2. Someone to talk to.
Three days later, Hermione wandered through the halls again. It wasn't that late, but she'd already finished her homework, as usual. Without really realizing where she went, she found herself down in the dungeons. She hesitated. Then she entered the classroom, crossed between the rows of desks, and knocked on the door to Professor Snape's office. The door opened.
"Miss Granger?" Professor Snape asked from where he was seated at his desk.
"Professor."
"Is there anything you want?" he inquired.
Hermione shrugged. "I was just looking for someone to talk to, sir. 'bout something besides Quidditch."
She saw a hint of a smile on his face, and she thought he would agree. Then he looked at the parchments on his desk and his face once again became expressionless.
"I have all these papers to grade, and I must prepare the centaur hoof clippings for my second year's class tomorrow. They have to soak overnight."
Hermione wasn't sure why she didn't just leave. It usually wasn't a good idea to go against anything Snape said, and she knew he hated it when she acted like a Know-It-All. But she'd come this far, she didn't really want to go back to her dormitory. Even if they wouldn't have time to talk much.
"That'd be the cold sores potion? And the clippings have to soak in a solution of salt, greenfrog bile and powdered frostbee stingers. I can do that."
As she had started to speak, Professor Snape had scowled, unhappy, as she had expected, with her unrequested display of knowledge. But she drove on to her offer without being interrupted and it was obvious from his reaction that it caught him by surprise. No doubt it was rare for anyone to offer help, she doubted even the Slytherins did. It didn't seem like a Slytherin thing to do.
He blinked and hesitated for a moment. Then, to her relief, he nodded. "If you would. It's a double class, as it was in your own year, there are seventeen students. Make enough for twenty, no doubt some of those idiots are going to screw up."
"Yes, sir." She smiled as she nodded in acknowledgement, then quickly and efficiently gathered the things she needed.
It was quite pleasant to work here, in Professor Snape's office and lab. Hermione had always liked the brewing of potions, regardless of Professor Snape's attitude toward her and her friends. Now, she was no longer afraid of him. He hadn't truly scared her for some time, but since last weekend she actually felt comfortable with him. He was the only one who'd understood, who'd listened to her and asked how she felt, while all her friends told her what they thought she was supposed to feel.
Oh, she liked her friends, it wasn't that. She'd chatted with them about a dozen things in the days since the raid on Hogsmeade: homework, Quidditch, the food, the weather. But she realised something was missing. They were really so different from her. When she really tried to talk to them about something, any school subject beyond the homework that was due the next day, they soon got bored or lost, and tuned out. Of course, that's what she did when they spent too much time talking about Quidditch.
In about half an hour she was done. She put away the ingredients she had used, then wiped down the surface of the lab table.
"Tea, Miss Granger?"
She started, for he hadn't spoken since she started the work, but she recovered quickly. "Yes, please."
This time, he summoned a cup for himself as well, although she was sure he was not yet done grading the papers.
"So how are you doing?" he asked.
"I've been fine," she replied.
"And yet you come here, to talk to me instead of your friends."
Hermione shrugged.
"Ah, yes, Quidditch. I seem to remember that was what we talked about most when I was in school, too," Professor Snape continued.
Hermione couldn't help a small sound of disbelief. "You talked about Quidditch all the time? What about potions?" she asked. She had heard rumors, -well, okay, the Headmaster had told her, although she'd promised never to tell- that he'd brewed as many illegal extra-curricular potions as she had.
"And who, do you suggest, I should've talked about potions with?"
"Oh. I see." She knew that came out sounding really stupid, but she understood quite well.
Then his face turned dark. "Of course, we had other things to talk about in Slytherin, back then. I suppose quite a few students from my house do now, too."
She knew what he meant. Voldemort. Hermione wasn't sure what to say. She knew Professor Snape had been a Death Eater, had known that for almost three years. And that he'd spied for Dumbledore, until about two years ago when he had blown his cover to prevent a raid on Diagon Alley.
"Are a lot of them..?" she asked.
He nodded. "More than I'd like. I can't prevent them all from joining the Dark Lord, but until recently I at least had the feeling I was getting through to some of them."
"He's been getting stronger this year, no matter what the papers say," Hermione stated. Officially, Voldemort's raids were played down, the newspapers only reporting those times when the Dark Lord had suffered a loss of some sort, but Hermione knew how to read between the lines, and she was sensitive enough to catch the mood of her Professors as well.
