OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
Well, basically Chloe saw Sirius did something horrible. But, then, what really happened? Well, it's pretty obvious actually, some of you have said the reason. But I'm not really here to do detective stuffs. I can't write something like that. I'm just deprived of the capability. I'm more into the psychological aspects of people.
So here I am uploading another chapter, hoping that you will like it.
Another thing, sorry about not really having an L/J aspect of the story in chapter fifteen. The thing is that chapters fourteen and fifteen used to be included in one chapter only. That's what happened when I decided to divide the chapters to make them somewhat reader-friendly.
Anyway, before I let you read this next part of the story, I'd like to thank all of you who read and reviewed my work.
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Okay, I'll leave you now to read.
if you look into my eyes then you should know... that you have nothing here to doubt... nothing to fear... -- rivermaya, "214"
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CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Sirius' Silver Lining
Because of the fight that broke out between Vince and Sirius, both of them were sent to the headmaster's office right after James cut off the scuffle.
While they waited for Dumbledore, James decided to call on Lily to the Professor's office as well, for the first reason that she was Head Girl but then more so because her friends were involved. He left Vince and Sirius in the office with Remus and Peter just in case fists started flying again. While Toni was nowhere to be found since she walked off the school grounds after the brawl ended.
The first place that he thought of was the Gryffindor tower. When he found no Lily in the common room, he decided to try the girls' dormitories. He knocked several times but there was no answer. So, he assumed that nobody was in the room.
Then, he tried the Head Prefects Room. There was no Lily there either. The room was basically dark and empty, aside from the cluster of stars that he recently put up in the ceiling.
He scratched his head going impatient. Something very wrong had happened and he was expecting her to be the first one to come hunting for him like a vicious predator.
So he dragged his feet towards the library, hoping to find her there. Well, bottomline, he couldn't think of anywhere else she could be. And when he turned the corner into the hallway to the library, he found her at last.
He didn't exactly know why but he felt the necessity of slacking his shoulders, rolling his eyes, and sighing audibly like life had just ran out of him. But then, he suddenly straightened up and flashed a serious, almost dignified glare when the person Lily was talking to looked up at him.
Lily turned around to see what was Lucius looking at. She saw James standing at the end of the hallway with crossed arms like he had been glaring at her back to send some sort of sixth sense signal. James' eyebrows were furrowed as he remained in his place, as if waiting for her to go to him.
And so she walked to him, with Lucius following her from behind. "What happened? Where's Vince?" she asked James, when she reached him.
"They're…" he trailed, as he glanced at Malfoy who was glaring at him. He couldn't help but feel some sort of… negative… feeling toward him at that moment. A strong, negative feeling. There wasn't much time to ponder on what kind of negative that was. He was there for about something much more important. "They're in Dumbledore's office," he replied, trying to keep his eyes only on Lily to send off the signal that Malfoy wasn't exactly welcome in the conversation.
And with that statement, James signaled Lily to follow him to the Headmaster's office.
All the way there, he tried to ignore the presence of Malfoy amidst the two of them, him and Lily. But when they finally reached the statue outside Dumbledore's office, he couldn't disregard it anymore. It was something the Head Boy and Head Girl were concerned, not really something of Malfoy's. So, why the heck was he following them still?!
Lily, now the one ahead of all of them, was about to go up the staircase headed to the office when James stopped her. That was because Malfoy decided to invite himself over by still following her. "I don't think he should be here," he called from downstairs, just as Malfoy was about to take the first step of the stairs.
Lily stopped and turned to look down at James. But she wasn't able to say anything as Malfoy talked first.
Malfoy also halted and stepped his foot back down on the floor. Then, as stiff as his body could be, he turned his whole self in perfect swift motion to face James. "Why?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "I'm a prefect, too."
James snorted thinking that that was ridiculous. "I'm Head Boy," he said, quite proudly. "And this doesn't concern you," he added as harsh as his tone could do.
Malfoy snickered sarcastically. "Don't be so full of yourself, Potter," he spat.
"Don't try me, Malf—"
"James," Lily called pleadingly. She wasn't in the mood to be the referee between Lucius and James again. "Just let him come," she said.
For a split of a second, James looked surprised, disappointed, angry, and hopeless at the same time. What?! He rummaged through his thoughts in order to find some sort of reason that this person in front of him, who was acting like some arrogant jerk, wasn't the least invited. "But this doesn't concern hi—"
"Stop your whining," Malfoy cut James off. Then, he looked up at Lily and said, "I'll see you later."
