Chapter 11
November 5th
I've finally made it back to Toronto. I had to hitchhike the whole way but I didn't mind. I was determined enough to suffer through the stinky truck drivers who looked at my chest more often then the road.
I'm about to go to La Vie. I want to see Trevor again. I didn't think I would miss the kids but I do, especially Skye and Anthony. They were so sweet and innocent and they remind me of the days when I was happy. I only want them to have a good life. With me there.. I just don't think they could be happy with me.
To get the kids out of my head I think about Zack. I imagine myself wrapping my hands around his throat and squeezing the life out of him, just like he squeezed the life out of my mother.
Revenge consumes my thought and if I don't do something about it soon, I don't think I'm going to make it.
November 7th
How could I have ruined my only chance! I'll never get out of the prison they've stuck me in. I may be determined but even I can't make it past padlocked doors and armed guards.
This is much more than a mental institution. They told me I was going to get better but I haven't even left this tiny room yet. I've been in this room for a whole day, no food, no water, and no human interaction. I'm really not as dangerous as they think I am..really.
November 10th
I'm surprised they let me keep my journal. Well, not really. I screamed and screamed when that huge man took it away from me. They decided there was no harm in letting me keep it.
I don't know how I would write down my plan for revenge without my journal. I haven't forgotten my mission. Kill Zack.
The people here are trying to trick me. The keep telling he is already dead but I know the truth. They are hiding him from me because he's scared. What kind of man would be afraid of little old me?
I have to write down what happened, I have to make sure their lies don't get to me. I'm the only one who I can trust. I went to La Vie at night. I thought it seemed a little creepier doing it that way. I wanted Zack to get the shock of his life when he saw me.
Nothing worked out how I planned it. Nothing ever does. I went to Zack's room but the bed was empty. The room looked like it hadn't been used in a long time. He must have moved out, I thought.
I decided to go to Gregory's office and look for Zack's address. I went past an open doorway and out of curiosity I peered in. It was a child's room and I was instantly reminded of Anthony. I saw the little head with dark hair poking out from under the blanket and I went over to get a closer look.
The little boy was Trevor. Anthony's twin. He was asleep peacefully. All I could think about was how much I wished that Anthony was here with me. But Trevor was the next best thing right?
So I quietly, very quietly opened the closet and packed up some of the boy's clothes. He had so many, but I couldn't bring them all. I packed what I thought he would need. I grabbed his toothbrush and made sure I got some toys that looked like they had been played with a lot. I was going to have a son again.
I touched Trevor's hair gently and he sighed in hi sleep.
"Who are you?" A voice asked from the door. I whirled around in surprise. It was a plump woman in her late forties. I didn't recognize her as the maid.
"Who are YOU?" I countered.
She saw the bag I was holding and glanced at Trevor. Her eyes widened in realization. She ran down the hall and I heard her yelling to Gregory and Maxine. I shook Trevor awake and smiled at him. His eyes matched Anthony's exactly.
He stared at me in confusion.
"C'mon Anthony," I said grabbing his hand and trying to get him out of bed.
"No!" he yelled pulling his hand away.
"Don't you love your own mother?" I asked angrily.
"Get away from him!" Gregory yelled from the door. I spun around and his eyes widened in recognition, "You," he breathed. Maxine hurried up behind him and he mouth dropped open when she saw me.
"Call the police," she told the plump woman.
I grabbed Trevor by the arm and yanked him out of bed. Gregory pounced on me in a fit of rage. We fell to the ground in a heap and I thrashed around trying to break free. I couldn't' let them keep me here; I couldn't forget my mission. As I looked at Trevor I realized that he wasn't whom I wanted. I needed Anthony, my sweet little boy.
"Zack!" I screamed. I thought I saw someone pass by the door but they didn't come back when I yelled.
I don't remember passing out but I did because I woke up later in this room, all alone. All alone, just like always.
November 13th
Sleep is my best friend here. There is nothing to do but sleep. They won't let me leave the room. The same woman keeps coming in here and giving my pills to take and I take them. It is better than sitting and thinking of what I have lost.
It isn't my fault either. It's my father's fault, it's my mother's fault, it's Zack's fault, it's Maxine's fault. Everyone else did this to me.
I had a visitor yesterday. Maxine came to visit. I was angry she was here. I didn't want to see her, she ruined my life.
But I sat with her in the meeting room and stared at her blankly. If she thought I was going to say I was sorry, then she was sadly mistaken. I apologize to no one.
"Where is Anthony," she said.
I continued to stare, "I don't know," I would not let her have my son. I need him!
"Hannah," she stood up and towered over me like a monster, "where did you take him!" she yelled.
"He's in the ground," I blurted out.
"What?" she asked sitting down slowly.
"He drowned," I said. I smiled to myself. She would never look for him if she thought he was dead. He' be safe, just where I wanted him. With Skye.
Maxine cried and cried then she just stood up and left. I didn't see her again.
July 29th (fifteen years later)
Has it been fifteen years? I don't even know. The time passes so slowing in here. It's been more like 200 years. I haven't seen anyone in a long time. All I've done is sit in here and concoct my escape plan. It is perfect.
So many people are going to pay. No one will escape wrath. Skye will pay, she didn't deserve to live near Anthony, my love, all this time. She was my mother's daughter, not mine. She shouldn't have gotten the chance to live near such a perfect boy. My half sister got the life I wanted for myself.
I got the institution.
I will get out of here, then the world better watch out, because revenge can drive a person, keep a person alive, it did just that for me all these years.
It's been simmering inside me, waiting. Waiting for its chance to lash out at the first person it saw. Even I feel sorry for that person.
If I could start my life all over, the only thing I would change would be the trust. Trust has been my undoing. It will lead to me demise and the demise of those who thought they loved me.
