HOME AT LAST!
It's so nice being at home just sitting in front of my computer… of course being out with my friends is nicer but after my very tiresome day, I'd like to relax. I've just attended this workout session in the firm I'm currently working in for the summer (it's a practicum, part of my school curriculum – two trimesters before I graduate! Yay!). Imagine an accounting firm with a gym and a reflexologist… like the perks, don't like the work.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here for chapter twenty!
First of all, I'd like to inform you that there has been a correction from the last chapter (19). Turns out that the last part – when Lily was in the Hospital Wing – happened that same night after she witnessed James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter turned into animals. Yup, that's it.
Alright, I opened my mailbox and what do you know, so many reviews… very very nice. And there were questions that I intend to answer to the best of my abilities.
If you're wondering why was it that the teachers did nothing during the whole fight scenes in the great hall… well, they happened during breakfast time and I don't really expect teachers to stay longer in the Hall after they've finished eating. They have lots of things to do. Hint: Sirius was awake - that must've been really late at breakfast.
Okay, and another thing to be cleared, remember, Lily doesn't trust James when it comes to the matters of the heart. And talking about Malfoy means – for Lily – that James is, well, talking about relationship that is going wrong.
And another minor glitch I'd like to correct – Peter is taking Cherie Walker to the ball. Not Carol Chase. In short, Cherie Walker is one of Ravenclaw's Quidditch Beaters, not Carol Chase. I made a mistake. Sorry. :)
So, one of the questions that really had me thinking was the one with 'Melissa from chapter one.' I'm sorry but I've read and reread and reread and reread… I think I've read chapter one ten times (honestly, I counted) and I can surely say that I've never mentioned anything about a 'Melissa.' Sorry, I think the one who asked about it was referring to another story.
And by the way, thanks for the reviews:
kimmi
sunshine-108
Frankie
me
snow-angel
Hermione101888: Hi, I've received your e-mail. I'll be able to read your chapter two this weekend.
SpiritedPhoenix: You're right. No, Lily's not gonna go to James that fast.
Little House Girl
Mooky
cRaZiiBuM316
Andufeniel
mutsumi: Ey! One week to go, we're free at last! By the way, it wasn't the dream about hydee. If I had a dream like that about hydee, I probably wouldn't tell… baka sakalin na ko ni chel nun. Hehehe. :)
moozy
Eleanor
Child of the King
tom girl
Lamina Court: As been said, the way James treats (and feels about) Lily is quite apparent to everyone else except for him. And even Malfoy knew it. He knew that James liked Lily. And with that, he knew that James will be devastated once he's made it realized that he was just using Lily. Of course, he's not too fond of Muggleborns, either, so he felt like he was in a win-win situation.
oobergoober: Wow, you really had me thinking. Anyway, I like it. By the way, some of your questions were answered above. And about the last sentence in chapter thirteen – I italicized 'who's' instead of 'now' because James kept saying that it was Vince who liked Lily when in fact, well, it was James who does. And about James being a Chaser – I've read about that but since readers quite accept him being a Seeker, I decided to go for it because I needed him away from Malfoy during the games and I needed him to show some of his immaturity.
So, once again, JK Rowling owns everything you recognize while everything else belongs to me.
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how could this man i thought i knew turn out to be unjust so cruel... - christina aguilera, "fighter"
you probably won't remember me... it's probably ancient history... i'm one of the chosen few... who went ahead and fell for you... - jan arden, "insensitive"
~*~*~*~.
CHAPTER TWENTY: One Confession
The next day, a completely healed and out of the Hospital Wing Lily sat with her friends at the Gryffindor table. She thought that she would probably never be sitting anywhere else after what happened the night before.
All morning she had been looking out the window or staring blankly at the walls. Her friends tried to encourage her by doing for her even the pettiest of favors like carrying her books or escorting her to class. They always asked how she was doing. All they knew was about that Malfoy-being-the-scum-of-the-year thing, but she had never said a word about James and his friends. No. Not until she had the chance to talk to them.
But she wasn't in the talking mood that day. She basically just kept to herself.
"Hey, are you okay?" Vince brought her out of her trance, sounding every bit concerned.
Lily looked at him and smiled weakly. "Yeah," she replied with a nod. "I'm fine," she said. She looked away to avoid any more conversation. In fact, she started tinkering with her fork just to be able to take her mind off everything.
The students were just starting to gather for lunch and it would be a little while until the meal would be actually served. The teachers weren't even there yet.
As it was, the Yule Ball was very much near and the students of Hogwarts were already paired up with their dates. Well, except for Kiara and Vince – as far as she knew – and… well… her. She looked around. Yes, everyone seemed to be with their special someone that morning. They had probably been that way since the day Dumbledore announced the happening of the Ball. But she had never really taken notice of them. Not since that day when she realized that she… she was feeling out of place.
She put down the utensil that she was fiddling with. Suddenly, she felt too lonely. Too sad to even eat. She was about to stand up when Sarah Cramer came and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hi, Lily," Sarah greeted with all smiles. Sarah, as she knew, was the girl James was going to the dance with. Well, at that moment, that was the fact. And when God had showered earth with enthusiasm, she had probably gotten half of it. "Have you seen James?" she asked, her cheerfulness was too much that it was irritating – especially when the one she was talking to wasn't exactly in a good mood.
