I am FINALLY updating this! I'm SO sorry I haven't before, but I've been busy getting larangitis, sores in my mouth, etc.

To my reviewers: THANK YOU SO MUCH I LUV YOU GUYS!!!!!!! And..

Mandygirl: I'm glad you were entertained. And yeah..cocktail party. Thanks. I'll use that now. (

DarkRose: You write in French too? Well, I'd just like to say, bless the French teachers that take no notice of a student sitting (in my case) in the front row writing in English. And yes, HDM parodies RULE! YAY!

Zephdae: I hear ya. And here I am doing more. I LUVED yours, by the way. And your web page. Yes, I was brave enough to look at. I loved the quotes page. Very funny.

Sabriel: Yeah, they aren't. Too bad, too. I nearly cried when I read that part for the first time, but..hey, it's there, you GOTTA play on it. And of COURSE we need more. This is the third one for heaven's sake.

HimaKerei: I don't know when you reviewed it, but.sorry if it's been a while. And VERY glad you like it.

Smeaqol: did I spell that right? Or is it 'g'? I can't tell, you see. Sorry if it's wrong. Anyway, I'm glad you think it's funny. (

A SPECIAL THANKS TO: My French teacher for not noticing that I'm sitting in her class writing weird stuff in English.

NO thanks to: My stupid French partner who is convinced I'm writing a play. To him I say: Screw you. This is coming from one who had to look down at his workbook to see what his birthday was. (I'm DEAD SERIOUS. He did that.)

Disclaimer: Me no own. (

Scene: Mrs. Coulter's Cocktail Party (though it may not be a 'cocktail' party when I get through with it..)

Lyra: comes out in mini-skirt and belly shirt) Hey, Mrs. C, wuzzup?

Mrs. Coulter: in a very formal and tight dress LYRA! You...you can't wear THAT!

Lyra: Why not?

Pantalaimon: Yeah, what she said!

Lyra: Shut up Pan, no one wants to listen to you.

Pan: cries

Golden Monkey Daemon (referred to hereafter as GMD): Aww, Pan, you're a wimp. Just because I'm WAY prettier than you doesn't mean to you have to make a scene! strokes hair proudly

Lyra: Uh, is it just me, or is your daemon starting to sound like Legolas?

Incurelf: Shh! Lyra, this is a HDM parody! No Lord of the Rings! Although I may have to have you guys meet one of these days..

Lyra: Oh fine! So why can't I wear this, Mrs. C? I look so HOT in it?

Mrs. Coulter: No, because I'M the hot one! Everyone is attracted to ME!

Lyra: Then what am I supposed to wear?

Pan: Yeah, what is SHE supposed to wear?

Lyra: PAN..

Pan: Sorry Lyra! But Will will think you look just as hot even if you're NOT wearing that.

Lyra: Will? Will? Who's Will?

Pan: uh..never mind.

Mrs. Coulter and Lyra decide that Mrs. Coulter looks hotter, and so Lyra gets to keep the mini skirt, etc. Well, Mrs. Coulter decided. Lyra just sat in her room, asking the alethiometer over and over again who is hotter, and the alethiometer just keeps wondering what in the world this crazy human chick means by hotter. Then the party gets going.

In the backround we hear shudder N'Sync, because Mrs. Coulter seems to like them (but I have to wonder, does she like the music, or is she getting tired of Lord Boreal?).

Lyra hates N'Sync; she was always more of a Backstreet Boys person anyway, but dances anyway. Then the food is served.

Lyra: Ooh! Cake!

Pan: No cake, Lyra, you're on a diet.

Lyra: Oh my GAWD, you are like, so RIGHT, Pan! That just like, is so like, unfair. She KNEW I was on a diet. That like, SUCKS!

Adele Starminster*: Hey, chica, sup?

Lyra: Oh HI! How's the baby?

Adele: Uh..baby?

Lyra: I don't know, I just felt like saying that.

Adele: Right..could you tell me about Mrs. Coulter? What is she like? In private life?

Lyra: Well, considering I'm still calling her Mrs. Coulter because I don't know what the hell her first name is, nope, can't tell you nothing.

Adele: Right..ok then. How about you?

Lyra: Well, I like, have this like, alethiometer, right? And it WON'T tell me who's hotter, me or Mrs. C, I don't know why! And like, my daemon's name is like, Pantalaimon, and he's like, really annoying, but I have this like, boyfriend, right? His name is Roger and boy is he HOT!

Adele: A BOYfriend? Like, go you, chica!

Lyra: Yeah, I know, we like-

Mrs. Coulter: comes over Excuse me?

Lyra: There's no excuse for yo-I mean..

Mrs. Coulter: Lyra! You..you..hurt my feelings! breaks down crying

Lyra: Yeah I know. It's a gift.

Mrs. Coulter: I'm not kidding! First you're like, totally hotter than me, then you like, go and spill secrets! How COULD you?

Lyra: Well, it wasn't hard. To be hotter than you, well, that came flips hair naturally, and spilling secrets, well, that was like, even MORE natural! giggles

Adele: Right. Well, uh, I have to, uh, go do something...I'll go talk to Lord Boreal or something..yeah...

Mrs. Coulter: WHAT? He's CHEATING on me?

Lord Boreal: Well, considering we're still on first name terms, yeah.

Mrs. Coulter: storms off crying

Lyra: Well, that makes it a lot easier to run away.

Pan: We wanna run away?

Lyra: Yeah, Pan. Didn't you read the book?

Pan: Uh, no.

Lyra: Argh! You are like, so like, STUPID, Pan. We're running away. Bye everyone! waves

Everyone: Bye! waves

Lyra & Pan: leave

*She's the journalist person if you don't remember

Well, that's it. Pathetic and stupid, wasn't it. But that's all right. PLEASE don't burn me or anything like that. If you thought it was amusing at all, please, go ahead and say so. And if you want a specific scene done, say that too. Dat all!

Now.push the button. That's right. Push the button. Yeah. That's it. Good JOB!