Chapter Three

September 11th

I was so busy all weekend that I couldn't even write at all. I'm neglecting my journal; I used to write every day, now I could barely get enough time to write this short entry.

My weekend was spent with my mother. I managed to get her to leave her room for dinner on Sunday. Dad still thinks she is just really sick. He has only been in to see her twice since Thursday when she first got "sick". He sleeps in the guest room, saying that he doesn't want to catch whatever she has but I think he's slowly drifting away from her. I feel so bad for her. She cries non-stop every day and night. Her eyes are so puffy from crying that she can barely hold them open. She needs Dad the most now and he has chosen this time to stop being the loving husband she needs. My anger has dissipated a little now. I no longer want to yell at my father for being so selfish. I just ignore him during the short time that I see him every night. He doesn't seem to notice. I don't even care anymore.

I tried to get Mom to tell me who raped her but she can't even talk about what she was doing before it happened. It is as if she has blocked that entire day from her head. Maybe it is just as well; it won't help for her to bring up that horrible experience. She is strong; I know she'll get over this.

Later

Mom has fallen asleep finally. She cried all night while I did my homework on the floor of her bedroom. I've stopped trying to comfort her. She knows I'm here for her now. There's not really anything else I can do for her since she doesn't want anyone else to know what happened.

There was one good thing that happened today. At school I talked to Zack and he told me about Justin's party. Turns out it was a good idea for my not to go to the party. Carrie got totally smashed and ended up falling into the glass coffee table. Justin's parents were furious and they are making her pay for it. I admit, it would have been funny to see her make such a fool of herself. But oh well. Zack thought she was being really immature.

At lunch she didn't talk much so I didn't have to put up with her glaring at me and making wisecracks about my shoes being out of style or something. Tina and Jenna were also a lot nicer to me when they didn't have to follow Carrie. Or maybe they are going to decide that Carrie is no good and ditch her. I can only hope.

September 12th

Mom was out of bed and dressed when I got home from school today! I was so happy that she finally decided to come back to the land of the living. I think she really needs to get her life back to normal; it will be easier to get through her pain if she does.

Dad was surprised to see her up and he actually stayed home for dinner. I don't know how I feel about that. Sometimes I wish that he would just get whatever he is doing over with so I won't have to deal with him anymore. I still don't talk to him much and that is fine with me. He doesn't try to ask me about school anymore.

Later

I can't believe it! Justin called me tonight. He just called to talk for a while. I was a little surprised. We had been talking at school a little but I didn't think he would ever call me out of the blue just to chat. It's fine with me though. He is pretty cute I think. Blond hair and blue eyes kinda guy. He told me that he wants to see a movie that's coming out soon. I surprised myself by saying that we should go together. But he was excited about it.

I don't know if it's a date. Is it a date?

September 14th

Boy was Carrie in a bad mood today. Justin and I are supposed to go to the movies tomorrow night (I'm still not sure if it's a date). He told Zack and Tim about it and I guess somehow Carrie found out. She can be so confusing. She'd mad if I talk to Zack so I'm going to hang out with Justin instead but she's mad now too. She doesn't own every guy in the school. I'm really getting sick of her. I think I should find some new friends to sit with at lunch.

September 15th

Mom was so happy that I was going on a date. (We determined that it is in fact a date). She helped me put on some makeup and choose what to wear. I haven't seen her this happy since we moved to Toronto.

"I remember my first date," she said wistfully, handing me a tube of lipstick.

"This isn't my first date Mom," I reminded her.

"Oh I know, but dates are just so much fun," she said.

Justin came to pick me up (Yep, definitely a date). We went straight to the movies and he paid for my ticket and popcorn. Of course I offered to pay for myself but he refused. What a gentleman. I wonder if Zack would do that. The movie was pretty good but I wasn't really paying much attention to it. Sometimes I was thinking about Justin and sometimes I was thinking about Zack.

I think I have a problem here.

Later

Yes, I have a problem. Justin's so sweet but Zack...

I guess I should just wait and see.

September 18th

School seems so bland compared to how exciting my weekends are. I did have a really good time with Justin, when I wasn't thinking about Zack.

On Saturday Zack called me on the phone and asked if I wanted to go out for lunch. He said there was a new restaurant called, "Chez Moi" that just opened near his house. That made me chuckle a little. I guess I hadn't told him that my father owned that restaurant.

But I was in a little bit of a joking mood so I said sure. I knew Dad was going to be there. He had left very early to get there. When a new restaurant opens up he has to be there all the time to make sure everything runs smoothly.

