The New Kid

Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things. Will everyone be able to retain their remainder of sanity for episode two?

(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)

Episode One: Her Arrival and Lack of Sanity

Harry: Yay, another year away from my fat spoiled ass of a cousin and his stupid parents!

*All the students over second year sit down at their tables, waiting for Dumbledore to start talking*

Dumbledore: Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have great news to start of the year! We have our first american student coming this year!

*the students cheer weakly*

Dumbledore: Well, due to such things in America as owl hunting, the new student will be automatically entering her third year, and be tutored by someone in her house. Melony, where are you?

*Dumbledore looks around over the crowd of first years in front of the sorting hat, when the doors bang open, revealing a tall 13 year old. She has shoulder blade length blonde hair, lightly tanned skin, and black cat eye glasses. She is slipping on her robe over her ripped jeans and black tour t-shirt, her mudded white sneakers showing under. She stops a foot behind the group of first years*

Melony: Sorry I'm late, the plane delayed while at the stop in New York.

*all the purebloods stare at her, trying to figure out what a "plane" is*

Dumbledore: Would you like to be sorted first?

Melony: Err ... wha?

Dumbledore: Go sit on the stool while-

Sorting Hat: Has everyone forgotten about me and my song?

*Melony looks startled about the hat talking*

Dumbledore: You sing that crappy song every year, I think this year we could just save time and get started with the sorting

*Melony is in total shock that the man is talking to a hat*

Dumbledore: Melony, go ahead and sit on the stool, and the hat will sort you into your house.

Melony: And the what will sort me into a whatwhat?

*Dumbledore ignores her, and she slowly walks onto the stage, trying to figure out what they do here. She sits on the stool while McGonagall puts the hat on her*

Sorting Hat: *mumbles into her ear* MY GOD! I have never had to sort someone with such a...likeness to a couch potato. Ok, well, since you spend all your time on the computer, I am going to sort you by what games you play on the computer...Coaster Makers take skill, and Deer Hunters take courage, so...GRYFFINDOR!

Melony: What the...

*The whole Gryffindor table cheers at a new edition. As Melony goes to sit down, other first years go to be sorted*

Harry: Hello, my name is Harry, Harry Potter, but I'm sure you've heard of me...

Melony: No, actually, I haven't.

Harry: *ignores her and continues to boast* Well, I got this scar from a nasty wizard named Voldemort, wanna hear about it?

Melony: I'd rather jump in a pond full of pirhanas. *looks towards Ron* What's your name?

Ron: Ron Weasley. I've had some interesting adventures too. Like to hear about them?

Melony: *hehs* No. What's your name, you look normal.

Hermione: Hermione Granger. I'm the one who makes sure these two's plans work. Wanna hear?

Melony: I rather listen to yodeling. *a set of twins sit by Neville*

*after some more first years are sorted into Ravenclaw and Slytherin, Dumbledore speaks*

Dumbledore: Let the feast begin!

*food appears on all the table as Melony screams*

Harry: Would you like some peas and pumpkin juice?

Melony: NO WAY! LIKE I"M GOING TO EAT SOMETHING THAT JUST APPEARED FROM THIN AIR! AND PUMPKIN JUICE? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GET HIGH ON TO WANT TO DRINK THAT? *Melony pulls her wand out of her pocket to inspect*

Hermione: What are you checking for?

Melony: Instructions on how to get out of this insane asylum!

*After dinner*

Dumbledore: I want the prefects to lead everyone to their common rooms, it is time for bed, and it is a long day ahead of us!

Ron: *gets up* Ok everybody, time to go to our common room!

Melony: Our what?

Ron: Oh, right, American ... it's like a ... what's the word ... living room!

Melony: Oh. Then why don't you just say living room?

Ron: Because this is a school.

Melony: Ah.

A/N: A humorous cliffhanger! Will Melony survive? Will the Hogwartians ever realise they are being mocked by the master mocker? Tune in for Episode Two: Potions Class and Shampoo!