Chapter Five

October 15th

It's been FOREVER since I last wrote. A week I think. I've just been so busy with everything. School is going okay. My marks are pretty good. I brought them home on Friday. It cheered Mom up a bit to see that I was doing well. Dad barely even glanced at them before dashing off to meet Olivia yet again.

I'll never forget the look on Mom's face when he told her he already had plans tonight. She asked him if we should go out tonight to celebrate my good marks. Her idea, not mine. But he just told us he had dinner plans with someone else already.

I think Mom was starting to come out of her shell again. Starting to really forget about the man who raped her a month ago, but Dad keeps pushing her away and she can tell there is something wrong. It breaks my heart to see her like this. But what can I do? I wouldn't be sad if Dad left us forever, I'd only be sad for Mom. She isn't strong enough for something like that, that much is evident. One of these days Dad is going to feel bad for what he's doing to her.

Later

Zack and I talked on the phone for a while. He's been away all weekend with his family. They went up to Maxine's parents place. I missed him so much but he called Friday and Saturday nights to say goodnight. Just thinking about him makes me smile. I'm smiling right now.

October 19th

Last night was horrible. Mom was in her room early in the evening. It seems like all she ever does lately is sleep.

I couldn't sleep so I went to watch TV in the living room. I fell asleep on the couch and was woken up by someone knocking something off the counter in the kitchen. Then I heard giggling. Of course. It's Dad and Olivia.

Suddenly an image of Mom lying up in bed all by herself, probably crying herself to sleep flashed through my head and I finally snapped.

I charged into the kitchen to find glass and orange juice all over the floor. One of the two adulteresses had knocked it over.

Dad looked at me and actually had the audacity to look embarrassed. I almost went over to him right then and there and slapped him. But I restrained myself and stared them both down. Olivia looked like she had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. It's a little more serious than that you little whore.

"Hannah, this is-" Dad tried to introduce me to the home wrecker.

"Shut up Ben," I said. I no longer thought of him as my father. I would call him by my first name now.

He stared at me in shock and tried to look behind me.

"Where's Lydia?" he asked looking a little nervous.

"Bed, probably crying over you," I told him, "Though I don't know why, you're not worth her tears,"

"Hannah!" he said. He stumbled a little but grabbed onto the counter to steady himself. Olivia giggled but stifled it when I shot her a look that could kill.

"Ben, c'mon," Olivia whined. She pulled on his arm. What did she think he was going to do? Walk away from his own daughter? Actually come to think of it, I'm surprised he didn't.

"No Olivia, I think you should go home, I'll call you," he said

"No he won't," I called after her as she sulked out the door.

"What is going on with you Hannah?" he asked.

"What is going on with you?" I shot back.

"Don't talk back to me," he warned. He's trying to tell me what to do, be a good father. It's a little too late for that Father dear.

"You are cheating on Mom," I hissed, "And don't you try to deny it, I'm not an idiot,"

"I know that," he said. To my surprise, he looked a little ashamed. And I stress the little.

I hadn't planned on telling him anything about what was really going on with Mom, but I think it was the only way I could get him to pay attention again. He needed a shock to bring him back to reality. He was shocked all right. He wanted to go straight upstairs to see Mom, but I told him she was sleeping.

"Who could do that to my poor Lydia?" he asked.

"I don't know, but it would have helped if you had been there for her, instead of romping around with 'hello, I'm a ditz', Olivia," I said. I might have being a little more vicious then I had intended at first but it was the only way to get through to him. It was as if his head was made of cement and you had to use a jackhammer to break through it.

"If you had told me." he started.

"You wouldn't have cheated?" I asked skeptically, "Don't try to blame this on me,"

I think by the time I was finished, he finally got it. Mom needed him. He said he was going to break it off with Olivia but I have to wonder. Can I trust anything he says anymore?

October 21st

Dad has changed a little bit since Wednesday night. I really don't know if he has broken up with Olivia or if he is just being more careful to keep their relationship a secret. Whatever is the case, I guess it's better than what was going on before.

Zack wanted to hang out today but I told him no. I wanted to spend some time with Mom today. Dad is at the restaurant (I think) os I don't want her to be all alone in the house. I know she gets lonely here in the daytime when I'm at school and Dad's off doing whatever it is he does. I know I'm going to miss Zack but I have to be away from him sometimes right?

It's almost like he and I are married. We spend all our time together. We "study" together, eat together, everything. He has even stayed over night a couple of times. He just slept in one of the guest rooms. Neither of my parents noticed of course He told me he lied to his parents about staying over. I don't want him to have to lie to them but he doesn't seem to care. So I'm not going to tell him not to because I can't say I don't want him here.

Maybe Zack and I should get married..hmm.

