraps of paper.
DUKI: "Now, if train A travels at 60 km/h and train B travels at. . . oh wait, that's my maths homework *pauses* uh oh, I forgot to finish it. Just a sec." *Gets out a pencil and starts doing homework*
ROGUE: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
DUKI: *Looks up* "What? *Looks at Rogue* Fine, I'll do it later. *Turns on her official question reading face* First you got some questions from Spencerblaze and Eileen Blazer, they basically ask you the same question: What do YOU think of all the Romy/Rietro pairing? Which one would you choose."
ROGUE: "Before Ah answer any questions, Ah've got one thing to make clear. I HATE ALL YA FANFICTION WRITERS. What's up with all those pairings? Have any of you nuts ever thought that Ah might not like either of 'em?"
DUKI: "Eh. . . calm down there -"
ROGUE: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO DUCK! Ah wanna rant and rant Ah shall."
DUKI: "Ok then. . ."
ROGUE: "Ah mean it's as if everyone thinks Ah've got to be this angsty chick who can nevah be happy. *Stares at the audience* Guess what audience? Ah've got one of the strongest powers, and Ah like it! Just because Ah can't kiss every swamp rat that crosses m'ah sight doesn't mean Ah can't be happy!"
DUKI: "But the fanfic authors do make you happy. . ."
ROGUE: "Only when Ah hook up with Remy or Pietro or regain the ability to touch."
DUKI: "So. . . does that mean you're not gonna tell us who you like."
ROGUE: "Oh, sorry. Got sidetracked a bit there. *smiles sheepishly* Ah /do/ like someone, it's *BEEP*"
Audience look confused.
ROGUE: "Ah wasn't swearing."
DUKI: "I know, that's just the microwave telling me the popcorn's done *grabs popcorn form the cooking studio's microwave* continue."
ROGUE: "Well, Ah do kinda like Scott."
*somewhere out there, the Romy/Rietro fans falls over and twitches*
DUKI: "Give it some time, I'm sure you'll develop another love interest. Now here's Tali's questions: 1.)Are you just this cool naturally or does it take alot of work? 2.)Is there something going on between you and scott or is it all a figment of my strange imagination? 3.)How long do you take over someones power? 4.)Would you consider going out with one of the brotherhood? If so which one and why? 5.)Would you consider going out with one of the X-men?If so which one and why?
ROGUE: *Deep breath* "Ah'm cool? You actually think Ah'm cool? *Shrugs* There's nothing between me and Scott, Ah DO like him a bit, but Jean's got him now. . . Also, the longer Ah grab on, the longer I get their powers."
DUKI: "I'm pretty sure question four'n five are pretty much been done earlier. Here's some questions from Dusk, Rogue: In Shanejayell's The Adventures of Shadowcat and Rogue, Kitty uses her power to overcome your inability to be touched. Do you think that would work?"
ROGUE: "Sure it'll work. . . if the writers of X-men agree. Otherwise. . . no."
DUKI: "Another from Dusk: Anyway, additional question for Rogue: What feelings does the name Marie Darkholme invoke? *Goes to sit down in the back of the studio in a perpetually shadow- enshrouded section of the seats. *
ROGUE: *Growls in a wolverine like manner* "Bite me"
DUKI: "Ha! Like I'm gonna fall for that one again."
People give Duki an odd look.
DUKI: "From WormmonABC: Who would win in a contest between Spiderman and Batman?"
ROGUE: "Batman."
DUKI: *looks at a flashing button on her laptop* "I got you some last minute questions from faeryeyes: 1. how much longer until you kill jean? or will you at all? 2. is your favorite color secretly pink? 3. are you aware of all the fics where you are lesbian? can i flame those people who wrote them? 4. do you know why there are llamas? i don't. do they have a point?"
ROGUE: "Oh, Ah don't really wanna KILL Jean. . . telepaths are hard to sneak up on. No Ah don't really like pink. Flame away, Ah don't mind. Llamas are a good source to food and provides wool for people of the andes."
