Title: Starting Over
Author: Luisa
Email: leyjd@hotmail.com
Pairing: B/G
Rating: PG-13
Notes/Disclaimer/thanks: As in Part 1
Part 3
At his words, she lifted her head to look up at his in confusion. "What's there to not know? I love you; you love me." She worked out a tiny smile. "Hey, here's a wacky idea... why don't we be together?"
His lips gently curved upward in a matching smile at her comment, yet in a moment the smile faded as he drew her head close once again. He couldn't help himself pressing a gentle kiss of regret to her temple before responding. "I... I'm afraid that it's not as simple as that, Buffy."
"What's so complicated about it, Giles? I don't get it."
He felt his heart bleed as he heard the sad bewilderment in her voice, yet still he maintained his outward composure, speaking in a calm voice. "There's just so much between us... and, and you've been through a harrowing time... I think that you need to... recover from your ordeal... on your own." Realising the implications of his statement, he hastened to reassure her, his hand stroking her golden hair soothingly. "I... I'm not saying I won't be here for you, but I think it would be wise to just... take one step at a time. As for me... I need to find my place here again. Not just in your life, but in my own, too. I... I need you to understand, Buffy, that I've given up my life twice for you... I sacrificed everything when I accepted my calling as your Watcher... and I sacrificed it again when you..." He stopped abruptly, tears choking his voice as he tried to prise the painful words from his lips. "W... when... when you... uh... *went*." [It's been all this time, and still I can't say it.] He swallowed hard, forcing the tears back down. There was no way he was going to let her see him this way.
A heavy silence hung between them for what felt like aeons, each unsure of how to progress from the painful memories. Eventually, Giles continued. "Each of us has... issues, as you call them... that we need to work through. Right now a relationship would only complicate matters... motives, even if honourable would be questioned. Perhaps, after that, though... then maybe we could look at things more... firmly."
Drawing back, Buffy fixed a steely gaze on her Watcher. "And, Giles... I would understand all that completely... *if* this *wasn't* a *Hellmouth*."
"Buffy, we can't..."
"Can't what, Giles? Can't use the fact that our lives are so unpredictable that we could die any day to our advantage for once? You think we can't be together because of our 'issues', but we *can* die - maybe tomorrow - not knowing what it would have been like to finally find love? Sorry, Giles, but as happy as I am to hear you say 'maybe in the future', that's just not enough for me. I mean, look at us. Watcher, Slayer... everyday putting our lives on the line, fighting to save a world that doesn't even believe in the things that we're protecting them from. Who knows when one of the beasties could kill us? Or... maybe it won't *be* a demon... maybe... it'll be someone driving too fast... or someone...with a gun. Look at Tara, Giles. If you have to be convinced, look at Willow and Tara. They were like... like... us, I guess. Soul mates. But if they hadn't made up when they did, Willow could have spent the rest of her life wondering about what could have been."
"One could argue, that if they hadn't made up, Tara wouldn't have been killed."
Buffy pulled a face at his words. "If she hadn't, Willow wouldn't have gone all 'Dark Magicky' and stormed to the hospital to save me, and I would have died... *again*... and again you and I would have lost a chance to see if we would have stood a chance. Giles, Warren still would have come after us, either way, so please don't try and use some weird philosophy to explain how things could have been avoided.... 'cause the truth is that today... well, the last few days have been some sort of chain reaction... and if you broke the chain some place then it just would have gone in a different direction, and who knows what would have happened... and... and now my head hurts from all this thinking," she finished in a small voice.
A broad smile spread across Giles' face in response before, chuckling softly, he gathered Buffy into his arms once more. [I love you so much] He dropped his mouth to her ear, whispering huskily into it. "Tell me... where does it hurt?"
"Everywhere," she whispered, snuggling as close to him as possible, wanting to savour this moment of holding each other - just in case her argument hadn't won him over.
Leaning slightly forward, the Watcher pressed a tender kiss to his Slayer's crown. "There. Does that fix it? Has the pain gone away?"
Buffy's eyes widened in shock and confusion. [Did it work? Did I convince him? What's going on?] A small smile crept onto her lips as she wondered the possibilities. [I guess I should check] the smile lingered on her lips before she answered. "I-I'm not sure. Maybe you should try again." Feeling his stomach suddenly quiver beneath her, she pulled back, worried, to look up at him. The quiver became a shudder, before releasing itself as a full-hearted laugh from Giles' lips. She smiled in relief as he continued laughing, even giggling a little herself... although unsure why, except for the fact that his laughter was contagious.