"Alright," Lily nodded. And then she continued climbing up the stairs, expecting James would follow her.
But before Malfoy marched away, he turned to James with a sneer plastered across his face. "You'll never have her," he said in a taunting whisper.
"And just what are you trying to say?" James uttered, using the same spiteful tone as Malfoy's.
Malfoy shook his head. Who would've known that even he knew what was bubbling inside James' head? "You're so oblivious, James," he replied. "Have I done anything to you lately?"
"Get out of my sight, Malfoy," James pronounced irately, but at the back of his mind, Malfoy was sort of… right. Nothing had happened between the two of them lately, especially because of the fact that Lily would finally kill him if he did something seriously – but pleasurably for him – wrong against Lucius.
But Malfoy only looked at James with a plain and simple expression on his face like he just won the argument. "You're not angry with me because I'm here. You're angry because she wants me. And. Not. You," he concluded, before he sauntered off, leaving a quite dazed James behind.
For a while, James stood beside the statue at the bottom of the staircase, wondering why in world everyone kept insisting that he had some sort of feelings for Lily Evans. Well, he couldn't do anything about that now. Although he had this yearning that for a split second, he could see what the others see of him just to know what was it he kept on doing to send off that kind of impression on people.
* * * * *
About ten minutes later, Dumbledore entered the office and was quite astonished by the number of students in the room. He took his place behind his table and looked at all the students in his room – James, Sirius, Peter, Vince, Remus and Lily – before he sat in his chair.
"A fight between two students, I hear?" he started. Even if no one had said anything to him, by the looks of Vince's and Sirius' bruised faces, anyone could guess. Especially the headmaster.
No one really answered his question. It was Sirius taking a quick glance at Vince and Vince shooting back an angry glare was enough for the headmaster to nod and assume the obvious. But still, he wanted to hear the truth out of them. "Ms. Evans?" he asked her first.
"I – I – I – I don't – I'm not really sure what happened," Lily answered honestly. She tried catching Vince's eyes but maybe because of embarrassment that he refused to look at her.
Dumbledore nodded and then turned to James. "Mr. Potter?"
"Well," James started, then he gestured at Vince and continued, "he knocked him over out of nowhere—"
"He assaulted one of my friends!" Vince exclaimed, interrupting James. Why in the world would he expect the best friend to side with him?
But Sirius, unfailingly consistent with his defense, spoke up. "I swear I didn't do—"
"Someone saw you!" Vince insisted, getting angrier by the minute, as he pointed to Sirius with a furious scowl on his face. All these denying wouldn't lead to anything. "Kiara came in the common room crying out of fright. And it wasn't just her who saw you, Black! Another person was there!"
"Now, now," Dumbledore's voice suddenly rose above them, as he gestured his hands for people to calm down. "Mr. Stradler, there's no need to raise your voice," he reminded.
Vince stopped, remembering that he was in the presence of the school's headmaster. "I'm sorry," he apologized, as he tried to regain his cool.
"Professor," James called. "Look, I dunno what Vince here thinks what happened. All I know is that Sirius was with us the whole time."
"That's the truth," Sirius said with an almost desperate sigh in his tone.
"Yes, that's right," Remus affirmed.
Peter would have said something of the same thought but Lily wasn't someone to be stopped or interrupted when talking. Really.
"What?!" Lily exclaimed, right after the last syllable escaped Remus' lips. Everyone in the room looked at her. She was unable to contain herself from all these conspiracy happening amongst the four of them. "I've known my friends – Kiara – for seven long years and I know when they're lying and when they're not!" she exclaimed.
And this time, as usual, it became between James and Lily. "I'm just telling you what I know," James muttered, sounding rather hurt that Lily would imply that he was lying.
Lily looked at him in the eye and shook her head. "James, this is insane," she muttered, almost in a whisper. But that hint of disappointment across her face was nothing to be missed.
But before something escalated to anything worse, Dumbledore controlled the situation. "May I ask where is Ms. Thompson?" he asked, wondering where Kiara could be.
"She's in the dorms," Lily replied. "She doesn't really wanna talk right now."
"Ah," Dumbledore expressed, nodding. "Now, I see the wrong cannot be blamed on anyone right this moment," he declared.
"I didn't do it," Sirius suddenly uttered, insisting his innocence, feeling that something Dumbledore would say next wasn't going to be pleasant.
"Stop it," Vince muttered through gritted teeth.