"Yes. The Ministry is useless. Their Aurors showed up almost an hour afterwards in Hogsmeade."
"I thought about being an Auror, once," Hermione said.
Professor Snape looked at her with his piercing black eyes. "It'd be a waste of your talents. That kind of job is better suited for your friends who don't want to go to University. And you're hardly defenseless."
"We've had a good teacher for the past two years," Hermione remarked. Professor Lupin had returned in her sixth year. Then she frowned. "Everyone says you want the Defense against the Dark Arts position."
Snape snorted. "I used to. I like Potions well enough, but Defense against the Dark Arts is important. One of the most important subjects in the school, and for years there was this idiot Quirrell teaching it. He wasn't much better before he was possessed by the Dark Lord. Then his replacement was an even bigger idiot, I doubt anyone learned anything useful that year. I respect the Headmaster, but I don't know what he was thinking when he hired either of those two."
Hermione had to agree, she'd wondered often enough about that herself.
"Moody wasn't any more likeable as himself then when it was Crouch pretending, I won't even mention Umbridge, and I'm sure Potter told you why I hate Lupin," he continued, scowling. Then he shrugged. "Now the Dark Lord has returned I know I won't get the position, not with my history. At least Lupin knows what he's doing."
"I understand," Hermione said quietly. It surprised her a little to hear Snape admit Lupin was a decent teacher, but not as much as it would have last week.
Professor Snape finished his tea and put his cup down. Hermione quickly finished her cup too. She didn't want to overstay her welcome.
"I guess I better get going," she said. "Thank you for the tea."
"Thank you for your help, Miss Granger," he replied.
She got up and walked to the door. When she was almost there, he called after her.
"Miss Granger?"
She stopped and turned.
"If you truly don't mind, I usually have something or other I can use help with."
She nodded. "Yes, sir."
He turned back to his grading and she left, but she was smiling. She really had enjoyed her visit and she was glad she'd had the courage to drop in on him.
She came down to the dungeons a lot after that. She usually made some preparations for a class, prepared an antidote for a potion to be brewed and tested, and even checked some of the first-years papers. And they'd talk. The tea break grew longer as they talked politics, potions and life in general.
She'd worried what Harry and Ron would say if they knew she was voluntarily spending time with Professor Snape, out of all people, but it didn't come up. She'd spent part of the evening wandering around, or going to the library, for most of the year. They didn't ask her where she'd been and she didn't volunteer the information.
"Evening, Professor," she said cheerfully as she entered his office.
"Ah, Hermione," he greeted her. "Would you start on a batch of Pepper-up Potion? Madam Pomfrey tells me half the Quidditch players are fighting a cold after being foolish enough to keep practising in yesterday's storm."
"Yes, sir," she replied with a quick smile.
She set to work, gathering the ingredients. There were a lot of items Professor Snape kept here in his office, but even more was kept in the store room in the back. She picked out what she needed from the long shelves, still feeling a little nervous or perhaps guilty every time she went in here. Not that there really was any reason to, anymore.
It'd been only the second time she'd come down here. He'd asked her to brew a potion then, too; an Alertness Potion it had been. As she had gone into the store room to retrieve the ingredients, he'd called her back.
"Miss Granger, I don't care to take inventory every time you've been here, so if you ever need anything for your own experiments, please ask."
She'd been so shocked she almost tripped over her own feet as she turned around, too shocked to speak.
Her expression had amused him, and he'd sat there smiling at her for an eternity before he'd continued. "Of course I knew about that. Boomslang skin in second year, Powdered Graphorn horn and Yarge juice last year."
"Why didn't you do anything?" Hermione asked as she found her voice. "You didn't get me expelled, you didn't even give me detentions."
"You're the brightest student in at least a decade, I couldn't possibly get you expelled. However, if I only gave you a few detentions for stealing ingredients and brewing potions out of class, there probably would be a dozen students who'd think it'd be worth the risk. There'd be students brewing illegal strength and endurance potions for their Quidditch match, not to mention various kind of love potions, and it wouldn't be long before someone poisoned himself, blew himself up, or both."
"I came pretty close with that Polyjuice Potion," Hermione admitted. She still shuddered at the thought, she'd been covered in fur for weeks.
"Yes. I would've stopped you that time if I'd known about it, but I didn't find out until afterwards. I didn't even suspect anyone under fifth or sixth year. Yet it was exactly the kind of thing I like to prevent. Even so, it made you more careful, didn't it?"
