= Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show =

This document is 98% accurate. 2% unavoidable made up stuff.

You have been warned. And no, Duki doesn't really care who she offends.

Disclaimer:

Forge ~ No

Rubber Duki ~ But-

Forge ~ I SAID NO!

Rubber Duki ~ Fine. *Looks up at the readers* I don't own X-men Evolution.

Forge ~ Good girl.

*********

The lights go on. . . Actually, the candles light up.

PYRO: *looks up from lighting various candles* "We can't have any real lights today."

FORGE: *Fiddling with a plastic contraption* "Yeah, they have metal within them, and you know why we can't have metal?"

DUKI: *Running a systems check* " Because Magneto's coming." *Pyro lights a chandelier, flooding the whole studio with moderate light.* "So we'll be in a plastic studio for at least half our show."

The chandelier reveals a completely plasticfied studio, everything was a non-metal.

DUKI: *Sits down on a wooden chair* "You have no idea how hard it is to run electricity through here without metal."

FORGE: "You have no idea how hard it is to install a non-metal restraining chair without your right arm." *Holds up to show his prosthetic arm was missing*

DUKI: "It was steel, get over it."

FORGE: "Can we start the show now?"

DUKI: "Sure *takes out a tape recorder and bangs it on the table, it plays the usual introduction before Duki throws it outside*

DUKI: "There, intro played without the use of speakers."

FORGE: *Admires his handiwork with the restraining chair* "You know what?"

PYRO'n DUKI: "What?"

FORGE: "Things might actually go well today, so far the show's started, and we haven't had any major disasters yet."

DUKI: "Since when did we have disasters?"

FORGE: "Since the minute the show began."

PYRO: "So? Disasters are entertaining. Our audience love 'em" *Waves to the audience, who were all stuffed uncomfortably onto plastic chairs*

DUKI: "Besides, look at all the fire here today. I'd say we have a bit of a hazard here."

FORGE: "Yeah? Well hopefully Pyro can manage that problem. . . knock on wood." *He knocks on an ornamental wooden tissue box holder*

PYRO: "Where did that tissue holder come from?"

FORGE: *Shrugs* "Giant plot hole?"

They both stare at Rubber Duki.

DUKI: "So I had a little sugar. . ."

FORGE: "Why don't we start today with the comments from our reviewers?"

DUKI: " Why ho diddly not?"

FORGE'n PYRO: *Blinks*

DUKI: "Ok, so I had a lot of sugar."

FORGE: "Can we get on with it?"

DUKI: "What's the hurry?"

PYRO: *snickers* "I think he wants to see Mystique."

FORGE: *Matter-of-factly* "No, I want my arm back after Magneto leaves."

DUKI: "If you want, I can give you a wooden replacement for the duration of the show."

FORGE: "And have you and fire-boy crack jokes about me becoming a 'real- boy'? I think I'll pass."

PYRO: "We're not THAT low Forge mate. Duki and I'll never think of sinking to the level of ripping jokes off Walt Disney."

DUKI: *Gestures for the two to shut up* "Now we'll move onto the reviewers' comments. First up I'd like to say that I'm sorry if I leave out any questions today from all you lovely reviewers. FF.net doesn't seem to want to show me some of the reviews. But if I do happen to miss some questions, I promise to make up for it in the finale episode."

PYRO: *Taps Duki's shoulder*

DUKI: "Yes?"

PYRO: "Todd Fan wondered if I go through a lot of lighter fluid. Does that count as a question?"

FORGE: "I reckon it sounds rhetorical."

DUKI: *shrugs* "Answer if you feel like it."

PYRO: *Beams* "Yes, I do go through a couple of gallons per day, until I switched to this *Holds up a flame-thrower that looked identical to his original* it has 200% more fuel efficiency and coughs out about 50% less emission."

DUKI: "Yep, doing our bit for the environment." *Cheesy grin*

PYRO: "Shall I get Magneto?"

