LILY'S HEARTBREAK… WHAT COULD THAT MEAN?

Of course, you'd have to read the chapter to find that out.

Anyway, I have nothing much to say this time. I don't really know. I guess I've pretty much ran out of words. This is a kind of difficult chapter to write.

Oh…kay. So, as usual, I'd really like to thank all those who took some of their precious time to read and submit a review for my story. Hey, I got more than ten! I'm so happy…

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And pertaining to the question about the Yule Ball. From what I know, and remember, Yule Ball is like the prom or something. Only fourth years and up are allowed in the dance so Harry and his friends only attended the Ball in book 4.

There you go, now off I go so you can read chapter nineteen. But before anything else, I'd have to say that Harry Potter, its characters and events all belong to JK Rowling. So much I wish it was me but, nah, all I own are the unrecognizable persons and events, and of course, the plot. :)

something ugly this way comes... through my fingers sliding inside... -- david usher, "black black heart"

you can't give yourself absolutely to someone else... -- lisa loeb and nine stories, "do you sleep"

~*~*~*~

CHAPTER NINETEEN: Lily's Heartbreak

Remus stared back at Lily's perplexed expression. Or maybe it was confusion? Or denial? Whatever it was, it wasn't an expression that she would just sit there and accept everything without asking questions – or making objections.

He looked up at the sky and noticed that it was only a few minutes before the moon would rise. He couldn't actually see it, the moon, but he could feel it slowly making its way into its place in the night. And though he wanted to stay for a while longer, he knew that he had to go where he was supposed to be.

He stood up and nodded at Lily implying that he had to go. And after which, he started walking away. Well, he didn't actually get a reply from her. She just sat there looking like she was petrified – if telling her that James was falling for her would turn her into a statue, yes, that was what she was.

It took Lily a second to recover. Actually, it took more than a second. She was staring at Remus walk away from her; and though she badly wanted to follow him, somehow she couldn't move. If she wasn't sitting at that time that he confessed the unimaginable, she would've lost her balance and dropped to the ground feeling that her knees suddenly lost their capability to do their purpose.

And it took a second more for his words to finally sink in her head.

James was falling for her.

James?

Jaaaaames…?

James Potter?

Potter?

Okay, that was crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

No. That was insane! Mad!

Crazy!

Why would the person who spent half of his life annoying the hell out of her… start to fall for her?

It was inexplicably… insane!

She shook her head to bring herself back to sanity. Alright, Remus was friends – actually, very close – with James and he wouldn't say anything to her that would certainly be the non-truth. But the thought of James feeling something for her…

She stood up and ran to where Remus had disappeared. She had to know what he actually meant by that; or did he really mean what she thought he meant? She ran until she saw him by the side of the castle where the Whomping Willow was. She didn't know why he was walking toward that violent, lashing, thrashing – unfriendly – tree but that question was for her to find out later. Now, she needed to know something else.

"Remus!" she called as she continually ran toward him.

Remus suddenly stopped and turned around. Instead of the look that meant he expected her to follow him, his face drew a worried expression. "Lily, no," he yelled in a tone of panic, as he looked from her to the darkening sky and then back to her. Something about the darkening sky… it wasn't that he didn't want her there – he just didn't want her to be right there and then. "Go back!"

* * * * *

James let himself be dragged by Toni up the stairs and into his dormitory. Until then, he wasn't aware of what was happening and why he was letting this girl haul his six-foot stature.

But as they were going up the stairs, Toni was babbling something about being called into their dormitory and then being told to find him because there was something going on with Sirius and Kiara and Vince and… what?! He couldn't really follow. But using Sirius, Kiara and Vince in one sentence – one very long sentence – didn't sound so good. And Toni talking about it? That was probably not good at all.

When they finally reached his room, Toni practically pushed him into the door and she followed behind. The first thing he saw was Kiara and Sirius arguing about some kiss… Okay, here we go about that damn kiss again. "What's going on?" he finally asked, the moment there was a fraction of a second of silence between them. Well, Kiara looked like she just took a breath to say something more but he wasn't about to let her speak again before he was enlightened on… what was going on?!

But no one listened to him.

"That kiss happened a long time ago," Sirius blurted out, as most defensive as his voice could go. His tone was raising like a girl that it was breaking.

Kiara rolled her eyes in mere disappointment. And as she was already standing so close to him, she might as well slap him on the shoulders to knock some sense in him. "Don't you get it?" she demanded. Then, she leaned closer to him and… well…

"D – d – did – did you—" James stuttered so badly trying to decipher what just happened. He had that quite a ridiculously repulsed look on his face and finally said, "Did you just smell him?"