DUKI: "Now for the questions from Juuhachigou and her accomplices: 1. Why is it that in Evolution you can't perform CPR, yet in the original Marvel series you can kiss Gambit without hurting him? 2. Why dont you have a codename? 3. Is your hair natural?"
ROGUE: "Honestly? Ah've got no clue. Rogue IS m'ah codename and yes."
DUKI: "More: 4. Would you ever wear pink? 5. Would you consider neon green hair? 6. Would you consider a mohawk? 7. Would you consider a buzzcut?"
ROGUE: "No, no, no and no."
DUKI: "8. Are you a slut? 9. What do you like better, Rogue x Remy (Romy), Rogue x Pietro (Pietrogue) or Rogue x Scott (...I donno, Scrogue? O_o) 10. Does your phone go green green green and you pink it up and say yellow?"
ROGUE: "Here's m'ah answers: 8) How can Ah? I can't touch people remember? 9) I've been there already. 10) No. . . are you on crack?"
DUKI: "Next! 11. Would you consider a relationship with Kurt even though it's all incest-y and stuff? 12. Can you only absorb a character if you touch their skin, or would hair/fur prevent you from absorbing them? (I think you absorbed Kurt once)"
ROGUE: "If Ah was completely drunk then maybe. I /can/ absorb powers through fur, though sometimes Ah can't. . . maybe I touched Kurt's skin through his fur that time."
DUKI: "More questions: 13. What's your favorite kind of soda? 14. Are you a goth southerner or are you the anti-yankee kind? 15. Do you have any pets? 16. Are you from Alabama?"
ROGUE: "M'ah favorite soda's coke, 'cause they're paying me to say this. Ah don't classify m'ah self. Ah don't have pets, what's the point of stroking a dog with gloves on? Am Ah from Alabama? Ask the X-men evo writers, Ah sure have no clue."
DUKI: "17. Do you like cats? 18. Why are you so pasty? 19. Which is better: French or Italian cuisine?"
ROGUE: "Cat's are okay. Ah'm pasty 'cause of the make-up. Ah like Italian."
DUKI: "Last ones! 20. Did it ever occur to you that Remy might be Canadian? 21. Did it ever occur to you that Remy might be a yankee? 22. Do you care if any of your friends are yankees? 23. In a past life, were you a certain batgirl treasure hunter?"
ROGUE: *Thoughtful* "Hey! He COULD be Canadian! Though Ah don't think he's a yankee. Why should I care if m'ah friend's are yankees? Ah don't believe in past lives."
DUKI: *Wipes forehead* "Finally, it's DONE."
ROGUE: "Am Ah going home now?"
DUKI: "Sure, portal's that way."
Rogue leaves. Rubber Duki pops her feet on the table.
DUKI: "Now, payback for the box. . ."
VOICE OVER GUY (which is a pre-recording of Pyro's voice): "And that's all for now. Tune in next time for another fun-filled episode of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show!"
PYRO: "BUFFALO!!!"
DUKI: "No, Bison"
A stampede of bisons chases Pyro round the studio. . .
*******
DUKI ~ I've got one word for all the Romy/Rietro fans out there - SUFFER! Te hehehehehehe
FORGE *who is currently being dunked in a tub of water repeatedly* ~ I told you *Glub Glub* you should've given her bigger air holes. . . *Glub Glub*
PYRO *Sticking bandages on various cuts'n abrasions* ~ Shut up. . .
DUKI ~ Oh wait! Te hehe? That's waaaay too cute to be evil. How 'bout Muahahahah *hic* hahahaha *hic* hahaha. . .
FORGE *who somehow escaped his water torture* ~ I know I'll probably suffer badly for this - *Knocks Duki unconscious with his bionic 'mallet' arm* - but I think the benefits will out weigh the consequences.
PYRO ~ *Smiles through his bandages* Review! *Cocks his flame-thrower* because it'll take Duki's attention away from killing us.