DUKI: "Sure." *a thin slice of metal fly though a window* "Interesting. . . *Picks up metal and reads the indented words* This is Magneto. Love your show. Expect me to drop by sometime. . . now."

A huge metal orb drops in from the ceiling. Spraying everyone inside the studio with roofing insulation. On the side of the orb, was this sign:

'Magneto's Evil Industries. Where we make your nightmares come true.'

'Specials this week ~ Order 3 demolished cities and get one destroyed for free. Ph: 0800 Doom 4 Hire'

MAGNETO: *Exits the orb* "Hello *waves at a stunned audience* Sorry about the crash landing thingy, your building didn't have a helipad. *Shrugs* I hope you have insurance."

Rubber Duki looks sadly towards her studio's ceiling. (Actually there was more hole than there was ceiling).

DUKI: "Eh. . ."

PYRO: "See, there's your disaster Forge."

FORGE: *looks at the tissue box* "Maybe this wasn't real wood. . ."

DUKI: *Takes out her cards* "Please take a seat Mr Lehnsheer sir. *Magneto does so, you can guess what happens next.* And now for the questions. This one's from Raze: Can you control Aluminum foil?"

MAGNETO: "Sure, I can even wrap up your leftovers in the shape of a swan. Want a demonstration?"

DUKI: "Maybe later. Raze also asks: What's your helmet made out of?"

MAGNETO: "Tin Foil and bubblegum. Blueberry flavor."

DUKI: *raises an eyebrow* "Really?"

MAGNETO: "Well, the gum's only needed to hold the thing together. I don't think that the flavor matters either."

DUKI: *Blinks* "And to think this is what outsmarted cerebro. . . Next question, from Marzi: Do all your insides turn metal too? And Do you have do oil yourself?"

MAGNETO: "No and no. Those questions sounded like they were meant for Colossus."

DUKI: "Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. If Marzi's reading, can you please confirm it?"

MAGNETO: "Is that all the questions?"

DUKI: "No, I've still got some questions from me. Number one, if Professor Xavier was a friend of yours, what went wrong?"

MAGNETO: "Simple, he beat me in a game of Scrabble."

DUKI: "That's not true is it."

MAGNETO: "Fine. He beat me in a game of Scrabble. After that we had an argument about our views on human and mutants. End of story."

DUKI: "Ok. So where is the twins' mom?"

MAGNETO: "On earth."

DUKI: "Could you be more specific?"

MAGNETO: "No."

DUKI: "Do you have any hobbies? Or other talents besides your mutant abilities?"

MAGNETO: "I do happen to play the banjo -"

PYRO: "Very, very badly."

MAGNETO: *Annoyed* "I'm not that bad."

PYRO: "Sabertooth howls when you play the banjo."

MAGNETO: "That only happened once, and it was because I accidentally drops the banjo on his foot when I was playing."

DUKI: "Is that all?"

MAGNETO: "Anything else, I would not reveal."

DUKI: "Ok then. I'm done." *Releases the shackles*

MAGENTO: *Hands Duki one of his business cards* "See ya in the finalie." *He climbs into the orb. It exits, creating another hole*

DUKI: "Pyro?"

PYRO: "Mystique?"

DUKI: *Nods*

PYRO: "On my way." *Exits via portal*

FORGE: "I really don't get how he can just always get the guest to come."

DUKI: "Charisma?"

Forge and Duki look at each other.

BOTH: "Nah."

*click click. . . BOOM*

Pyro drags Mystique inside. Either of them looked pleased. As soon as the door closes, Mystique transforms into something small and scatters.

DUKI: "Where is she?"

PYRO: *Annoyed* "I don't know *Drops on hands and knees* Hurry up. Look for her before she gets outside."

DUKI: *Also on her hands and knees* "What did she turn into?"

PYRO: "I think it was an African Dung Beetle."

FORGE: *Holds up a bug* "I found her!"