Dumbledore waited until everyone was finished exchanging conflicting views at each other. Then, when they finally fell silent, he announced the decision that he had reached. "Detention," he said. One word said everything – misery. "For the rest of the semester. Both of you. I'm not going to tolerate any kind of violence in this school while I'm headmaster."
Both Vince and Sirius groaned but Lily just couldn't believe what kind of decision Dumbledore made. "That's it?!" she demanded, almost forgetting that she was talking to the Headmaster.
"Ms. Evans," Dumbledore muttered in a sigh. "Until I have a talk with Ms. Thompson, I'd have to keep it that way," he said with finality that Lily, although wanting to retaliate what he had just said, chose to keep quiet. After all, he made sense.
* * * * *
Lily marched off to the Head Prefects Room after the meeting with Dumbledore. And although she looked like she wanted to cut somebody's head off, James decided to follow her – just in case.
She barged in the door with so much frustration and infuriation at the same time. She couldn't even take a seat and just fidgeted in her place as she stood in the middle of the room.
James, knowing that she would burst out anytime, closed the door gently and waited for her to yell, shout, cry, or whatever suited her. He didn't exactly want to greet her anger with any wrong words or move.
And at last. "What?! Was that?! About?!" Lily finally yelled, looking at James like he could give her all the answers to her questions.
"I didn't do it, okay?" James retaliated. "Why are you so mad at me?"
"I'm angry not just because some sick bastard harassed a fellow student while I'm Head Girl. But it matters more when that student was one of my best friends and that sick man was your best friend, James Potter!" she exclaimed, pointing at him. Afterwards, she let out a long audible sigh of exasperation.
James ran his hand over his face in frustration. Lily was angry and it wasn't that kind of anger that she usually showed him – the kind of anger when he knew he could appease her. Because this time, it was different. It was something that he knew he wouldn't be able to control.
He stepped through the room and sat by the study table, facing her. She was still standing restless, too worried and angered to even sit down.
"How many times do I have to tell you?" he began again. "Sirius was with us the whole time."
Lily stopped pacing and faced him. "Ar – are you calling Kiara a liar? How 'bout Chloe?"
"Well, are you calling me a liar?"
Lily opened her mouth to answer but no words came out. No, she didn't really want to believe that he would lie something about that serious of a matter. And out of hopelessness, she threw her arms in the air and dropped them down in complete exhaustion. "I dunno what to think anymore," she said, finally. Her voice was so weak that James wouldn't be able to hear her if the room wasn't as silent as it was.
James stared at her. He wanted to feel what she was feeling. He wanted to absorb whatever worries she was having. He stood up and suddenly felt the urge to hold her tightly…
Maybe like in his dream—
"James," Lily called him back to earth.
"Huh?"
"What – what are you doing?" Lily asked, her eyes under knitted brows. "Are you even listening?" she demanded.
"I am," James replied in a flash. "Lily," he began, as he involuntarily reached for her hand. Maybe he just had a habit of doing that. It was like reaching for her hand was the very key to making her feel calm or safe or just plain relaxed. "Look, you can't be the whole school's savior." Lily pulled back her hand just as sudden but he continued anyhow. "You may be the Head Girl but it's not your role to assure that Hogwarts is completely safe."
"I'm just – I dunno," Lily muttered. "I know what Sirius did was very much out of character but," she looked up straight into James' eyes as if she could find some answers in there, "it was him, James."
At that moment, for once, James saw Lily in her most vulnerable state. He recognized that feeling – from his dream. And at that moment, he wanted to feel that vulnerability in him too.
Out of nowhere, he felt like wanting to lean over and kiss her…
But of course, he couldn't be thinking of such things in the worst time possible.
"I have to go," Lily said, interrupting his thoughts.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna be late for class."
"I'll walk you there," James offered. But when he tried to hold Lily's hand, she pulled back just as fast.
"No, I'll be fine," Lily replied.
James was taken aback. It wasn't the fact that she refused his offer nor the fact that she pulled back her hand. It was the way she made him let go of her. Something inside him felt like sinking as he came to some sort of realization. "Are you… are you afraid of me?" he asked, not knowing if he should be hurt or sad.
Maybe she was. Maybe she wasn't. But the fact was she didn't answer his question. "I said I'll be fine," she insisted, instead. And in a hurry, she left the room.
* * * * *
Vince and Sirius were in the Hospital Wing, lying in the complete opposites of the room – farthest from each other. A curtain was charmed to float in the middle of the room to divide it in two and to also block their views of each other. The nurse believed that it was healthy that they wouldn't see each other during their stay.