Hermione nodded.
"Truth is, at least after that incident, you're safer brewing an illegal potion in a make-shift lab somewhere than Longbottom is brewing his assignment in class with both of us watching him." Suddenly, Professor Snape went back to his piercing stare. "But I'd still prefer you do any future experiments down here."
"Yes, sir, you have my word," Hermione promised. "And... thank you."
"Good," Professor Snape nodded, then went back to grading.
Hermione took a few moments more to regain control over her breathing, before she trusted herself to handle the jars with ingredients. How could Professor Snape control his emotions so easily? But in truth, she'd been immensely relieved. She'd never liked stealing the ingredients, even though it'd been necessary at the time, and she was glad he knew. She wouldn't have to carry that guilty secret any longer.
It had been that same evening that he'd called her Hermione, later when they took their tea break. She wasn't sure if he'd planned that as carefully as he did most things, or if it came spontaneously. He'd just used her name while they were talking and she'd blinked, but she'd not made a big deal out of it. Most of her Professors called her by her first name, at least outside the classroom, only Professor Snape had always used her surname. Yes, of course she called him Professor, she didn't call any of her teachers by their first names. She kinda liked his first name, though. Severus. It fit him. She smiled.
Then she stopped her musings as she had prepared the ingredients. The Pepper-up Potion wasn't that easy, she couldn't let herself be distracted. Paying close attention to her work, she threw the first ingredients into the cauldron and stirred until she was sure it was mixed properly.
She had the cauldron simmering well in time for their tea break. Professor Snape was almost done with his stack of papers to grade, so she took the liberty of summoning the tea while he graded the last essays.
For the next half hour they talked quietly. Hermione felt very much at ease now, and it was obvious even Professor Snape was much more relaxed than he used to be. Here, at least. In the classroom he was as snappy as ever, although he no longer took it out on her.
Since he was done with his grading, they finished the potion together. Hermione was impressed with the ease with which Professor Snape mixed the ingredients, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He was very graceful and she didn't know how she could ever not have seen it, no matter how abrasive he was in his actions towards others.
Hermione put the last items away while Professor Snape bottled the potion. She didn't mind at all playing his assistant, her working with him came easy and natural as well.
"Hermione, would you care to help me brew the Wolfsbane Potion tomorrow?" he asked as she was ready to leave.
"Of course, sir," Hermione replied quickly. That'd be great for two reasons, she'd learn how to brew the potion, which wasn't on the regular curriculum, and she'd work directly with him again.
The next day Hermione did her homework immediately after class and finished before dinner. When she got up from the table she went to the dungeons immediately. Professor Snape had still made it down before her, he rarely stuck around in the Great Hall for longer than he had to.
Once again, they worked together smoothly. Even with a potion Hermione did not know, she needed little direction and handed Professor Snape the ingredients he required quickly. She was quite happy, even though the complicated potion allowed no time for a tea break and little time for idle chat. It was late by the time they finished.
"It's a bit late for a tea break," Professor Snape said. "Can I invite you in for a Butterbeer or something?"
"That'd be great," Hermione agreed readily. She wasn't even really surprised at the offer, although she had never been in any of her teacher's quarters. After these past weeks it seemed not strange at all.
Professor Snape locked his office and she followed him further down the hall.
There was no painting or tapestry covering the entrance to his quarters. Severus put his hand on the stone, and gave the password. "Laboris Solis." The wards would only allow entrance when the stone recognised his hand as well as the password. The hidden door opened at his command, and he stepped aside, allowing Hermione to enter.
He stepped inside after her, lighting the fireplace with a flick of his wand. It wasn't chilly here, he made sure of that, but he knew it was still dark and gloomy without a fire going. His eye fell on the books piled on one of the two only chairs in the room, and he quickly walked over and gathered them up.
"I don't get a lot of visitors," he said by way of explanation. That was an understatement. In the twenty or so years he'd been at Hogwarts, only two people had been in his quarters. Albus, of course, who insisted on dropping in every once in a while no matter how disagreeable he acted, and Poppy, when she had treated him for his injuries he'd received while spying on the Dark Lord.
He put the books down on a side table, and Hermione took the chair.
"A Butterbeer, then, or something else?" He probably shouldn't be offering her that, she wasn't eighteen yet, but a single drink would not hurt anyone.