Eventually he calmed and leaned toward her, capturing her chin with a thumb and forefinger, drawing her as close to him as possible. "You never change, do you?"
Uncertain as to how to take his words; Buffy could only gaze back at him in curious silence.
"Through... everything..." he swallowed hard, before speaking again, this time his voice full of awe and wonder, "Buffy Summers, you are an amazing... extraordinary... woman. I've watched you grow from a hesitant - and somewhat rebellious - child to a young woman who has surpassed my every expectation. You've faced one apocalypse after another, beaten death twice, lost not only your first love but your mother also. You've survived countless attempts on your life, an attempted rape and the betrayal by one of your closest friends." He smiled gently, tenderly stoking her cheek. "There aren't many people who could stay strong after even *one* of these things, yet you survive them all. You stay strong; you stay on top. What astounds me most is that you don't commit your life to failure because of the uncertainty of whether there will even *be* a tomorrow; but you live it better; you commit every day to the best possible cause. Unlike me. I'm a fool, Buffy. A stupid fool who let's things wait until tomorrow, because if tomorrow never comes, then maybe I've saved myself some hurt."
"No, Giles... you're not stupid..."
He ignored her whispered correction, still lost in the emotions revealing themselves in her eyes. "You were right. Everything you said was true... and I don't want to risk not knowing... not knowing if we're meant to be. I have some things I need to do... in England," he moved a finger to cover her lips in anticipation of her protest, "I *need* to take Willow back to the coven, and sort my affairs... but then, I'll be coming home... here... to you. I love you Buffy... and I think that it's about time that we both started over - in our lives and in our relationship. I'll be here for you as you recover from the hurts of the last year... and at the same time I'll be re-discovering my place. Here. I... I'm not saying that we'll lead entirely separate lives - nor am I saying that we'll be... uh... making love day and night." A deep blush coloured his cheeks momentarily at the thought and again he found himself clearing his throat before adding, "But we *will* be together. You're right. We owe it to ourselves to give this a go. We'll just... we'll take it slowly, okay?"
"Slowly. Uh-huh. You're coming home and we'll be together." The summary escaped her before she'd even finished processing his words. As they sank in, her eyes suddenly lit up. "Really?" The question was whispered on a tiny breath of air, as butterflies fluttered in the Slayer's belly by the hundreds. Her quiet confidence was rapidly evaporating with nervous yet excited anticipation taking over as she realised what he was saying.
"Mmm." Captivated by the bright and hopeful look in her eyes, he found himself suddenly lost for words, only able to briefly murmur his agreement before pulling her the remaining distance toward him to capture her lips in a gentle, promise-filled kiss.
She pulled back after a moment, her mind hazy with whirling emotion, her lips tingling from his gentle caress. "So... this is it? We're really gonna start over? Together?" The tingle worked its way through every fibre of her being, bringing fresh tears to her eyes - although this time they were of happiness, instead of sorrow.
"Yes, my love, we are." A wide smile stretched across his lips joined by pure happiness shining from his eyes, as peace and joy surged through him. The rush of emotion propelled him to his feet, and he extended a hand to help her up. "Now, let's get you inside, before it gets cold."
She took the proffered hand, and allowed him to lift her up to him. For a long moment they stood silently on the steps, their faces only a breath apart, content to simply be within the presence of the other. Smiling tenderly at each other, Watcher and Slayer allowed their eyes to unearth and express the love and devotion that had been buried for so long. Even as they broke apart, their fingers remained laced together and they moved to stand before the back door in intimate silence. With her free hand, Buffy moved to open the door, but midway in her intent, she halted, turning instead to face to him once again.
"Giles?"
"Yes, Buffy?" A gentle smile played on his lips, his twinkling with undisguised merriment at the same time, as he realised she would want quite a different 'good-night' than they were used to.
"That stuff you said that you need to do." As she spoke, she wrapped her arms around his waist and gazed up at him, her eyes now full of questions.
"What about it?" The soft smile stayed on his lips as he wrapped his arms about her in return.