November 5th
I've finally made it back to Toronto. I had to hitchhike the whole way but I didn't mind. I was determined enough to suffer through the stinky truck drivers who looked at my chest more often then the road.
I'm about to go to La Vie. I want to see Trevor again. I didn't think I would miss the kids but I do, especially Skye and Anthony. They were so sweet and innocent and they remind me of the days when I was happy. I only want them to have a good life. With me there.. I just don't think they could be happy with me.
To get the kids out of my head I think about Zack. I imagine myself wrapping my hands around his throat and squeezing the life out of him, just like he squeezed the life out of my mother.
Revenge consumes my thought and if I don't do something about it soon, I don't think I'm going to make it.
November 7th
How could I have ruined my only chance! I'll never get out of the prison they've stuck me in. I may be determined but even I can't make it past padlocked doors and armed guards.
This is much more than a mental institution. They told me I was going to get better but I haven't even left this tiny room yet. I've been in this room for a whole day, no food, no water, and no human interaction. I'm really not as dangerous as they think I am..really.
November 10th
I'm surprised they let me keep my journal. Well, not really. I screamed and screamed when that huge man took it away from me. They decided there was no harm in letting me keep it.
I don't know how I would write down my plan for revenge without my journal. I haven't forgotten my mission. Kill Zack.
The people here are trying to trick me. The keep telling he is already dead but I know the truth. They are hiding him from me because he's scared. What kind of man would be afraid of little old me?
I have to write down what happened, I have to make sure their lies don't get to me. I'm the only one who I can trust. I went to La Vie at night. I thought it seemed a little creepier doing it that way. I wanted Zack to get the shock of his life when he saw me.
Nothing worked out how I planned it. Nothing ever does. I went to Zack's room but the bed was empty. The room looked like it hadn't been used in a long time. He must have moved out, I thought.
I decided to go to Gregory's office and look for Zack's address. I went past an open doorway and out of curiosity I peered in. It was a child's room and I was instantly reminded of Anthony. I saw the little head with dark hair poking out from under the blanket and I went over to get a closer look.
The little boy was Trevor. Anthony's twin. He was asleep peacefully. All I could think about was how much I wished that Anthony was here with me. But Trevor was the next best thing right?
So I quietly, very quietly opened the closet and packed up some of the boy's clothes. He had so many, but I couldn't bring them all. I packed what I thought he would need. I grabbed his toothbrush and made sure I got some toys that looked like they had been played with a lot. I was going to have a son again.
I touched Trevor's hair gently and he sighed in hi sleep.
"Who are you?" A voice asked from the door. I whirled around in surprise. It was a plump woman in her late forties. I didn't recognize her as the maid.
"Who are YOU?" I countered.
She saw the bag I was holding and glanced at Trevor. Her eyes widened in realization. She ran down the hall and I heard her yelling to Gregory and Maxine. I shook Trevor awake and smiled at him. His eyes matched Anthony's exactly.
He stared at me in confusion.
"C'mon Anthony," I said grabbing his hand and trying to get him out of bed.
"No!" he yelled pulling his hand away.
"Don't you love your own mother?" I asked angrily.
"Get away from him!" Gregory yelled from the door. I spun around and his eyes widened in recognition, "You," he breathed. Maxine hurried up behind him and he mouth dropped open when she saw me.
"Call the police," she told the plump woman.
I grabbed Trevor by the arm and yanked him out of bed. Gregory pounced on me in a fit of rage. We fell to the ground in a heap and I thrashed around trying to break free. I couldn't' let them keep me here; I couldn't forget my mission. As I looked at Trevor I realized that he wasn't whom I wanted. I needed Anthony, my sweet little boy.
"Zack!" I screamed. I thought I saw someone pass by the door but they didn't come back when I yelled.
I don't remember passing out but I did because I woke up later in this room, all alone. All alone, just like always.
November 13th
Sleep is my best friend here. There is nothing to do but sleep. They won't let me leave the room. The same woman keeps coming in here and giving my pills to take and I take them. It is better than sitting and thinking of what I have lost.
It isn't my fault either. It's my father's fault, it's my mother's fault, it's Zack's fault, it's Maxine's fault. Everyone else did this to me.
I had a visitor yesterday. Maxine came to visit. I was angry she was here. I didn't want to see her, she ruined my life.
But I sat with her in the meeting room and stared at her blankly. If she thought I was going to say I was sorry, then she was sadly mistaken. I apologize to no one.
"Where is Anthony," she said.
I continued to stare, "I don't know," I would not let her have my son. I need him!
"Hannah," she stood up and towered over me like a monster, "where did you take him!" she yelled.
"He's in the ground," I blurted out.
"What?" she asked sitting down slowly.
"He drowned," I said. I smiled to myself. She would never look for him if she thought he was dead. He' be safe, just where I wanted him. With Skye.
Maxine cried and cried then she just stood up and left. I didn't see her again.
July 29th (fifteen years later)
Has it been fifteen years? I don't even know. The time passes so slowing in here. It's been more like 200 years. I haven't seen anyone in a long time. All I've done is sit in here and concoct my escape plan. It is perfect.
So many people are going to pay. No one will escape wrath. Skye will pay, she didn't deserve to live near Anthony, my love, all this time. She was my mother's daughter, not mine. She shouldn't have gotten the chance to live near such a perfect boy. My half sister got the life I wanted for myself.
I got the institution.
I will get out of here, then the world better watch out, because revenge can drive a person, keep a person alive, it did just that for me all these years.
It's been simmering inside me, waiting. Waiting for its chance to lash out at the first person it saw. Even I feel sorry for that person.
If I could start my life all over, the only thing I would change would be the trust. Trust has been my undoing. It will lead to me demise and the demise of those who thought they loved me.
