Chapter 3: Beginning to See the Light

Some people work very hard

But still they never get it right

Well, I'm beginning to see the light

"Give me all your fucking woolongs!" Why was I yelling? Shut the hell up Simon.

"You again? What do you want." It should technically be a question, but it sounded more like a simple statement. But how did he know it was me? Our last conversation was audio only. Now I was on the jolly green-haired giant's Comm and I could see Mr. Black and he could see me. He WAS bald, I knew it.

"I've got your, erm, "partner" here. And I know you want him back. So I'll trade him for a bag of cash, old man," Ouch, I knew that hurt him. His facial expression didn't change but I could see tiny aneurysms popping in his eyes. I wasn't really trying to piss these guys off, or even get a ransom for this drunken guy lying down in the alleyway beside me. I guess I was just trying to act cool. You know, like a cowboy or something.

"I'll totally blow your man away," I shouted, brandishing my crappy ancient pistol. Right out of the old west. I'd never actually fired it, but I was pretty sure that it was loaded. I guess. "So we got a deal or what?"

"...No." And the screen went blank. Now he had hung up on me too. These guys must hate each other. I could pull this rusty trigger and shoot this hairball in the face, and no one would say anyth...

I felt cold steel on my left temple. I didn't dare attempt to turn around. Probably a mugger, right? "Wrong," answered this person who was obviously not really a mugger. It was a woman.

"This is wrong, little guy. You are doing a bad thing here. That's my partner there. I don't give a shit about him but he owes me some smokes so put your cap gun down." I wasn't aware of such an intense level of sarcasm. She was trying to convince me that she didn't care about this guy but it was obvious that she did. He was her partner. So that made her...

"Faye Valentine. THE Faye Valentine. The official mistress of the Bebop and the most feared presence in casinos throughout the galaxy. You owe everyone, big time. And for a bounty hunter, you sure have a lot of goddamn bounties on your head."

I could sense that my little soliloquy was quite entertaining for Miss Valentine. I ever so slowly turned around until I was facing her...and man, what a face. She was wearing the dazzling allure of the Vegas strip as some sort of mascara; fun, sex, glamour, but always the chance for big trouble and usually, even bigger disappointment.

"You're in some big trouble yourself, shrimpo." She was smirking. Did she like me? "And take those tacky fuckin' shades off." Doubtful. I removed them and, with her non-gun holding hand, she swiped them from me and casually yet quite seductively applied them to her own head. "Now that's better." Another smirk. Then, from some place...a...growl?

Her stomach. "On the ground! I don't have time to fuck around anymore." Her eyes were suddenly overcome with sharp aggression. I kept liking her more and more. I jumped down quickly and lied on my stomach. She declared:

"You say that I've got a bunch of bounties on my head, huh? Well guess what you little fuck stain, I suppose you win, cause you only have one on you. Courtesy of a local acquaintance of ours named Stewart. Ever heard of him? You are Simon Morrison Cale, Worth 50k. I've had bigger and better, and to be quite honest, cuter bounties than you. But I'm hungry, so even pocket change scum like you will have to do."

"You're wrong, Miss Valentine. I'm the scum of the entire universe." She had me. The Bebop had me. Is this really what I wanted? As we waited for the big mother ship, the Bebop herself, Faye Valentine quit joking around with me. She just looked hungry and tired. And pure exhaustion tends to dull humor. I lied there next to her still comatose partner. Her gun barrel was on the back of my head. It was steady. She wasn't even smoking a cigarette.

It was at that moment that I again asked myself, "Is this what I wanted?" Since my apprehension, nothing promising had transpired; nothing at all Bebop-esque. I was pretty sure that her gun wasn't going to shoot water instead of lead. I knew that old green hair here wasn't about to suddenly rise and declare that they should "Just let this one go." They were desperate people. The only way I was going to get out of this one was to get them some money. Or at least some food. Or, maybe a convenient combination of both. At this realization, my mind clicked.

"Hey, Miss Valentine? You like spare ribs? And chili fries? I'm talking about the best chili fries in the freaking galaxy."

She hesitated, then spoke. "What, tryin' to bribe me, buddy? A true lady never excepts a non-monetary bribe. It's principals. Morals, even. If you don't got a bounty that's at least three times more worth it than your head, then put your face back down on the pavement."

'I should tell you, Faye...wait, can I call you Faye?" I could feel her gun barrel burrow deeper into my skull, silently proclaiming, "Nay."

"Well, miss Valentine, I should tell you that I may be a lot of things, but one thing that I usually am not is a liar. I told you that I have a nice juicy bounty for you, and I am most definitely not lying. Just hear me out." I had decided that I was going to make the best out of this situation. And, yes, it is possible to see a happy ending somewhere on the horizon, even with a gun to your head and your face on the ground. And gum sticking to your shoe.