Lily turned to look at where James and his friends usually sat. The only people she saw were Peter and his girlfriend, Cherie Walker. There was no Sirius. Well, there wasn't any Toni yet either, so… And she already knew that Remus wouldn't be showing up for the next couple of days. He was still, say, sick.
And… James? Where was James? Lily looked back at Sarah and shook her head. "Uh, n-no."
"Oh," Sarah uttered, still jolly and smiling. "Well, thanks anyway," she said and then walked away.
"Where are you going?" Kiara asked, when she saw Lily stand up quite hurriedly.
"I'm not really hungry," Lily replied. She couldn't look at her friend straight in the eye. That was because hers were starting to well up. "I'll see you later," she said, waving a hand as she ran out of the Hall.
And with all the bad timing in the world, who would she meet outside the Great Hall but Malfoy and Narcissa flashing their own versions of a Sytherin sneer.
"Lily," Narcissa started in a singsong voice, smiling wickedly. She pursed her lips in mock pity, and then said, "Aw, not staying for lunch?"
Lily just looked at Narcissa. Then, as if she would ever get any sympathy from him, she looked at Malfoy. But much to her dismay, he only looked at her like he didn't even know her.
That was it. That was enough. She couldn't bear it anymore. She broke down and ran down the hallway – in the opposite direction where Malfoy and Narcissa were – bumping into students walking toward the Great Hall. She didn't notice but she accidentally collided against Sirius, who was walking with Toni by the way.
Sirius was quite surprised as he was talking with Toni at that time. And when he looked behind him to see who it was, he realized that it was Lily, running. Toni would've followed her friend if she didn't know better – Lily would've wanted to be alone that time.
And when Sirius looked ahead to see what or whom Lily was running from, he rolled his eyes and smirked like nothing more ridiculous could occur at that moment.
Narcissa, being the obnoxious person that she was, stepped up and even had the guts to greet him. "Sirius…" she said, in a teasing tone.
"Oh, look," Sirius expressed in mock enthusiasm. "Why am I not surprised?" he said, referring to Malfoy and Narcissa together. "You know, you are so made for each other."
"Ooh… what's the matter?" Narcissa uttered, still using that annoying tone that would be of much use if she were a whore picking up costumers. She stepped even nearer Sirius and fiddled with his collar while sarcastically saying, "Wanna kiss?" She was such an ace in taunting that Toni would've grabbed her hair and squashed her to the ground if only Sirius didn't hold her back.
Sirius raised his hand and slapped the back of it slightly against Narcissa's arm as if to say, 'get your filthy hands off me.' He had that intimidating look on his face but, hey, two Slytherins who thought too highly of themselves, wouldn't really be easily frightened. "Why?" he started, raising an eyebrow. "Want some more of my hair?" he said. When he and his friends were in the exclusive room in the Hospital Wing, where Remus stayed in the mornings during full moons, he remembered the way that Narcissa seemed to have pulled some of his hair when she kissed him out of nowhere. And so he knew how Malfoy was able to turn into him. "So you could go harassing women around school using my face?" he exclaimed irately, shooting an angry glare toward Malfoy.
Malfoy chuckled at the said of that. He seemed to be unaffected of the consequences of his act at all. "Believe me, Black. It wasn't fun being you," he said, casually.
"You're going to pay for what you did," Sirius muttered, towering over his enemy.
Malfoy put a hand on his chest and mocked an expression of being shocked. "What are you going to do?" he said calmly, afterwards. "Beat me up? Tell Dumbledore? Run to him like a pathetic little boy?"
Sirius could just glare at him. There was no scaring this piece of trash sneering in front of him. And so he let him and his girlfriend enter the Great Hall first.
A few seconds later, Malfoy knitted his eyebrows in impatience. He was wondering why the students were looking at him like he had grown warts on his face and why they were whispering to each other. He looked around and everyone in the room seemed to be doing the same. Now, what was it?
"Really now, Malfoy," a girl from another house told him. "That's very rude of you," she said.
Malfoy couldn't take it anymore that he even looked angrily at Narcissa, who was still standing beside him, and asked, "What? What is it?" he demanded.
Then, the students pointed to the direction above his head. Narcissa looked up too and saw them floating above his head.
And so, Malfoy looked up and was taken by surprise with the big, bold, shining green letters floating above his him, saying, 'I FORCED HALF OF HOGWARTS GIRLS IN BED AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF IT!'
He narrowed his eyes and searched for the person who did it. The only person he knew would do it. He saw Sirius 'innocently' walking down the aisle along the Gryffindor table toward his seat. Then, leaving Narcissa behind, but with all his ill temperament – and the bold shining letters above his head, of course – he rushed to Sirius and pointed his wand heatedly and cried out a spell.
In a second, Sirius flew up in the air and then tumbled down to the ground with a loud thump.
Malfoy only watched as Sirius tried to get back on his feet, with the help of Toni. "What do you do now, Black?" he blurted out so angrily, he was turning red.