Next time: Magsie (Yay! Metal man's in da house) and Mystique
-Rubber Duki
This document is 98% accurate. 2% unavoidable made up stuff.
You have been warned. And no, Duki doesn't really care who she offends.
Disclaimer:
Forge ~ How many time do I have to tell you?
Rubber Duki ~ But-
Forge ~ You CAN'T own X-men without, money, being over the age limit to sign a contract, a desire NOT to run the show to the ground and money!
Rubber Duki ~ Well Fine! I don't want X-men anyway! *storms out muttering* All I wanted was to NOT have to write a disclaimer but noooo, Mr. Common Sense comes and ruins it . . .
AN: You reviewers asked A LOT of questions for this chapter (mostly from Juuhachigou and her accomplices). It took me awhile, but it's done *cracks knuckles* after all, I do like a challenge. *Grins* This chapie is waaay longer than the rest. . . enjoy!
******
The lights go on, nothing seems to go wrong. In fact, for the first time things go right, right? Wrong. . .
PYRO (Voice Over): "Welcome to Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show. Introducing your host: MEEE."
DUKI: "I can't believe you're getting away with this. . ."
PYRO: *Emerges behind Duki's desk* "Getting away with what?"
DUKI: "LOCKING ME IN THIS BOX!!! LET ME OUT!!!"
PYRO: *Turning to face the viewers* "You're probably wondering why Duki's inside that reinforced steel box." *Points at a box in the corner of the stage*
DUKI: *mutters* "I'll bet they are."
PYRO: *continues* "Well, y'see, Duki's a Lance fan."
FORGE: "Yep."
PYRO: "And since she's not known for her subtle approaches to things. . ."
Throughout the entire time they were talking, Rubber Duki was banging on the side of her box - until it fell over on it's side.
DUKI: *From inside her imprisonment* "Ow. . ."
PYRO: "So you see, we -"
FORGE: "I want no part in this." *Yells towards Duki's steel cell* "I didn't help with any of this! I swear!"
PYRO: "Ok. . . So you see /I/ thought it would be of our guest's best interest if we keep Duki out of the way for this show."
DUKI: *mumbles* "It's not like I was gonna glomp him or anything. . . *shouts* IF YOU LET ME OUT NOW I WON'T HURT YOU. . .as much as I'd planned to. IT'S DARK IN HERE!"
PYRO: "I left you air holes so don't complain."
DUKI: *Continues to shout threats'n such*
PYRO: *ignores Duki* "First order of business, comments and questions for us. *Glances at a piece of paper in his hand* "Dusk, who reviewed by email, asks Forge: What did you eat while in Middleverse and how did you *cough* deal with the aftereffects of that?"
FORGE: *Looks up from installing something* "If you must know, there were plenty of food still in the cafeteria. They never went bad just like how I never aged, and surprisingly, middleverse extended to a bathroom. Once the 'aftereffects' went down the pipes and towards the edge of middleverse, my theory is that they stayed down there." *Goes back to drilling*
PYRO: "And he has a question for me, Pyro: Are you really a mutant? After all, there are so many flatscans (norm or whatever you prefer) that can control fire, they've made a name for it; pyrokinesis. *Looks up* Last time I checked, I was a mutant. I guess the norms who can control fire are either seriously Un-normal or frauds."
DUKI: *Rolls her eyes in the dark* "Sorry for the bluntness Dusk, I think you should really take into consideration that Pyro originated in the 'Fiction' universe." *Continues to bang her fists against the cell wall*
PYRO: "faeryeyes asks me this: 1. how did u become an acolyte anyway? 2. how do you plan to catch everyone, by now wouldn't the Xmen have figured out to run away when they see you? Hasn't scott or kitty or wolverine or someone told everyone to look out? 3. um... i 'accidently' sprayed silly string and bug spray all over my neighbors yard. then 'somehow' a match ,that i happened to have lighted in my hand, came into contact with the silly string and bug spray. and um... now there is this huge fire going on. i sorta need it put out before they come back... can you help me, seeing as your a pyro and all?!?!?!"