"A Butterbeer will be fine, thanks," she replied. He noticed her eyes roam around the apartment, especially toward the large bookcase, which spanned an entire wall.
"You may look, but do not take anything down without asking me. Some of those books Madam Pince wouldn't allow even in the Restricted Section," he told her.
"Thanks, Professor!" she said as she got up and walked over to take a look.
"Please, call me Severus," he replied. "Only here or in my office, of course."
She turned, surprise clear in her features. "Yes, Prof… Severus," she replied, then smiled.
He nodded at her, then summoned the Butterbeers while she looked through the books. He handed her hers, and watched as she kept browsing, fascinated.
He was as fascinated with her as she was with the books. She was intelligent, beautiful, and resourceful, and more like him than he'd care to admit.
She scanned the many titles, most of them books concerning the Dark Arts. His books on Potions were in his office, except for the illegal ones, which he couldn't and wouldn't put where the students could see them. "Unicorn blood in potions?" she asked, reading one of the titles.
"It may be illegal, but it is extremely powerful," Severus replied.
"You have a very… impressive collection," she said. "You kept them?"
"Knowledge itself is too important to discard. It is not evil in and of itself, only when it is used that way. He uses it, and we should know what to defend against. I would rather not go by memory alone."
Hermione nodded. "Of course."
She was so calm and understanding it was almost eerie. Severus was used to people being uncomfortable around him, it almost made him uneasy when someone was not.
"It really doesn't bother you that I have these?" he asked.
She turned away from the books and looked at him. "No."
She took a sip from her Butterbeer.
"When I first learned you'd been a Death Eater I trusted you because Professor Dumbledore did. But now I would trust you no matter what," she added.
"It's still a part of who I am, the Mark will never go away," he said shortly. Did she know how much it meant to him that she trusted him? Few enough people did, even after all these years since he'd turned from Voldemort.
"It may be part of who you are, but you're so much more now," she said. And suddenly she did something no woman had done voluntarily for almost twenty years. She reached out and kissed him, and not a quick peck either.
He was stunned, shocked that she would touch him, least of all kiss him, even after all they'd shared these past weeks. He returned her kiss, savouring her touch as he held her close.
Suddenly he realised where they were, and he pulled away. "Hermione, I'm sorry, this isn't right."
"I care for you, Severus," she said, standing her ground. "I've never felt as happy with anyone as I have these past weeks with you."
"I care for you too, Hermione," he said. "But we can't. We are still at Hogwarts, and I'm still your teacher. It wouldn't be appropriate."
Her eyes had lit up when he'd said he cared for her too. She still refused to back down, eyes shining and even taking a step towards him. "To hell with the rules."
Damn, she was strong-willed. She didn't sound like a disobedient school girl, she sounded like a determined woman. But that didn't change the fact she was three months from graduation.
"I shouldn't have invited you into my quarters," he said. "These kind of rules aren't around to be broken."
She snorted. "Rules are changed or abandoned all the time. I was taught the Killing Curse this year in this very school, that was once against one of the strongest laws in the Wizarding world. So now we can kill people but we can't make love?"
"That's because of the war."
"So? We got to know each other because of the war. And who knows what will happen in three months. There may not be another chance, all because of that same damn war."
The problem was, she was right. He'd told her almost everything he knew about the current events, and she knew as well as he did how bad it looked. The future was extremely uncertain. In normal times, he wouldn't even consider going through with this, he wouldn't risk everything for a few months. But it'd been so long since anyone had even cared about him, and dammit, he was human too, no matter what most of his students thought.
"I doubt Albus would see it that way," he tried. Albus was his friend, but that didn't mean he'd accept blatant rule-breaking. Severus was certain the Headmaster would not be very understanding if he were to have a relationship with one of his students.
"He doesn't have to find out," Hermione said.
"He knows almost everything that goes on in the castle," Severus replied. Did she realise how hard she was making it for him? It wasn't just the arguments she came up with, it was the very fact she was strong enough to argue with him, and cared enough to do it. He was well aware she was winning.
She snorted again. "Quirrell, Crouch, Sirius, all three of the Marauders becoming Animagi," she summed up. "I've been coming to your office for weeks and no one has commented, no one needs to find out what we do or don't do."
He gave in. "We must be careful," he cautioned.
She smiled broadly as she knew she'd won. "I will be," she promised. Then she kissed him again, making his last doubts disappear.
