Chapter Two

September 5th

I could hardly sleep last night. It's 5am right now. I never get up this early; I like my sleep. But I thought I'd try to curl my hair or something. Well that wasn't the plan, but I just can't sleep any longer. I'm not going to curl my hair. I always hated those girls who wore ten pounds of makeup and there was so much hairspray in their hair that it would break off if anyone touched it. I'm not like that. I have to be careful. I don't want this little, (okay BIG) crush to change who I am. I'm not going to look like I'm trying too hard. That would be like Carrie and it didn't really seem like Zack liked her much.

I managed to finish my homework last night. I didn't have much but teacher's like to give it anyway even on the first day.

Dad came up last night and tried to talk to me about school but I just wasn't in the mood. He's never really cared that much before about my schoolwork. As long as I brought home good marks he would be fine. I can't remember the last time he went to see one of my teachers. Actually I don't think he ever has.

He told me about the restaurant but I ignored him. Eventually he took the hint and left me alone. I hate to say it but I almost felt bad for treating him that way. He looked so defeated when he left my room. And it looks so pathetic to see a man as big as him look that way.

No! I can't let it get to me. He's just trying to make me feel sorry for him. Well I can't let it work. He's not going to get to me this time.

Noon

I fell asleep again this morning and I was almost late for school. I had to rush to get ready and Mom had to give me a ride. I was just glad that Dad was already gone to the restaurant. I didn't need him badgering me anymore.

It feels strange writing at lunchtime. I never do this. I guess there's never been anything interesting enough to write about. But now that I have met Zack I want to write down everything about him.

He's trying out for the football team right now so I decided to come to the library and write a little. I would have sat with his friends but only the guys are nice to me and they are all at football tryouts. The girls all seem so jealous, especially Carrie. It's like she thinks she owns Zack and I'm not even allowed to look at him.

Even the other girls are jealous. I have to admit; Zack isn't the only one who is paying attention to me. Justin and Tim actually both offered to get me a sandwich from the cafeteria. I forgot my lunch money at home because I was in such a rush. I ended up eating half of Tim's hamburger because he insisted. I don't want to take away anyone's boyfriend or anything but it doesn't seem like any of them are dating soooo..

Well, today certainly hasn't been as perfect as yesterday was. I'll write down what has happened.

I went to my first two classes and the time passed by so slowly, I thought there was something wrong with the clock. But finally I made it to English class and sat next to Zack again. None of his friends are in that class and for that I was thankful. We talked a little but we had to start reading "Macbeth" so we didn't get much opportunity. He did tell me he was trying out for football. He said he was always on the team. I could picture that. I imagined he was the popular guy at the school.

Lunch came quickly and I sat with Zack and his friends. All the guys had to leave early for tryouts so I was stuck there with Carrie, Tina and Jenna. They all kind of ignored me at first but then Justin came back. He gave me a slip of paper and smiled. He left again quickly without even acknowledging the other girls. I could feel their hard glares on me. I didn't want to look at the note there so I stood up and told them I was going to the washroom.

I knew they started talking about me the second I was away from earshot. But I didn't care, what could the note be?

In the bathroom I opened it up and saw it was an invitation to a party. This Saturday. At Justin's house. I was so happy. I want to go so badly and I hope Mom won't mind. She is always alone on Saturday's because Dad is off at the restaurant.

I know she'll be happy for me. She wants me to be happy as long as it doesn't mean defying my father. This won't force her to do that. So I was going to a party on Saturday. I assume Zack would be there. But then so would Carrie.

That's okay, all I have to do is be nice to them and not pounce on any of the guys and they can't hate me forever.

Fifth period is going to start soon. Too bad Carrie's in my class.

Evening

I can't believe how cruel Carrie is! She actually told me I couldn't go to Justin's party. Like she is my keeper. I tried my best to be nice to her. I asked her politely if she understood the math problems we had to do but she just glared.

I don't understand. What did I do that is so wrong? Why can't people just like me?

This is almost like what happened at my old school. A guy that I talked to once in awhile apparently had a crush on me. He dumped his girlfriend and asked me out. I said no because I didn't like him that way but his girlfriend got her posse together and followed me home that night.

I can still remember how they spit in my face and trying to get me to eat dirt. I was only in grade nine then. I didn't even know I had done anything wrong.

Later

Mom was actually a lot of help tonight. She does seem more relaxed when Dad isn't here. I told her about Zack and Justin's party and how Carrie told me not to go.

"Honey, there are always going to be some people who will be jealous, all you can do is ignore them," she told me.