"You don't need to need to do it right now, do you?"
"No... why?"
"I'd just... I'd really like it if you could stay here tonight... with me." She paused for a second, wondering how to phrase her request, but hurried to correct herself as he almost interrupted her. "I-I-I know we agreed that we'd take it slow, but, I just..." Her voice quietened and she leant her head against his chest. "It would be kinda nice to know I'm safe for once. To not wake up in Spike's arms, or... wake up thinking I'm in my coffin again." Again, she lifted her head so that she could look up into his eyes, "I'd like it a lot if I could wake up in *your* arms instead. Not...naked or anything..." a soft pink suddenly tinted her cheeks as the possibilities flitted through her mind, "but, if you could just be there, holding me. Would that... would it be alright with you if you just held me through the night?"
For what seemed like an eternity, he held her in reflective silence, his mind marvelling at how someone so confident in life could be so uncertain in love. [But, then... she's had a dreadful year.] He fought to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat as her explanations of the evening filtered through his tired brain, the painful home truths she had told him bringing fresh moisture to his eyes. He couldn't help but bring a hand from her shoulder to her cheek - cradling her face in his palm - as he gazed down at her, silently repenting once more for leaving her to such a fate.
Buffy watched as his green eyes glistened and suddenly she wished she could run far away - her heart pounding in her ears - fearing that the sorrow she saw was really rejection. [I shouldn't have asked him. I shouldn't have asked him. I'm moving too fast]. Torn, she could only reach up to cover his hand with hers, her gaze piercing his in hopes of finding reassurance.
As he noticed the sudden panic in her eyes, Giles silently drew up his free hand to cup the other side of her face and did the only thing he could think of that would put her fears to bed for once and for all. Without a word, he tilted Buffy's face further upward and brought it to meet his lips. Lovingly, he pressed feather-light kisses to her forehead, the bridge of her nose and her nose-tip before at last placing a tender and lingering kiss upon her lips. Eventually he released her, smiling softly at her slightly dazed expression and stepped forward to open the door, before capturing her small frame in his embrace once more.
He smiled tenderly down at her and inclined his head toward the doorway.
"Lead the way."
Author: Luisa
Email: leyjd@hotmail.com
Pairing: B/G
Rating: PG-13
Notes/Disclaimer/thanks: As in Part 1
Part 3
At his words, she lifted her head to look up at his in confusion. "What's there to not know? I love you; you love me." She worked out a tiny smile. "Hey, here's a wacky idea... why don't we be together?"
His lips gently curved upward in a matching smile at her comment, yet in a moment the smile faded as he drew her head close once again. He couldn't help himself pressing a gentle kiss of regret to her temple before responding. "I... I'm afraid that it's not as simple as that, Buffy."
"What's so complicated about it, Giles? I don't get it."
He felt his heart bleed as he heard the sad bewilderment in her voice, yet still he maintained his outward composure, speaking in a calm voice. "There's just so much between us... and, and you've been through a harrowing time... I think that you need to... recover from your ordeal... on your own." Realising the implications of his statement, he hastened to reassure her, his hand stroking her golden hair soothingly. "I... I'm not saying I won't be here for you, but I think it would be wise to just... take one step at a time. As for me... I need to find my place here again. Not just in your life, but in my own, too. I... I need you to understand, Buffy, that I've given up my life twice for you... I sacrificed everything when I accepted my calling as your Watcher... and I sacrificed it again when you..." He stopped abruptly, tears choking his voice as he tried to prise the painful words from his lips. "W... when... when you... uh... *went*." [It's been all this time, and still I can't say it.] He swallowed hard, forcing the tears back down. There was no way he was going to let her see him this way.
A heavy silence hung between them for what felt like aeons, each unsure of how to progress from the painful memories. Eventually, Giles continued. "Each of us has... issues, as you call them... that we need to work through. Right now a relationship would only complicate matters... motives, even if honourable would be questioned. Perhaps, after that, though... then maybe we could look at things more... firmly."
Drawing back, Buffy fixed a steely gaze on her Watcher. "And, Giles... I would understand all that completely... *if* this *wasn't* a *Hellmouth*."
"Buffy, we can't..."