PYRO: *Smiles* "Magneto just showed up one day and offered me membership. I won't go into details but it sounded like a cool job at the time. And the X-men thing? I always have a way. . . I'll help you with the fire ASAP."
*shuffles papers*
PYRO: "I got a question for ya Duki. If you like Lance Alvers so much, why didn't you kidnap him for your assistant?"
DUKI: *Stops banging* "Simple. I hired you because you were the only one I could think of that'd understand my need for unnecessary destruction. I also kidnapped Forge because he was the only one I could find that could FIX our unnecessary destruction."
PYRO: "Geeze, I'm flattered. . ."
DUKI: "And I have something to tell Juuhachigou: It's ok if you missed asking Pietro and Remy your questions. I'm planning a special finale episode when I invite everybody back."
PYRO: "Yep, that's about it. I'm going to get Lance." *walks towards the repaired portal* "Don't let Duki out Forge, because I can put down proof that you DID have something to do with containing Duki. Then you'd have two very angry and psychotic people directing their attention at you."
FORGE: *Gulps*
PYRO: "Be right back." *Leaves*
DUKI: "You know Forge, I won't be mad if you let me out now. . ."
FORGE: *Whistles* "I'm not listening. . ."
DUKI: "Come'on Forge, you can trust me when I say I won't hurt you. I'm going to get out one way or another, and if you don't help me out now then I /promise/ you'll be needing another prosthetic limb."
FORGE: "Sorry Duki, but if I let you out then both Pyro AND Lance will have something against me. I'd rather face an angry human as opposed to facing two angry mutants."
DUKI: *Growls before muttering* "I'll show you what THIS angry human can do. . ."
*BOOM* the portal coughs smoke before Pyro and Avalanche enters the studio.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bzzzzzzzz. We would like to interrupt this episode of *insert title here* to make a special announcement:
DUKI: *Sobs* "Y'see. I- I have . . . *Pause for dramatic effect*
PYRO: "You have. . .?"
DUKI: "Shut up, that was supposed to be dramatic!"
PYRO: *Rolls eyes*
DUKI: "Well. . . y'see. . . I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK!!!" *Bawls*
FORGE: *Gasp* "Errr, why did I just gasp?"
PYRO: "Because our author's broken."
DUKI: *Wipes eyes* "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"
PYRO: *Confused* "Why?"
DUKI: "Why? WHY??? YOU LOCKED ME IN A BOX, AND Y'KNOW WHAT? IT'S DARK IN HERE!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE IN THE DARK???"
FORGE: "Stop leaning on the caps lock key. You're giving me a headache."
DUKI: "WHAT? Oh, I mean, what? Is this better?"
LANCE: "Can you get on with this? Why did you have to stop when it's my turn to speak?"
DUKI: "Right - just give me some thinking room."
*Five minutes later*
LANCE: "Did you know that OTHER authors can turn out one chapter per day?"
DUKI: "Yeah, yeah, I'm over it ok? Now we can get back to the show."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pyro sits down in Duki's chair
PYRO: "Ok, that was an. . . odd experience."
LANCE: *Goes to sit down on a stool* "Welcome to Fandom my friend, welcome to fandom and all it's zany glory."
PYRO: "I assume that you already know what happens on this show?"
LANCE: "Heard it all from Toad. . . but before we start, can I ask a coupla questions?"
PYRO: "Shoot."
An audience member screams and dives under his seat screaming 'don't shoot!'