No one had really visited Vince yet except when Lily came in Dumbledore's office. He didn't know about Sirius' state. Well, heck, he didn't wanna know. For all he knew, he wanted him to be as hurting as hell and for his face to swell up like a giant tomato. But he knew that he saw James, Remus, and Peter came in to visit a few minutes ago.
Although both Vince and Sirius insisted on leaving, part of their punishment was to stay that night and the night after that in the Hospital Wing. And worse, the nurse was instructed not to use any magic at once in order for them to live with their bruises for at least one day. Again, it was part of their punishment – aside from the detention that they were sanctioned with for the rest of the semester.
As Vince was frowning to himself, while he nursed his bruises, he saw movement at the door. He looked up and saw Kiara came in, followed by Lily.
"Hey…" Kiara greeted him with a comforting smile.
Vince bowed his head. He was embarrassed that Kiara would see him with his appearance – bruises and all. "Kiara. Lily," he muttered.
Kiara sat beside Vince. "I heard what you did. Lily told me," she said. She gave Vince's hand a soft squeeze, like saying it that it was alright, whatever he had in mind.
Vince flashed a weak smile. "Are you okay?" he asked her.
"Are you kidding?" Kiara chuckled, trying to cheer him up. "You're the one with a swollen face. I should be asking you that."
"I'm fine," Vince reassured, despite the blacks and blues on his face. Then, he noticed somebody's absence. He turned to Lily and asked, "W-where's Toni?"
"S-she's back in the dorms," Lily replied, with a sigh. "She still can't believe it but she said she might come visit tomorrow."
Vince nodded, understanding the situation. He sighed audibly, somehow, having that trace of regret in his expression. "I – I dunno what has gotten into me," he said, shaking his head, looking like he was playing the scene in his mind. "I guess I was just really angry."
"Hey… if anything what you did was…" Kiara began. She looked at him with eyes that seemed to be smiling. "I knew you did it for me and I just want to say thanks for caring," she said. It was the most honest her words could come close to what she was feeling. If she tried any more, she'd probably end up digging down to her subconscious. "It's – it's sweet…" she uttered, not helping but to smile widely, as she looked straight into his eyes, assuring him that everything that she was saying was the truth. "Although… you must promise me you won't get into any kind of trouble again… not like that," she said, pointing at his bruises.
Maybe it was concussion… or something of that sort that made him process Kiara's words a little slow, but it took Vince quite some time to register in his mind what she had just said.
It was sweet.
Vince smiled. He looked like all the stress he was feeling had just been lifted from his face. Well, if he didn't have all that bruises on his face, it would look like that…
"I promise," he replied, after a while later.
* * * * *
As requested by Lily, James called for a Prefects meeting the next day. The meeting was short. In fact, it was only about her expressing her concerns about school security and she didn't even give James a chance to talk. As a result, the meeting adjourned with Lily being all paranoid asking every Prefect to pay attention on their houses a little more closer. Well, the words were around the 'watch out for anything suspicious or potential wrongdoers' type of words so, yeah, she was being a lot worried.
And just to show that she was dealing with the issue calmly, she added the topic about the souvenirs that the students would be taking home with them from the ball. And to James' much dismay, Malfoy volunteered to assist her and Lily willingly accepted that he went looking with her that coming weekend in Hogsmeade.
Nothing more was said. And so after which, Lily closed the meeting.
James didn't waste even a fraction of a second as soon as the words 'you may go now' escaped Lily's mouth. "Are you sure you don't need any more help with the souvenirs?" he asked, his tone was more like 'you need me!' rather than asking innocently.
But Lily didn't waste any time either.
To decline.
"It'll be okay, James," she answered. "Lucius and I can handle it."
James involuntarily twitched at that – Lucius and I – it was like a chant of cursing someone into the pits of hell. He looked at Malfoy who was waiting for Lily by the door. He didn't turn away until Lily walked up to Malfoy and reached for his hands.
She walked to Malfoy.
Was he dreaming?
No.
What was it was, it was like his dream.
But, no, he couldn't be angry. He couldn't be jealous. Because he insisted that he didn't have the least of any romantic feelings for her.
Besides, Remus might put him next to Sirius in the Hospital wing if he found out that he was making the moves on Lily. Well, actually, Remus had not been talking about Lily. He didn't know but he was guessing that his friend had been moving on in his own but still… he needed that fact that Remus liked her – even if it was getting old – to keep him from thinking more about Lily.