PYRO: *Examines Forge's catch* "No, that's a roach."

DUKI: *Holds up another bug* "What about this?"

PYRO: "That's a Carpet Beetle."

DUKI: "How do you know all this?"

PYRO: "I get bored."

FORGE: *Holds yet another bug* "What about this?"

PYRO: "Nope."

DUKI: "Is it just me or do we have a lot of bugs around."

A scrunched up paper ball is thrown at Duki's head.

DUKI: *Picks up paper, unfold it and reads* "You'll never catch me. Ha ha. *Confused* who threw that?"

Another paper ball is hurled at Duki.

DUKI: *Reads* "P.S It's me, Mystique."

FORGE: "Found her. *To Mystique* You can stay under your own free will or I can collar you so you won't escape."

MYSTIQUE: "Fine, just ask the questions so I can go."

DUKI: "First one from Raze: 1. When you becomes a cat or something...where does the rest of her body go?"

MYSTIQUE: "Would you like a science lesson?"

DUKI: "No, just the layman terms please."

MYSTIQUE: "To put it simply, the rest of me gets compacted."

DUKI: "Number two from Raze: 2. When you become a man do you *ahem* completely become a man?"

MYSTIQUE: "If I wanted to, yes. But of course my gender will always remain female under normal circumstances."

DUKI: "This is from Faeryeyes: why does Rogue not look like you?"

MYSTIQUE: "Because I adopted Rogue, she is not my biological daughter."

DUKI: "Faeryeyes also asks: who is your least favorite member of the BoM?"

MYSTIQUE: "Who is currently in the BoM or recently, because my answer is Pietro."

DUKI: "I guess that makes sense. Number three from Faeryeyes: when you change into an animal, are you the least bit worried that some bimbo will shoot you down? or run you over? i would... mostly because my sister is driving now, and i think the number of small forest animals has already decreased."

MYSTIQUE: "There's always the risk, but I go for it."

DUKI: "Last one from Faeryeyes: 4. what is your favorite thing to shapeshift into?"

MYSTIQUE: "It's fun to infiltrate security on a film set, but I really enjoyed my time as Risty Wilde."

DUKI: "Film sets? You mean you can get previews for movies?"

MYSTIQUE: "I can also lock the actors in their trailers."

DUKI: "Back to the questions, this one's from Marzi: Have you ever turned yourself into food and then been eaten?"

MYSTIQUE: "No, animals I can manage, but food that's not the dead version of an animal is beyond my abilities."

DUKI: "Second one from Marzi: Have you ever been a guy?(HINT, HINT!^^)"

MYSTIQUE: "Yes, but I don't get the hints."

DUKI: "Three: Have you got any clothes bigger than size 2?"

MYSTIQUE: "Who needs clothes when you're your own wardrobe?"

DUKI: "Good point. Last one from Marzi: a Porsh or Rolls Royce?"

MYSTIQUE: "I generally like jets better, but if you have to go by ground then go and buy a Porsh."

DUKI: "Yeah, that's it."

MYSTIQUE: "I've seen your other shows, this one doesn't seem as exciting."

DUKI: "I'm tired okay?"

MYSTIQUE: "Can I leave now?"

DUKI: "Sure." *Pushes a button*

Mystique is suddenly dumped into a hole.

FORGE: "Duki, that was the garbage carrier."

DUKI: "Oh. . . she'll try to kill me won't she?"

Everyone nods.

VOICE OVER GUY (Yeah. We know it's Pyro): "And that's all for now. Tune in next time for another fun-filled episode of Duki's Incredibly Insane and Politically Incorrect X-men Evo Show!"

*****

Forge ~ that was actually a quiet show.

Rubber Duki ~ yeah, but that's only because I used up all my random energy on my other fic.

Pyro ~ you mean the one that makes no sense whatsoever?

Duki ~ Yeah, and people seem to like it too.

Next time: Professor X and Sabertooth

-Rubber Duki