Later

Scratch what I said about getting married, I had a temporary loss of common sense.

October 25th

Oh my goodness! You'll never guess what happened today! I'm in such a good mood, maybe not for the best reason but it was still awesome!

I was at school in chemistry class when everyone heard yelling coming from the hallway. The teacher tried to get us to ignore it but how do you ignore someone yelling right outside the door? I couldn't stop glancing out, I knew it was Carrie yelling at someone because I recognized her whiny voice. I tried to listen but it was too hard with the teacher talking over it.

Eventually the teacher got so annoyed that he stormed out the door and yelled right back and Carrie and whomever she was with. All of us crowded around the door and peered out.

I couldn't believe it! Carrie was wearing a pink, lacy princess dress. She was holding a long wand and she had a jeweled tiara on. She didn't look happy about wearing that getup. It looked like she was an eight year old dressed up to go trick or treating. No on could stop laughing. She looked absolutely ridiculous!

The guy she was with was the school's resident drug dealer and he had a smug smirk on his face, as he looked Carrie up and down. Then he winked at her and she got a terrified look on her face. She shook her head no but he just nodded more. She sighed and let out a screeching scream and started jumping up and down in what looked like a temper tantrum. My teacher just looked at her like she was on crack. (Which she probably was, since that's what the guy sells) Then she threw herself onto the floor and pounded her fists on the ground. The guy, (lets just call him Joe) laughed so hard. So did I. Finally the teacher grabbed both or them and dragged them to the principal's office.

The whole thing was around school by the time I got to my next period class. Zack and I had a good laugh over it. He really isn't friends with her anymore.

I almost feel sorry for Carrie now after writing all the down. She is obviously addicted to some kind of drug if she is doing stuff like that just the please the drug dealer.

I'm sorry, was I starting to act like I care? Because I don't.

October 26th

Carrie wasn't at school today. Not that I care.

October 31st

Carrie hasn't been seen near school for almost a week. Oh well.

Zack and I are going to a party tonight for Halloween. Jenna is throwing it. It's going to be a lot of fun and I wish the hours would pass quicker so we could go! Zack and I are dressing up as Romeo and Juliet! It was his idea! We have been together almost two months but it feels like it has been years. I can't believe how close we have become in such a short time.

Dad is staying home tonight to watch movies with Mom. He really has changed since I talked to him. I haven't seen Olivia around here once since that night. Mom seems a lot happier too. I'm really glad that Dad has finally come to his senses. I really couldn't handle Mom anymore when she in such a depression.

We never talk about what happened to her anymore. It will only bring back bad memories. I'm just afraid to cause her to go back into her room for days on end again.

My next mission is to get Dad to sleep in bed with Mom again. My feelings toward Dad have changed a lot since we moved here. I don't hate him for forcing me to move anymore. I just think that if he hadn't forced me to come here I never would have met Zack. Also, I have a little more resect for his judgment now too. Sure he was having an affair but he has put an end to it now and that is good.

Later

Okay, forget everything I said about respecting Dad. He is an arrogant asshole. I have never been more furious in my entire life. Never been more embarrassed, disappointed or absolutely livid ever before.

Everything was fine when I left home with Zack to go to Jenna's party. We both looked so good. I was so happy then. I can't believe how my mood has changed.

Anyways, the party was great until we heard, over the booming music, two people giggling and being as loud and obnoxious as possible outside. I don't know why but I had to look out there and see what was going on. I can barely even force myself to write this, but here goes.

Outside, falling all over eachother like two drunk teenagers were my darling father and his supposed ex mistress. I froze in shock as I watched them fall into a heap on the ground and start making out. I don't know how far they would have gone if I hadn't gone over there and kicked my father in the stomach. He just grunted and looked up at me in confusion.

"Oh Hannah, there y'are, I've been looking all over for ya," he slurred. Tears came to my eyes, I was so angry. How old was this man I called my father? He was acting no better than a fourteen-year-old girl who had been to a party for the first time.

I couldn't even look at them. I just shook my head and walked back into the house. I told Zack what was going on. He couldn't believe it either. We left the party. I didn't even say anything to my father. I didn't know what he would do there but I just couldn't' bring myself to speak to him again in front of all my schoolmates.

Zack stayed over night. He slept beside me in my bed. I felt so much better with him beside me. I knew he would protect me from anything. But could he really protect me from a father like the one I had been stuck with?

November 5th

I have only seen Dad a few times since the party and I don't even acknowledge him anymore. He doesn't deserve anything he has. Mom has been sick for a couple of days now. She throws up all the time and can't really eat anything except bananas. Seriously, that's th only thing she can even look at without throwing up.

Her symptoms sound a lot like a woman who's.. oh my goodness.

Is Mom..PREGNANT?