LANCE: "For one, why is your audience full of old ladies and one psycho guy? *points at audience which is filled with old ladies and one psycho guy* And how come Pietro never came back from his visit? And why is there someone in that box? *Looks over at Duki*
PYRO: "Actually it goes like this. . . *Takes deep breath* Fangirls took Pietro but don't worry, he'll escape (hopefully). Fangirls also trashed the studio, so now we have to borrow 'Aunt Bettie's Cooking Show' studio for the duration of today. . . only the audience for the cooking show came anyway. I'm not sure about the psycho guy. He's probably a friend of Duki's. The person locked in the box is Duki, our regular host, but I thought it might be safer for you if she's kept out of the way today."
DUKI: "I don't care how I do it but I'm getting out before Lance leaves!" *Starts singing the song that never ends*
PYRO: *amused* "That song? *Chuckles* Amateur." *Chuckle turns into full-blown random/EVIL laughter*
FORGE: *To Duki* "Are you /sure/ you're over that writers block? Because that was REALLY loony."
DUKI: "No, Pyro just does that naturally." *Goes back to singing*
PYRO: "Ok Lance, here comes the questions."
DUKI: "WAIT!"
PYRO: *impatient* "What is it?"
DUKI: "Because I'm tired of typing in the dark, can you just ask your questions in lumps?"
PYRO: "Lumps?"
DUKI: "Yeah, like more than one question at a time."
PYRO: "Fine. Lance, the following is from Todd Fan. She asks: If you had to choose between your rock puns and your jeep, which would you get rid of first?"
LANCE: "Are you implying there's something wrong with my puns?"
DUKI: "As much as I like you. Yes."
PYRO: "She even updated the memo board for ya." *Points at memo, with has an added notice: 4) Use rock puns and suffer* "Now answer your question."
LANCE: "Rock puns."
PYRO: "Good. Now this is from WormmonABC who also seem to like you very much: Who would win in a contest between Spiderman and Batman?"
LANCE: "What kind of contest? Skating contest? Yu-Gi-Oh! Dueling contest? Pie eating contest?. . ."
PYRO: *Shrugs* "I dunno. Just choose someone."
LANCE: "Fine, Spiderman."
PYRO: "Now these two are from Tali: 1.)Why the stupid helmet, do you actually like looking like an idiot or have you never seen yourself in the mirror? 2.)Why kitty?"
LANCE: "My helmet is NOT stupid - "
DUKI: *From the box* "Yeah! I like it!" *Goes back to singing: 'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves*
LANCE: "- I /have/ looked in the mirror and I dunno, I just like Kitty."
PYRO: "Fair enough. These question are from Juuhachigou and what seems to be her many, many friends. Here's the first four: 1. Do you notice how much you have in common with Kitty (besides the mutant stuff)? 2. Would you consider dying your hair green? 3. Would you consider a mohawk? 4. Would you consider a buzzcut?"
LANCE: "No I never notice I had that much in common with Kitty. I would not dye my hair green, it gets green enough with all of Toad's slime. Only Freddy would look right in a mohawk and I probably won't get a buzzcut anytime soon."
PYRO: *Brings out another sheet of paper to read from* "Here's the next four: 5. Has your phone ever gone green green green and you pinked it up and said yellow? 6. Do you secretly love Todd/Toad? -"
LANCE: "Hell no! I mean, for the Toad thing, and no also for the phone."
PYRO: "Then I guess I should skip the next two. 9. Why are all your jokes corny? 10. Have you ever seen the Rocky Horror Show? 11. Have you ever seen Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky I, etc? 12. Do you like mobster movies?"
LANCE: "Not all my jokes are corny, only the puns. Yes I've seen all those shows and mobster movies are ok."
PYRO: "Next 'uns: 13. What's with the weird alien costume thingy? 14. Why do your eyes roll into the back of your head when you do your power thingy? 15. Do your eyes do a total backflip or do they come back down when you do that?"
LANCE: "The costume is a GOOD design. I guess my eyes roll back for the same reasons Storm's eyes white out and Fuzzball's fur. I have no idea if they backflip or not, I'd never thought of it that way before."
PYRO: "Some more: 16. Are you virgin? 17. Do you use scented toiletpaper? 18. Boxers or briefs?"