"I haven't even done anything to her," I complained. I was still fuming from Carrie's threat. She didn't have the right to tell me what to do. Not even Dad can do that. "You are beautiful, of course they'll be jealous," Mom said. She didn't seem to be fully there after that. It seemed like she was dreaming about something. She looked so happy that I decided to leave her alone.

But I knew what she said was right, I couldn't let Carrie get to me. The best thing I could do was ignore her. I have to be mature. Zack will like a girl who can keep her cool rather than make threats.

September 6th

Today was a lot like yesterday. The guys had tryouts and again and I was stuck with Carrie and her sidekicks. I noticed they follow her around like baby ducks follow their mother.

Carrie acted like the previous day's threat had never happened. She put on a fake smile and pretended to be nice to me. Hate fake people. I have no tolerance for someone who will act like someone they are not just to gain something.

It was an uncomfortable lunch and I was happy when it was over.

But lunch wasn't the worst part of my day. When I got home, the house was empty. Mom is usually home when I get back from school so I looked for a note but there wasn't one. I figured that she was out for a walk or something. I hoped she had made a friend. I didn't want her to be lonely.

Dinnertime came and there was no mother and no phone call. I was actually starting to get worried when finally the front door opened. I got up and hurried to the foyer.

I hate my father so much. He brought a colleague home. Some woman he met near the restaurant. She looked like a hooker if you ask me. She was wearing a short purple skirt and very tight, very see through white tank top. They were laughing together.

"Oh, Hannah, there you are," Dad said, "this is my friend Vicky,"

I'm surprised her name wasn't Hot Tamale or something like that.

"Where's mom?" I asked.

"She's at her new friends house," he said.

Then he said something that almost made me punch him right then and there.

"You don't have to tell your mother about Vicky, okay dear? She'd just get upset and it's unnecessary," he whispered as he walked by me.

How could he do this to Mom? To me? Wasn't he busy with the restaurant? I guess not busy enough that he couldn't have a little fun when Mom wasn't around.

I'm so furious at him right now; I just want to punch a hole in the wall. I don't know if I should tell mom or not. It will kill her to think he might be having an affair. But wait, he wasn't really trying to hide it. He must have known I would be here, that I wouldn't keep this from Mom.

I just can't think about this anymore. I had to write it to get it out of my system. I'm just going to do my homework and wait for Mom to get home.

Late

She still hasn't come home. Where could she be?

September 8th

Long story. Mom did make it home but not until I was already asleep. Yesterday was a horrible day. I couldn't even find the time or energy to write.

Thank goodness that Vicky was gone when Mom got home. That would have been a disaster. I still haven't decided if I should tell her or not. Maybe I'm just overreacting. That has to be it. Dad is a pig but he wouldn't cheat. Would he?

Something terrible has happened to Mom.

When she got home at whatever time in the morning she fell asleep on the couch. She has never done that before as far as I know. I found her there in the morning. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her shirt was ripped and she had one shoe off and one shoe on. It scared me to see her that way. I woke her up and she cried when I asked her what happened. She couldn't even speak clearly enough for me to hear what she said when she told me what happened. It's terrible.

"Someone..raped me honey," she said sobbing.

How could this have happened? How could someone do that to my mother? Dad should have been out there to protect her. But instead he was having fun with his "friend". I blame Dad for this. He is responsible for everything bad that happens to Mom or me. If we hadn't come here then this never would have happened.

I even forgot about Zack at that Mom. All I cared about was making Mom feel better. I got her a hot bath ready and she stayed in until the water was ice cold. I had to convince her to get out and get her pajamas on.

Dad wasn't home, thankfully, or he would have gotten an earful from me.

She fell asleep in bed about an hour later. She looked so fragile lying there. I stayed in the room with her the whole time. She had some oatmeal that I made for her and she looked a lot better when Dad got home. He only poked her head into the room and said hi. He didn't even notice Mom was still in her pajamas and I was too.

I didn't go to school, not when Mom needed me so much.

"I'm going to tell him what he's done," I told Mom, getting up angrily.

"No!" she cried out, "No,"

She already told me she didn't want to call the police. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want to get the guy who did this to her. I would be doing everything I could to get him off the streets if it were me. But she couldn't go through a trial that I could see. What was the point?

"I don't want to worry him," she told me sleepily. So I told Dad she was sick. He didn't go in to see her. He went out for a night on the town. It's Friday today. I already told Zack I wouldn't be able to make it to Justin's party.

I'm disappointed but I want to be here for my mother.

So Carrie has won this battle but the was is not over.