"Can't what, Giles? Can't use the fact that our lives are so unpredictable that we could die any day to our advantage for once? You think we can't be together because of our 'issues', but we *can* die - maybe tomorrow - not knowing what it would have been like to finally find love? Sorry, Giles, but as happy as I am to hear you say 'maybe in the future', that's just not enough for me. I mean, look at us. Watcher, Slayer... everyday putting our lives on the line, fighting to save a world that doesn't even believe in the things that we're protecting them from. Who knows when one of the beasties could kill us? Or... maybe it won't *be* a demon... maybe... it'll be someone driving too fast... or someone...with a gun. Look at Tara, Giles. If you have to be convinced, look at Willow and Tara. They were like... like... us, I guess. Soul mates. But if they hadn't made up when they did, Willow could have spent the rest of her life wondering about what could have been."
"One could argue, that if they hadn't made up, Tara wouldn't have been killed."
Buffy pulled a face at his words. "If she hadn't, Willow wouldn't have gone all 'Dark Magicky' and stormed to the hospital to save me, and I would have died... *again*... and again you and I would have lost a chance to see if we would have stood a chance. Giles, Warren still would have come after us, either way, so please don't try and use some weird philosophy to explain how things could have been avoided.... 'cause the truth is that today... well, the last few days have been some sort of chain reaction... and if you broke the chain some place then it just would have gone in a different direction, and who knows what would have happened... and... and now my head hurts from all this thinking," she finished in a small voice.
A broad smile spread across Giles' face in response before, chuckling softly, he gathered Buffy into his arms once more. [I love you so much] He dropped his mouth to her ear, whispering huskily into it. "Tell me... where does it hurt?"
"Everywhere," she whispered, snuggling as close to him as possible, wanting to savour this moment of holding each other - just in case her argument hadn't won him over.
Leaning slightly forward, the Watcher pressed a tender kiss to his Slayer's crown. "There. Does that fix it? Has the pain gone away?"
Buffy's eyes widened in shock and confusion. [Did it work? Did I convince him? What's going on?] A small smile crept onto her lips as she wondered the possibilities. [I guess I should check] the smile lingered on her lips before she answered. "I-I'm not sure. Maybe you should try again." Feeling his stomach suddenly quiver beneath her, she pulled back, worried, to look up at him. The quiver became a shudder, before releasing itself as a full-hearted laugh from Giles' lips. She smiled in relief as he continued laughing, even giggling a little herself... although unsure why, except for the fact that his laughter was contagious.
Eventually he calmed and leaned toward her, capturing her chin with a thumb and forefinger, drawing her as close to him as possible. "You never change, do you?"
Uncertain as to how to take his words; Buffy could only gaze back at him in curious silence.
"Through... everything..." he swallowed hard, before speaking again, this time his voice full of awe and wonder, "Buffy Summers, you are an amazing... extraordinary... woman. I've watched you grow from a hesitant - and somewhat rebellious - child to a young woman who has surpassed my every expectation. You've faced one apocalypse after another, beaten death twice, lost not only your first love but your mother also. You've survived countless attempts on your life, an attempted rape and the betrayal by one of your closest friends." He smiled gently, tenderly stoking her cheek. "There aren't many people who could stay strong after even *one* of these things, yet you survive them all. You stay strong; you stay on top. What astounds me most is that you don't commit your life to failure because of the uncertainty of whether there will even *be* a tomorrow; but you live it better; you commit every day to the best possible cause. Unlike me. I'm a fool, Buffy. A stupid fool who let's things wait until tomorrow, because if tomorrow never comes, then maybe I've saved myself some hurt."
"No, Giles... you're not stupid..."
He ignored her whispered correction, still lost in the emotions revealing themselves in her eyes. "You were right. Everything you said was true... and I don't want to risk not knowing... not knowing if we're meant to be. I have some things I need to do... in England," he moved a finger to cover her lips in anticipation of her protest, "I *need* to take Willow back to the coven, and sort my affairs... but then, I'll be coming home... here... to you. I love you Buffy... and I think that it's about time that we both started over - in our lives and in our relationship. I'll be here for you as you recover from the hurts of the last year... and at the same time I'll be re-discovering my place. Here. I... I'm not saying that we'll lead entirely separate lives - nor am I saying that we'll be... uh... making love day and night." A deep blush coloured his cheeks momentarily at the thought and again he found himself clearing his throat before adding, "But we *will* be together. You're right. We owe it to ourselves to give this a go. We'll just... we'll take it slowly, okay?"