LANCE: *Turns Red* "I'll pass on the first one. Do you have any ideas how much scented toilet paper cost? And Boxers."
PYRO: "But you HAVE to answer ALL the questions Lance."
DUKI: "Don't push it Pyro. I'll make exceptions for Lance."
PYRO: "But - "
DUKI: *Sings* "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves. . ."
PYRO: "Fine. 19. What anime character do you think you resemble the most? 20. Are you Canadian? 21. Are you from Colorado? 22. Do you like the Colorado Avalanches? (it's a hockey team for those of you that dont know) 23. Do you have a Colorado Avalanche jersey?"
LANCE: "I'd say I'm most like Raven from Zoids. I'm not a Canadian nor am I from Colorado. I don't care about the Colorado Avalanches and I don't have a jersey *pauses* even though now I might look into that. . ."
PYRO: "Look into it later. 24. Do you like lemon or lime? 25. Do you like Lemon-Lime or fluff? 26. Are you a...(eyes shift) hentai?"
LANCE: "I like lemon. Never tried the stuff and no."
PYRO: "27. Survival question! You're in the desert, when suddenly a bear attacks you. There are no rocks around, just lots of sand. The bear is 20 feet tall and it weighs two tons. What do you do?"
LANCE: "I'll shoot it with a shot gun."
PYRO: "But what if you don't have a shot gun?"
LANCE: "If I ever go into a desert where there are no rocks and two ton bears inhabit it, I'll bring a gun."
PYRO: "Almost done. Just one final question from me and the team. Forge!"
Forge walks up to the stage and attaches something to Lance's arm.
FORGE: "It's a lie detector *He does something and squiggly lines appear on a screen set up on a tripod.*
PYRO: "Here's the big question. You do have a woobie right?"
LANCE: *Starts to perspire* "Er. . .um. . . no?"
The lie detector goes crazy, smoke start bellowing out as the needle moves in all sorts of directions. The squiggly lines go up on such a high angle that the thing finally blew up.
DUKI: "Is that the sound of more equipment breaking?" *No one dares to confirm it* "That's it, I'm getting my self out." *The sound of a cell phone dialing emits from the box* "Hello? Pyromaniac? Oh, it's Duki. I was just about to ask you to stop by and. . ."
PYRO: *Goes white* "Uh oh. . . I'LL LET YOU OUT DUKI!!!"
Mr Allerdyce rushes up the box, a quick burst of flame melting an entrance. He pulls Duki out, grabs her cell phone and stomps on it repeatedly.
DUKI: "I really liked that phone. . ." *Glares at Pyro*
PYRO: "Hey! Look at the time! You have to go now *Pushes Lance through the portal* And I'll go get Rogue! *Suits up in an outfit that looked like it was stolen from environmental control. Every inch of his skin was covered*
DUKI: *watches Pyro leave* "I knew he was gonna run my show to the ground *Glares at Forge* I'll punish you both as soon as this show is over."
FORGE: *Glances at watch* "Geeze, I should be getting ready for Rogue's arrival by now. . .BYE!" *Runs back stage*
DUKI: *Sits down one her chair* "Hire the bionic arm guy they tell me. . . Get that pyro dude they tell me. . . it'll be great, they'll make great assistants they tell me. . . note to self, never take advice from people who give bad advice. . ."
*BANG! Clunk clunk clunk*
The quick-repaired portal sputters as Pyro enters carrying a not-so-happy Rogue.
ROGUE: *Notices the 'portable shackles' on her wrists and ankles* "Ah hate the fandom."
DUKI: "Yeah yeah, and I hate being stuck in a box. I'm tired and not fully recovered from writers' block. Just answer the questions quickly so we can both go home."
Rubber Duki shuffles some scraps of paper.