Sirius was about to yell a spell as he pointed his wand at Malfoy when Toni held him back. "No. He's not worth it," she said.
Malfoy chuckled when Sirius put down his wand. "What? Hiding under the skirt of your Mudblood girlfriend, Black?" he uttered, taunting Sirius so much more. And when Sirius straightened up his uniform and decided to go to his seat instead of fighting him, he was even more infuriated. He raised his wand one more time and when he was about to do another spell…
"That will be enough!"
The whole room fell into a deafening silence. Everyone looked at the teacher's table and found Dumbledore standing behind it, in his place. He just arrived for lunch and was surprised by what was happening in the Hall. He looked up from his glasses, from Sirius to Malfoy. Then, "After lunch," was all that he said. It was understood. After lunch. They were going to meet with him. In his office.
Lily ran to the only place she knew no one could really see her. Well, except maybe for James but he was never too much in the place.
She didn't see but as James was on the way to lunch – after finally deciding to eat – he saw her rush into the Head Prefects Room. And from the way she hid her face, he knew something was wrong.
He followed her not really thinking if it was a good idea or not. He felt like he just had to. That was enough reason for him. What more reason could there be?
He entered the room noiselessly and found her sitting in the couch in front of the hearth. Her knees were bent in front of her as she hugged her legs tightly.
"Lily?" James called, when he heard her crying. The concern in his voice was recognizable only if Lily wasn't so preoccupied with her thoughts.
When she heard his voice, she suddenly stopped sobbing. She put down her feet on the floor and straightened in her seat. Then, with everything that she could, she tried wiping off her face to pretend that she wasn't crying – even though she knew that he heard her.
"Lily, what's wrong?" James asked, as he neared her.
Lily would not meet his eyes. "N-nothing," she replied, as she sniffed.
James wouldn't believe her. Nobody would believe her, actually. And since she wouldn't look at him, he sat on the coffee table that was in front of her. "You're crying. That's not nothing."
"I'm," she cleared her throat, "fine."
"Lily…" James trailed, insisting in trying to meet her gaze.
"James, why don't you just go to the Great Hall?" Lily suggested, as she engaged in an avoid-James'-eyes game. "Sarah's been looking for you."
James knew that Sarah was looking for him. She was always looking for him. She'd die if she couldn't see him in a day. But he refused to meet her right then. He had something important to do. He didn't know if it was more important but he felt the overwhelming urge to stay. And he gave in. "Lily, I'm not going anywhere when you're like this."
At the said of that, Lily looked up and met his gaze. Some of it was, okay, surprise. But most of it was exasperation. Exasperation? From what? "James, if you keep putting other people before those you should care about, you're never getting anywhere," she said, shaking her head. There he went with priorities all crooked again, she thought.
James' face fell. Why did she keep pushing him away? "So you still think I don't care about you?" he asked, sounding quite hurt.
"You've proven your point about Lucius," Lily declared as she stood up. "Your job is done."
"It's not about Malfoy," James insisted, as he stood up himself.
"Look, I'm sorry alright?" Lily cried out. She looked like she was about to break into tears again. But she didn't want him to be there when she did. She wanted to appear strong. "I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. I'm sorry that I was so stupid to even think he would care. I'm sorry that you were right." She paused as she took a deep breath to calm herself down. "There, are you happy?"
"It's not about Malfoy, Lily. It was never about Malfoy," James insisted. How many times did he have to say that? It wasn't Malfoy. What more did she want him to do? To say? What more reason could he give her?
A second of silence fell over them. Then, Lily stepped up until she was only a good few inches away from him and looked at him straight in the eyes. "Then what is it about, James? What's keeping you here?"
What was keeping him? What reason?
Reason.
He tried to think of a perfectly good explanation. One that would include all the things like, yes, like how he was concerned about her witnessing the four of them turning into not-exactly-humans the night before. He owed her that. But, no. There was something more than that.
And he knew the answer. He had only one answer for that question.
He looked at her. He kept denying it even to himself but every time he saw her, he's reminded of what everyone close to him was saying. There was never a moment when he didn't wonder why people could presume such a thing. But at that moment… as he was standing close next to her… he just had to stop denying.
But…
He was with Sarah. She liked him and he liked her too but sometimes, he couldn't help but think why no matter he tried to convince himself that he liked her so much, he felt like something was still missing. Sarah had never been someone to express her own opinion; she always agreed with him.
He liked someone who wasn't afraid to say what she was thinking – what she really thought – no matter what he would think.
Someone who wasn't afraid to disagree with him.
Someone who could stand up for what she believed in.
Someone comfortable to be with.
Someone who he could just sit with and not say anything – and someone who could make him contented doing so.
Someone who scared him sometimes.
Someone like…
Lily.
Evans.
Then James just had to say it.
The one reason.
Probably the only reason.
"I love you."
~*~*~*~.
all this time i can't believe i couldn't see... kept in the dark but you were there in front of me... - evanescence, "bring me to life"
i'm looking around... there's nothing i could want... more than to tell you there's no more than we've already got... - gin blossoms, "as long as it matters"
.
Alright, he said 'I love you.' How do you think Lily would react?
Hmmm…