I don't know, maybe I just wanted to rub it in his face that I don't tell him anything about my life. As if he would care.

Now that I think about it, I wish I hadn't gone with Zack to Chez Moi. But I did.

Dad was at the host table when we walked in. Perfect.

"Hannah," he said surprised.

Zack was confused. I thought it was funny. What is wrong with me?

I introduced Zack as a friend and Dad couldn't stop eyeing him suspiciously. He gave us a table anyway.

"Why didn't you tell me your Dad owns this restaurant?" Zack asked once we were alone.

I just shrugged. I still don't know why. Life is slow sometimes. You have to make your own excitement. Maybe that is my problem. I like drama.

"Well I guess you'll have to come and meet my parents then," Zack said smiling. I think I would have collapsed if I hadn't already been sitting down. It was like we were dating and meeting the parents was the next step. I never met my boyfriend's parents before. And Zack isn't even my boyfriend!

Okay, slow down. This is all happening way to fast. First Justin, now Zack. I'm a dating machine. I've only been in school for a couple weeks and already two guys are in love with me.

Okay maybe I flattering myself a little, but hey.

We had a good lunch and left without seeing my father again. He was probably in the kitchen spying at us through the round window in the door. I wouldn't be surprised.

September 20th

Wednesday night. Life has been slow since the weekend. Dad didn't mention the incident at the restaurant but I knew he wanted to. It seemed like he's been struggling with saying something to me all week. Oh well. I really don't care.

I have bigger problems than Dad trying to tell me something. Justin and Zack aren't getting along and I think it's because of me. I can't say I hate it that two guys are fighting over me but I really don't want to ruin their friendship. I wish they could just get along.

Carrie has stopped eating with us at lunch. It's almost like I've taken her place in the group. That was the easiest war of my life. Usually they put up a bigger fight then that. I guess she realized that it wasn't worth it.

Phones ringing, be right back.

*~*~*~

It was Zack. I don't know if I'm happy or not. What am I talking about? I'm ecstatic. He wants to meet me at the coffee shop at the corner of York!

I really think I'm crazy. Are two guys really fighting over me or am I just making it all up in my head?

September 25th

SO much has happened since Wednesday. I'm definitely not making up two guys fighting over me. The coffee shop thing was a total disaster that I really do feel terrible about.

I went there to meet Zack and it turns out Justin WORKS there. I thought this was cruel of Zack but he says he didn't think Justin was working that night. He was. He stared at us the whole time. I felt so bad about it that I had to leave early.

On Thursday Justin came to school with a black eye and Zack with a split lip. I didn't know what to think of that. I still can't believe that so much has happened.

So, of course I asked Zack what happened and he told me. He and Justin fought after I left that night. I was finally sick of it. It had been great while it lasted but I wasn't going to do this to best friends anymore. At lunch I asked both of them to come outside with me.

I already knew that Sean, Tim, Jenna and Tina were mad at me for doing this to their group.

"I've decided that I'm not going to go out with either of you anymore," I told them both.

"What?" Justin asked incredulously.

"No, Hannah, c'mon, think about this," Zack said.

"I have," I told him, "I'm ruining your friendship. So I'll see you guys around."

I walked away from them and I didn't look back when they called out to me. I didn't want to do this but I had to.

You'll never guess what happened on Friday. Jenna and Tina cornered me in the bathroom and got MAD at me for dumping the guys. Seriously, these people were so confusing. You'd think they'd be happy I was gone from their group. But nooo. They have to want the opposite of what I do.

"Zack is a mess without you," Tina said.

"But, I thought-" I started.

"You thought wrong," Tina said.

"Listen," Jenna said, "Justin can get over you but Zack is really in love with you.

Love?

"Yes I said love, I don't know what it is about you but he needs you, I've never seen him like this before, and I hate to admit it but you are perfect for eachother," she said.

So, there it is. Zack and I are perfect for eachother. Great. Why did everything good have to come with such a struggle? This is what I wanted. Now, why did it have to be so hard to get?

That's life for you.

So, on Saturday I went over to Zack's house. Wow, that house is huge. Bigger than any I've ever lived in, that's for sure. The sign on the gate said it was called, "La Vie". Life in French. A butler answered the door and showed me into a sitting room. A huge sitting room. I didn't know Zack was that rich. He came into he room and I knew then that I could love him. Maybe I already did. We are together now and it feels good to have what I know is right.

Maybe I really am crazy but it's a good kind of crazy.