DUKI: "Now, if train A travels at 60 km/h and train B travels at. . . oh wait, that's my maths homework *pauses* uh oh, I forgot to finish it. Just a sec." *Gets out a pencil and starts doing homework*
ROGUE: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
DUKI: *Looks up* "What? *Looks at Rogue* Fine, I'll do it later. *Turns on her official question reading face* First you got some questions from Spencerblaze and Eileen Blazer, they basically ask you the same question: What do YOU think of all the Romy/Rietro pairing? Which one would you choose."
ROGUE: "Before Ah answer any questions, Ah've got one thing to make clear. I HATE ALL YA FANFICTION WRITERS. What's up with all those pairings? Have any of you nuts ever thought that Ah might not like either of 'em?"
DUKI: "Eh. . . calm down there -"
ROGUE: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO DUCK! Ah wanna rant and rant Ah shall."
DUKI: "Ok then. . ."
ROGUE: "Ah mean it's as if everyone thinks Ah've got to be this angsty chick who can nevah be happy. *Stares at the audience* Guess what audience? Ah've got one of the strongest powers, and Ah like it! Just because Ah can't kiss every swamp rat that crosses m'ah sight doesn't mean Ah can't be happy!"
DUKI: "But the fanfic authors do make you happy. . ."
ROGUE: "Only when Ah hook up with Remy or Pietro or regain the ability to touch."
DUKI: "So. . . does that mean you're not gonna tell us who you like."
ROGUE: "Oh, sorry. Got sidetracked a bit there. *smiles sheepishly* Ah /do/ like someone, it's *BEEP*"
Audience look confused.
ROGUE: "Ah wasn't swearing."
DUKI: "I know, that's just the microwave telling me the popcorn's done *grabs popcorn form the cooking studio's microwave* continue."
ROGUE: "Well, Ah do kinda like Scott."
*somewhere out there, the Romy/Rietro fans falls over and twitches*
DUKI: "Give it some time, I'm sure you'll develop another love interest. Now here's Tali's questions: 1.)Are you just this cool naturally or does it take alot of work? 2.)Is there something going on between you and scott or is it all a figment of my strange imagination? 3.)How long do you take over someones power? 4.)Would you consider going out with one of the brotherhood? If so which one and why? 5.)Would you consider going out with one of the X-men?If so which one and why?
ROGUE: *Deep breath* "Ah'm cool? You actually think Ah'm cool? *Shrugs* There's nothing between me and Scott, Ah DO like him a bit, but Jean's got him now. . . Also, the longer Ah grab on, the longer I get their powers."
DUKI: "I'm pretty sure question four'n five are pretty much been done earlier. Here's some questions from Dusk, Rogue: In Shanejayell's The Adventures of Shadowcat and Rogue, Kitty uses her power to overcome your inability to be touched. Do you think that would work?"
ROGUE: "Sure it'll work. . . if the writers of X-men agree. Otherwise. . . no."
DUKI: "Another from Dusk: Anyway, additional question for Rogue: What feelings does the name Marie Darkholme invoke? *Goes to sit down in the back of the studio in a perpetually shadow- enshrouded section of the seats. *
ROGUE: *Growls in a wolverine like manner* "Bite me"
DUKI: "Ha! Like I'm gonna fall for that one again."
People give Duki an odd look.
DUKI: "From WormmonABC: Who would win in a contest between Spiderman and Batman?"
ROGUE: "Batman."
DUKI: *looks at a flashing button on her laptop* "I got you some last minute questions from faeryeyes: 1. how much longer until you kill jean? or will you at all? 2. is your favorite color secretly pink? 3. are you aware of all the fics where you are lesbian? can i flame those people who wrote them? 4. do you know why there are llamas? i don't. do they have a point?"
ROGUE: "Oh, Ah don't really wanna KILL Jean. . . telepaths are hard to sneak up on. No Ah don't really like pink. Flame away, Ah don't mind. Llamas are a good source to food and provides wool for people of the andes."
