Title: Darkest Before Dawn

Summary: Alternate universe

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Star Wars characters. I just play with them a while.

Author Note: This had not been beta-read. English is not my first language. And also this is not slash. Just parental love between a master and his padawan.

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Today I killed my master.

Strange that I should call him master still, when the person who own my soul is Palpatine. But I guess it did not really matter. Cause forever he will be the one to haunt me, day and night.

I thought I would gain freedom. I thought his death will end it all. But I realize as he passed on that I will never find peace again. Not in this life, and not in the next.

I wanted to cry so much, but all the tears have dried up since I killed my own padawan with my own hands. My own beloved padawan. My lovely boy of golden sunshine and clear blue skies. Dead by my own hands.

I watched as he took his last breath. Held him as his soul slipped away. And all the time I tried to tell him I'm sorry, sorry for killing him, sorry for thinking that he had turned when all he did was to marry the one he loved. And when he died, part of me slipped away, a part that not even my beloved Qui-Gon can hold on.

Damned the Council. I can still remember the day they told me Anakin had betrayed the order by marrying Padme. And I remember them telling me that my chosen one had fallen to darkness. And I believed them, the fool that I am, because I saw the darkness in my own padawan's soul and did not believe in him.

I lost faith in him when I saw him walked away from the Council. And I damned myself then.

The next time I saw him, we were fighting a duel to death. I cannot remember the reason why we were fighting, except the Council issued a command that he must be killed, that his existence will threatened the stability of the Republic, that he cannot be allowed to live as a tool of darkness. It was only when the blade came into contact with his flesh, then did I realize I was wrong.

And Palpatine came when I was holding his cooling body, offering me a way of revenge against the Jedi, against the ones who did him and me wrong.

I accepted the hand. And I never looked back since. And one step lead to another and salvation became even further than ever.

Oh, and I killed Padme too. When you turned to the darkside, all your thoughts are clouded by darkness. My hatred was more than I could bear, and my bitterness is like wine, intoxicating me. I blamed her, you know, blamed her for taking away my Ani, blamed her for everything.

My hatred protect me from my pain, my love, my loneliness.

My master calls now. I must go. And even as I left, I dare not spare a glance at the empty eyes staring at me. I dare not ask for forgiveness now. I dare not hope. I dare not dream.

Tomorrow brings no comfort to a dead man. And it brings no comfort to me too. For my spirit is dead and I am nothing now, not without them.

The End

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