But then again, he was ignored. Tsk. Poor James.

"You even have a different scent," Kiara declared, looking Sirius in the eyes.

Ooookaaay… "Where is this going?" James asked – spoke up – again, ignoring the fact that he was currently being… ignored.

"It wasn't you. It wasn't you back in Charms," Kiara concluded.

Maybe James had already figured out that it wasn't a let's-listen-to-James day, but the moment Kiara said those words, he stepped up like some dark magic spell had just been broken. "So you know who did it?" he asked. He stood next to Sirius just to be sure that this time; Kiara would talk to her.

James' face lifted when Kiara nodded. "Lily's got to hear this," he uttered in a sudden hopeful tone. He looked at Toni and then asked, "Where's she?"

"She said she'd find Remus. Maybe she's with him," Toni replied.

But at the sudden said of Remus' name, James face suddenly fell. He didn't say another word. Just the frightened look on his face. He looked out the window and then at Sirius and Peter.

They had to hurry.

"Where are you going?" Toni asked in confusion when the three scrambled in a hurry out of the dormitory.

"I'll explain later," Sirius replied, before he ran out the door.

* * * * *

"Remus, what's going on?" Lily asked, confused on his sudden change in behavior. She couldn't only see the worried look on his face… she could actually feel it.

"Please, Lily, go," Remus pleaded as he continually took glances of the sky. He felt that he didn't have much time; that although he wanted to explain to her what was happening, he had to run. And so he did.

He hurried to the Whomping Willow and hoped that she couldn't follow him – the tree being vicious and all. He didn't even look back; also because he was busy trying to evade the thrashing branches and trunk.

And then, a sudden shriek of pain.

"Lily!" Remus looked back. He saw her and the slashes on her arms. He ran to her, completely forgetting his responsibility that night – and the next three nights after that. He forgot the night. He forgot the moon.

And when he was about five feet from her, it was like a bullet shot him in the stomach and he suddenly dropped on his knees. Lily tried to near him but he shouted, "No! Stay away! Run away!"

Lily stayed where she was standing. But she wasn't about to run away. Her friend looked like he badly needed help and she wasn't just going to leave him there. "No, what's happening?"

As an answer, Remus looked at the moon. The full moon.

Oh no. It had risen.

It was too late.

Lily stared up at the sky. What was there? Why was Remus kept glancing up? Then, she found the full moon illuminating and then…

"R-Remus?" she muttered in fear. When she looked down from the moon, the one standing in front of her wasn't Remus. It was a growling werewolf.

She didn't move. She couldn't move. She was frozen at the sight of the wolf staring straight into her eyes like it had found its first meal for the night. And with all her effort and shaking knees, she took a step back. She knew that she would provoke it, but she never wanted to get away from Remus as much as that night.

And she was right. The werewolf and its fierce looking eyes stepped closer to her. And just when it was about to lunge at her, she saw Sirius running out of the castle, from behind Remus, as he rapidly changed into… a big black dog.

Then, the big black dog – that was Sirius – barked at the wolf standing in front of her. That bought her time when Remus turned around to see whom the intruder was. She took steps back, not being able to turn away from what she was about to see the next.

Right after Sirius, Peter followed and changed into a rat.

Then, expecting to see James to emerge next from the castle, she gazed to where Sirius and Peter came out from. And so, he came running out from the castle.

Lily stared at him, the stunned expression on her face.

James saw her… and the cuts on her arms. And for a second, their eyes met. James looked at her like he was sorry – for his attitude, for the bleeding cuts on her arms, and for that night. Because she had to see that aside everything happened, he transformed himself into a stag and ran to where Sirius, Peter and Remus were.

Lily looked at them – at what was happening. She still couldn't believe her eyes. She just watched as James and his friends dragged Remus, the wolf, and disappeared under the Whomping Willow, as if the tree just swallowed each one of them into its roots.

* * * * *

Lily sat in the Hospital Wing that very night. She didn't actually guess that she would be in the Hospital Wing again in such a short time since the day she fainted out of exhaustion. Her arms were starting to heal, thanks to magic, but they were still in bandages.

She could still see in her mind all the things that happened a few hours before. She had just started to absorb it as she stared blankly at the walls when Toni, Kiara, and Vince stepped into the Hospital Wing to check up on her.

Of course, the first thing that was raised was the question of what happened, what was she doing there, and what were those cuts doing on her arms. And as unbelievable as it was, Lily said that it was because she slipped in the snow. Of course, her friends didn't believe her. What kind of slip did she do to end up with that kind of scratches? But then, knowing her, Lily's friends didn't ask any further and just respected the way she wanted to keep it to herself for a while.