"Slowly. Uh-huh. You're coming home and we'll be together." The summary escaped her before she'd even finished processing his words. As they sank in, her eyes suddenly lit up. "Really?" The question was whispered on a tiny breath of air, as butterflies fluttered in the Slayer's belly by the hundreds. Her quiet confidence was rapidly evaporating with nervous yet excited anticipation taking over as she realised what he was saying.
"Mmm." Captivated by the bright and hopeful look in her eyes, he found himself suddenly lost for words, only able to briefly murmur his agreement before pulling her the remaining distance toward him to capture her lips in a gentle, promise-filled kiss.
She pulled back after a moment, her mind hazy with whirling emotion, her lips tingling from his gentle caress. "So... this is it? We're really gonna start over? Together?" The tingle worked its way through every fibre of her being, bringing fresh tears to her eyes - although this time they were of happiness, instead of sorrow.
"Yes, my love, we are." A wide smile stretched across his lips joined by pure happiness shining from his eyes, as peace and joy surged through him. The rush of emotion propelled him to his feet, and he extended a hand to help her up. "Now, let's get you inside, before it gets cold."
She took the proffered hand, and allowed him to lift her up to him. For a long moment they stood silently on the steps, their faces only a breath apart, content to simply be within the presence of the other. Smiling tenderly at each other, Watcher and Slayer allowed their eyes to unearth and express the love and devotion that had been buried for so long. Even as they broke apart, their fingers remained laced together and they moved to stand before the back door in intimate silence. With her free hand, Buffy moved to open the door, but midway in her intent, she halted, turning instead to face to him once again.
"Giles?"
"Yes, Buffy?" A gentle smile played on his lips, his twinkling with undisguised merriment at the same time, as he realised she would want quite a different 'good-night' than they were used to.
"That stuff you said that you need to do." As she spoke, she wrapped her arms around his waist and gazed up at him, her eyes now full of questions.
"What about it?" The soft smile stayed on his lips as he wrapped his arms about her in return.
"You don't need to need to do it right now, do you?"
"No... why?"
"I'd just... I'd really like it if you could stay here tonight... with me." She paused for a second, wondering how to phrase her request, but hurried to correct herself as he almost interrupted her. "I-I-I know we agreed that we'd take it slow, but, I just..." Her voice quietened and she leant her head against his chest. "It would be kinda nice to know I'm safe for once. To not wake up in Spike's arms, or... wake up thinking I'm in my coffin again." Again, she lifted her head so that she could look up into his eyes, "I'd like it a lot if I could wake up in *your* arms instead. Not...naked or anything..." a soft pink suddenly tinted her cheeks as the possibilities flitted through her mind, "but, if you could just be there, holding me. Would that... would it be alright with you if you just held me through the night?"
For what seemed like an eternity, he held her in reflective silence, his mind marvelling at how someone so confident in life could be so uncertain in love. [But, then... she's had a dreadful year.] He fought to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat as her explanations of the evening filtered through his tired brain, the painful home truths she had told him bringing fresh moisture to his eyes. He couldn't help but bring a hand from her shoulder to her cheek - cradling her face in his palm - as he gazed down at her, silently repenting once more for leaving her to such a fate.
Buffy watched as his green eyes glistened and suddenly she wished she could run far away - her heart pounding in her ears - fearing that the sorrow she saw was really rejection. [I shouldn't have asked him. I shouldn't have asked him. I'm moving too fast]. Torn, she could only reach up to cover his hand with hers, her gaze piercing his in hopes of finding reassurance.
As he noticed the sudden panic in her eyes, Giles silently drew up his free hand to cup the other side of her face and did the only thing he could think of that would put her fears to bed for once and for all. Without a word, he tilted Buffy's face further upward and brought it to meet his lips. Lovingly, he pressed feather-light kisses to her forehead, the bridge of her nose and her nose-tip before at last placing a tender and lingering kiss upon her lips. Eventually he released her, smiling softly at her slightly dazed expression and stepped forward to open the door, before capturing her small frame in his embrace once more.
He smiled tenderly down at her and inclined his head toward the doorway.
"Lead the way."