DUKI: "Now for the questions from Juuhachigou and her accomplices: 1. Why is it that in Evolution you can't perform CPR, yet in the original Marvel series you can kiss Gambit without hurting him? 2. Why dont you have a codename? 3. Is your hair natural?"
ROGUE: "Honestly? Ah've got no clue. Rogue IS m'ah codename and yes."
DUKI: "More: 4. Would you ever wear pink? 5. Would you consider neon green hair? 6. Would you consider a mohawk? 7. Would you consider a buzzcut?"
ROGUE: "No, no, no and no."
DUKI: "8. Are you a slut? 9. What do you like better, Rogue x Remy (Romy), Rogue x Pietro (Pietrogue) or Rogue x Scott (...I donno, Scrogue? O_o) 10. Does your phone go green green green and you pink it up and say yellow?"
ROGUE: "Here's m'ah answers: 8) How can Ah? I can't touch people remember? 9) I've been there already. 10) No. . . are you on crack?"
DUKI: "Next! 11. Would you consider a relationship with Kurt even though it's all incest-y and stuff? 12. Can you only absorb a character if you touch their skin, or would hair/fur prevent you from absorbing them? (I think you absorbed Kurt once)"
ROGUE: "If Ah was completely drunk then maybe. I /can/ absorb powers through fur, though sometimes Ah can't. . . maybe I touched Kurt's skin through his fur that time."
DUKI: "More questions: 13. What's your favorite kind of soda? 14. Are you a goth southerner or are you the anti-yankee kind? 15. Do you have any pets? 16. Are you from Alabama?"
ROGUE: "M'ah favorite soda's coke, 'cause they're paying me to say this. Ah don't classify m'ah self. Ah don't have pets, what's the point of stroking a dog with gloves on? Am Ah from Alabama? Ask the X-men evo writers, Ah sure have no clue."
DUKI: "17. Do you like cats? 18. Why are you so pasty? 19. Which is better: French or Italian cuisine?"
ROGUE: "Cat's are okay. Ah'm pasty 'cause of the make-up. Ah like Italian."
DUKI: "Last ones! 20. Did it ever occur to you that Remy might be Canadian? 21. Did it ever occur to you that Remy might be a yankee? 22. Do you care if any of your friends are yankees? 23. In a past life, were you a certain batgirl treasure hunter?"
ROGUE: *Thoughtful* "Hey! He COULD be Canadian! Though Ah don't think he's a yankee. Why should I care if m'ah friend's are yankees? Ah don't believe in past lives."
DUKI: *Wipes forehead* "Finally, it's DONE."
ROGUE: "Am Ah going home now?"
DUKI: "Sure, portal's that way."
Rogue leaves. Rubber Duki pops her feet on the table.
DUKI: "Now, payback for the box. . ."
VOICE OVER GUY (which is a pre-recording of Pyro's voice): "And that's all for now. Tune in next time for another fun-filled episode of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show!"
PYRO: "BUFFALO!!!"
DUKI: "No, Bison"
A stampede of bisons chases Pyro round the studio. . .
*******
DUKI ~ I've got one word for all the Romy/Rietro fans out there - SUFFER! Te hehehehehehe
FORGE *who is currently being dunked in a tub of water repeatedly* ~ I told you *Glub Glub* you should've given her bigger air holes. . . *Glub Glub*
PYRO *Sticking bandages on various cuts'n abrasions* ~ Shut up. . .
DUKI ~ Oh wait! Te hehe? That's waaaay too cute to be evil. How 'bout Muahahahah *hic* hahahaha *hic* hahaha. . .
FORGE *who somehow escaped his water torture* ~ I know I'll probably suffer badly for this - *Knocks Duki unconscious with his bionic 'mallet' arm* - but I think the benefits will out weigh the consequences.
PYRO ~ *Smiles through his bandages* Review! *Cocks his flame-thrower* because it'll take Duki's attention away from killing us.
Next time: Magsie (Yay! Metal man's in da house) and Mystique
-Rubber Duki