It wasn't as if they weren't trying to avoid the subject, but then they eventually ended up with – who else – Malfoy.

Lily had finally asked what had been in her mind ever since her friends showed up in the Hospital Wing. She expected some sort of enthusiastic support that he would visit her but to her shock, her friends suddenly turned away from her not being able to look her in the eyes.

This would be very difficult.

"Why? What's wrong?" Lily asked trying to catch their gaze – any one of them.

It wasn't for anyone to tell but Kiara. She was the one concerned and she was the one who figured it out. And she was the one who was the most responsible in telling Lily.

And so she did. With the most tactful words she could form in all her life.

But no one could take the news – that kind of news – lightly.

Lily stared at her friends dumbfounded.

Lucius?

He did that to Kiara?

No.

"You – you can't be serious," she insisted, violently shaking her head. No. No. No. Her friends couldn't say that. They were her friends. Why would they make up such a sick story?

Seeing that Lily was beginning to get all perplexed, Kiara stepped up and stood beside her. She looked back at Lily's pleading eyes that seemed to be saying for her to take back all that she said. "Look, it's just a theory," she said, trying to comfort her friend. "I don't know. I just… I just don't want to talk about it anymore."

Lily didn't say anything. She was still trying to grasp Remus turning into a werewolf, Sirius turning into a dog, Peter turning into a rat, and James turning into a stag and then now… now Lucius turning into somebody else so he could get back at his enemies? "I – I really want to be alone right now, if you don't mind," she muttered very much weakly. Somehow, her cuts and bruises didn't really affect her, it was all those things that she had to process in her mind. Too much that it was starting to hurt.

Respecting their friend's wishes, Toni, Kiara, and Vince left her to think after little explanations here and there. She was back into staring at the walls when after about an hour, Lucius stepped in.

She sat up straight the second she saw him. "Lucius," she greeted, the gladness to see him was apparent in her voice. But then, her face suddenly fell once she saw the spitefulness in his eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked, now cautiously. Suddenly, the words that Kiara had said to her came flooding her mind.

"Evans," Malfoy snarled saying Lily's name like it was grime in his mouth. He never took another step from the door. He just stayed there. From a distance. Partly hiding in the shadows. "I told you to stay away from those despicable acquaintances of yours. But you just couldn't keep yourself from doing so, do you?" he concluded in a taunting voice.

"It's not their faul—"

"Very distasteful. Polyjuice Potion that is," Malfoy continued, ignoring Lily.

Lily's eyes widened in disbelief. "So, it was you?"

But then, instead of looking the least bit sorry, Malfoy chuckled out of nowhere like he just remembered something so amusing. "My father was right. You Muggleborns are all the same. Can't keep skirtling around men," he said as he shook his head in mock disappointment. "And to think I was starting to like you…" he mocked, pursing his lips like he was looking at some poor little dog that was found limping in the streets.

Lily wasn't so much taken aback before like how she was at that moment. She looked at him. What just happened? "Wh-what?" she muttered. Her voice was shaking and almost inaudible.

And thinking that she couldn't be any more hurt…

"I wanted to say thanks for helping me get back at them… now Potter is going to be the most miserable scum on this planet. But then, you deserve it," Malfoy started again becoming as cruel as he could be as every second passed. "Filthy," he uttered, saying the words so heartlessly. "You're just another little Mudblood wench." And then just as it was said, he turned stiffly around and left Lily.

And all she could do was… nothing. She looked at him turn around. She looked at him step away. She looked at him… approach someone who was waiting for him – that Slytherin girl he called his friend.

Deceit.

Betrayal.

Insolence.

All in less than ten minutes.

She would've cried. But everything was all in a blur and was just starting to clear up.

She couldn't cry. Because she didn't know where – for what reason – to start.

The only thing she was, was realizing that…

Malfoy did it.

Malfoy fooled her.

Malfoy used her.

Kiara was telling the truth.

Sirius never did it.

Peter was telling the truth.

Remus was telling the truth.

It wasn't Sirius.

And James…

James.

James was right.

~*~*~*~

together we seemed perfect... a fairy tale for show... and looking on the outside... you'd never even know... that we're just not right... when compromise is wrong... seems out of sight... in this place we belong... -- plumb, "worlds collide: a fairy tale"

i realy should have known... the expression on your face that told me... maybe you might have some advice to give... on how to be insensitive... -- jan arden, "insensitive"

so i see right through you... and i know what you've been up to... i see right through you... and i know the things you do... -- lene marlin, "so i see"

Alright, there it goes. Still kind of a cliffhanger but then, I love to read from your reviews!

Okay, that last sentence probably didn't make much of sense… Just, just review.

Thanks! :)