And so, as a cure, he convinced himself that he was just severely irritated with Malfoy. That was it. He tried to plant it into his mind that it was the only reason that he felt so goaded that a nice girl like Lily was so into… Malfoy. Ugh!
* * * * *
"I can't believe he's still insisting himself to you," Lucius declared, as he and Lily walked the hall outside the classroom that they just had a meeting in.
"He's just – he's just being nice," Lily muttered. It might have sounded that she was just convincing Lucius. But at the back of her mind, she knew, somehow, that she was telling the truth.
"Being nice? For what? To compensate for what happened?" came Lucius' reply in a disbelieving tone. It was hardly recognizable from the way he always let out his words in a stiff voice. But since Lily had been spending time with him for quite a while, she caught that tone. "I already told you to stay your distance from them. They're all disasters waiting to happen."
Lily sighed audibly. "Please let's not talk about this right now."
"Stay away from them as much as possible," Lucius uttered, warningly. "I'm telling you, one day you might be the one who's going to get hurt."
Lily looked at him. And somehow, she felt that his petty disagreements with James were being taken too seriously. She could see the anger in his eyes. And to a certain degree, although she tried hard not to show it, it scared her that he might be capable of hurting her, too.
* * * * *
That night, Sirius sat in his bed just wasting the time away. His bruises were almost gone – thanks to whatever foul-tasting medication that Madam Prenny was making him drink.
He was eating his dinner when much to his great surprise – and probably joy – he looked up and saw Toni walked in.
Quickly, he put his dinner aside and stood up. As Toni approached him, he looked at her with eyes of helplessness, almost pleading, begging. "Toni," he said the words with a voice that sounded like he missed saying it so badly.
But all Toni did was walk toward him, successfully trying to look indifferent, with arms crossed. Suddenly, Sirius realized that she wasn't there to comfort him or tell him everything would be alright.
And for a brief second, they stood three feet from one another, just looking at each other.
"That hurt?" Toni broke the silence, pointing at Sirius' black eye. "I hope it did."
That was it.
That was probably the statement that couldn't hurt him much more than even if he was hit by a thousand blows.
And from the look of helplessness, he shifted to hopelessness and desperation. "Toni, listen—" he paused. He didn't really know what to say. Heck, what would anyone say at times like these? And so, he went back staring at her, waiting for her expression to calm down and show him some kind of sign… sign that would say she would take him back.
"I'm listening," Toni stated in a shrug, when Sirius stopped talking. "What have you got to say for yourself?"
Sirius looked dead straight into her eyes. It was almost hypnotizing, her eyes, but he refused to turn away. If he was going to prove something to her, he wanted her to know that he was telling the truth. And eyes couldn't lie. "Toni, I swear it wasn't me," he said.
If he wouldn't turn away, it was Toni who declined to look him in the eyes. "Sirius, I've heard that," she muttered, looking down to the floor. That was probably the safest direction her eyes could be. "James. Remus. Peter. You have a bunch of really loyal friends."
Sirius sat back in his bed; frustrated that Toni didn't even have any second thoughts about it. Her tone seemed to say that she had made a decision. The decision that he hated to imagine.
And then, after another moment of silence, Toni finally looked up at him. Water was starting to fill her eyes as she unfailingly held it back. It wasn't the time and it wasn't the place. She had to remain as strong as possible. "I want to believe you, Sirius," she began. "You don't know how much I just want to believe you. But people saw you. And you, just denying it repeatedly will not make things right."
"What do you want me to do?" Sirius pleaded. He wanted to reach for her so badly. But he didn't even dare to touch her because, apparently, she was keeping a good distance away from him. "I didn't do—I wouldn't do anything like that. You know me, Toni."
Toni regained her declining composure. But still with teary eyes, she voiced out her final words as stiff as possible. "Then prove it."
She looked at him for a brief second more. Then, after which, she left, not even uncrossing her folded arms. Because she felt that if she let them go, she might break down.
Sirius cursed himself for not being able to make her believe him. He stared blankly at her walking away. But then, he realized that she didn't say anything about giving up on the two of them. He saw it – his silver lining. He realized that she believed him – and the only thing that he really needed to do was to prove that she was supposed to.
~*~*~*~
i can't believe this pain... it's driving me insane... without your touch... life will be lonely... -- breathe, "hands to heaven"
don't call me... don't write... don't show up in the middle of the night... you know that we needed... some time and space to breathe in... -- sozzi, "letting go"
*Breathes deeply* Okay, that's a pretty long chapter. It took me somewhere like four hours to write that and I really hope you like it.
So, what are you waiting for? Review! :)
